Oh frig

>>15291321529132 How far are you in, or have you finished it? Care to give a more detailed explanation

>>15291361529136 Oh, yeah, sure.

I'd finished it when I said that. Craftwise I didn't notice any errors or anything, and it was certainly a rather horrifying interpretation of where the toys come from

I wondered if you meant humans with the wierd creature decriptions, and it would seem you did.

Ummm...so, yeah? That's about all I can say. 'Twas dark and horrid , but done well.

nice job! but unfortunately i don't think i'll ever buy another toy for the rest of my life!

>>15291821529182 YES! Someone got it! Every person I've put this to was all like "Wut" at the end and the whole fic as a whole, only after I explained stuff to them did they get it.

>>15291961529196 You got it too, awesome

>>15292131529213

But still

I told them not to get on the train! Well lets buy some more toys. MUHAHAHAHAHA!

Toy Story just got...exceedingly grimdark.

Well written. I honestly didn't know where this was going to go.

>>15296231529623 Thanks :D Always nice to get some good feedback. Anything else you can say on the fic? If not that's fine.

>>15296281529628

I don't think there's much I have in mind to cover on the prose side of things. Because of the toy angle, it straddles the line between horror and meta, without falling into the pitfalls often associated with the latter. It's a nice pre-Halloween read.

Got quite a few grammatical issues in there. Wouldn't hurt to go back through and clean it up a bit.

That said, I didn't pick up on the meta-thing until reading the comments, and I'm still not too sure I "get" it. Without that, it's just a story of Twilight being captured and tortured. I'm not a big fan of senseless violence.

FucknofucknofucknofucknoFUCK NO!!! Goddamnit don't make me feel guilty about having all mane six but Applejack, and having Sweetie Belle, Lyra, Trixie, and Applebloom.

Oh my, this is very good. This also gives me hope that my dark story (waiting for moderation) will receive good reception.

Great work!

>>15310991531099 Well it's not really senseless violence when it clearly has a point, no matter how hard it is to find it. Thanks for the feedback, and not thumbing down purely because you didn't "get it". Care to give a few examples of grammar errors you could find?

>>15312521531252 I laugh at your tears :P

>>15324511532451 Thanks. I'll make sure to read that story when it does come out.

I think I get it, except for the train part. What exactly was going on there? Were the ponies being taken out of Equestria on the train and into the human world where they were only toys?

>>15336061533606 I should have elaborated on that a bit further I guess. Basically the train was an elaborate ruse to get all the ponies the humans wanted to turn into toys in one place, without looking suspicious. It was also the train to the place where the ponies were being turned into toys, not a cross-dimensional train. Also, the food given to the ponies was a sleeping drug, which is how they managed to get all the ponies into the little rooms.

Anywho, this was amazingly written but gosh darn it now I feel guilty.

>>15327071532707

"it’s lip were chapped and red as blood."

Should read, "its lips were chapped and as red as blood".

"It's" is a contraction of "it is". It can be a little confusing, since apostrophes are used to indicate ownership (as in, "Twilight's magic"), but in this case only use it in place of the contraction. You've got quite a few extra apostrophes in here.

Going over it again, the toy thing is definitely foreshadowed, but it was all lost on me the first time.

>>15352911535291 Damn, that's a habit I know I need to get rid of. I know it is that way, But I can just never remember it.