Seems interesting. I'll be following this.

Writing seems a little clunky, but I've read much worse. I'll follow and see where it goes, but it feels a bit off as of now.

MOAR, MOAR I SAY

What about Warrant Officer Polaski and Li-008?

Am oi da only wun dat sees a pattrn ere? It goez summin loik dis:

Rite a Halo fik

Evvrywun luves it

At no point do ya need ta be gud at writin.

wow a story a story with Anton-044 never thought i'd see the day

Intriguing I shall be following this closely... but please don't bring the war to equis because that would be really really chèche...

>>15495981549598

GO AWAY YOU BOT!!!

>>15503351550335 I have never seen one of those on here before. Do they show up often?

>>15504461550446

Not too often, I've only seen about 5 of them in the last 4 or so months... So yeh

1. Clunky and rushed. Princesses seemed to make quite a few quick and (possibly) overly accurate assumptions. The fact they wore armor and that it wasn't their skin. their quickness in figuring out they were bipedal. the fact they figured out it was a ship and then said it may be a form of transportation. They don't even know of space travel (well Luna does pretty well but it's not like she wanted to go all Armstrong on Equestrias moon. Cause I mean even if they are in space they still have no where near the tech for actual travel through the stars and their bubble of oxygen would eventually run out.) and the closest thing they have for air travel are open air carriages and hot air balloons. Just saying.

2. Give a bit more in the open to get us to start to understand what exactly is going on here  before the crash. Maybe throw in some dialogue. Even just an uttered curse. Even something this small could tell us a bit about he himself.

My Little Qualms

Twilight Sparkle would sent to her a letter

- Twilight Sparkle would send her a letter

could have be a means

- Could have been a means

sister was right there

- Sister was right. There

shape is like that of Spike 2 arms and 2 legs”

- Somehow I doubt she would immidietely associate their body type with a specific creature like spike. Maybe an association with a Minotaur or dragons in general?

YBG Out -

>>15489441548944 >>15492771549277 >>15506781550678 >>15503351550335 >>15501461550146

Ok time for some answers:

First of all thanks for giving some of your time to look at this particular story some of you have pointed out some... grammar errors and the presence of bad writing now let me clarify this.

I have had this particular story kept in my folder for over a year now and I though it was due time to see if it passed moderation and as you might have noticed I posted it without some sort of proof reading or edition of sorts thus it looks clunky.

This is also from were I was starting to write and even though I managed to change in a year I am still a Mexican Brony that can speak English way better than I can write so I apologize for my errors I will try to make up for it in the near future.

That said I want to clarify that Equestria is NOT in the same dimension Anton Comes from and thus the human covenant war will never land in the actual story neither the alliance the humans and elites made after the betrayal of the prophets I will add more characters who were lost in the halo universe with a plausible explanation of how they arrived but just a few.

Lastly I killed Li because my initial thoughts were to make the Spartans and covenant survive and be forced to live a life in the same country but I saw that only the Spartans have armours that would allow the to survive in space after their shields are down and with that in mind I changed the story so only Anton would have survived.

All of that I wrote it down on October last year and I have kept it hidden in my laptop until now.

Hope you can wait for more and I shall address any other questions you might have at a latter date.

>>15511601551160

I read 150k words a day of fanfiction but i swear you deleted 3 or 4 chapters.

reads a little to scripted and not like actual events like they are the narrator and now what is going to happen, she calls it a ship and then points out that it may be a form of transportation, she calls them bodies when they could have been animatrons or magical golems, not a bad premise but remember the charaters are not you so ty not to write them as if they already know what is going to happen k

YAY AWESOME HALO FIC!!!!!!! Please more soon

I like!

I read that you need a proof reader and editor... I will be happy to help!! I have edited five other stories before. Well you can private message me or reply to this post if you want me to help! Thanks.

So anyway I liked the storyline. Only a few minor mis-wordings and rushing sentences, but minor edits can fix that. But I think you have talent. Seems your more targeted towards oral storytelling if I may assume that. With some practice you will get much better!

Well thanks for this nice first chapter and consider my offer about editing for you! My email is on my profile page.

Expand, expand, expand. great potential but it's a little rushed. Slow down, develop the story. Will watch for great justice!

If I had the time I would edit for you, but unfortunately a lot of my time is dedicated to my A-Levels...

Nonetheless, I see that this story has potential but is definitely rough around the edges, if you find an editor to clean this up it will be a lot better, but you should also try to expand the story a little, don't just have him rushed to Equestria immediately - slow it down a little.

I noticed you said this has been in your folder for over a year, so you've improved in your writing. This is obviously great, because as much as I hate to say it, this story feels a little like it was written by a primary school child, but I also have to factor in that English isn't your native language.

To sum up, clean it up a bit and expand. Cirrus_Brony said he'd be your editor anyway, so I'd definitely take him up on that!