KaiTheDemon 3 3 4

Joined June 2012
7 followers

KaiTheDemon's Stories (3)

I Love You, My Little Changelings
This sad story shows the aftermath of the attack on Canterlot for the Changelings and Chrysalis
1,885 words · 341 views · 6 likes · 1 dislikes
Mischief on Nightmare Night
The Cutie Mark Crusaders wander off their path and end up in a haunted house
1,444 words · 123 views · 4 likes · 1 dislikes
Fight Club: The Underground
After a pony gets sucked into a fight club, him and his friend start to battle for a mare's love
8,666 words · 296 views · 5 likes · 2 dislikes

KaiTheDemon's Blog (3)

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Mischief on Nightmare Night by KaiTheDemon

Adventure

The Cutie Mark Crusaders are doing what every filly and colt loves to do on Nightmare Night, Trick-or-Treating. But while they are out and about, they stray off to the outskirts of Ponyville, where they find them self in a haunted house.

First Published
1st Nov 2012

Last Modified
1st Nov 2012

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Comments ( 3 )

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Silverstein

#1 · 32w, 6d ago ·

The story idea was really short and shallow, there's too much dialogue and the paragraphing makes it kinda difficult to read. And your writing, just seemed...awkward.

It wasn't bad, but you need to keep practicing. You'll get it.

Silver out!

Shahrazad

#2 · 32w, 6d ago ·

It took me a minute to figure out what was...off about the writing. Everything is present tense, even when it shouldn't be. For example instead of "enter the house" it should be "entered the house." You have some good ideas in there, keep writing.

KaiTheDemon

#3 · 32w, 6d ago ·

Thanks for the feedback. I didn't put too much effort into it, but it still could have been better. I will get better over time though! :rainbowdetermined2:

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