By its very nature Harmony requires Chaos to exist. When Steel W. Smith an explorer from outside the pony-verse arrives he throws off the delicate balance of chaos and order, by drawing the attention of an ancient being living in the void between dimensions. Will he be of any help in fixing this problem or will this new world keep him constantly under everyone's hoof....
The gore tag is for the three "Broken" series chapters if you don't like it skip them.
I have no problem with people who thumbs down this because they don't like it, but how can I figure out what people like if they don't comment on it....
[3rd look back edit complete 5/6/13] I have gone back through the chapters and fixed all the mistakes, spelling, grammar,and continuity that I could find and have been told about. I am also looking for an editor. Editor has been found by the name of Alex Nuage only the first two chapters have been worked on.
Interesting story, can't wait to see how this turns out.
Let's try this again comment system is confusing when half asleep. Thanks and I hope you like where I'm taking the story.
Okay with this chapter I'm about halfway through. Any comments and criticisms would be nice I always like hearing constructive criticisms. As for spelling issues I have dyslexia and dysgraphia so those combined are a pain and I use writing to help me develop better grammar skills. So If you find an issue, message me or comment about it.
im surprised this hasn't many comments or views, perhaps a more interesting description will do.
have a solid 5 from me for views/(length + quality) ratio.
121107
I originally wrote a description that was a play on the Farscape Season 1 opening but felt it was a little cheesy. Meh, I may put that up as the long description. It's almost three in the morning and I have two more days to try to get the next few chapters done so I'm not making big decisions now. Anyway thank you for the rating, and the comment.
*Edit due to sleep*
Don't you hate it when the characters take over the story and run with it. This is the first time that Steel has done that and to me that's a sign that he is growing and becoming something more.
As you may have guessed from the previous statement I hadn't intended this chapter to go in this direction at all but I've got a feeling on how the next one will unfold. My outline for this chapter was accurate until Logia and Steel met up. As for Steel fixing himself originally that wasn't going to happen at all and then the characters changed that.
So to the ones that have read all of this, do you think I should change the tags any? I feel that I might need to add a gore tag. This is the worst chapter gore wise though and I tried not to be to descriptive. I don't think I've pushed it above the teen rating.
112173 I've read the first two chapters now, and it sounds really interesting. There are no outstanding problems with the story, but you may want to get a pre-reader since, as you said, there are some problems with grammar and spelling since you have dyslexia, so it's no big deal.
Going onto the rules of HIE's, courtesy of All American - The only rules that I think should be noted so far are - 11, 12, 23 and 24. But you've already mentioned all of them and explained them so they're fine in my opinion too.
The story overall is good so far, and there's nothing else I really need to say other than, good work man. Regarding a pre-reader, if you want one then I'm sure there's a group somewhere that can help you out with one.
I'm done here. Hope this has been helpful.
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963849 Thanks I'm actively looking for a group that has prereaders that don't behave like pricks. Can you recommend one or an individual.
When/if you get around to reading the Broken series of chapters those are ones I feel need to be looked at but I haven't finished the last one yet.
Powerrsgers lets go!
Interesting if a wsr does happen maybe steel can rip the wall down and humans cand send a little
ICBM love at chaos
This rlly is good. Cant wait to read more i ponder tho was it human ways of survival that riped pony vile a new ass oyr simply a diffent land in this dream
2062616 You know I really want to comment more directly on your question but I'll wait don't want to give anything away and ruin the surprise.
Boght time we get that human style of war ready to decend upon there foe
2063277 i must say this is a good story and hope
tosee more after choas meets human art of warfare
Ided help ya out but i spell so bad I'd be of no use
*tsk tsk tsk* Nice try Rarity, but you'll have to be more subtle than that to get Steel in bed with you.
well I enjoyed this story.
theories
inevitable
*chuckle* glad to see I'm not the only Virginia brony around. You're going to want to go back through and edit again. Oh and the ending of the chapter felt extremely rushed.
Jeeze! This plot-line is moving along like a bullet train! Slow the hell down man.
I am sorry. I gave this a serious shot but there are some things that I just cannot get past. The main character has almost no emotions whatsoever. He is not particularly unique, nor is he very interesting. He's supposed to be some smart guy, but he comes off as a bit of a doof. On the reverse side, the Ponies are too emotional. Celestia breaks down while just talking about somebody who has been dead for hundreds of years? I just don't see it. The entire thing also feels very rushed. Add some filler, slow down on the speed of the story, and get some character development in there. Good premise, execution needs polishing. Best of luck, Truthseeker.
what he jet or what left of it he arrive in?
what about the jet?
She should do what the 12th doctor did to a young Danny Pink. (I couldn’t find a clip of it.)
It sounds like he needs Midnight Flame’s organization spell.
Edit 10/23/2022:
Edit 10/24/2022: