Hmm...OK, I see potential in this. There are far too few Dragon Age crossovers...and "Pony Age" was mostly a retread of the game plot with ponies.

Proceed

I quite enjoyed this. Kudos,

Ok 0_0   I need more of this, depending on how you go about this i could come to love this story

Hehe funny thing is i was a blood mage

50 shades of grey warden

i had hoped that Oghren would go to. or is he comming as well? i love that drunken oaf.

Yes Yes Yes Yes!!!!!

Oh, it's the expansion pack, isn't it? I'd hoped for Sten and maybe Leliana, myself...

Anyways, I don't see real problems with the editing and grammar, which is (alas) more than I could say about a lot of other fics. At the very least it shows that you respect your readers enough to proofread your works, which is always nice.

I had, however, two problems with the actual fic: one, it simply lacks liveliness. Maybe it's just me, but I don't really find the writing engaging.

And two, I just don't see where could the fic go. I know that in the Dragon Age universe people universally fear and hate mages, and this could be the base of the conflic in the fic, but you made it clear that your Warden isn't anti-magist (is that even a word?) And I can't really imagine our favorite ponies chasing the good guys away just because they happen to be human; in fact, Twilight's bound to be interested in DA-magic (and Shale. Btw, are there living construct in Equestria?)

So I guess that, unless you have something else up in your sleeve, the only conflict that could be considered is the good old "drat, I'm stuck in Equestria, how will I go back to my word?" - and that's been done a thousand times, so I'm afraid you may have a hard time if you want to write something unique and memorable.

And, uh, three... why is it tagged as [Comedy]? Correct me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't really look like a comedy

>>15300541530054 Well... I do have some pretty big sleeves...

>>15294131529413 That's actually the title of the sequel. A clopfic that involves Celestia and Alistair.

Celestial & ALASTAIR?!?!?! UBWAAAAAAAH!!!!

You've stopped me at "Shade of Grey"

>>15322111532211

Image: http://www.tickld.com/images/content/19249.jpg

For the first chapter it is pretty well written.

Seems like a promising story, like to see more.

Image: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vPmnUE13ThU/TiHPrtgTKgI/AAAAAAAAALU/Xp54xgdOdyc/s1600/da2_mlp__love_and_tolerance_by_ziegedrachen-d3dcyfe.png

Wow, I am likeing this so far, the DA characters all are acting in character and the plot hook is set nicely, cant wait to see where it gose from here

Wait a second... All of the characters... In character?

...What kind of sick, twisted demon did you make a deal with to control such power, apostate?

The only way this could get better is if a Male/Joking/Mage Hawke joined them. Though, one witty mage may be all that Equestria can manage...

The writing's utterly fantastic, though I see times where practice could make it even better. We'll see as time goes, huh?

That was certainly an interesting read. I'll definitely be keeping an eye on this, there really are too few Dragon Age crossovers on this site. Can't wait for the next chapter!

>>15326051532605 Words cannot sum up how hardly I laughed at that, so have an emote instead!

Somehow I feel flattered....

A creature is referred to as "it" (something you were doing before the commander woke up).

Unless Spike recognizes that the creature is, indeed, male, it should remain "it".

...That's it, really. Thanks for the update, Icecane. Really good chapter, albeit short.

Spike, an Archdemon... Hah!

Eeeeenteresting...

Can't wait to see Fluttershy meet Ser Pounce-a-Lot.

Oh, and Human Noble FTW.

Poor commander. But still funny.

I'm curious, are you going with the default name Aedan, or are you leaving it ambiguous, so we readerfolks can fill it in on our own?

Oh...and was that Morrigan's ring your boi was wearing?

...Tie up the warden commander    What could possibly go wrong?

Books, the commanders worst enemy.

Commander get your act together!!! Your making us Wardens look stupid! And twilight better ask/beg for forgiveness when things get straightened out.

He gets knocked out too easily, but good chapter nonetheless.

Hmm...

Seeing as how "it's" is the abbreviated form of "it is" and "its" is something belonging to it...

The scholar started with it's face, seeing it's black hair and smooth skin. It's hair was long and parted at the center, the bangs tucked back behind the ears.

The scholar started with it is face, seeing it is black hair and smooth skin. It is hair was long and parted at the center, the bangs tucked back behind the ears.

...Oh, right, the chapter.

Yeah, it was pretty fucking awesome.

Hmm, band of wood? Could be Morrigan's ring, but could also just be a normal one...

...Wait, Morrigan's ring could track him! What if... No, no, too far-fetched.

>>15498921549892 Huh, really? I always thought it's worked both ways, even when showing ownership. Master writer Icecane is not...

One would think the Commander of the Grey would have taken the Templar training to combat magic. For some reason people always make Twilight being able to easily handle guys that have killed gods and demons, that always rubs me the wrong way.

Yeah yeah, I know, the whole Ursa thing, still...

>>15563741556374

I agree

>>15563741556374

Remember, Twilight's tango'd with mad Goddesses and Gods before and come out the victor.

I do like how the Warden-Commander isn't instantly going, 'Groovy, let's settle down and have some hay-fries'. His disbelief and scepticism is nice. Although, I thought Fereldan had horses. You'd think that they'd have more than a few, especially among the nobility, of which Cousland is the son of a Tyrn (Tern? Tyern? I'll have to check the spelling...). I always figured that horses weren't in the game because of coding, gameplay, and time issues. There just wasn't a need to render horse models when there was no horseback riding.

>>15567481556748 Ehhh not really. It's more like the MLP villains are incompetent. NMM let them get to the elements and use cheap tricks instead of just killing them. Discord never took the seriously and let them get the elements instead or outright eliminating the only thing that could stop him. Chrysalis would have won if she had disposed of Cadance instead of keeping her alive, actually acted like her and not being a bitch to everyone.

And Twilight needed the elements to accomplish her victories.

The Warden Commander has killed demons, gods,  armies or darkspawn and soldiers, fought abomination and blood mages. And yet a librarian pony beats him? One would think he be more prepared to counter magic since he was hunting a blood mage.

Ferelden doesn't have horses because those reminds them of the Chevaliers from Orlais.

She strained to keep the Ursa bound and lifted a water tower. She is strong, sure, but then again that's the problem with crossovers, the power levels. Marvel and DC had the same problem when they did their crossover fights, since DC has much more powerful characters. MLP is a kids show so they don't bother much with that, and when you crossover with a serious work the power difference becomes obvious. SA keeping an entire city shielded? Np, and yet the Susan Storm struggles with that thanks to years of development.

>>15563741556374

While I agree on the killing gods bit, presuming this Warden has taken on either the Mother or the possessed dragon, he may well not be anti-magic spec. If he's actually a Warrior he could have been a Templar, but he could also have been a number of other things, such as Champion, Reaver, Berserker, Guardian or Spirit Warrior. Of course he may have been a combat oriented Rogue, meaning a completely different set of specialisations.

>>15570141557014 He seems to be wearing heavy armor, so doesn't sound like a rogue. Dunno what he would pick for his commanders, but if he is sword and shield would go with templar, spirit warrior and guardian, cause everything else sounds more towards 2 handed, but it's been a while since I played origins so eh.

>>15563741556374 First off If his armor didn't protect him from the 'blood mage' then what makes you think it would protect him from simple telekinesis. also magical if he cant fast cast like twilight then theirs know way he can defend himself from her without first killing her out right.

>>15568251556825 yes mlp villains are incompetent to the point of idiocy but then again so are villains from most games and shows. a smart villain would have gone after the most dangerous targets IE} Causland, the bard, any of the final fantasy games, skyrim, infamous 2, god of war, fallout 3 and fallout new vegas, lord of the rings they couldn't even keep their eyes on one frigging pare of hobbits, Etc. need i go on?{  himself rather than waiting on them to arrive at his metaphorical door step strong enough to kill multiple gods due to killing the majority of his/her minions. it's like the bad guy's are training their usurpers on purpose. we'd probably get the same thing if twilight was forced to abandon the elements and had to face the nightmare/discord/chrysalis on her own.

And the few games where the main villain is smart are the games where you either are the villain or the villain is weak as all hell. not to mention in most instances the heroes are stupid as well and rather than killing the villain while they are 'monologue-ING' they sit their till the villain finished speaking. cant we ever get a battle where the hero pulls a Celtic charge and just beats the enemy before they can drop the heroes IQ with their stupid lame excuses for being idiotic and cruel numbskulls that just happen to be evil?

tear this apart and tell me what you think.

cheers

>>15573551557355 I didn't say anything about his armor protecting him from magic, but if you bring that up there are a lot of items in the game that along with templar training are more than enough to grant 100% spell immunity. Sure, a lot of those are templar equipment, but I would guess he could get and warden set with the same protection.

Eh, ok.

Dragon Age. Loghain DID try to kill the player a lot of times, and so did the mother and archdemon, but Loghain couldn't focus on a single party in middle of a civil war, in an usurped throne. He used mercenaries and bounty hunters to try to kill you. Hell, if you go to the dwarves very early you won't beat the mercenaries there so it means the player need to be stronger to enter.

Skyrim. Alduin did try to kill the Dragonborn which backfired and ended up setting the player in the path to kill him. A lot of people sent assassins after you, but then again you are a dragon god made flesh so...

Fallout 3 if you give the enclave what they want they just kill you, unless you play and get Eden in your side. New Vegas they did kill you, but the robot saved you, and the factions send assassins after you. Again, you have god tier tech on your side and the legion uses hockey pads.

inFamous 2, the beast needed him alive, and a bunch of rednecks can't kill a superhuman.

Kekfa did win halfway through the game, he destroyed the world, the other are to numerous to analyze.

In Mass Effect 2 you CAN kill a krogan villian in middle of his monologue.

Most of this can be attributed to simple narrative necessity, since one could ask why didn't Rita just sniped the power rangers if she knew where they lived, or just attacked another city.

>>15574811557481 in Skyrim Alduin saved the dragon born only for the bastard to metaphorically turn around and gut him in turn. if Alduin had just stayed in hiding for a year or two gathering his forces he would not have had to worry about the dragon born anymore.

in fallout new vegas benny wasn't the main villain and was an ideot for not making sure the courier he shot in the head was dead. then the legion or what ever faction your against sends assasins once you become a noticeable nail in their backside to die and give you free gear, money and experience. in fallout 3 yes the enclave capture you and can kill you on the spot but they should have made a better ai and kept their morals straight. they might have been a stronger force to be reckoned with if they had.

kefka was a lethal jester all things considered and loved killing and hating the world, when it finally came time to kill the heroes he just gloated about his victory and threw them off the tower and assumed the ensuing cataclysm killed the heroes off, rather than searching the world for theim and making sure they were either subjected to his control, confirmed dead, and if not then slain outright. when you have a dangerous enemy on the loose you don't just sit around assuming when they finally come after you that you can slaughter them just as easily.

and i praised every minute of that scene in mass effect two. even though i chose the paragon path i sometimes made that choice just for the lulz.

I love story's that have competent villains. also Twilight is strong enough to release a raw unconcentrated magical burst strong enough to destroy a house whereas most of our heroes are well trained killers their magic strong enough to bust down doors and cause heavy damage upon their enemy's. as for the armor on the armor i think its designed to fight off demon and human magic it doesn't say anything about pony magic. nor could he have been prepared to face twilight ahead of time since she was a surprise.

most villains are ridiculously stupid don't you think?

cheers

>>15574811557481

You're right, the problem does lay in the narrative medium and demographic. MLP is, at it's core, a Family show. Dragon Age, on the other hand, is for adults and has a Mature tag to go with it. If MLP was targetting adults, it can be assumed that the trials Twilight and the other girls faced would have been more severe and brutal. The themes going along with it being likewise more mature. But at the end, Twilight would have still won. Would she have been unscathed? Unknown. There can be arguments made either way. But no matter what, the law of Narrative Causality and her being the protagonist would mean she'd 'win' in the end.

It's up to the author of a cross-over that is blending two IPs from different genres which way to lean with the characters and events. So far he seems to be leaning to parity between Twilight and Cousland. Remember, Cousland was already knocked out when Twilight arrived. He is beat up, has a concussion (at least), and in an unfamiliar location with magic that may not even work the same way as magic in Fereldan.

As for Skyrim and Alduin: That dragon was a moron. He had plenty of oppertunities to off the dragonborn before the player gets the Dragonrend Shout. But again, the law of narrative causality (not to mention save/reload) means he doesn't just stomp you.  

>>15576021557602 >>15576291557629

All good point, but I think there is one more thing to consider interactive vs non interactive medium. A game is limited by gameplay and the player himself. It wouldn't be much fun to just stay hiding, planning and get killed by a nuclear stroke in the first five pages by a competent villain. Meanwhile in books or shows you can make more engaging scenes not limited to gameplay.

Warning: TVTropes.

>>15576641557664

Ahhhhh!!!!! It's TV Tropes! No, keep it away! Keeeep it Awayyyyyyyy!!! ... ... Oh, who am I kidding? Time to get my walking stick and hiking boots, it's Wiki-Walking Time!

Heh, goodness so much discussion.

>>15563741556374 The main thing for anyone to see is how Dragon Age magic would transfer from a game to a literarry viewpoint. Since without the magic of a healthbar (insert hero here) couldn't take a hundred sword swipes before falling.

The thing about templars is also a bit of a grey area. Personally, I don't think it would make much sense for him to have their abilities. (though I think in a realistic sense they would only have a small amount of extra resistance to it as well as a limited interuption) Alistair really shouldn't be able to teach you how to be a templar. He admits to only learning a small amount of templar combat, while most of his time was spent in study. It's why he doesn't have the lyrium addiction. That also means he really shouldn't be able to teach it to someone. Plus, now correct me if I'm wrong, I don't think the cleanse aura ability works on yourself.

And in terms of Twilight "beating" the Warden, she really didn't beat him, she simply kept him restrained with her magic. Keeping him pinned to the wall would be a more powerful form of her telekinesis. Which is also an ability that the Warden wouldn't be prepared for as most Dragon Age magic is offensive. It can also go into the fact that he is still weak from what has happened to him, making him easy to restrain for someone who is as magically adept as Twilight.

>>15576641557664 one game where the hero I can say is brilliantly thought out and the villains are also just as well thought out is halflife and halflife 2 with the mute psycho theoretical physicist Gordon freeman who using only his intelligence, help from both the rebels and the black mesa science team/security teams, and a hazardous environmental suite MKIV. manages to defeat the alien invasion force and survive against near insurmountable odds against an army of soldiers, special forces, and aliens that are already either there or popping in from random portals created from the resonance cascade. the only character i hate is the Gman.

and this ladies and gentle men is why you never leave your own dimension with out proper head protection...

this is very good so far keep it up.

They seem to be getting knocked out a bit to easy for heroes.

Though still unsure about the human, Spike couldn't deny how tiered he was.

Only mistake I saw.

Poor Alistair, lost and captured by royalty. Will certainly make for interesting conversation. Shale with the Diamond Dogs will also be a laugh. The one that concerns me though is the templar's reaction to a world on magical creatures...

Alistair just got owned by a goddess. whadya know.

Hmmm... Alistair and Luna? Oh my... the amount of snark and ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE is going to be epic next chapter. I hope.

Ok so, this one is a bit better example of the last chapter comment. Ok so Celestia is strong but I doubt she would put her whole power into submitting him, so he could at least momentarily dispel her tk with templar powers? Well it all depends on how you are building the world and structure of magic. Looking forward to that. I wonder how human magic will react in Equestria.

>>15633241563324 Everyone knows video game heroes are weak to cutscenes.

>>15634801563480  would he even have time to respond to suddenly being thrown across a room in a may unlike any magic he had ever encountered before(not needing to go through the motions of spell casting)? and would the Templar training against magic help at all here seeing as the draw magic from a completely different source, drawn from the unicorns body instead of the fade?  Only time will tell

Can't wait for next chapter. hopefully more alistair

Speaking of Dragon Age and ponies, I suddenly remembered this.

LUNA! thats not how you treat royalty!

When is Alistar going to show off his templar powers?

>>15796661579666

Patience, gryphon-rider.

He still has yet to introduce himself as king! Though, I suspect that won't happen without outside interference.

Alistair was tone perfect, in my opinion. One of the smoother meetings between Celestia and a human waking in the dungeons that I've read too.

I want to see their reaction to the Darkspawn, or better yet, the Broodmothers.

Its really rare to see a fic where I hear every line in my head as it would have been said by that character, their interactions are perfectly in character and i'm loving every second of this, keep up the good work.

Thou dare insult the king of Ferelden Luna?

So is he going to meet Zecora or Changelings? No wait it's Zecora.

“Ah,” the Warden gasped, lurching upward in his bed suddenly, the waking world hitting him like a splash of cold water.

The action made one lavender mare jump back in a startled fit. “Ah,” Twilight cried out, causing the human's gaze to turn to her.

I'll be honest, after reading that whole dream sequence, " "Ah," the Warden gasped " completely killed the mood for me because I was, for a lack of a better word, dumbstruck. Why? Well, I don't imagine "Ah," as a huge, loud gasp someone does when they wake up from a nightmare. In my mind, it sounds like an "Ah," of "Ah, I understand now.".

I think you should either write "The Warden loudly gasped, lurching upward..." (taking out the little piece of dialogue entirely) or just "AH!".

tl;dr: Those "Ah,"s are really lacking emotion behind them.

...As for the rest of the chapter, I'll add in an "Edit:" later (haven't finished reading it). I just really needed to get this off my chest.

Edit: Oh dear, it seems like I need to point more things out!

It was a nightmare, having just woken from it made that proof enough.

Needs to either be: "...having just awoken from it..." OR "...having just woken up from it..."

Standing on his feet, he fidgeted with his cloths

It's "clothes", silly! 'Cloths' is the plural of "cloth", as in silk, linen, etc...

The commander noticed he was being watched as he caught Spike's emerald eyes focused on him.

Unless he noticed he was being watched at the same moment he caught Spike watching him, "When the commander noticed he was being watched, he turned and caught Spike's emerald eyes focused on him."

then a powerful magic must be involved

"Magic" isn't a word we use "a" with, only "the", since it doesn't have a plural form. Try either removing the "a" or change "magic" to "spell".

at least form what I've seen

*from

Like shooting fire, lightening, ice.

The words lightening and lightning are only one letter apart in spelling and pronunciation, but worlds apart in meaning.

“Is something wrong,” the sun princess asked sincerely.

Don't questions end in question marks?

preform.

*perform means "to do (something)".

“Made to live?”

*made to live IN

“Actually I happen to know a mage who would probably love it here.”

The word "actually", when used as a sentence modifier, is followed by a comma.

"Actually, I happen to know..."

Anders felt as opened his eyes

*felt as he opened his eyes

Well, aside from those notes, all seems fine.

...Wow, this story is getting better by the chapter!

(Yeah, I'm finished. Did I mention you should probably get a pre-reader? You should probably get a pre-reader.)

Glee! Anders and Zecora and... Opal? Hmmm...  Anders and a cat... maybe... could it be? Ser Pouncealot!?

I love how Celestia and Twilight have similar enough mind sets to ask the same questions, and I wonder if Anders magic will even work in Equestria with it not being attached to the fade and all

Also the rymeing will quickly grow to be a pain if that is zecora Anders is waking up near.

No Zevran or Sten? they were the best companions!

Equestria will never be blessed with Zevran love making and witty retorts skills

>>15942301594230 Oh, Celestia. That's alot of mistakes.

Thanks for that, heh, figured I had gone through it thoroughly enough. I'll get to fixing this right away. Though, I will bring into question the "magic" bit, as I'm fairly certain that it can be used like that. I could be wrong, as I have been alot of times in this chapter aparently, but I don't know...

Alistair shouldn't be going downt that easy he went up against the archdemon after all.

>>15946051594605

Magic is known as a "mass-noun", thus, it has no plural, much like butter, evidence, food, graffiti, grass, information...

Bad: A butter/food/grass/evidence.

Good: The butter/food/grass/evidence.

>>15946811594681

Maybe in the game, but in Fanfiction (where reality rules if the author is competent enough) he would.

Really enjoying this story and the changing PoV from Alistair to the commander is a nice touch.

Okay, so first of all, big apologies for the long wait for this chapter. Though I doubt I actually kept any of you awake at night... Really, there were three reasons why this took so long.

The first should be obvious to you all, considering the subject matter of the chapter.

The second will be obvious to some of you come tomorrow or the next day. Those of you who are watching me anyway...

The third is... well, since none of you could possibly guess, is Dark Souls. I've become incredibly addicted to this game as of late, it's almost sad really.

Also, I should point out, I know this chapter is pretty trashy. (At least at the start.) All I can say is, never again... I love Zecora, she's one of my favorite minor characters, but no! Never again! Large props to anyone who can write her well, but I can't as it would seem. I'm atrocious when it comes to any form of poetic writing. (I can't even consider myself a competent normal writer. ) So yeah... just take her portions with a grain of salt. No, take that grain of salt, cut it in half, and take that.

>>16399131639913 umm why is the mages power gone?

Hm, it seems the land runs on a different magic battery than what dear Anders is used too.  I had the same problem when I went to Britain and didn't have a power converter.  Camera, phone, quite a few things died in the first two days.

me:dragon age? WOOHOO.

metal scourge:oh thank you.I'M  LOVE N IT

metal sonic: would you guys shut up i'm trying to play dragon age.

me:but metal sonic

metal scourge:this story is about dragon age.

metal sonic:....why didn't you guys tell me.

me and metal scourge:sorry.

metal sonic: it ok let read the 2nd chapter.

me and metal scourge:ok.

>>15304671530467all:........WHAT THE FUCK.

all:Spike, an Archdemon that's plain crazy.

all:Poor commander. he's getting his ass kicked by a book. dam

No Fade, no magic, man that's got to suck. Well, at least there aren't any demons around. Blood magic and lyrium potions might be able to help with the no magic bit though.

>>16400701640070 ponies us a different form of magic that dosnt use the fade so it is possibel that equestria has no connection to it

>>16406561640656 makes sence . mustache army away

Great chapter as always, I only noticed one error in it, and I feel like im nit picking for pointing it out but you wrote "Even the trees looked as though if he were to touch them, point would be left behind on his hand."  not paint

again its not really an issue, just felt like I had to point it out

poor Anders. he probably still thought the zebra was a witch till that story.

More Shale?

The Grey Wardens are cool! They remind me of Paladins! Ex: High Lord Tirion Fordring of the Argent Crusade!

It's trying to break through the castle wall!

And, knowing Shale, it probably will succeed.

Shale is best golem!

Shale is a bipedal battering ram, she will succeed.

>>17203971720397 Pegasi? Looks like talking pigeons. Must squish.

>>17208751720875

Alicorns? More like "talking pigeons with horns"!

Gryphons? Basically, they're evolved talking pigeons.

Must squish.

I wonder what Luna is thinking now that she knows she locked a king in the dungeon?

Shale so much as TOUCHES Twilight...

King Alistair is apart of this

All they feel was their own agony

1. Is this supposed to be A part of or the current one?

2. Felt.

Finally got to treading this and of course we all (most of us most likely) love Alistairs jokes

Twilight was trotted back down

I believe this is an extra word.

Startled helps escaped the two other hounds

Yelps.

And on to the next chapter!

If demons are far from your own worries, than you are certainly fortunate

Then.

a puff of smoke that trialed through the air

Trailed.

The mage didn't manage a an answer

Extra A.

“Far be it from me to try and be entertaining.

Missing your closing quotation mark.

Oh Shale! You must always make a smashing entrance eh?

Can't wait till Shale meets a griffon

>>17525701752570 What about the wardens?

Commander: Look a griffon, quickly capture it so the wardens can ride them to battle once again!

Ooooooooooooo Celly and Ali looooooooove!!!!

>>17525701752570

It's going to be Gilda, I just know it.

>>17528921752892       me:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

metal scourge:master calme down.

metal sonic:please master.

me:alright guys.but i do have a question.what about the Warden-commander? dosent he get any relationship love.he's the Warden-commander.he should have a love relationship with somepony like alister. and not gay relationship.

just in case their haunch was wrong

It didn't little to aide

Once again, the Twilight was surprised

1. Hunch.

2. Did.

3. Extra The here.

Another thing that got me curious was the use of the word aide. I'm much more familiar with aid rather than aide but yeah, only this is clightly confusing.

On another note, I can imagine a scene like this happening in the future;

"You know, if Celestia wasn't a princess from another dimension I would marry her!"

Anders choked on his drink at Alistair's statement but the only thing that came to mind was "When did you and the princess get off on a first name basis?"

I'm honestly starting to not like where this is going...