A long drought has created food shortages across all of Equestria. In an effort to restore the country to its former glory, Princess Celestia sends Twilight Sparkle to the northern country of Prance to seek aid. But when something goes wrong, it starts a tragic chain of events that seems to have no end. With a sinister plot for power developing in the shadows of the sun, the entire world will change forever.
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Well I wouldn't say you brought her back from the dead, since I seriously doubt anyone thought she was dead :D
Celestia... when dead ponies show up in your room in the middle of a rainstorm, you don't give them your bed. You take them to the hospital, where other people can confirm that said dead pony is in fact real, is not a hallucination/impostor, and can confine her to a couple weeks of bedrest!
Besides that, I find myself liking your story. It's not exactly character driven, but it's nice to see your version of the politics behind Equestria.
2900 Prance certainly did.
2901 Thanks. That's what I'm going for. In all of the other in-depth fanfiction that I've read, I felt that the government wasn't explained very well. It was mostly just "Celestia rules the world and all it's inhabitants.". Naturally, I didn't find that very believable. In the real world, absolute monarchies never last and most are puppets to the nobility. A thousand years under one ruler and no one even questions why? She would have to be doing a pretty spectacular job to pull that one off.
All that aside, regarding your comment, I'm not really going to say anything about that right now. I want everyone to interpret Twilight's return in their own way. If you think she's an imposter and Celestia's an idiot, then I'd like you to continue thinking that she's an imposter unless told otherwise. Stories with only one interpretation are usually too straightforward and predictable to be entertaining anyway.
2904 Yeah, I think the best fanon explanation I've heard about Celestia's reign is that she's been brainwashing everyone into loving her. Eh.
Anyway, I wasn't trying to imply that Twilight is an impostor; as of right now I clearly have no idea what's going on with her. But, I do foresee that Celestia simply letting her go, without anyone else seeing Twilight, is going to cause a whole lot of complications down the road that could have been easily avoided.
Sorry if I'm complaining, it's just that it always bugs me when I see characters doing something stupid solely for the sake of plot progression. One of the reasons I can't stand horror movies.
But hey, obviously it's a bit too earlier to judge your story. I'm sure you'll come up with something good. Looking forward to the next chapter!
Just as a note. I'm working on a major revision of the first chapter to bring it up to par with the rest of the story. It's not really going to change the plot, but If you haven't started reading yet then it might be a good idea to hold off for a few days until the new version is up.
Thanks everyone.
The revised version of chapter 1 is up. If you were waiting to read it, now is the time to start.
Thanks everyone.
Fantastic chapter. Unfortunately it's been so long since i read the last chapter I had to spend a good deal of time re-reading previous chapters. But reading the revised first chapter was nice, and if it takes time to create a good chapter, so be it. Thanks for the story so far.
6801 I'm glad to hear that you liked it.
Now that I'm back at university, it takes a little bit more time to get the chapters out. I also spent about a week working on the first chapter, so this probably came out a week later than than usual. It's very hard to rewrite the story like that without really changing the plot.
The first chapter is much, much better than before. It's a lot more entertaining, realistic and there's way less random information dumping. I'm glad you took the time to change it.
Now, if only you could post updates more often...
Strangely, the idea had never crossed my mind before, but it seemed reasonable. The pegasi and the unicorns were naturally better than earth ponies. They were gifted with everything the earth ponies had and more, with the only reasonable justification being that the earth ponies were more ‘in tune with nature’.
You were doing well, and then I saw this. Do realize how OoC it is for Twilight to say something like that considering how humble and respectful she is? You should revise it.
9800 It's worth noting that this is what she's thinking and not what she's saying aloud. It's easy for even the most noble of people (or ponies) to think dastardly things at times, even if they never share their thoughts.
However, I understand what you mean and I'm glad you pointed it out. Technically, she would be telling Celestia this, so it seems a little out of place. I'll take a second look at it.
Awesome Chapter!
This just keeps getting better and better. I can't wait to see how Celestia reacts to Twilight's story!
9800 But isn't she just following the logical train of thought like she would in any situation (Outside of her being nervous)? Remember 'Feeling Pinkie Keen'?
I looked at it over and over and eventually decided to just remove the offending paragraph. I think the story flows nicely without it.
Well done. This story has kept me coming back every time despite the longer-than-average time between updates. A very interesting story, I look forward to reading more.
12929
I was actually finished this chapter quite some time ago (Monday), but there were a couple of bumps that kept me from posting it. First, I've noticed that the story gets a lot more interest when it's posted early in the evening on either Friday or Sunday, so I waited for one of those days. Second, I had rewrite quite a large portion of the story and it took me a couple of days to make the changes.
However, I'm going to try and get them out on a weekly basis now.
What a twist!
Now I'm slightly depressed about the story :l
Stil supporting the story, really good job & all but now I'm confused... update soon.
16821>>16859
Yeah, I kind of feel bad about hitting everyone in the face with such an epic cliffhanger. My editor wouldn't allow it so I had to explain to him what was going to happen prematurely.
WHWAHWHWHWHWHHWHAHAAAAAHHHWHWHWHHWHWHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
FAKE TWILIGHT IS FAKE
Woah,
did NOT see that one coming.
YOU! YES, YOU! YOU JUST GOT EMAIL TRACKED. I'm really loving this, and cant wait to see where it goes! You put my writing to shame with this. q.q
17416
You officially win for having the most encouraging and uplifting comment about my story.
I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying it.
It's stuff like this chapter that makes me glad I email tracked this. Finding out in minutes that this was updated was amazing. This new chapter? Awesome. Phenominal. Plot Bending. Unexpected.
Brilliant.
I'm still liking where this is going, but now, even more so. Though, I am a mite disappointed about Twilight's fate.
I wanted her to be okay sooooo bad! Who knows? With the right plot twists, she could turn out to be just fine! Then again, the tragedy tag exists on this story for a reason...
Keep up the good work.
RIOT WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT
It's not stated that she's dead, just that noone's seen her; right?
21243
Thank you very much. The next few chapters will be pretty intense too, so I'm really looking forward to working on them.
21276
That's true. No one really seems to know what's happened to her, just that she never came back. Unfortunately, she has been gone for so long that most of the characters have already given up. So she could be alive and well somewhere, but she may also have perished.
I'm not going to leave this question unanswered. It's the focal point of the story and the truth behind her journey is at the very end.
21291
Can I throw money at you to make this story longer?
21398
Rest assured, I'm working towards a fantastic ending. I don't want to drag out the story and bore everyone, but I don't want to rush it either. It may take longer than twelve chapters, but that seems to be about right at the moment.
I'd also like to thank everyone for taking such a strong interest in my story. I have over thirty people diligently watching and a 4.5 rating from thirty eight people. Considering that this is the first time I've ever written anything outside of essays, I couldn't be happier with the way things are turning out.
Cool series, I like it so far,
OMC ( OH MY CELESTIA ) I LOVE IT! SEW AWSUM
The story is simply beautiful. Even tho the rest of the mane 6 do not appear in this story it would be nice to know more about their destiny. After poor spike suffered from the death of twilight, what happened to him? It would be nice if you could add these details in the prologue, if you ever make one in the end.
So I'm still expecting at least one more twist in this. If the Twilight that Celestia was speaking to was truly just a hallucination, she couldn't have been informed of the traitor in the council by it. I'm going to guess that Twilight is imprisoned in Prance still and is waiting for her by Pierre, to be used as a hostage. Or maybe not.
In either case, I'm still enjoying the story.
30485
Thank you so much! After working so hard on it, It's nice to hear that so many people are enjoying the story.
30492
I tried not to include any of the other mane six characters because I knew I wasn't going to use them later on. If you pay attention, there are several small hints about who is going to become an important character later on in the story.
I've talked with my editor about perhaps writing a sequel. (He knows exactly how it's going to end now.) He seemed to like the idea so I'm considering it. However, I'm not going to purposefully leave this story open-ended. It's a tragedy, so a depressing ending is not impossible, but all the loose ends will be tied up.
30494
Well Celestia spoke with Le Roi Pierre during his visit to Equestria and she told him to speak with Goldenroot, so it's not unreasonable to assume that she knows that they're working together in some way. How she would know exactly what's going on is still a mystery. This is something that I'm going to be dealing with very soon.
This story is amazing! It is intricately detailed with a lavish twisting plot that keeps me on the edge of my seat starving for what happens next! Keep up this excellent work!
Another fantastic chapter, well done.
One request though, could you throw in more physical reminders for us, like you did when Vortex referred to Goldenroot as "that peculiar green pony"? Between updates, I forget what our OCs actually look like, and reminders like that really help for me. Thanks.
30879
Thank you so much! I'm having a great time writing this story and really makes my day every time I see a comment like this.
43394
I was actually worried that I was doing a little too much of this before and it was starting to become a little redundant and unnecessary, so I was trying to cut back a little. Obviously I was getting completely the wrong idea. I'll definitely include some more descriptions of their appearances in the next chapter.
As it is now, it seems like everything is going according to plan. Chapter 12 is going to be a long one, but from what I have now, it will be very intense, dramatic, fast-paced and altogether extremely entertaining. I'm really excited about working on it, so I'm sure you'll see it this weekend, but that always depends on what kind of reaction I get from my editor and my one informal prereader.
I just caught up to this chapter, and wow. This is an amazing story with a wonderful plot. So many twists and turns, I can't tell what's going to happen next!
Twilight...Twilight...what in the heck happened to Twilight?! Lol. I mean, at the beginning, I'm thinking she's dead. Then she appears to Celestia and then I'm happy she is actually alive and she tells of her journey into Prance. Then I find out that Celestia was imagining the whole time *face palm* so now I'm really worried about what happened to Twilight! I can't think of anything, is she alive? dead? I can't tell anymore -_- and I'm not bothering to try anymore lol.
I'm really looking forward to chapter 12 and finally finding out what happened to Twilight as well as Luna's choice. So many things are going to happen, and I can't make a single prediction on what is going to become of it. The riot, imprisoning Princess Celestia, fixing Equestria. I'm excited to find out =D. Though something tells me that Celestia is going to burst into that tower and find Twilight sitting there *evil laugh*
I really liked the council members. Their personalities crash so much and it's nice to see that they can still come together (well 3/5 of them anyway) to come back to try and figure out and fix what is going on in there home. Goldenroot and Vortext making a couple I found real cute :3.
Can't wait to read more ^-^. Have a good one.
BAH! WHAT HAPPENED TO TWILIGHT?! ^^;
47952
Thank you so much! Comments like these really do make my day. It's always nice to know that someone new is enjoying the story.
I actually have chapter 12 finished and it's going through the editing process so as long as it doesn't get held up for any reason, it may very well be posted sometime tomorrow night.
P.S. It's really, really long. (It's at almost 32 pages at the moment.)
.. Ouch. That's a harsh way to write out a character
Oh jeez, Trollestia is just throwin ponies out windows now...
"“Until you find out where you’re going to go, you’re more than welcome to stay with me for as long as you wish.” Prairie Dancer intervened. "
Do you mean Prairie Star?
Very nice, I look forward to your last chapter after you get back. As it stands now it does feel a bit like it deserves an epilogue.
Fantastic end to the climax. I look forward to a satisfying conclusion. Great job
I have been looking for this for weeks...
Damn! It was worth going through some hundred pages with nothing but the word drought and a fading memory of a picture to go by in my search.
83734 Thanks for pointing that out. I can't believe me nor my editor or two prereaders noticed that.
85155 Thank you very much. This one chapter took a REALLY long time to write.
90236 The drought ends up being such a tiny part of the story, I would imagine it would be difficult to find this. I'm glad you liked it.
If this ends with Twilight being dead, I'mma feel. Feel, man.
But if she lives, I'mma feel happy :V
But then I look at the tags.
Looks interesting but the long dialogue with the Council kinda killed it for me. I'm ADHD and have a terrible attention span and I ended up stopping a couple chapters in cause I got bored and distracted - My suggestion is to maybe try to make the story move a bit faster, instead of just going through all the political happenings in Equestria?
Other then that it seems good, I just stopped reading xD
Of course I see the "Liked this story? Maybe you'll like one of the similar stories below!" link to this story after reading "I AM DEATH"...
Still no conclusion, and now Imma cry bout Twi.
You killed her... dear, sweet Celestia, you killed her. Or in all likelihood you did. Damn good story, and the realism of it is great, but just the mundane way you (most likely) killed Twilight off is almost undignified it seems.
Still, great story, 5/5 so I would love some sort of sequel to it of some kind.