Before I read it: Put some more spacing in between paragraphs.

>>15490431549043

I worked on this....

>>15490481549048 Other than that, It's pretty interesting, will be looking for future updates.

>>15490561549056

yay glad you liked it so far ^^ i will be updating every week around the same time hopefully

Good so far. Here's hoping this gets featured, too many interesting fics slip through the cracks

So Applejack sees this weird creature shes never seen before in her orchard trying to steal her apples then she asks it come back to her house (which has her young sister in it) for lunch... that doesnt make a lot of sense. Also in the description it says Seb has an inability to trust so it doesnt make sense for him to immediately go with this pony whom he met ten seconds ago. I tend to rant about things.... so heres a random moustache keep it up

fave'd....

looks interesting

I agree with Grado, they're both too trusting of eachother. From what i've read from other fanfictions, Applejack would go and teach the human a thing or two about stealing her apples, and the human would tend to leg it, but i would expect that seeing as the human is a self claimed master theif that he would book it as soon as he heard Applejack's voice, and seeing that the description says that he essentailly finds it hard to trust others i doubt he would so easily give her his name and go into her house.

But apart from all that it's certainly an interesting idea and i shall fav it to see where it goes. soooooo ya  for the idea have some of the local currency

Well, this is kind of ironic, since my name's also Sebastian... I like it, I will track this. One thing though, I know it's difficult, but try to have spaces between paragraphs.

Huh when I read the title I was expecting sly cooper for some reason

Sly Cooper: Honor Among Thieves.

I thought it was a Sly Cooper crossover until I saw the categories.

INB4FAMOUS

before the end of the chapter, i saw in my head,

"Oh Celestia! An Alien!"

"Hi?"

"Hello, you look hungry,would you like to come to my barn?"

"Sure!"

Just saying...

Inb4 featured, I must say.

Saw this on the front page and thought to myself, 'Aw snap! Dis gon b gud.'

Now... onto reading!

Holy crap its like only 5 paragraphs lol. I wished you could have given a bit more info on Seb's appearance.

Ah Twilight jumping the gun as always

Wow. I fave'd this just to see where it was going because the first chapter didn't really interest me, but this is great!! Keep up the good work!

>>15759571575957

Thank you so much ^^ I know exactly what you're talking about and I should have drawn this out more but I wanted this chapter to end on a sort of sour note and also I actually hate i when authors drag out something so dramatic for too long. I hope you keep reading and enjoy it though ^^

Great story. I'll be waiting for more!

Plot twists so early? Hope you can keep up such a pace of excitement in the chapters to come.

>>15764001576400

not really a plot twist mostly a plot thickener.

>>15764001576400

Dat Rathalos

always nice to see another MH fan

>>15764601576460

While true, to see a somewhat homeless thief would give the impression that he and his family were always down on their luck. That was what I saw anyway... To see that he actually had a life before he (apparently) let it deteriorate into what it was before he was forced into the magical land of ponies makes it feel more like a twist in my opinion.

>>15765461576546

My personal favorite of the monsters.

>>15765491576549

He explains more later on. it can still be a plot twist but I wanted it to be a plot thickener. either way works for me actually.

More Know i cant live without this o-o

Okay, good chapter. I was wondering where this could go with that first chapter, but it looks good right now.

right in the feels man.

Hmmmm. Y U MAKE ME CRY?!

Otherwise, it's well written and I'm interested to see more of this.

>>15765541576554

Definitely

tuberculosis?

>>15922751592275 I was thinking this too

>>15922751592275 probably

>>15938571593857

You'll just have to wait and see :)

wow and Twilight didnt even appologise for calling him a murderer. Yes I realise she will at the party I just thought that with your mentor right there she would

Seb sort of let her of the hook, for familial muder accusations, a little too easily in my opinion.

Still like the story though,

>>15942921594292

I never said she was off the hook yet.

damn, i know the feels Seb. I know the feels

I'm interested, for now...so please continue.

in the sumary it's not 'captives' it's 'captors'

>>15959921595992

Thanks, must have got changed in editing.

>>15960151596015

Made me sad even as I read it again.

-Sturrn

>>16054621605462

good I was aiming for that :D

Is it me or is this story turning towards depression?

>>16061471606147

It doesn't get much happier.

Damn son! Seb has quite the grip on him!

Stop making me cry dammit!

Other than a few spelling mistakes, I'm liking this story.

>>16102371610237

Never! :D

>>BlueHibiscus

Dangit! Oh well. Again, I likey. Can't wait for more of this story. :D

And so the plot thickens

Fluttershy reminds Seb of Trisha.... maybe....

Image: http://webtrax.hu/myfacewhen/faces/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic/hmm-nah-applejack.jpg

>>16356591635659

You'll just have to wait and see :D

>>16356761635676 You tease me.

shit just got real

Oh common, humans tend to have better ideals than that. We always have reasons, from 'I just want to be better' to 'I had to suffer through it so, so does everyone else'. Most reasons however boil down to greed. Also I'd figure Nathan would do a little more research on the Elements, being the calculating individual I made him out to be. Personally I do not think you give humans enough credit for being the cruel creatures we are, rarely do we do things without thinking them through to some extent. Other then my ranting, great story.

>>16364221636422

I do agree with you, not all humans are like this and usually it isn't so cut and dry, but you have to look at this from Seb's point of view; he's a homeless man that has to steal things in order to survive. aside from Trisha, he's never had anyone be kind to him or show humanly compassion. He also takes money from people to do their dirty work. He also knows quite a bit of general human history and in the past humans have acted like this. As far as Nathan goes, yes under normal circumstances he'd do much more research but let's not forget that, according to the first episodes, It appears general knowledge isn't wildly available. I can't say much more about his methods without revealing more of the story but I can say I have taken this into consideration.

Thank you very much for the comment and bringing up this point, I enjoy hearing people's arguments and enjoy the fact that you are actually analyzing my work.

~BlueHibiscus

DUN DUN DUUUH!

A good chapter, though some parts felt a little choppy... What I mean to say is that sometimes, it seems like you were going for one feeling, but then it veers off in another direction (opinion maybe?).

Something I noticed is the somewhat mono-toned conversation with Seb inside the library after the fire. Try putting some flare in; describe where they are standing/moving to, facial expressions, the tone of voice they are speaking/asking in, make the others be more noticed with a quick description/reactions to the conversation. The scene I saw was Seb sitting in a chair, weak of voice, while Rainbow stood somewhere asking some questions with Applejack and Twilight only adding to the scene like a background character would.

If I had to complain about anything, it would be how you switched the point of view in the middle of a paragraph during the burning house scene. Seb gets to the kid and protects her from the collapsing house. Then it shifts over to Rainbow and we see how she is combating the fire. Sure, there is more that you can write about from Rainbow's point of view, but this is Seb's story. I wanna see and feel how it felt to have a burning house collapse on you. Where he went to avoid such injuries and how long it felt before he made his way out of the wreckage. I want to see Seb's story and how he deals with it.

Just trying to give constructive criticism, don't hate me too much... Unless you want to...

>>16533711653371

I do appreciate your criticism actually so no worries there. As for the burning house scene, it's a writing tactic to suddenly switch points of view to keep the reader in suspense if he'll live or die. (although you know very well he won't) It's to make the reader's heart jump. While I may not have done this very well, I wanted to explain my reason. I'll admit I do get a little dry with my expressions and such as you mentioned but I felt the dialog was more important. This was only in this case so I do agree that I need to focus on that more. I also need to get a permanent editor :D anyway, thank you very much for the comments and your loyalty in this story. I hope you enjoy the rest :)

I'm loving this so far.

Damn I'm quite a emotionally dead husk.

I wonder if Seb is going to get bitched out at any point...

Well Seb has no ties to this world and will probably die in a few days anyway yet hes willing to sacrifice his body for them. A truely good person.

>>16623971662397

He just doesn't know it yet lol :D

Cadence.

Damn. Poor Seb.

wow.  he got fucking nailed to a chair that is just cruel

hope seb kills him.with fire.

Poor sebby webby ;(

Now, GIVE ME FUCKING MOAAR!

>>16635621663562

I-I'm writing as fast as I can q.q

Nice... Though I'm guessing those were not the real elements? I'm supposing Celestia knew all about the deal between Nathan and Seb.

>>16638301663830 if she knew but she isn´t doing anything, then she is a real bitch

>>16652561665256

Not really... I realize she isn't doing her duties as a monarch, but a bitch? Hardly.

>>16655101665510 If she knew about nathan contacting seb, and the elements are fake.

then she surely knows when seb takes them, so knows where he is now, and she isn´t doing shit to help him or the kidnapped unicorns.

So yeah, she doesn´t know, or she is a bitch.

>>16655231665523

She might have just left them out just to see if he would steal them, master theif after all? Even if she knew about the deal, that doesn't mean she knows where nathans lil' hideout is. She could even be using Seb as bait to find it.

This is going to end one of two ways:

A) Celestia is totally pissed and thinks that he's causing harm to everyone.

B) Celestia is an almost motherly figure that takes every part of his story at face value.

And either way, it's gonna be bullshit.

>>16655231665523>>16655321665532 Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...............

both of you have good points on the matter. I believe the elements in the case are fake cause as we know the elements are kept in a safe that only Celestia, Luna, and Discord can open. My guess is she does know the fakes are gone but can't locate him or there is a locator spell on them and she is preparing to assault the cave. I don't think she knows about the deal though or she would have confronted him during their little 1-on-1 chat.

A nice feeling chapter, never feeling to dry of description or moving too slowly. You fleshed out the important scenes that were needed to keep interest in the story. There was actually expression on the characters, as well as them moving around and not having an idle standing/sitting conversation. The transition from scene to scene felt a little vague, but this chapter gave me the feeling like I was sitting at a play. You don't see the transition of the props/background all that much when the curtains close for the short intermission.

Keep it up.

I imagine that Seb would have multitudes of wounds on him from his torture sessions so why hasnt anypony mentioned them? "Oh hey this guy stole the elements of harmony and deliverd them to the bad guy but if he was working for them why was he tortured? So if he wasnt working for them why did he steal them? He must have been coerced into doing it" or ponies are racist.

>>16931601693160

This chapter does deserve some explanation; The way I see it, what is going on is completely new to the ponies and would probably not come to the logical conclusions humans would, and of course Seb isn't going to just say "Oh by the way I was forced to steal them" although it would help his situation. This, of course, is my view on this matter, right or wrong it's how I feel the ponies would react. I do appreciate the questioning though, and feel free to ask the reasoning behind something any time.

nathan had better get his ass whooped before i walk in there and do it myself

>>16934501693450 I call him first! I will torture him in such a way that Seb's experience will seem like a picnic.

Moar!

awwww. Please make fluttershy be all assertive and explain it, or at least have Seb explain truthfully and fully to somepony...

>>16951431695143

All I can say for now is every dog has his day :)

Interesting... I actually, for once have nothing to complain about. This was a great chapter.

>>17422411742241

I will take that as a compliment, thank you dear reader and I hope you continue to enjoy

No complaints here. Keep being awesome.

Serves the bitch right! You don't simply turn someone who resisted horrific levels of torture for you and your ponies, into stone!!! Fucking CUNT!!!

>>17434461743446

that....was a little...excessive o.o

>>17434561743456NO IT WAS EXACTLY ENOUGH!!!!!

>>17435131743513

okay

>>17435331743533OKAY INDEED!!!

>>17435861743586 i find your anger rather

Image: http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/c156.0.403.403/p403x403/404640_289238401192185_818286455_n.jpg

>>17437411743741!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>17437691743769

Image: http://dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw8376_small.jpg

>>17437871743787Lol

>>17444031744403 it seems to give everyone else nightmares

>>17444101744410Rainbowmire ftw

>>17447461744746 So giggity!