Very, very nice!!!! Interesting! This isn't a cthulhu mythos crossover, is it?

How the hell does this have 6 likes and no views?

>>15340621534062

Nope.

>>15340731534073 Cool! I've recently read the Dunwich Horror, so... Oh, wait, big fat invisible brother liked cows and people better. That's right.

Interesting, looking foward for the next chapter.

Argh! Cliffhangers!

Another masterpiece in the making, Harry! I noticed that you switched from using present tense to past tense, here. Not that I'm complaining, mind you.

Anyway, a nice addition to the continuity, and I hope desperately to see more, both of this and of your other works. Specifically, your Chryslight fic.

Interesting. And yet so enticing, I must have moar. But on another note, looking forward to seeing how this goes, also to seeing more of this series.

Ehm, description.

When I was younger, Luna, and later Nightmare, told me that there things that lurked in the darkness, within the spaces created by shadows that even they would be wary of facing at their full power.

Shouldn't  there be 'are' or 'were' or something? Sorry my mind is on the 'off' switch right now. I only know there should be something. Also, I might be wrong but isn't there another comma needed after 'shadows'?

Old things... powerful things

Nothing at the end. Yet, the next word is capitalised. Explain! Explain!

Also, maybe switch the second but with however. Two buts one after another is a bit much if you ask me.

Ooh spooky.  I'm thinking it some kind of mummy but who knows at this point.  Very interesting;.

Whoo! Might be a slight stretch for the squib kids, but then again, Sirius was stricken from the family records, what's to say the "morons" who sully the family name by marrying mudbloods aren't either?

Also, I noticed several small grammatical errors, but the one that made me stop and reread it three or four times to figure out what you probably intended to say was:

And so it would do as it was summoned to so by it's word which bound it to.

And so it would do (what?/as) it was summoned to do by its word which bound it (to doesn't seem needed...).

If nothing else, it just sounds really weird and convoluted.

>>15348951534895

That sounds like it would be as if it was from Half-Life: Full Life Consequences quote more than anything otherwise.

Coolio. But, please get a proofreader so you can keep cranking the chapters out at this rate, hopefully they can catch some of these small missteps.

The soul within her as black as the night around them.

It seems like the first as should be a "was".

As several of the men finger their own guns, John ran down the hall ... As the beam from his flashlight bounced ... He then grinned viciously as his chest burned from exertion ... He just entered the room when....

Finger should be fingered, to match the tense of the other sentences. Also, I think it should be "He had just entered".

These are pretty nitpicky/grammar nazi-y, so thank you for an extremely well put together story that's still canonical with your other stories.

More error spotting. Or not errors, I'm still in the 'off' mode...

Harry grumbled as he kicked the ankle deep leaves with his feet as walked

missing 'he'?

several clients' of my company.

I don't think this apostrophe is necessary here. Unless something is missing after that.

The lunar princess just nodded before she looked around thoughtfully with a frown, her eyes easily seeing through the darkness around them as she keeps watch for threats.

Present tense or past tense?

And pretty weird for the Dursley's not to even bother checking first for all they dislike you.

Accidental apostrophe? Unless it should be Dursley's family. Ant shouldn't 'they' be 'that'? Besides, why should they look for people who dislike Harry? Unless I don't get something. Oh, well... onwards!

Luna continued look around as she hummed to herself.

missing 'to'?

Suddenly her ears swiveled towards the side soon followed by her head…

Is it only me, or does it sound like her side was followed by her head? Maybe a comma after 'side'? Like I said, I'm still in the 'off' zone...

We already know that whatever protection the old coot placed on him prevents our families from coming close to where he lives which why they turned to us in the first place!

Missing 'is' here,

She then pulled out a handkerchief and wiped off her knife as if it was nothing more then a fact of life.

'than', not 'then'.

It would be a waste not to considering that he has so generously made things simpler for us?

Maybe add a comma after not to? The sentence sounds strange without a slight pause there... though maybe it's just me again... I dunno...

Nightmare grunted from where she's was hanging onto Harry's shoulder

She's? Shouldnt it be 'she'?

I am wondering much the same myself Little Princess. Where are we heading child?

Comma after 'myself' would make this sound more natural, I think. Not sure if same with 'heading'...

He followed soon after with some difficulty even for his smaller then normal size.

Again 'than' instead of 'then' We use than for comparisons and then for referring to time.

it stilled for a moment as it took in it's surroundings

Simply 'its'. It is/it's does not belong here.

And so it would do as it was summoned to so by it's word which bound it to.

Same here. And something seems off... though it might be me not understanding something. It would do as it was summoned to so? Meh, maybe I don't get something...

As the ancient pact for so many thousands of years, and still did despite being so many thousands of miles from it's original home, had asked for it to do.

And again I can't seem to understand the message behinde this sentence... Dear Celestia, I'm too tired right now... not gonna point anything our here. Feel free to clarify this for me.

. A shuffling sound in the room, as of very old fabric being drawn across the floor

Okay, this time I'm quite sure: 'if'

The being slowly made it's way upstairs...

'its', again. You should watch this. It seems to be an issue for you.

"Something the matter you t wo?"

Out with the space.

the shadows seemingly to have become much more ominous with her realization.

Feels off... then again, I'm 'off', so...

I fully agree with her for once Harry.

A comma after once sounds more natural to me here.

it's presence nearly suffocating

its. Yeah, definitely look out for that.

Harry glanced at the door and nodded as he puts his jacket back on and zippers it back up, but not before he placed Nightmare inside it snugly.

What's with this tense switching? I don't think it's good...

She then gestured at the stairs leading to a second floor landing which she noted that along with the other doors around was also open.

I don't get this sentence... feels off, but... split it up a bit or something? I dunno... maybe I'm not in the right state of mind...

Shall we my kind gentlestallion?

A comma after 'we' sounds good.

Harry however doesn't know the true reason for her question.

I think you should change it to: "Harry, however, doesn't know[...]" As far as I looked up, this should be the correct version... or maybe reword it without using however? Maybe simply "Harry doesn't know the true reason[...]"? Sorry for babbling, but 'however' somehow doesn't fit here for me... Maybe it's just me...

Whatever you tell us would be more then sufficient child.

than. And put a comma after sufficient.

i don't really know

Fix that lowercase at the begining.

Now Luna is staring at him, fully aware that whatever is in the house is not close thankfully.

Suddenly present tense? And also add a comma after 'close'.

Besides. with you two here

Change that period to a comma.

Both Luna and Nightmare share a look, the same thought going through their heads.

Present tense?

It felt a small pang of sadistic joy knowing that without knowing where their prey was, the greedy and evil beings

Add a comma after 'that' and we're all set. Wait... actually... this double knowing is a bit strange but what can you do... hmm... hey, maybe change this to: "[...]knowing that, unaware of their prey's location, the greedy[...]"? At least we got rid of this doubling... ahh... I dunno. Oh, it looks like I wrote this almost like a stream of thoughts... okay, it's much too late...

Okay, hope this helps. That kind of crusade from me means that I really like a fic! If anything, be flattered! It shows how much I care for it. Even if I'm wrong...

Keep up the good work!

Edit:

Wait, what? Chapter 2?

Dang it, it's too late! Oh, well... will read tommorrow...

Night!

I can't read it right now, but I'm giving it a thumbs up anyways. I don't doubt that it is justified.

>>15349761534976>>15349861534986

Thank you both! Fixed those errors so it should flow better.

Nice!

I'm genuinely creeped out, now. This is nail-biting suspense, and I applaud your skill, Harry!

>>15349861534986

And pretty weird for the Dursley's not to even bother checking first for all they dislike you.

Was suppossed to be:

And pretty weird for the Dursleys not to even bother checking first, for all that they dislike you.

... some kind of spirit at least.  Tell me are you going to use actual legends or will this thing just be a wraith?

... stopping only to crush the flashlight under it's heel...

Should be 'its'.

Just by the description mind you, but it seems kind of ironic that its about things in the shadows and yet has no dark tag. I can understand why it wouldn't, it's just a bit funny is all.

So Harry Potter with Luna ( princess of the night ), and Nightmare Moon ( we can call her queen of dreams and nightmares ), entered hunted mansion in hallowin.

Nice combo.

The Ghost and the Pursuers are totaly going to have run for they money, I m sure Nightmare Moon and Luna will make sure of that.

dementor, bet it's a damn dementor.

>>15349721534972

Harry Potter who was Gordon Potter's brother was one night in an mansion, hiding on a dumbwaiter.

>>15360121536012 Dementor's don't mummify. This be the work of a different eldrich horror.

Now however I am confused... there are the Death Eater squibs, Harry and his party, the horror... but Cygnia was hunting on the other side of the house and found a light before it when out and the horror got her...

What was that light she saw? Dumbwaiters go up and down, not side to side so it wasn't Harry's Lumos.

Plasmavore... am I right? Dr who. Harry potter and my little pony... but more Harry verse with a little doctor. The ponies are inconsequential. Kinda eh I'm there

From the description, I was really thinking this would be some lovecraftian horror type of thing, what with the 'old powers from the space inside shadows'.... Unfortunately it's looking like this is something more along the lines of a mummy or something. Too bad.

I hate you, Harry. I got too much to read already.

*Faves foir later*

>>15340701534070 I think some ppl liked it and put it on read later list before reading it.  That's why there were no views and 6 likes.

Love the new story!  But when are we getting update for the main fic? :D

Spooky. I have theory on what It is but I want to be sure first.

this is tasty :D

Glad to see that you are still alive!

-_- nightmare night.... HAPPY NIGHTMARE NIGHT!!!!

happy Halloween guys. i know it's suppose to be nightmare night but i just want to tell someone that.

as for the mystrey monster i'll have to go with siren. because they lure their prey.

Slenderman?  

>>15353271535327  Actually, that's proper English, as in English English.  I have no problems with it, and I suspect many of the "errors" you've all found are for that reason.  The Brits tend to leave out superfluous words.

Adventurous, greedy, looting explorer, eh?  Perchance he went to Egypt and brought back something he shouldn't?

>>15361921536192 Gordon Freeman's brother John Freeman was an office.

>>15369341536934  "Imhotep ... Imhotep ... Imhotep..."

>>15406511540651

They make up for it with superfluous letters!

All the clues point to either a mummy - and a damned powerful, sorcerous one at that - or a personification of the Egyptian Devourer.

You don't want to meet either.

Nice stuff, Harry.  So, when do we see an update of the main fic?

its gonna be slender man.....

Too busy to read this right now... BUT

I must say thank you... for putting "Hallowe'en" and not just "Halloween". I salute you, sir/madam...

>>15407231540723 I suppose it is a classical option...

Me I be holding out for something a bit more Lovecraftian...

Like Slenderman.

>>15406511540651 Actually I was just telling the guy I replied to what the meaning behind that sentence was since he said he didn't get it. I watch a lot of BBC, I am familiar with British speech patterns. Speaking of BBC... someone needs to write a Red Dwarf crossover.

Huh, i'm not usually one for a good old fashioned scary/horror story, but i'll give this one a shot.  Consider this one faved and thumbed.

Quite nice, quite nice indeed.

Okay, now this is scary and good.

>>15427191542719 Oh, please no.  

FIRST!  Also, yay an update.

And it gets scarier.  Awesome.

Ah the old dark but not evil deal, those are probably the best things to be fighting

Yeeeesssss....

I hate that you're getting me sort of addicted to horror.

It's playing a game.  Not good.  I get the feeling we're dealing with some kind of feline; they play with their prey, before noshing.

Hehe, Luna and Nightmare Moon powers are greatly weakened so all they can do for harry is to share they experience with him, and I must say it is nice to see that even powerless they can still help avoid death even in sush scary situation.

As for the killing spirit of darkness what is not evil, I have fellings it is targeting killers, thiefs and assasins, and probably want to talk with Harry instead of killing him, but still, dark spirit motives are unclear so it can still be a threat.

Hopefully whatever captured Harry will end up to be his ally because time is on Harry side, and all he need to do is survive long enoght for the sun to come out, and with others bying killed, he will soon become the only target, Clock is TICKING.

Hmmm... I'm starting to wonder if the creature in the house is a boggart.  It's something that has very little danger to an alert and prepared wizard, but for children, non-magicals, and squibs, it would be pretty much an invulnerable foe, since you never see the actual form of the boggart, so any attacks are likely to miss the target's real body.  You're doing a great job here, keep up the good work.

This is almost as scary as my most recent D&D session.

Dayum.

Don't mess with the Egyptian deities.

They fuck shit up.

Also, nothing like a tromp through one of the many underworlds of the human world

to make Luna and Nightmare realize that they might be a bit out classed.

I mean, imagine they met Osiris instead?

...

...

...

huh, did not see that coming. i was still hoping it was a siren though. o well i can still dream...

Awesome. I love this series. It is my favorite on the whole website. I look forward to the next chapter you put out for whichever story in the series.

Geez. Some messed up tenses and other small grammar things, but that can be forgiven for the much faster update schedule. Mayhap you can get an editor or two with a flexible schedule?

Also, man was that kinda creepy.

And the moral of the story is: Don't be a bad guy around Anubis, for he will utterly destroy you.

I'm not one who usually reads horror, but this suspenseful tale is keeping me hooked.

I admit, though, I'd like to see more off Wizard and Lonely Princess proper, as well as How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Changeling.

Man you did great for the horror aspect.  I kinda want to see an epilouge a few years later when Luna and Nim come back at full power to return Amakirah to her proper resting place.

Oh yeah you don't want to mess with the Egyptian Gods, especially when it involves the sacred dead, they kinda destroy you...

>>15768061576806 Oh... holy hay... that was close... IDK if Luna would be outclassed in her full power, but she certainly is outclassed while still in this world... If they met Osiris, *shivers*... though Osiris is kind of a good guy...

What's with Amakira's look of hate??? She hates Voldy (more likely) or Harry (probably not)?

Buck......

Gods are bad-ass... 'cept those Greco-roman wimps...

>>15771551577155

I dunno....I like the Greek Pantheon, although I prefer the Titans more.

The Norse deities would weird everyone out, I think.

You know what?

Instead of Osiris, what if they met Set?

NOT GOOD!

Way to ramp up the terror.  I look forward to more of your works.

Hades got his heart eaten by Ammit, eh?

Sad.

Shit son. That wasn't as scary, per se, as I expected, but still. Nice work. Though when are you going to continue working on the main story?

Nothing really bad, just a hint or two.  Reminds me of how Hitchcock handled his suspense films:  Just a little hint of what the trouble is, then a bit more, then a final reveal.  And the final reveal wasn't that bad.

Nicely turned.  Here, have the moustaches I don't need; the one I've got's enough.

Ok, Anubis trumps my idea of a boggart.  You deserve this

Excellent work with the suspense level, and nice job throwing in a few little hints regarding the greater picture with Harry and his two Equestrian companions.  

Okay, very tense and scary, here. I approve.

Damn... this one gave me chills.  Good job there Harry, you've hooked me.  I probably said this earlier, but i'm not one for horror stories.  This happens to be the only exception i've read so far.

This is wonderful. good going, man.

A stroll through the duat... a direction I had not expected

>>15771111577111

I'm going to assume it has something to do with the fact that Voldy's a vile man, along with trying to reach the whole "immortality/godhood" level of power.

Wow, that was really cool.

Looking forward to the epilogue.

But oh god please get an editor. So many mistakes. Rarely spellcheck level typos, but shitloads of grammar, contraction and several tense errors, and missing words.

Dang, that was scary!

This all got a little too complicated for me.

Those men tried to fuck with one of.the oldest gods out there next to the full animal gods.

They are lucky that is all that happened  to them.

GUhuh??? WHA??? Lefoo   Where did she...

Great ending to a great scary fic Mr. Leferts!  Will we see more of Amakirah in The Wizard and the Lonely Princess?

My vote is that she's a Minor Egyptian God.

By the way. Anubis is said to be the protector of souls right? What does he protect them from?

A nice creepy romp.  I imagine we can look forward to seeing Amakirah again?

I swear if she was the dead girl...

Bravo that was awesome a nice creepy romp through a fun bit of mythology, oh and having a few more Chekhov's Guns in your arsenal are never a bad thing.

Umm I hate to ask a surly annoying questions but when are we finishing year 1 of Potter and moving onto season 1 of mlp?

Last chapter!!! YESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!!!

>>16551941655194 THIS was wonderful. Heartwarming, and with a very strong closing. Loved it.

I like many others guess that Amakirah WAS the original mummy, now set free by Harry's actions

Although actual undeniable proof remains to be seen.

Hard to tell where the whole saga will go overall, but it is well worth the price of admission.

I do hope she makes a recurring role.

>>16550541655054 Nothing good, that's for sure.

I think that Hogwarts is screwed now.

Great.

Nice conclusion to a fun story. Quick question though. When can we expect the next chapter of 'The Wizard and the Lonely Princess' to be released?

I hope this story or the adventure´s memento gets at least mentioned.

It really deserves it :D

That was wonderfully written, and I look forward to Amakirah's return in The Wizard and The Lonely Princess.

Nice ending; it fit the story well.

>>16550541655054

Crocodiles. Soul eating crocodiles. He appeases them with the hearts of those whose evil deeds make their hearts weigh more than a feather.

Or something like that. Of course, mythology usually makes everything seem tamer then it "actually" is.

>>16558671655867

I second this motion, and will do nothing if there is no response. Except, maybe sulk a little on the inside. Which won't stop me from devouring the chapter once it's released. I don't know why I bothered writing this. Meh.

I had been wondering why a simple mummy would be such a problem for an Alicorn, even one as diminished as Luna and Nim. But that was an aspect of Anubis . That's a high tier opponent right there. The knowledge that this was a full on god of death stalking the house retroactively makes it 10x scarier. I also know why the girl got all mad at his scar, she can sense the Horcrux and people who cheat death like that must piss her family off.

An ancient dagger belonging to a family of death priests probably has the power to kill a Horcrux. The thing about having all these little side stories is that you have to make sure to tie them into the main story at least a little. Maybe someday when you are running low on ideas you can go back to your early chapters of WLP and do some revisions and add in little bits referencing the side stories (e.g. chapter 8 has a part where it mentions some of Harry's keepsakes and the dagger would be a good addition there.). I'm rereading the main story right now and decided to catch up on the spinoffs as well. Well this was a well done horror story without gore for the sake of gore, just like you intended. Keep up the good work.

Quite nice ending, here. You've proven you don't need gore to tell a good spooky tale.

I hope you bring up Amakirah in the main story :D.