What the can says, isn't always what it seems.
Fluttershy can be scary sometimes.
Finished late for Nightmare Moon Night.
Oh, well...
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 22nd Sep, 2012
- offline last seen Aug 6th, 2015
TrollestiaSubject
I don't even English at all.
TrollestiaSubject
Joined 22nd Sep, 2012 ·
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Wow.
Awful
Mmm, not the best writing. You could have added more detail into the deaths, or instead focused detail on everything but the deaths. Errors across...
I'll admit I found the ending silly.
Dude, quit pulling on jammers
1552348 *steals your helmet*
1552472
Omg guise! The BabyK just stoleist ma helmet!
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
best.
1552617
sadpanda.us/images/1237578-HFP16GE.png
Oh my friend, you made a big no-no. Putting Fluttershy together with death is like putting together oil and water. It doesn't mix. Let's get to work, shall we?
1.First off, were you trying to write a back story? Because if you were, you needed a LOT more details. I had no idea what was going on. You can never detail too much. Remember that, I'll be coming back to it.
2. You might want to see if someone will be your editor. I caught a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes. I give you points though for spacing your paragraphs.
3. Describe the environment. You didn't tell me what the battlefield looked like, so for all I know it could have been a giant white space with fortresses.
4. Reasoning. We all know that Fluttershy isn't going to randomly kill ponies. Give reasons. (Yes, I know that you gave a reason at the end, but it was rather vague.)
Final grade: C
I didn't see too much wrong, except for the fact that I had no idea what was happening until the end. Go over your story and keep an eye out for spelling and grammar errors. I won't say that you need to scrap this, just go over it and add more details. Trust me, it will help.
From a brony just like you,
twow443,TWE's Knight in Training
....you used the phrase "her jimmies were rustled"?
I do not even...
Cover art looks like shit? Check
Killing spree by Fluttershy? Check
Dislike to Like Ratio? Check
Overall, a bad trollfic, and it's shit.
1552769
Hey now! The cover art is pretty damn cool.
Get out.
I don't understand HOW you could have messed this up so badly. You have a couple of decent fics on your page, like The Applejack Zone and Luna's Midnight Theatre. Although the latter is incomplete, still.
*GASP* So.. Campbell's tomato soup doesn't contain tomatoes?!
images.huffingtonpost.com/2011-08-02-WarholCampbell_Soup1screenprint1968.jpg
CURSE YOU SOUP PEOPLE!
1576912
thats tomato juice man, Campells lies to us to sell it for a bit more of earnings
Wow... Were do I begin?
First of all, as someone else pointed out, you need to describe the environment more. Second, your grammar is SHIT! If you can't speak English, then don't write a fic in English. I've read fics from people who have English as a second language, but this is a tremendous pile of incoherent bullshit! Also, YOU NEED MOTIVES FOR YOUR KILLER!!
How in the world is a fanfic about murder supposed to be interesting if the killings are completely unexplained, and the character who's doing the killing is completely OOC? Overall, I'm happy this story was disliked by 80% of the people who read it. Thank you for making me laugh my ass off with your horrible writing. 
2647092
Fluttershy: Um...... Surprise...?
Rarity: How did you...?
Fluttershy: Um..... First I used a rope to break Rainbow's spine..... Then I ripped Twilight's head off..... Then I cut Pinkie in half with an ax...... Then I used a gun on Rarity, making the clouds pink, and then I used a chainsaw to cut apart Apple Jack......
Twilight: YOU KILLED US ALL!?
Fluttershy: Yeah..... Cuz you said I was useless.....
Pinkie: Woah........