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The real Nightmare Moon has returned during Nightmare Night, and she plans to get revenge on Twilight Sparkle. However, she hasn't been aware of any events past her demise. Or the secret feelings a certain mare has that she's hated for over two years.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I have no words as to what made me write this, but I hope you enjoy it. Or laugh at my attempts for a shipping one-shot.
A suggestion, fellow friend. Try to write in the same tense, as you switch a few times here.
Talk either in the preterit (ie: tom looked at it), the present tense (ie: tom looks at it), or the future tense (ie: tom will look at it), and keep it consistent in the tense. Any work, although you see most people writing in the preterit.
Otherwise great concept and story! Keep writing.
1571179 Thank you for the small review and enjoying the story.
1571213
Anytime.
just... fucking... lawl
wow twilight actually scared nmm.
I lol'd
It had been gst too long since she's fully shown herself like this. You offset every letter in that word one key to the right.
She strode up to twilight's meager bed and threw her on top of it. Capitalize her name
rubbing her hooves against her fur in sensual circles across her sides and flank.. Ellipses are three periods, so this is either one too few or one too many depending on what you were going for here
Twilight yelled and sat u. up
Other than the typos, I quite enjoyed this.
would have been interesting to see what happened if luna had'nt retaken her body......
great job though! a few spelling mistakes but other than that it was a short fun read!
I dont think this is a clopfic, it could easily pass as teen in my opinion.
*Looks at Likes* Well... this is a nice surprise after coming from work!
1572531 Thank you so much.
1574118 It's just as a precaution.
a couple errors but I lol'd
nice job
I actually really like the idea behind this but I found it was a rather poor execution of said idea, the story element of NMM just felt odd to me the entire way through but I really like how Twilight ended up "raping" her because of a misunderstanding, which I found humorous.
As for dislike or like? I dunno... I really want to like it but it just needed something a little more for me to really like it... so I dunno... some of it I disliked and some of it I liked.
1579702
I think I know what you're trying to say. There's no backstory behind why or how Luna turned into NNM. It's just BAM, suddenly she's there in the beginning. Also, I forgot to point out that Twilight and Luna even have a "thing" for each other, which might make some parts of the story confusing. (E.G. Why is Twilight liking the fact "Luna" randomly brought a riding crop.) Does that help with your confusion?
1580309 Well... not so much with the confusion, it just makes the story lacking and thus makes it "not good" or maybe rather "not as good as it could have been" which is what i feel like it's missing before " I " could really like it. Maybe you sound consider editing it? As it is: it remains a so/so story (at least for me), which is why I'm not to sure if I should "like" or "dislike".
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I'll admit that the awkward humor was kind of funny, but after reading it there was no was that I wasn't going to use that internet warping equation.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find my pants.
- Christian 'mathworld.wolfram.com/images/equations/DiracEquation/NumberedEquation1.gif ' Harisay
More!
Hmm...While very good, I noticed a few typos, and some backstory WOULD be nice...but all in all, really good!
Good funny read. I kinda think that Twilight and Luna had a thing for each other. Twi certanly did by the way she was so forward to Nightmare moon when her room was invaded.
Not overly sure why NMN was wanting revenge, unless it was over the fact that Twi had gotten rid of her...
But overall, I liked the humor a lot and found it funny how NMN stopped before doing anything to Twilight.
Just came back to re-read this.
Still loving it all.
still funny as hell
"P-Princess! that's so...Naughty."
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id be laughing so hard if there was a part where Luna spoke to the nightmare asking how much she enjoyed playing with Twilight mentioning that they we lovers or something like that the look on nightmares face would be priceless