I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.
-Fantine, Les Miserables
"Move!" Sweetie Belle shouted, darting through the street. Behind her she could hear the clatter of hooves as the prisoners of Canterlot Castle's dungeon hurried after her. They wheezed and panted, their limbs aching. They had been confined in those cramp cells for weeks and now that they had finally been given a chance to move freely they found that their imprisonment had robbed them of much of their strength. Even Iron Will, who had managed to bury an alicorn 4 inches deep into the concrete, was beginning to tire.
The only thing going their way was the fact that the guards that were chasing after them were just as worn out. It said much about the state of the kingdom that the new Royal Guard had been allowed to get fat and soft. Harmony had brought a lapse in protocol and allowed them to become lazy, thinking that the good times would last forever. The only thing healthy on them was their lungs as they screamed for the prisoners to halt and return to their cells.
"Do they honestly think we are going to do that?" Iron Will snorted, keeping pace with Sweetie. Be it her youth or simply luck, but of all of them Sweetie was the most fit and only the minotaur could match her stride for stride.
"They believe that you will do the honorable and peaceful thing and stop. That is how things are in Equestria."
"Do you practice saying such garbage in the mirror so you can say it with a straight face?" Trixie asked, smirking slightly at the glare Sweetie sent her way. She hung in Iron Will's grasp, looking utterly put out that she was being treated like luggage but smart enough to realize she would never be able to make it if she tried to run on her own; the world was still pitching and swaying even after 10 minutes. The blow to her head coupled with the stress of the escape was getting to her.
It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that staying in Iron Will's arms meant she had to 'cuddle' next to Faith.
The silver alicorn had lapsed into unconsciousness the moment they burst onto the street. His body was mangled and he had simply lost to much blood to be able to fight the blissful darkness. Trixie rubbed his forehead gently with her own, not caring in the slightest that the silver fluid ('ichor' her mind whispered) was coating her head and getting into her wound, mixing with her own blood. There was still a very good chance that he was going to die and she needed the contact to remind herself that he was still breathing.
But that was all. It wasn't anything else, despite the looks she was getting from the others.
"What's the plan here?" a buffalo prisoner named 'Great Storm Chaser' grumbled. He and his tribe were use to long runs and though he was out of shape he was still able to keep up with the rest. When a few of the weaker prisoners began to stumble and fall he, along with a few of the bigger, stronger prisoners, had stooped down and hefted them onto their backs. Sweetie Belle had stared at them in surprise when they did that and Chaser had rolled his eyes at her.
"You believe that we would leave any of them behind?" he had said. "We are brothers and sisters now... we are of the same tribe and if one must be left behind then all of us will be left behind. That is friendship, little one... that is harmony; not the foolishness your queens spout."
The white unicorn had nodded at this, wanting to argue but finding her mouth unable to say the words.
"We have to get out of the city," Sweetie Belle told them, pulling out of the memory and focusing on the task at hand. "If we can make it off the mountain we will have a chance."
"How do you figure?" Iron Will asked, lashing out with his right leg and kicking away a wagon that had fallen in their path. He pivoted and with a mighty strike sent the structure flying through the air, crashing down behind the very last member of the escape party, blocking their pursuers' path.
Sweetie Belle grimaced before speaking. "Much of Equestria is... untouched by the guard. There is simply too few of us to patrol every inch of land."
"That's how it was before," a lime green pegasus named Shred Deal stated. "I use to run trade routes from Equestria to Detrot... there were always the occasional robbery but there was little the guard could do about it. They could never fully invest in protecting the trade routes because it would leave other areas, like the coast lines or the mountain passes, under-protected.
"The same is true now," Sweetie Belle stated, turning right when she saw a dead end baring down on them. "My sister and her friends are focused mostly on the towns and cities; they figure that if they control them and are able to promote harmony there, then they had little to fear from the forests and the wild."
"That is stupid," Trixie stated plainly, looking away from Faith's shivering form. "Do you realize how many ponies make their homes outside the limits of the cities and towns? There are gypsy camps in every forest and the nomads in the deserts south of Appleloosa-"
Sweetie Belle grumbled, cutting her off. "I know that but..."
"But you didn't want to argue... you couldn't argue," Chaser stated.
The white unicorn sighed. "Yeah." She took a shuddering breath but kept running. "Listen, if we can just find a gate we can get down the mountain and into the forest. We'll be safe then and we can regroup... maybe find a somepony who has magic-"
"Unlike you," Trixie snarked.
"-and they can remove the magic cancelers. That will even up the odds."
"We'll never make it off the mountain," Shred Deal said. He glanced back at the rest of the party, all 30 of them, and shook his head sadly. "They just don't have the strength to keep up."
"We are NOT leaving them!" Chaser snarled.
"I am not saying we leave them but we have to think of something else!"
"Why walk when we can ride?" Flam called out. He had caught the tail end of the conversation and was now racing to catch up with the leaders of the herd. "Would that not be better?"
"What are you talking about?" Trixie asked impatiently.
Flam puffed out his chest. "There is a reason the queens merely put me in the dungeons instead of brainwashing me. They had me working on something... something that would allow them to show their might and prevent enemies from across the sea from disrupting their plans. I tell you, it is a brilliant design." He gave them a wink. "Of course, i might have put a few flaws in that would prevent it from working... but it will only take me 5 minutes to correct them and make her ready."
"Why would you make flaws that are so easy to correct?" Iron Will asked.
Flam grinned so wide it was a wonder his face didn't split open. "Ah, it is clear to any inventor that if you wish to keep business flowing, you put in a few flaws so the customers must keep hiring you to repair them."
"That is... so dishonest!" Sweetie Belle complained.
"You are brilliant!" Trixie said with a laugh. "You know where this... thing... is?"
"Of course my lovely lady! This way!" Flam turned right and led the group away from the mountain pass and back towards the cliff face. Iron Will paused only long enough to erect another barricade to prevent the guards from following before charging back up to the head of the herd.
After 5 minutes Flam halted before a massive warehouse that sat on the very edge of Canterlot. He knocked on the door and when the guard answered he gave him a quick headbutt, sending the stallion down. "Ooooohhh... that was tough on the old noodle." Shaking himself, Flam threw open the doors and gestured at the device that lay within. "There she is... my baby."
The prisoners craned their necks up... and up... and up.
"Well... that will do," Trixie whispered in awe.
I admit, a short chapter, but we are going to be focusing on Twilight and the rebelling for a while, so i wanted to make sure we got back with the escapees and found out how they were doing.
There will probably be about 2 more updates before I take the holiday week off, but after that we will be roaring into the Battle of Cloudsdale.
It is either some form of a tank, or an airplane. Either or, it's gonna be awesome.
That's... all I got to say. Thank you.
Flam is talking about a tank? I hope its a tank.
So they use the Queens' weapon for the rebellion? Nasty but effective
Giant airship battles, that is all I want from this story now.
That and the rebels to win.
that went fast...
Hello my name is sheila
Pleeeeeeease
I thought you said this wasn't gonna have any romance, but why am I feeling that you're shipping Faith with Trixie?
Anyway, Flam heabutted the guard? Did he forget he has a horn? I hope the guard's not dead.
Why do I get the feeling that weird shit happens when you mix alicorn blood in a regular pony. "Trixie rubbed his forehead gently with her own, not caring in the slightest that the silver fluid ('ichor' her mind whispered) was coating her head and getting into her wound, mixing with her own blood."
My 'this is going to comeback and bit us' radar broke when I read that.
Airship, c'mon airship!
This may be a short chapter, but it gets the job done
A... gunship! A battlecruiser! Or.. A MOTHERSHIP!
1814510 that's like rebellion 101: take the enemies weapon and use it to for your own advantage.
Now comes a more personal question... if it should ever happen
Faith vs Doubt... who would survive?
1814827 well, weakened faith won against doubt, so...
1814550
Magic dampener. ALl the unicorn prisoners have 'em.
1814639
Indeed...
1814975 I was referring to the horn attached to Flam's head. If he headbutted the guard, surely it would have impaled him.
1814995 Not if he did it right.
As awesome it would be a Queens vs Rebelllion battle with alicorns, the Doctor and magic-steampunk battleships included, I remind all of you that is exactly Doubt´s desired scenario: one without any real winners (except her).
Did Flam just make... Yes. All my yes.
I'm really liking the break you're taking from all the exposition, and leaving characters to just talk. (Seriously, like the first 10 chapters were ALL exposition...)
The guards got lazy? They expected people to just stop because it's the harmonious thing to do? Ummm... what? If the royal guard are so freaking lazy, then why are special regiments like Scootaloo's filled with trained soldiers out there doing stuff and their physical stature is fine? And aren't the queens currently trying to squelch a rebellion, who are pretty much acting as urban insurgents at this point, which the Royal Guard should be WORKING TO FIGHT AGAINST? This seems very contradictory.
I understand that they are in actual occupied cities where there is little to no crime, but whatever happened to "In peace, vigilance?" Military are always given personal time off to do whatever, including training. Militaries also have semi annual physical fitness tests and monthly weigh-ins to deem people fit for duty. So, what, they just never bothered doing these tests or just gave everyone a passing grade? The queens who are all about running a perfect utopia don't have a Guard Captain running this to uphold a standard? They don't give a darn about the Royal Guard protecting the lives of their own ponies from insurgents? Forgive me if I feel the urge to scream "OBJECTION!" but this whole deal with the Guard just feels like a weak excuse for letting them escape and was just added as an afterthought.
Other than that little nitpick, good chapter.
What can I say other then I am on the ends of my seat when I read these. Thirty strong-ish former POWs are going to be for a bumpy ride. I am seeing new things coming for this group. What is funny is after seeing the new episodes I have a different outlook on characters like Trixie and Spitfire. Just have to wait and see.
Oh great, what insane machine has Flam built for the Queens that they're now trying to steal....
Things are really heating up around here, and just wait until the Queens learn that the real enemy was not the Doubt they thought they knew, they most certainly are going to feel stupid.
Also those queens are getting more and more pathetic with each passing chapter, really Celestia and Luna never let the royal guards become fat and lazy. And they call that "Harmony"?
1815285
The True Doubt deceived the Elements, who in turn deceived their bearers. They are all working with tunnel vision, looking at an ideal and not what's actually happening. Therefore, they can't see how horrible this all is without someone pointing them in the right direction.
1815049
The standard Royal Guard are like the police, they're here to stop scuffles on the street. The units hunting the rebels are like the SWAT team, they're similar but not the same. They also have additional training.
1814499
When it said that the prisoners looked up and up at whatever it is there looking at, I got to thinking that it was some sort of huge battle airship. But there is the possibility that it could be some sort of giant tank like machine. I agree with you though, no matter what it is, its going to be awesome! Heck I thought the Cider Squezzy 6000 was a clever machine that Flim and Flam came up with, I just wish that they could have used it for something better, instead of using it the way they did in that episode.
1814488
So with Sweetie Belle helping the prisoners out, and with the guards chasing after them, does this mean that at the moment, Sweetie is viewed as a part of the rebellion? Good chapter though, really liked this part:
I couldn't agree with Great Storm Chaser more my friend. The horseapples that the Queens are spouting out is not true harmony. Harmony is something that works naturally. You just can't force it on people and expect everything to be okay. That is something that I don't think the abstracts that are with the Queens will ever understand completely, even if they understand it a little by the end of the story. Not interacting with pony civilization for centuries, unlike Faith, does have it's downsides.
I'm really anxious to see how things are going with the rebellion and even though that the Battle of Cloudsdale won't be started until your holiday break is done, I look forward to it none the less. Keep up the good work man!
- Super-Brony12
As much as I hate to admit it Flam does have a point. It's sensible if you're going to make one large thing then might as well throw in a few mistakes to keep them coming back to you. If they have the money to afford it in the first place they'll have the money to repair it.
1814975 Teal'c is that you? Any how something is going to happen to Trixie. Whether that is she becames an alicorn to getting a power boast, mark my words she will change somehow or someway. Hell she could became Doubt's replacement for all we know. (I have fifty bits on that happening.)
Finally a story where Flim and Flam aren't total jerks! Just shrewd businessmen... err... ponies. Of course now I'm waiting to hear what it was that he made.
1815486
This isn't the police, this is the F**KING Royal Guard! Military doesn't have physical standards just for mission readiness, but for appearances too! If they are the military, and they don't look good in uniform, that's a dischargable offense! And these Utopian Queens, particularly Rarity, are just allowing these guards to make themselves look like s**tbags?!?
I. Don't. Buy. That.
lh4.googleusercontent.com/-xsFuK3nAQqs/UM9jNi2SbfI/AAAAAAAAPZQ/k3_WllaPaV8/s1600/CelestiainarmorPNG.png
If Celestia should become Alicorn before some big battle
i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/004/077/Raisins_Face.jpg
WHAT WILL THAT DO?
Reminds me of the fanfiction 'blood is thicker than freindship' when Maharas blood mixes in with Zecoras and Fluttershys.
1815878 Of course they all got free passes on the physical exam. If someone failed, that would make them sad, and that would be counterproductive to the Queen's stated goal of making everypony happy forever. With force.(not saying I agree with it, personally, I agree with you, but I'm pretty good at justifying the irrational within my mind)
1815976
That is badass.
1815049
The CANTERLOT soldiers got lazy. Remember, when Faith first came to the city, i mentioned that it is nearly abandoned... it is mostly used as a prison and now, as we know, the building of whatever Flam made. Thus, those guard got lazy... but other areas, they are much more tough. Think of the Canterlot guards like security guards... and the rest of the soldiers (yes, soldiers... not guard, soldiers) are like the Seals.
tank?
tank?!
TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!
1816822
So you're telling me... the largest city in Equestria... now converted into a maximum security prison... housing two of the utopian goddesses... One of which probably now has ridiculously high standards regarding how their guard looks and performs... the guards, now pumped full of things like loyalty and honesty which would motivate them more... just... got... lazy.
I'm sorry, my mind refuses to accept this. Maybe it's because I'm a Marine and I don't ever see this happening, but this explanation just doesn't work. The only possible solution to this was to maybe have Sweetie lead them down a secret passage or something. Would be very contrived, but at least it would make sense.
1817175
First off, in my canon Manehatten is the largest city, followed by Cloudsdale. They are the New York and LA of Equestria and Canterlot is DC. Second, Fluttershy and Rarity only visit the castle from time to time. The next chapter will discuss more about where those two spend 90% of their time. And this wasn't a super max... it was merely a dungeon. in "new Equestria" there are no true prisoners, just the dungeons... and those weren't even suppose to be used... but, well, spoilers for why they have been forced to use them.
Let's just say the Canterlot guard was never meant to guard anything other than a ghost town, which is why soldiers like Sweetie Belle and her team (who were not the ones pursuing) were brought in and why Fluttershy and Rarity have been spending more time there.
im really hoping that the machine is a cross between an airship and a tank... that would be HIGHLY intimidating
1817412
And you planned on letting us in on important details like this when?
Look, this is not good storytelling. You're supposed to weave exposition into the narrative, not hand me a glossary as I walk out of the theater after having just finished the play as if that will suddenly make everything magically understood! I know nothing about "your" canon! The audience knows nothing about "your" canon! You need to let us in on this! These are very important details that shouldn't be left out! We're 13 chapters in, not to mention this is a sequel, and I still feel completely lost! How was I supposed to know about "your" canon? You shouldn't have to explain things in the comments and author's notes. Here's an idea, why don't you put the details of the story in the ACTUAL STORY? If something's spoilerific, then all power to ya, keep it away from me, but let me in on stuff I need to know!
I mean, look at that paragraph stating the status of the guard! It's just one paragraph! It feels like an afterthought, and an excuse to keep the plot moving forward! That's an important detail that I don't feel enough attention was put to!
Look, I know it seems I'm really the only person on here who notices or better, cares about this sort of thing, but I can't stand feeling left out of this! There's all these unexplained plot threads that go nowhere or are given half-baked explanations that have to be cleared up by me asking you questions after the chapter is finished! Why can't the story answer my questions for me, like it's supposed to? You have to understand that how incredibly frustrating this is for me. If you're going to make a story for an audience, let said audience know what the heck is going on!
1817750>>1817497>>1816874>>1815736>>1815587
I really wanted to portray Flim and Flam differently here. I mean, other than the some of their methods, they weren't wrong. Heck, if the Apples had been so stubborn and the brothers hadn't been so greedy, they could have become such a good team that they would have made the Rich family look like paupers.
That said, I refuse to comment on what Flam made, only I will say that it is a very good thing that the queens won't have it.
1815640
static1.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Teal+c+s+face+when+basically+anything+happens+_9e0bd4f92e038e0c89ae6c01f14a87d7.gif
1817568
Well, how about you lead by example then. Write a story that exceeds a hundred likes, ten thousand words, and not forget some details. You may care about those details yes but everyone else? We enjoy the story for what it is. So he'll make some mistakes, big deal. Everyone does, no story is perfect. Most readers simply won't have the attention span to go over every single detail. The chapters would probably expand to ten thousand words when it's filled with stuff that simply isn't as important. Enjoy the story, point out any really important mistakes, or leave. Your call.
1817859
So, my opinion isn't valid because I haven't written a story like his? I can't say anything bad about his story because I don't write as extensively as he does?
That's hardly fair.
And, for the record, I do enjoy his story. Why else would I still be here? It's well written and structured and has nice pacing. The concept behind it all is interesting, and I like how it explores the duality of the elements of harmony, showing how each one can be justified to cause atrocities. The guy knows how to write an action scene, he can create some interesting scenarios, and the funny moments are clutch-my-sides-in-pain hilarious.
I just feel there's details that should be better taken care of. If I came across as harsh or hateful, that was not my intention, as it is really difficult to get across tone over a computer screen.
And this is between me and him, by the way.
1817960
If you wanted this private you should have used pms and not the comment section. You think I'm bad? Once other commenters spot your comments they will not have as kind words as mine. I know what you mean, and I know that I am not fair, but you weren't either. It's easy to spot mistakes after they're made, not during. Hindsight goes both ways and is in no way just. If you really want to make corrections, like I said use the pm system otherwise the trolls will come on marching in.
1817801 Heck yeah they could have! All they needed to do was sit down, do some math, and get to bargaining!
And I'm glad you're not spilling the beans... that would be boring!!
1818009
Me? Making corrections? That's implying that I have any control over his work.
But I see your point.
1818046
I thought you did... then who the heck attached these strings to my hands and keeps screaming "Write your wanker, write!"
...why do I use British curse words? I'm from Michigan.
1818119
I thought "wanker" was Aussie lingo. Or, I play too much TF2...
1818119
Well, I wouldn't have coached it in terms of 'Write, you wanker!', but given that I've kept reading this until five bloody AM, I believe you owe me a few hours of writing work.
Get to it.
In all seriousness though, I blasted my way through Faith and Doubt, enjoying every word (though wincing at spelling errors. Yay OCD), and then I decided "eh, one or two chapters of the sequel before bed." This proved to be a mistake for my sleeping schedule.
I won't tell you you MUST write, but I will say keep up the awesome work.