It was raining. Little droplets of water peppered the window. The force of the speeding train pulled them back, leaving long, slippery trails across the glass in their wake.
Rainbow Dash leaned her head against the window. The cold glass felt nice against her forehead. She looked past the rain, past the misty haze, at the scenery rushing by outside. It was all so sickeningly familiar. She’d ridden in a dozen different identical train cars down those same tracks. She had rattled past and gazed at those same trees and hills more times than she could count. She’d bought a one-way ticket from Canterlot this time. It would be her last trip.
A deserted old barn loomed on a hill overhead. ‘Barn’ was a generous term. The ratty, broken heap of darkened wood was little more than a shack, if that. In past trips her heart had skipped at the site of that old barn. Her wings would flare as she smiled and fidgeted on her hooves. Ponyville was close.
She didn’t smile this time. A deep sickness spread through her stomach as she watched it pass by. Soon, she would be back. She would be face-to-face with her marefriend. She would explain to Pinkie Pie exactly what she had done and why she had done it, and Pinkie would hate her for it.
Exhausted, she closed her eyes, focusing on nothing but the rhythmic clatter of the train’s wheels.
_________________________________________________
“Why not?” Pinkie Pie whined. “Rainbow Dash loves my party cannon.”
Twilight groaned and massaged her temples. It wasn’t the first time she had to answer that question. “Pinkie, I understand that you want to cheer her up, we all do, but now isn’t the time for party cannons.”
Pinkie gasped at the ultimate blasphemy, her jaw nearly dropping onto the floor of the train platform they were gathered on. “All the time is a time for party cannons!”
“No.” Twilight groaned again. “Now is not a time for party cannons. Rainbow Dash has been through a lot. It would be best not to surprise her.”
“Yes, dear,” Rarity said, glancing up at the wide umbrella floating over her and Fluttershy’s heads. “What Rainbow Dash needs now is peace, quiet, and understanding.”
Applejack snorted, drawing questioning glances from her friends. She remained silent, standing at the edge of the platform, away from the rest of the group. Her face was clouded by the shadows of early evening.
Pinkie dropped down on her haunches with a huff and crossed her forelegs over her chest. Her pink tail spread out over the soaked wood of the train platform around her. Her mane, dripping rainwater, snaked its way down her face and neck.
The Ponyville train station was usually a lively place, full of ponies coming and going. Now, the only movement was the seemingly limitless downpour of rain. There were only a handful of other ponies on the platform, all hiding beneath their umbrellas.
“And absolutely under no circumstances is anypony going to mention the Wonderbolts, Canterlot or anything else that could remind her of what happened,” Twilight said, looking at each of the four ponies in turn. Rarity nodded back, Pinkie was still busy pouting, Fluttershy merely blinked. Only Applejack refused meet her gaze.
“Why?” Applejack asked.
“Because she’s been dealing with it for weeks,” Twilight replied. “She deserves a break.”
“Deserves?” Applejack’s mouth creased in a tight frown. “I reckon she’s already gettin’ what she deserves.”
Rarity gasped and covered her mouth. “Surely you can’t mean that.”
“Applejack, she’s your friend!” Twilight shouted, eyes widening.
Fluttershy looked away, her face unreadable.
“Friend or not, what she did was wrong, and everypony here knows it,” Applejack said with a sigh. “She lied to all of us.”
“Please don’t say that.” Pinkie sniffed. Her voice was low, all its usual bounce gone.
Applejack passed her a sympathetic frown. “Pinkie, I know this must be hard for you, but it’s the truth.”
Pinkie sniffed again but didn’t answer. It was hard to tell if the moisture gathering in her eyes was due to the rain or something else.
“She hurt that poor mare—”
“Applejack!” Rarity shouted, shooting the farm pony a glare. She wrapped a foreleg over Pinkie’s wet shoulder and floated her umbrella over so that it was covering Pinkie instead of herself. “With all due respect, shut up.”
Applejack huffed and pulled her hat low over her eyes.
“The train’s here,” Fluttershy murmured, raising her hoof in the air.
Four heads turned to look where she pointed. In the distance, the outline of a train could just barely be made out through the cloudy drizzle.
____________________________________________________________
Rainbow Dash walked down the hallway, past the many doors of the Wonderbolts’ main office in Canterlot with her head held high. The blue tiles that made up the floor were shining in the fluorescent glow of the lights. When she looked down, she could see a broken pegasus hazily reflected in the floor below her. She didn’t look down.
Everypony she passed stopped to watch her walk by. They whispered to each other and stared. Some gave her disappointed frowns, but most just stared. She returned every one with the same bitter scowl.
She pushed the door open at the end of the hall, the word, “Captain”, inscribed on its front, and stepped inside without any hesitation.
Spitfire stood waiting for her behind a desk. She was turned away, facing the wall. Awards and pictures of Wonderbolts in their signature uniforms, soaring in tight formations, covered the walls.
“Do you know why you’re here?” Spitfire asked.
Rainbow Dash didn’t answer.
Spitfire sighed and turned around. “Do you have anything to say for yourself? Anything at all?”
“I didn’t do it.” Her voice sounded hollow and weak, even to Dash’s own ears.
Spitfire’s eyes shot open, her gaze suddenly as fiery as her mane. “You’ve disgraced every pegasus who’s ever put on that uniform!” she spat, pointing at one of the pictures covering the wall. “You’ve disgraced the Wonderbolts, you’ve disgraced me, you’ve disgraced yourself. And now you have the audacity to lie to my face? Again?”
Dash winced at the anger in her one-time idols’ voice. She should have said sorry. Some part of her wanted to, but it got lost somewhere on the way to her mouth.
Spitfire sighed again and turned back around, rubbing her forehead. “As of today, you’re no longer a Wonderbolt and, as long as I have anything to say about it, you never will be again.”
“But I—”
“Get out,” she barked, jabbing at the air with her leg. “I don’t want to have to look at you anymore.”
Dash opened her mouth to reply, to explain, to retort, to say anything. But when she saw the pain on Spitfire’s face, she closed it again. She turned and opened the door.
“Rainbow Dash.”
Dash turned back around, impossible hope sparking in her chest.
“Make sure you leave the suit and goggles in your locker. They aren’t yours anymore.”
_________________________________________________
Dash’s eyes flew open as she was thrown to the side of her seat. The train car quickly came to a stop, screeching and shaking. She couldn’t remember when she’d fallen asleep.
“This is Ponyville Station!" a gruff voice called out over the intercom. "Ponyville Station. Please check your overhead compartment for luggage. Thank you for choosing Canterlot Express."
She quickly turned and pulled the curtain down over the window before her friends could see her.
She slid off her seat and slung her saddlebags onto her back. Those saddlebags contained her entire life now. At least what was left of it. She slid the car door open and trudged out into the dark corridor.
She walked in line with the rest of the disembarking passengers, past the train car’s many compartments and towards the exit. Her saddlebags were heavy, too heavy. They weighed her down and slowed her legs. But for the first time in her life, she didn’t mind going slow.
When she reached the door, she stopped. Pinkie Pie was on the other side.
“Excuse me,” a middle aged mare standing behind her said. “Could you hurry up? Some of us have places to be.”
She took one final deep breath, pushed the door open, and stepped out into the rain.
And then she saw her. Pinkie Pie was sitting on the wood of the train platform, surrounded by the rest of her friends. Her mane was soaked. Dash felt the steady beat of raindrops on her head. Her own mane probably didn’t look much better. The sun had gone down, and the only light came from a few glowing street lamps nearby.
She wasn’t sure what she expected to happen when she first saw her friends. She thought they might gather together in a hug and cry. They might understand. Or they might scream at her until their voices went hoarse. They might leave, willingly forget they had ever been friends.
But, for what seemed like the longest time, they didn’t do anything. In the cold, steady rain, they stood on one side of the platform and she stood on the other.
Rainbow Dash dropped her head, unable to meet their stares. Ponies streamed past her, greeting waiting friends and family, or cantering away to find shelter from the rain.
Dash became vaguely aware of the sensation of somepony holding her and the familiar blasting of a party cannon nearby. She looked up. Pink forelegs were wrapped around her neck. Pinkie Pie pulled back, her smile just as big and full of laughter as Dash had ever seen it. Pinkie said something about how happy she was to see her.
Dash wanted to respond. She wanted to tell Pinkie how happy she was to see her too, and how much it meant to her that she had been waiting with her smile ready. She wanted say sorry, to explain everything. But when she opened her mouth, her throat choked.
Twilight and Rarity, repeating Pinkie’s greetings, smiled and grabbed her in for a close hug, but Dash couldn’t hear them. Their voices were drowned out by Pinkie’s. Her voice was just as animated and loud as Dash remembered. She looked past their shoulders. Applejack and Fluttershy were standing off to the side, looking away.
She focused her attention back on Pinkie. A party. Pinkie wanted to throw her a party. Dash almost snickered as Pinkie blathered on. Everything was already set up at Sugarcube Corner. Cupcakes and punch, just for the six of them. Did she want to go?
No, she didn’t. She wanted to go lie in bed and never have to try or fail at anything ever again. But Pinkie did, that blessedly innocent, beautiful mare did. So she nodded yes.
Pinkie smiled the biggest smile Dash had ever seen. They were going to have so much fun. They were going to play pin the tail on the pony, and dance all night, and eat a gazillion cupcakes...
Rainbow Dash sighed.
She silently walked alongside Pinkie on the dark road into town, her hooves splashing in little pools of water with every step. At some point, an umbrella had begun floating over her head. Twilight and Rarity exchanged mysterious glances to each other over the sides of their shoulders. Fluttershy and Applejack followed somewhere behind where Dash couldn’t see.
____________________________________________________________
“Have you heard what Concerto did at the Canterlot Symphony Orchestra Anniversary last week?” Rarity asked, her voice dripping with false enthusiasm.
Rainbow Dash slowly shook her head. It hadn’t taken long to reach Sugarcube Corner. Just like Pinkie had said, a party was waiting for them. Streamers, balloons, and confetti littered the floor. It was almost like everything was back to normal.
“Oh.” Rarity’s smile faltered for the briefest of moments before returning. She rested her hooves on the table she, Dash, and Twilight were gathered around, leaning forward. “Well, have you visited the Canterlot Royal Gardens recently? I hear their newest displays are quite breathtaking.”
Rainbow Dash shook her head again, not noticing the hoof Twilight jabbed into Rarity's side. She did notice Fluttershy standing by the snack table, filling what must have been her hundredth glass of punch. Applejack was sitting in a booth by herself, hat drawn low over her face. She couldn’t see Pinkie anywhere. Maybe she'd left.
“So...” Twilight began, searching for something to say not related to Canterlot, the Wonderbolts, or flying, but drew a blank. Instead, they all sat together in heavy silence.
“Who wants to play pin the tail on the pony?” Pinkie cried, jumping on top of the table from nowhere.
“Well, that sounds lovely,” Rarity answered. “How about you, Rainbow?”
Rainbow Dash shook her head. At least her mane had finally dried.
“Oh.” Rarity’s smile faltered again. “Perhaps later then.”
“What’s with all these mopey faces?” Pinkie asked, a truly puzzled expression on her face. “This is a party, and parties are for happy faces!” She bounced over to where Fluttershy was scooping more punch into her glass. “Hey Fluttershy, let’s dance!”
Fluttershy drew back. “Oh... um... I’m not really in the—”
“Yes you are!” Pinkie shouted, grabbing Fluttershy by the waist and dragging her across the floor.
Fluttershy attempted to wriggle out of Pinkie’s grip, but it was no use. She was trapped. “Pinkie please, I really don—”
“Let’s go!” Pinkie grabbed Fluttershy by the shoulders and spun her around in a circle. “Woo!”
“Pinkie!” Fluttershy shouted, drawing stares from everypony in the room, including Rainbow Dash. “I said no.”
Pinkie’s smile never once wavered, but her eyes closed. “Okie dokie. No dancing then. That’s totally fine.”
Fluttershy muttered an apology and returned to her place by the punch, leaving Pinkie Pie standing alone in the middle of the room.
“Alright, fine.” Applejack stepped out from the corner she’d been sitting in. “I’m the pony who’s gonna have to say it then.” She looked right at Rainbow Dash, ignoring the angry glares from the two unicorns. “Why did you do it?”
Pinkie’s smile vanished, her eyes still closed.
“Do what?” Dash asked.
Applejack rolled her eyes and scowled. “You know exactly what I’m talkin’ about. How could you do something so awful?”
All eyes were on Rainbow Dash again, but she didn’t answer.
Applejack rolled her jaw back and forth. “So that’s how it is then?”
“I didn’t do it,” Rainbow Dash whispered, not even bothering to lift her head up off the table.
“Excuse me?”
“I didn’t do it,” Dash repeated, a small fire sparking behind her eyes.
“What?!” Applejack asked, incredulous. “I talked to her, Rainbow. I know it was your fault.”
Dash's head shot up into the air. "What?"
"That's right." Applejack stepped forward. "I went to Canterlot. I went to the hospital right after she woke up, because I didn't believe it. I couldn’t. But I talked to her myself. She told me what you did to her during the race at those tryouts."
“Sh-she lied...” Dash said, looking back down.
“I can tell when somepony’s telling the truth, and she was telling the truth,” Applejack said, stamping her hoof on the floor.
Dash’s wings fluttered a little. “I won. She lost. I never did anything to her.”
“Why do you keep lying?” It was more of a plea than a question, and Applejack’s eyes looked more tired than angry.
“I didn’t do it!”
Applejack sighed and sat back on her haunches, holding her head in her hooves. “Please tell the truth. Just one time.”
“...I didn’t do it,” Dash repeated, quieter that time.
For a long while, Applejack didn’t respond. She just sat on the floor, staring at the pegasus, her face blank.
“Whatever,” she finally said, standing up. “I’m leaving. Whenever you’re ready to tell the truth, you’ll know where to find me.” Passing Dash a sad frown, she walked out the front door.
“I should go too,” Fluttershy said, quickly following Applejack out the door. She stopped in the threshold, but she didn't look back, and walked out.
“But...” Pinkie Pie looked up at the open door. “This is a party... everypony likes parties...”
Rarity stood up and patted the Pinkie on the shoulder. “I’m sorry, but I think the party is over now. Twilight,” she said, frowning. “I believe it is time for us to take our leave.”
Twilight brushed her muzzle against Dash’s forehead in a quick nuzzle before going to stand by the other unicorn. “I’m glad you’re back. Everything’ll be okay. See you two tomorrow.”
Rarity nodded to Pinkie and Dash before turning and trotting out the door, soon followed by Twilight. The door closed behind them.
Silence fell over the bakery once again. Dash rested her head back down on the table.
__________________________________________________
Rainbow Dash trudged past the other potential recruits, ignoring their compliments. She sat back down in her spot on the field they were gathered in and crossed her hooves over her chest. An elaborate cloud obstacle course floated in the blue sky over her head.
“Alright everypony,” the guy who had been supervising their tryouts said, hovering above them. He’d told them his name at the start, but she couldn’t remember it. “That concludes the agility portion of today’s tryouts. The results have been recorded. Now if you’ll follow me, I’ll take you all over to the next testing area.”
The other dozen or so pegasi began gliding away. Dash wiped a bit of sweat out of her eyes and squinted up at the scoreboard one last time.
1. Razorwind - 53.10
2. Rainbow Dash - 53.40
That was it. She wasn’t going to make it. She could already tell. She absently followed behind the crowd of pegasi. She’d had a chance to actually become a Wonderbolt. That one chance she’d been waiting her entire life for, and she was blowing it. She abruptly bumped into something hard.
“Hey!” The pony she’d run into turned around to glare at her.
Dash muttered an apology and lowered herself down to the ground. They’d arrived in another empty field. Just like the last, the clouds had been arranged into some sort of obstacle course. It looked simple enough. Dash felt her confidence begin to return. She could make it through this one easy.
The supervisor hovered above them again, waving his leg to get their attention. “Okay, this one’s a simple race. First pony to pass through each of the markers in order wins. Easy as that.”
Dash looked over at the blue mare who’d introduced herself as ‘Razorwind’. She didn’t look particularly impressive. Her white mane was tied up in a stupid little ponytail, and she was a little bit smaller than Dash herself. Her wings didn’t look like they stretched as far as Dash’s did either, but somehow she always managed to be just a little faster than her. Dash just needed to find some way to even the playfield.
She noticed Razorwind was looking back at her, smirking. Dash turned back to the obstacle course. No doubt about it, she could do this. All she had to do was win this race, and she would prove once and for all who the real Wonderbolt was.
“Remember,” the supervisor continued. “You’ll all be flying together on this one. Get enough ponies going through a single turn at speeds this high, and it’ll only take one careless mistake to cause a serious accident. Be careful.”
_________________________________________________
“I believe you.”
“What?” Dash asked, breaking out of her quiet musings. She wasn’t sure how long it had been since all her friends had left. She and Pinkie hadn’t moved in what seemed like hours, or maybe it had only been minutes.
“I believe you.” Pinkie’s smile had returned. It was smaller than usual, but it was there.
Dash looked up at her, meeting her sky blue eyes. She loved the sky. “Why?”
Pinkie shrugged. “Because you said you didn’t do it.” As if it was that simple.
“...But I did.” Dash dropped her head, a sob creeping its way into her chest. “I just wanted to mess her up. I didn’t know she would get hurt so bad.”
She felt a hoof under her chin, pulling her head back up. Pinkie’s smile was still there. “I forgive you.”
“What?!” Dash cried, surprised at the force of her own voice. “But... why?”
Pinkie leaned forward, wrapping a foreleg around the pegasus’s shoulder and pressed her lips against her forehead. “Because I love you,” she said, her breath hot on Dash’s skin.
Dash gently pushed her away. “You’re such a stupid idiot.”
Pinkie Pie blinked, at a loss for words for what must have been the first time in her life. “...What?”
“You’re a stupid idiot,” Dash said, simply. She didn’t shout or sneer, there was no anger in her voice. “You’d have to be to love somepony like me.”
“Dashie,” Pinkie said quietly. “Just because you mess up one time—”
“Shut up!” Dash held her hooves up to her ears. “I hurt her.”
“I know, and that’s really bad, but that doesn’t make you a bad pony.” Pinkie moved forward to grab her in another hug, but Dash jumped out of her chair, out of her marefriend’s reach.
Dash shook her head. “You don’t get it. I did it on purpose.” She slumped onto her haunches. She felt so tired. “I did it on purpose and I didn’t even care. I was so happy I won that I didn’t even care. Everypony hates me now, and you should too.”
Pinkie smiled again and reached a hoof out to touch Dash’s shoulder. “There’s nothing you could do that could ever make me hate you.”
“Why?” Dash cried, knocking Pinkie’s hoof away. “Why are you doing this? Why would you forgive me?”
Pinkie rested her hoof back on Dash’s shoulder. “Because you’re a good pony. Because I love you, even if I really hate what you did, and I know you love me too.”
Dash opened her mouth to retort, but Pinkie shoved a hoof in her mouth.
“Because even that time when I was being a sad, grumpy pants and having parties with turnips,” Pinkie continued, leaning forward. “You came for me and showed me that my friends still cared about me. So even though you’re being a sad, grumpy pants now, I’m gonna stay here for you and show you that your friends still care about you. Even if it means we have to hug, and snuggle, and cry, and yell at each other all night. Because I never smile as big as I do when you’re around, and it isn’t even worth smiling at all if you’re not smiling too.”
Dash let out a long sigh. “Pinkie... I really messed—”
“And never doing anything about it but being sad all the time is only gonna make it messier,” Pinkie said, jabbing her in the shoulder. She leaned forward and kissed Dash’s forehead again, lowering her voice, “You just have to be as good a pony as you can be.”
Yesterday morning, Mr. Cake asked me to watch some cinnamon rolls while he changed the twins’ diapers, but I forgot.” Pinkie’s voice dropped. “And they all got burnt. Mr. Cake got mad at me, and I felt really bad. But I just kept on going, and we made a whole new batch of cinnamon rolls, and they were the tastiest cinnamon rolls we ever made. Mr. Cake even said so too!” Dash could feel Pinkie’s lips spread in a smile against her forehead.
Dash snorted. “That’s not the same at all, and you know it.”
“Yes it is,” Pinkie said, moving back to look Dash in the eyes. “It doesn’t matter how big or small the mistake is. You don’t just give up. That would be silly. You keep going until you make tastier cinnamon rolls!” She wrapped both of her forelegs around Dash’s chest and held her close.
Dash let herself melt into the embrace. Maybe it was finally confessing what she’d done, maybe it was the realization that somepony still loved her, maybe it was being forgiven for the first time, maybe it was just the feeling of being held, or maybe it was the tale of the burnt cinnamon rolls. Whatever the reason, finally, Rainbow Dash cried.
She grabbed Pinkie in her hooves, laid her muzzle against her marefriend’s shoulder and, for the first time since it had all started, cried. She let all the frustration, sorrow, confusion, anger, and hurt pour out of her eyes in wet tears. She cried for what seemed like forever, just leaning against Pinkie’s warm chest, feeling a hoof stroking her mane.
Even after the tears had stopped, and Dash’s chest had long since ceased shaking with silent sobs, they stayed that way. They held onto each other, separated from the rest of the world.
“Pinkie, I really screwed up, and I don’t know what to do to fix it.”
It seemed like an eternity before Pinkie answered, when she finally did, her voice was quiet, “I don’t know either.”
Dash almost laughed, she would have if Pinkie’s words hadn’t felt like a permanent damnation.
“But.” Pinkie kissed her on the snout. “I think if you stop lying, and say you’re sorry, that would be a good place to start.”
Dash rubbed her eyes with her hoof to wipe away the last of the moisture, and pressed her head against Pinkie’s chest, listening to Pinkie's steady heartbeat. “I can try. But everypony will still be mad at me. ”
“It might take a really long time. But no pony can stay mad forever, especially at somepony as cute as you.” The vibrations in the Pinkie’s throat tickled Dash’s head. “Especially if you stop being such a grumpy pony and start acting nice like you used to.”
“What about Applejack?” Dash asked, looking up. “I’m pretty sure she hates me.”
“You say the silliest things sometimes.” Pinkie giggled, tightening the embrace. “Applejack could never hate you. She’s really mad at you. But she still likes you, she just wants you to tell the truth.”
Dash sniffed. “I’ll try.”
“No you won’t,” Pinkie said. “You’ll do it. I know you will.”
Dash frowned. She couldn’t remember the last time somepony had actually believed in her. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d deserved it. But she realized Pinkie still did. After everything she’d done, somehow Pinkie still believed in her.
“Thank you,” Dash said, reaching up and pulling Pinkie in for a quick kiss. She silently swore to herself on her own life she would never let her marefriend down again.
“That’s what Pinkie Pie’s here for,” Pinkie chirped. “Hey, do you wanna play pin the tail on the pony now?”
“I’m sorry, Pinkie. I’m really not in the mood right now.” Dash remembered what she’d just sworn. “But tomorrow. I promise I will tomorrow.”
“Hmmm...” Pinkie rubbed the bottom of her chin with a hoof, deep in thought. “Do you wanna go snuggle in my bed and make out?”
Dash snickered, smiling for the first time that day.
“Yeah, that sounds great.”
“Awesome!” Pinkie started bouncing towards the stairs, still not letting go of Rainbow Dash.
Dash allowed herself be half dragged-half carried up the stairs without any protest. She wrapped her tail around Pinkie’s, just enjoying the feeling of being held by another pony.
I'm generally not much of a fan of Rainbow Pie (although this didn't have too much of it), but I really enjoyed this story.
Gave me some feels for Dash too. :P
Huh, I got much more than I was expecting.
Good job for something un-edited and random.
Damn but that was good.
Well....What did Dash do?
Outside of "She cheated her way into the Wonderbolts" We have no idea what it was. I'm curious as to what it was that she did to get in that was apparently so very wrong once it was found out. That is the only issue I have with this story.
1526445
It doesn't matter. All the story requires is that Dash got into the Wonderbolts dishonestly, and got caught for it. The specifics aren't necessary to understand what's going on.
I appreciate the discipline of the author in doing so. Keeps things neat and focused.
1526581
Sorry but it's just one of the few things that bugs me in stories. Character does something bad or something that causes others to look down on him/her and everyone else in the story knows what it is but the reader is never told. It adds a mysterious factor to characters and can work if it's part of the character general introduction but not in a character that's already established. It's almost as annoying as going from one chapter to end up with the next one starting with "A few weeks later..." or the such.
It would be like having a character who is a national hero have something dug up from his mysterious past and now he/she is facing death because what he/she did was so terrible and such a horrible act that it deserves that as a punishment. All the characters in the story react to the hero as if they know what this horrible deed was but the reader is never told. It would drive me crazy to not know what it was.
Like I said before, it's not a bad story and I rather liked it but it bugs me to not know what it was that Dash did that apparently caused such an uproar amongst the Wonderbolts and caused her friends to have such a reaction to whatever it was. More so since apparently nobody caught whatever it was that she cheated with or whatever for WEEKS after she joined.
I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by this story. Really loved the evocative wording that started it off: I'm sure we can all relate to that sick feeling in the stomach as something you really, really don't want to do draws ever closer, and how it seems to paint the world in greys.
I didn't see any obvious mistakes when I read this, and I thought you managed to keep to character for the most part. There was one thing that rubbed me the wrong way a little though: Applejack. That is to say, not that she was pissed off with Rainbow for lying in a situation where it mattered so much, or any of her reactions to that. What made me stop reading for a moment to go "...okay?", was how she based her certitude in condemning Rainbow as viciously as she really does, on how "All of Equestria already knows for a fact that you did!".
Of course, this is likely related to us not actually knowing what she did, and thus how much of a possibility there is for misinterpreting or misjudging or mistaking the matter. Still, I would have thought Applejack would withhold that kind of withering, condemning anger until she'd heard Rainbow's side of the story. As it stands, AJ seems more cruel and, really, shallow than I see her.
On the other hand, kudos for writing some good Pinkiedash, and for not making a big deal out of it in-universe. I have sort of an ambivalent relation to that particular ship, in that it's one of my favorite and one of my least-favorite ships, at the same time. I love the ship itself, but I dislike how it's written most of the time. Thanks for writing the kind I can tolerate. :D
I would say "keep up the good work", but if I know the type of inspiration that struck you at all, I very much doubt there will be more. And that's okay, really. This piece can stand on its own just fine.
1526656 In this specific case, I agree with you that it was distracting not knowing what Rainbow had done, for the reasons you listed. I think mostly that's because of a failure of imagination on my part, as I have a hard time thinking up a way she coud have cheated the sort of exam or audition or whatever the Wonderbolts might have. But anyway.
In principle, though, I have to disagree with you. By not giving away a key point like this, even though you might annoy the reader at one level, at another you get the reader thinking, and filling in the blanks for him/herself, since any explanation is going to work better than no explanation. And that, in my experience, is where the reader gets invested in the story.
Marking as incomplete because I think there are some loose ends that need to be tied up.
1526149
Not a fan of Rainbow Pie?! There's something very wrong with you.
1526303
Thank you.
1526306
Damn?
1526445 1526581
And that's one of the loose ends. Not explaining what she did wasn't so much of a stylistic choice as there was just never a good opportunity for it. I couldn't find a way to explain it without it seeming like 'And this is the part where I explain what she did.' I should be able to clear it up some, but I don't think I'll be able to explicitly state it.
1526656
Looking back at Fall Weather Friends, this isn't unprecedented. Rainbow Dash isn't above cheating.
1526987
And there's another. I need to resolve things between Rainbow Dash and her friends.
I wasn't very happy with that line, and I'll probably change it. It's hard to explain in-story that whatever she did, it was very obvious that she was the one who did it, without also explaining what it was. I had hoped that her not being able to offer up any excuse other than "I didn't do it" would make that clear, but oh well. Thanks for the comment.
I enjoyed this chapter, and I feel there could be a full story from this, and not just an added chapter or two.
Whatever it was that RD did, it had to have been pretty major for there to be a big media scandle because of it.
This story is awesome! Keep on writing!
I can't wait to hear what happens next; it's really intriguing!
1528351
You're right, if I had properly planned this out it could have made for a much longer fic. But as is, I didn't do any pre-writing at all, so there's only going to be one more part. Hopefully, that will be enough.
1529515
Glad you enjoyed it.
1531073 you can always take this story, and start planning it out into a full story, and rewrite it even if need be, though I could see it done without a rewrite lol
HAVE MERCY ON US! PLEASE SIR, SOME MORE!!!
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/17606__safe_pinkie-pie_animated_puppy-dog-eyes_.gif?1342433337
1531316
If I wasn't already working on two other fics plus five essays for school, I might take you up on that offer. I hate it when other authors leave fics incomplete for too long though and refuse to do that myself.
The second part will be good, I swear. :P
"Not a fan of Rainbow Pie?! There's something very wrong with you."
Indeed.
I enjoyed this and while Applejack was right, I still wanna bash her in the teeth for how over-excessive she was in her punishment.
AJ, I know overkill is good sometimes but this wasn't one of them.
Silver out!
Excellent, really enjoyed the read. Liked the different ways her friends handled the situation, though AJ was perhaps a bit over the top.
1541318>>1544659
Thank you both.
And yeah, AJ... I don't really have any defense. One more thing to fix in editing I suppose.
What I found really good, that no one else seems to have commented on yet, was Fluttershy's reaction.
It was great to see how deeply RD's actions wounded her given how much she has looked up to, and been protected by RD over the years.
Especially since the usual Fluttershy response to being slighted that writers choose is "Oh well, there there it's all ok"
Personally I found her reaction to be marvelous and completely believeable given her relationship with RD.
Yes she's the element of kindness, but that doesnt override emotional pain.
Oh and of course the PinkieDash was awesome
Hmm.. I found this most enjoyable. And yes Rainbow Dash would cheat to win, she's probably the most flawed of the Mane6. She would do anything to get into the Wonderbolts.
-1 for shipping.
+9002 for the rest.
That still puts you over 9000. Pretty good if I say so myself.
1560537
Thank you.
1570956
As much as I hate to admit it, Rainbow Dash is real jerk sometimes.
1587821
Heh, silly old memes. Is that a minus 1 because the shipping was bad or because you don't like shipping?
1589218
Don't like shipping in general. To be exact, F/F and M/M shipping.
But FWIW, you did it well. So this is more accurate. -2 for shipping, +1 for the quality of the shipping, +9002 for story quality, and we can call it even.
Rainbow Dash may not be above cheating but she's also far too talented to need to and as Wonderbolt Academy showed has too much respect for the them to every consider it. She would never cheat to get in and if she failed to she'd work even harder to fulfill her dream. It's just a flimsy excuse to pair her with Pinkie.
I know this seems cheesey or pretty silly to say but I'm crying right now. I get emotional easily and this story was great. Will there be a second chapter.
AHHH! I'm so jealous of how you completely nailed Pinkie. I can't seem to get her QUITE there. Even if the Wonderbolts episode sank your premise, It's still a great story.
If I had to suggest ANYTHING, i would tell you to put the word "was" into your doc search and see what you can remove.
EX: She noticed Razorwind was looking back at her,
fixed:She noticed Razorwind looking back at her,
One less word, shorter sentence, and more importantly, It sounds more active... for lack of a better term.
I think I'll be watching you, and while it may be tempting to continue this story, remember that a story should only be as long as it needs to be. If you can add to it without compromising the tone or message, go for it. Otherwise, keep it where it is. .
Also, the bit about not saying what Rainbow did to get in trouble. I gathered that she injured or endangered another ponies life during a tryout or show to get a leg up on them. You did a great job of expressing that, but not including it in the story is what's referred to as "Chekov's gun".
"One must not put a loaded rifle on the stage if no one is thinking of firing it."
My latest story had an unfortunate instance of this btw so remember that none are perfect, but the story wouldn't have been completed on time or maybe not at all if i had fixed it.
That doesn't mean that EVERY LITTLE DETAIL you put in a story has to be used or included, but important ones should.
Keep up the great work and I hope to see more soon!
starlitomega
I know that feel.
This was pretty good. The characterisations of the Mane Six were solid, and AJ in particular was brutally honest but believably so. Also, it's always nice to see Pinkie Pie portrayed as a character with more depth. All in all, well played author, well played.
Great Story, but the ending caught me off-guard as it was a little abrupt, IMO. On a side note though, I really like these kinds of stories as half of the time reading is me actually reading it and half of it is me kinda just lolling of into space of what might and could happen next in the story.
That was a really good story but like other users said, a bit off hoof at the ending.
Otherwise, great story!
1868717
Well, no. This wasn't any sort of excuse to ship PinieDash, though I will take just about any excuse I can. There wasn't any shipping in the original version of this, and it's not meant to be the focus of the story. The shipping came about naturally as an extension of the main idea: Rainbow Dash dealing with being kicked out of the Wonderbolts.
This was written weeks before Wonderbolt Academy aired, before we had any idea what was entailed with being admitted into the Wonderbolts. I did the best I could with the information that was available to me at the time. Rainbow Dash wouldn't cheat in the sense that she would plan it out, but in a moment of desperation, nothing to do with lack of talent or respect, I think she would.
1869027
Sorry, no second part. Sorry for making you cry, or maybe I should be happy. I'm really not sure.
1869223 1869429
Thanks. I'm not sure if I completely nailed Pinkie, but I was very happy with how close I came. She's a challenge, probably even moreso than the other characters.
Ah, the dreaded 'was'. It's a malicious little monster that I just never seem able to escape from. I was very happy with Dash's 'crime' too. At first, I left it entirely up to imagination, but that openness was aggravating. I think I manged to show just as much as I needed to without actually including the event itself.
1870270>>1876135
*Bangs head against wall*
You're right, I can't believe I forgot to extend the ending to make it less abrupt. It totally slipped my mind. Darned holidays...
This story doesn't deserve the hate its getting. in fact none of your stories deserve any of this hate. i just dont see anything wrong with this one or the other ones if you don't like the shipping then don't read simple.
1884667
I'm not sure what hate you're referring to. On the contrary, the community has never been anything but friendly and helpful. And I've been absolutely astounded by how positive the reception of this fic has been.
1887815
Oh i was talking about the downvoting. yeah about everyone here is friendly.
this is good, and has a lot of potential to become more. i hope you do continue this story
1916884
There's definitely potential here to continue writing, and I would like to continue it someday. It's just a matter of figuring out exactly where the story goes from here.
“Hmmm...” Pinkie rubbed the bottom of her chin with a hoof, deep in thought. “Do you wanna go snuggle in my bed and make out?” Life lesson learned: Do something bad and you get to make out. SUCCESS!
2120599
Mission accomplished.
I was listening to Hans Zimmer's "Time" while I was reading this. It actually fit well with this story.
Very adorable, and well written. I found all to be well within character. Miss Dash has amply demonstrated in canon that she is fully willing and capable of cutting corners if winning is on the line, and she has never backed away from threatening or using physical violence. Only very recently (Wonderbolt Academy) has she understood that maybe, just maybe, the end does not always justify the means (and that required the near death of all her friends) though given how she habitually backslides, I have no doubt she will forget anon.
Applejack given her element would be the one most hurt by her deceit, though it is your claim that she would be capable of detecting falsehoods—it certainly didn't work against Discord or Chrysalis.
Fluttershy, Rarity, and Twilight behave as I would expect. Pinkie Pie would try to ignore the dark reality, but when pressed would be there for her lover.
All in all a bittersweet story.
2344412
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It is disappointing how often the characters backslide in canon, and it isn't just Rainbow Dash. Every character seems repeat the same mistakes over and over, even after they've supposedly learned otherwise. Maybe it makes them more human.
Actually, it was Applejack's claim that she could detect falsehoods, not really mine. Though I admit that she hasn't shown any such ability (or claim of ability) in the show.
2371611
Too true (except obviously Rarity who sprang forth from her mother in the form of immaculate, eternal perfection, and who has never, ever erred or overreacted ). If there is one thing I would wish for future seasons, it is increased continuity. At least, the characters do not suffer complete amnesia unlike a lot of other shows.
Regarding Applejack, in the context of the story it probably did not exactly require Element level of falsehood detection skills to see that RD's (Antoinette?) story did not add up.
So you're gonna compound on her pain by acting like a bitch, AJ?
Only six?
First chapter reminds me of this.
Every time I think of Applejack claiming she can detect falsehoods, I think of this comic.
Eh, sorry, I couldn't quite get into this. It all sounded intriguing until it was made aware that Dash intentionally hurt someone for her own goals; that just felt kinda backwards to her normal character.
I will compliment you on the scene between Rainbow and Pinkie where she admits her mistake; Pinkie's mindset in that conversation could be taken and applied to several real peoples' lives...
You know what. HoofBitingActionOverload I owe you some thanks, though you may be confused at this point as to why.
Recently i fucked up at work and got fired, I've been bashing my self since seeing as it was something that could have been avoided if i had paid more attention and done my job properly. The words of wisdom you gave through Pinkie Pie have made me feel better about the whole situation. There's no use in giving up, so i will pick my self up and get a new job, and i shall exceed myself and do it perfectly!
So thank you Sir/Madam, you have simultaneously restored my faith in myself and in humanity.
Awww Pinkie Pie is so supportive in this. I'm kinda jealous of Dashie, at least for that part. Not the I DUN GOOFED part.
I was hopin Dashie was framed and got sad when she admitted to Pinkie she put Razorwind in the hospital
This made me so ing warm and fuzzy it is infuriating! I have 3 ex-wives, I'm not supposed to be romantic anymore!
Dang you are good.