This kind of a situation demands me to say something. I wonder what it could be. Probably something to do with nobody else commenting on this fic before me, or something along those lines...

So uh... Nice weather we're having, eh? Anybody fancy a pint?

Once again an enjoyable and titilating read that made my imagination run almost as fast as my blood. Imma gon... go now and... find myself a new pair of pants. And some brain bleach. So I can enjoy this again with a clean mind, just to have it get perverted again. Dammit I loved it. Short, violent, passionate and horny as seven hells combined.

I've never been a fan of the present tense, especially when you tell the reader that it's a fic from the PDOverse past. Still, after a moment I completely forgot it. The use of words was, like usual, very varied and flowing, making for an enjoyable read.

Also the descriptions were really nice, not too precise, but enough to make my mind create an image of a turkish steam sauna in a smoking hut. Having visited a smoke sauna, a tent sauna, a steam sauna and several types of normal, I can tell you that sex in a sauna is awesome... but really dangerous, because the heat makes it quite taxing. You run out of breath quickly (especially in a steamroom) and your heart starts to go crazy too. Also it's quite common to put some sort of aetheric oils, like lavender or eucalyptys into the boiler to get a nice smell into the air, because steam only feels quite rough on the lungs. You might want to add something to that effect into the story, now they merely sweat like they were in the kitchen or something. Also there are so many fun things you can do with a sauna and snow outside that I might have to write a cloppie just to elaborate. :p

Remember... you just made a Finn read a story about saunas. That's like me writing a story about a footie match between liverpool and manchester.

One of your problems seems to be differentiating between personal pronouns, for example:

"Tiara instantly obeys and pushes her tongue into her anus. " <- Such dexterity, or maybe mention that it is in fact going into AB's/the farm pony's etc. There were a few of those and some left me a bit confused.

But other than those small tidbits, it was a fun and, I have to admit, quite arousing tale to read. It had the desired effect, and I think I need a cold shower now. I feel so dirty, in so many different ways. And it feels awesome.

... I'll get me coat.

I kinda liked it, I can't say I'm behind. Verbal abuse. But the dumping of the bucket was WAY too much for me.

I'm just saying; i m not one for golden showers or cleveland steamers.

You already have my approval and like for this story. I felt disgusting and filthy after reading it, but also strangely satisfied. Y U DO DIS TO ME?

I absolutely adored this story! It really captures a feeling you don't see rarely of ponies having diverse sexual appetites. Truly a remarkable dynamic between Bloom and Diamond is seen. I love this and you, please keep writing these awesome stories!

*Reading synopsis*
"...who the f*** would write something li--"
*sees author*
"Oh, hi Chuck."
>Everything's perfectly normal here then.

1543438 Chuck... D'ya think you should worry about something right about now? Like... maybe it has something to do with people almost expecting deviant clop from you?

P.S. Write moar deviant clop for me. Nao.

Wow, that was indeed pretty filthy.

oooooooohhhhhhh shit... lets read it!

Urine's only acrid when it's stale, when it's fresh it's pleasantly musky. I know this because I pee in the tub.

That was a big turn on, I think I burst at the third paragraph in the smoke house. Thumbs up!!!

1543935

Isn't the third paragraph the one describing the boiler? Which paragraph are you talking about?

*oldman-voice* Wonderful!
Romantic, yet positively filthy.

1541024 This, pretty much. I'm in full agreement. Well-written, but decidedly not my wheelhouse.

First time reader here of your work. I am happily impressed by this. Hot, deviant, and utterly wonderful. I seen very few WS clop and this fits nicely. Once I get home I am so following you. *bows* Thank you.

Can't bring myself to read this, just due to the kinks involved...which is really annoying, as I'm sure it's as fantastically written as the rest. I'll leave a like though, and if I managed to psych myself up enough to read it, I'll leave an actual response.

One question:
"All characters portrayed are above the age of consent."
So whats the age of consent when it comes to ponies?

1544776

Nothing says I care about you like a bucket of urine to the face.

Greatest. Quote. Ever.

Yeah, my prose is kinda bland. I do minimalist prose because I don't know how more flowery prose works; it doesn't feel like me. It's something I plan on studying though, because I want more tools. Still, I actually quite like minimalist prose in pornography. I'm a big fan of RagingSemi's work, which is very low key. Actually, I really think I should hit you up for advice on prose some time, because I rather like yours.

There was subtext about that with Diamond Tiara, notably how she went crazy with lust when AB teased her with what her father would think, and how she was willing to walk in the snow to Sweet Apple Acres at nine in the morning just to avoid being stuck in the house with the family, but nothing too overt. Maybe for the future sequel...

...I...I...I hate watersports. I've always hated the thought of it and it grosses me out and everything...

...but I really liked this story, I liked all of it, even the bucket thing.

Why? I'm so confused! What have you done to me?

I approve of this.

Okay, despite certain fetishes that shall remain nameless, this was bucking hot. Highly approved.

That is all.

I'm ok with verbal abuse but the bucket Riley?
Keep doing what your doing

Chuck, stop making me favourite every one of your stories, ponies are going to talk.

If they're over the age of consent, why is the story in the Foalcon folder?

1570681 because someone is not terribly bright.

1570681

No idea. I stuck it in the extreme fetishes folder, dunno who put it in foalcon too.

Nice work Chuck! Typically not into domination/submission and NEVER a fan of urine play, but this time it didn't bug me as much as normal.

I also like simple prose. Games with language do not move the audience - a real story does. It does not require being a writing genius to move readers.

Easy thumbs-up. I'll get around to your other works when the opportunity presents itself.

Before I start let me say that as I read your writing (which I love by the way), I'm still having a devil of a time believing that anyone can actually make present tense work, because normally all present tense does is serve to irk me, but you... just have to be the damn exception don'tcha. Also your vocabulary, and the way you utilize certain words is just intriguing, and an English lesson in itself at points. As in I literally have to stop reading to confirm the definition or alternate meanings of some words. The most notable example I can pick off the top of my head is when you use "wooden faggots". Really made me stop for a moment, before I realized you weren't talking about a whittled likeness of Andy Dick.

On point now. That was fun, I'll give it that. That was certainly fun. A bit rough and unrefined in spots, but above all, a satisfactory DiamondxBloom (one of my favorite pairings by the by) clop-fic. Not the best, but still pretty legit. While I'm not a fan of all of the fetishes covered (anal tonguing) there were certainly a good amount that rang right to (aroma arousal, domination urineplay:), I have to say they were done fashionably well, although after all is said and done, I feel a little dry even after the watersports.

The characters, what can I say? I love Diamond Tiara for all of the bitchyness, degradation, strong will, and insults she belted out through this because she knew Applebloom could take it and dish it out twice as hard. That being said, the mock-tsundere/ sado-masochistic relationship these two have with eachother is just delectable and adds to the atmosphere phenomenally.

She looks up at Apple Bloom with sex eyes.

Okay, come on, man. I think we both know you could have picked a way better colloquialism than sex eyes. While the directness of the phrasing could be appreciated, you completely alienated the over-thinking neurotic within. The simplicity of the phrasing is just too simple.You're building a mood here after all, a little purple prose is allowed. Bedroom eyes, lustful eyes, longing eyes, wanting eyes, any of those or anything else. Sex eyes is just far too direct to be arousing. It's like elbow-dropping a ketchup bottle onto a burger, where a few tactfully placed squirts could have done the job just as well. I don't know where that analogy came from but it's there. In addition, there's this odd habit you have where you kinda green light libido/ arousal, and then just throw a spike strip on the whole situation, meaning you draw me in and the exile me in the same gambit with some parts, but that isn't really the execution, it's just the phrasing and transition.

While I'm more of a fan of pillow talk, I did like the/ overtly dirty domination quips Applebloom belted out through their session. As for Diamond's verbage, I really adored the self-degradation aspect her half of the phrasing lends to her character. It's like she's trying to show AB that daddy's little girl isn't so innocent, and it arouses outstandingly, Chuck. Really let's the reader know that they've been at it for quite a while and are totally comfortable and trusting with each other as partners. Also, the term whorse, truly an awesome play on words.

Aside from that, this story was delicious. Not one-punch knock-out outstanding, but good. I enjoyed this, and I'm certain you have a solid amount of satisfied customers.

Loathe,
Your Antagonist

Smoke sauna...
Common in Finland, are you from nearby here?

Finished this a while ago actually, but I had to re-read to make sure it was worth faving (least, to me) and see if I didn't forget/miss anything that I'd wanna point out in review. Well, seeing as I don't know a proper pic to convey emotions will say... wow. This was... something. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applebloom_lolface.png

First, I'm surprised at the type of relationship you gave these two, which I'm guessing is probably explained in the other story you mentioned (Pipsqueak's Day Off). Diamond Tiara's still a bitch, but she's submissive when it comes to Apple Bloom, and AB being stronger of the two and dominant was not a stretch, as far as I'm concerned. Though I was a little bit surprised at mass amount of swearing, even if I admittedly swear like a sailor myself, sometimes. Even if I knew the story had it, was still surprised, but didn't ruin the story terribly for me.

Next off, kinkiness before and during the scenes. Was a bit surprised when AB wanted to see DT pee in the first readthrough, I think, after she got finished with the juice and before they got started. Though later on, was a bit... disturbing, with what AB did with her with the bucket, even if watersports is kind of one of my fetishes if done in certain ways (thanks to friend who introduced me to RPing and did it himself in a few of ours, at least ones from way back then). Rimming... eh, kinda hot, though was kinda not sure; especially when both were female here and one wasn't really prepping the other for something with further ass-play. Bondage: another of my kinks, though it felt out of place a bit (maybe cause I haven't read a story or seen a pic with it in ages, I suppose, focusing all my time on ponies nowadays ) or not as appealing to me here. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_bronymaster1.png Oh well.

Finally, the scenes. Took up more than half of the story, but were still hot and arousing, without feeling too wrong or like it wasn't to be a turn-on, even if some of the aspects aren't necessarily everypony's taste. And the terminology was a little... odd, but eh, think I've read some before with someone calling somepony else a whorse, so not too thrown off. Not much else I can say, I believe.

Overall, a lot more to comment on here than on Stuffed Apple, but not that that's a bad thing. Greatly enjoyed this one too, even if I did get a little weirded out at times, but also made me laugh at Apple Bloom's demeaning of Diamond Tiara at times or other descriptions (can't point any specific ones, sorry), so you win back points for that! Might be little premature when I've only read a couple so far and haven't read any of your non-clop work with effort, but I'm-a watch you! And will try to read more of yours soon, if I remember! Including the one you suggested I DO read that said is your best work so far.

hmm since Your Antagonist likes it, it must be good. I WILL READ THIS HERE STORY! butt not right now... be cause i need sleepy... why am i blabbering to myself? i really dont know... im going to shut up now

You just gotta love how much input and care the readers of clop put in their favorite stories XD, mulyitudirany fan-girls authors than recieve thousands of coments and 0 feedback apart from good story, LEARN from this man!!!

Also good story bro

Smoke house, huh? Well, they'll be smokin' alright.... In sweat.

Very nice ;) I will be reading this again very soon :)

kinkey

A little ashamed to admit it because this fic is kind of depraved, but I loved it. I have never been one for watersports or anal, but they both work here! Well, done!

I never thought of Diamond Tiara x Apple Bloom till now. I starting to like this shippping because of this story. I also don't like anal but it works here. Good job.

"Not bad, for a bunch of rednecks I guess. What's the weird thing?" she says, pointing to the brass contraption.

it's a STILL fur makin Moon-Cider, DT!

would have like to see more bondage and use of the space like the hooks in the ceiling for stringing Diamond up for a good beating with leather straps or something but all an all this was a great consensual BDSM fic very well done!

I could really feel the deep emotional bond behind their master/slave relationship and I loved how you gave Diamond reason for being submissive that she is able to escape her high society protocols by prostrating herself to a low class working filly who looks and smells more like a colt then a mare.

1543438
1543509

I've only read the one story...this is normal?
...
...
...
MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8159320 Apparently you don't know of our unofficial team of Chuck Finley, CarcinoGeneticist and me, do ya? (SHAMELESS SELF PLUG HERE)

A friend linked this to me, after a small group conversation about sweaty sex, and how one of the people didn't quite get how you could still be into it once things got too sweaty. (I'd been on the side of the convo where I was trying to say it can be a turn on, in itself, even without domination overtones. Sauna sex was mentioned. X3)

I say this because I forgot, fairly quickly, about that. And that it was the reason I had started reading this in the first place. It was fairly charming in the beginning and ending interactions between the two (ie, the not-sex stuff), and there were quite a few good, subtle character traits that really made them feel like characters in a story, and not just actors in a porno. (I quite liked DT referring to Apple Bloom as "Hayseed," consistently, even when being kinda bitchy.) It was even fairly cute and heartwarming at some points. Great counterpoint to the rest. The sex bit. I'm not really one who's personally into full-on dom/sub play/sex. But I can appreciate it, in writing anyway. So I can't really comment on it, mechanically. But it was definitely compelling. And well-written, (the whole thing was well written, that is). Always love seeing safe words mentioned in fics, personally, and you get bonus points for 2 safe words. And I love how Apple Bloom occasionally pauses or says something as if to seek permission when going to new territory, or at the very least give DT a chance to say no. Really fit the feel of this being some level of "play," rather than the normal dynamic at all times for the relationship. As I said before, this eeks slightly out of my personal taste for kinks, so I can't c9mment on it as a clopfic. But I hope I make sense when I give my comments on it as a fic with sex in it. X3

Oh. Also. Kudos where kudos is due. I usually don't like 1st person. I don't think it's inherently bad. I just have a bit of a disconnect when it's used, on a personal level. That feel8ng went away quickly with this. And I found myself not minding at all. So good job on that. X3

You dirty fool. Lol! Not expecting that ending. Maybe the face into the bucket was a bit much but it’s livable. Nice job.