This story does NOT take place in the "Bronies to Ponies" universe,

Nice try.

>>15262181526218

You just love to hate on people, don't you?

>>15262181526218 tbh, I have to agree with >>15262401526240 's sentiments. The comment's i've recently seen from you have been a tad disparaging.

Anyway, onto what I think of the story.

I like the concept. No, I LOVE the concept. A man becomes a pony, and has to deal with human life... as a pony, and all it comes with.

I've already seen a really well written one where a guy becomes Lyra, and has alot of problems. I just wish he stayed in the human world...

The problem is... you don't execute it that well. I couldn't really get into it. The guy just kinda' woke up as Twi, so I have no idea what he acted like beforehand, or what other things he did. Furthermore, I would think that his family would be more... surprised? livid? terrified? compassionate? They kinda' blow his condition off entirely. Then that leads to effectively an HiE, which does become a Bronies to Ponies story.

I'm personally looking forward to a story about a person who knows about bronies and MLP, and becomes a pony, to his utter dismay.

Anyway, I suggest expanding on just about everything and having characters react appropriately to the situation.

I like the concept, I just want to see it done better >.^

Ave,

                            Axôlú

>>15262401526240 No, just people who feel like they have to write in this genre. There has been a boom of these stories, and none of them good. There is a difference between critical and hatred.

>>15262901526290 Whatever. I just wish a good fic would show up now and then.

>>15263001526300 I may be misinterpreting your comment, but based on your 10+ favorites in the last 4 days, I think you've found plenty of good fics recently.

If you're talking about good HiE's, then yea, I can understand that...

>>15263251526325 Those fics are mostly older ones, or ones by already recognized authors but a few good ones do show up now and then.

But you're right, I should have phrased that differently: I wish a new good writer would show up. The stuff these people pump out is not good. It's been a particularly bad week for fics, I'm a bit pissed. Along with this sudden barrage of Brony/human becomes a pony fics, I've nearly lost faith in this site.

I felt like I just had to downvote, given what's been already said... The story starts with no idea of who this person was before being a pony. The transition doesn't make sense. And it all just comes across so painfully bland. Not to mention, the prose just feels thin in terms of lack of detail. I just don't like this at all-- sorry.

>>15263801526380

>I've nearly lost faith in this site.

Oh, goodness, I've had my faith gone for months upon months now-- it's like I lose faith more every single day even though that shouldn't be possible.

>>15264471526447 Fortunately you still write good things.

>>15264811526481

Thanks!

>>15263801526380 Agreed, after the first 'Why am I Pinkie Pie' fic and that one with Lyra... meh.

But as I said in my small semi-review, I'm still lookin' for that good knowledgeable non-brony Human becomes Pony and deals with social life.

I mean, if they were a highschooler, American society would force them to go, and probably send officers in search of them, in which they find an equine in place of the expected human. Likewise, if they held a job which required them to come in every day by law, same thing. Then the insanity would resume from there, assuming the author could find a way to get them into their school/job after the whole nasty legal process. Even so, under human laws, would a sentient (I'd like to say sapient, but I find it hard to with our scientific name being homo sapien, even though sapientia/sapeientiae is Latin for wisdom, and I'm going on a tangent) non-human species get the same treatment as a human, especially if they were human before?

I think it could get incredibly messy in the psychological/sociological/legal departments, something I haven't seen in any HbP (Human becomes Pony?) yet.

>>15265311526531 No problem, I really do mean it!

>>15265401526540 The whole absurdity, and the sheer amount of it is what turns me off. This trope has gone the same way as fallout equestria, and that pisses me off more than anything.

>>15265581526558 Fair enough. I personally dote on the absurd, so I guess it's just a matter of opinion >.^

>>15265761526576 It's not a funny absurd, it's a dumb absurd. It's just gotten irritating.

>>15265841526584 I meant absurd in general. I like absurd. To each their own.

I dunno what to say

Are he stupid or something?

"Call me twilight" Pfft.

Unleash the horde! Heads will roll! Villages will burn!

Good morning, young one. If it is possible for me to suggest, and I wish that you don't take any offense to my notions, but you have a few errors I would like to point out before initiating myself into reading this 'Twilight for a day' story.

First off, I would like to point out your title: Twilight for a Day

If I didn't know any better, you need to capitalize the 'for' in your title. The only words that you cannot capitalize in a title is on, of, the, is, or, and, and a. Unless there was some unique change in the English language during my absence, I do believe that is how the title should be properly titled.

Second, there are things I would like to point out in your description:

Note: This story does NOT take place in the "Bronies to Ponies" universe, but is just a one-shot, describing how a middle-aged stallion wakes up transformed into Twilight Sparkle, and how his wife and her youngest daughter and two grand-kids deal with this most unusual occurrence, and how he deals with this situation.

Child, a one-shot, if I am not mistaken from skimming the new 'slang' of the days, is when it is a one chapter story and nothing more. You explain everything in one chapter, and you leave it at that. If this were to be a 'one-shot' story, then you need to combine your chapters into one big chapter.

Lastly, that sentence of yours is a run-on sentence. You are not properly using the commas, and's, and explanation. How it should properly be written is like the following:

This story does NOT take place in the "Bronies to Ponies" universe, but it is just a one-shot describing how a middle-aged man wakes up transformed into Twilight Sparkle, how his wife, her youngest daughter, and two grand-children deal with this most unusual occurrence, and how he deals with this situation.

I hope this helps out a lot, my young friend. If you ever need any further assistance, you can let me know of your troubles. I am willing to help my citizens; of the people, by the people, for the people. Thank you.

Abraham Lincoln

:>>15277881527788  Thanks for the help.  Will try to fix if/when I can.  I meant to say that the whole story is a one-shot, broken into bite-sized pieces.

As for grammar/usage/punctuation, I thought I did fairly well.  I don't have complete mastery of language, and my writing skills are quite rusty, given the fact I never wrote a term paper in High School, nor took any such courses in College.  I tend to consider myself a stickler for spelling/grammar/usage as best I can.  Thanks again.  

-Mike

>>15282701528270 Indeed, your grammar/punctuation/usage is above fair, indeed. I am just here to help make sure everyone learn something new.

Abraham Lincoln

great job so far. cant w8 fer more and hope all your other stories you write will be just as good

edit: also FIRST!

edit: SECOND!

Also good story lots of potential. BTW maybe when they get back they teleport back brenda is a pony and mike is still twilight. Huh? Huh? *winks*

>>15335441533544  That would be wild, but the story keeps going after they get back home!  I don't want to spoil what's coming, it'll be too good!

Oh gosh a paradox~!!!

>>15336041533604 Yay it continues!!!

YAY FOR COULD BE MORE! cant w8. ill be watching you

Can I haz Moar Please

This is good I'd say

Just because he looks like Twilight doesn't mean others have to call him so -.-

well...fudge muffins... thought it'd be over . KIDDING! cant w8 for more

set phasers to moustache

cliffhanger dun dun dun

Approved.

awwwwwww... cant w8 for either more this or more what ever you have in store

well its obious to me that you have not signs of stopping. no matter what it keeps going. i think ill just sit back now and enjoy the ride

THIS AWESOME,

I want that car.

>>15580271558027  It's not for sale.

first and LOL

clop inbound? also still enjoying amazingly! I doubted that I would keep interest in this one at first but you hooked me!

To all of you dislikers and haters of this story, I LOVED it! Btw, in the human world on this story, is the human world cartoon, or real-real life? If it's real-real life, I can't picture Berenda as a human being in Equestria. If we were meant to picture the human world as cartoon, then the story kinda goes down the drain when you can't imagine you being a cartoon pony in the human world. Other than that, I just loved it! I tried my best to picture this story while reading this. Your grammar is excellent, even if there are some mistakes in it: twilightsmile: Can you please make a sequel of this story? I would love one.

>>15603621560362 i beleive its like a reverse of roger rabbit. just imagine real ppl in cartoon worlds

>>15601051560105 It's not going in that direction...he's going to see her true reflection in the mirror...

>>15603621560362  Not quite finished yet, some really weird stuff is going to happen...

Well fuck...agian... this is going really fast and yet theres just more and more. my guess is because of the demensional travel theres been a rift allowing anyone powerful enough to cross over, purposefully or otherwise. anyway great story so far

woah woah woah I just barely finished digesting the info changling queen being killed and then nightmare moon happens and then  she bails just as soon as I come to terms with her being there! could we slow down a bit here, it's starting to feel a bit rushed! still enjoying this all but lets down shift ther gears here and hand out some info slower!

>>15625161562516  More to come, keep your seat belts on!  We're in for a bumpy ride!  

the changeling death sounds God-of-War inspired, is that true?

>>15634451563445 Actually, no it's not.  Never played that game.  

Wellllll mike listen buddy...(WARNING CRITISISM INBOUND!) they audience is right you need to slow things down a bit. I mean this would make a really good...And i mean REALLY GOOD fic if this was slowed down a bit. Like instead of jumping from one villians death to another villians defeat. describe a bit more. Add conversation to the encounters. These are some of the elements of a good fic. Now im NOT AND I REPEAT NOT saying its bad it just need some more added to make it amazing. (END OF CRITISISM) That is all. Thank you and please dont take this response the wrong way. Looking forward to future chapters.

>>15638841563884 well, the death does sound like something someone filled with vengeance would do, but... that's just me

the game is filled with gore-loving kills and executions, cutting out a centaurs intestines, ripping out a cyclops' eye, beating someones face until it is concave, and cutting off their legs to name a few

Well this is no longer twilight for a day but prince for a lifetime! ( hinting to new story idea)

Image: https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRWLpXL_oY4hFwarkfnljbMjm9fwWPDs75gy6yFOfk1QbYR3Km4tw

Shits goin down

^ EEEyup. good story so far. (BTW i will comment on every chapter you put out. Just think of me a your own personal critic! In a good way.)

>>15645261564526 Sorry for the rush -- seems to be slower when I'm typing it -- not to mention that it's all coming  off the top of my head, to boot.  

>>15646461564646 Kinda looks like it's headed in that direction...

alright. shits hit the fan 3 times now. w8..

turned into twilight...

accidentally teleported to equestria after horn broke...

discord returns...

chrysalis appears in bed as celestia trying to seduce him...

chrysalis is killed brutally...

nightmare moon returns...

guy turns into alicorn and runs off nightmare...

guy returns to earth with elements of harmony and beats nightmare for good...

guy find out he may have to raise the sun and moon forever...

you must have eaten a lot of bean burritos before writing this... cause that is 9 shits to hit the fan

and there is probably more to come knowing that every time i think its done there is more...

>>15765501576550 Tis finished, good sir, and thanks for your kind words!  

>>15765571576557 awe....oh well... could be interesting to see the misadventures of a extremely powerful brand new alicorn...

Yeah what The_Foreman said!

>>15780971578097  I will give that some consideration, but have other irons in the fire, so to speak.  

You need to do a second part

a second part would be nice

KITT just a simple Matchbox by comparison TS

This car... It is, for lack of a better description, perfect. Where can I get one?

>>16625951662595 Twilight Sparkle imbued it with her magic, so the car is unique.  

I'm actually kind of reminded of Kafka's "Die Verwandlung". The family is not too much surprised (I love how Brenda's reaction to seeing her Brony husband being transformed into a pony is simply "Should have known that this would happen.") and worries if he could do his work in his new body.

I like it so far, I'm curious how this will turn out.

Hm... I can't really put it in words, but something feels a bit off since Mike is in Equestria. I'm going to keep reading and let you know if I come up with something more helpful!

>>16639581663958 Yeah, he bounces back and forth a couple of times there...

Hmm... Discord seemed a bit out of character to me - Mike asking himself if Discord would be that stupid even felt a bit like a Lampshade Hanging. But I believe he is an extremely difficult to write villain. And the first time both Twilights had to say Goodbye to each other it was cute and the... schmaltziness (is that even a real English word? I'm not a native speaker) was justified considering they thought that they wouldn't see each other again - but this time it felt a bit over the top.

But don't get me wrong, I actually like this story, so I hope my comments are helpful.

Hm... I was bothered a little bit by constantly reading Mike's explanations of the whole story of Chrysalis's defeat while the reader already knows all that. Could be just me, but maybe you could try something like "I told her about me defeating Chrysalis and Nightmare Moon" instead of letting us read through every word Mike says every time. And the Alicorn transformation feels like a bit much to me, but that's definitely just my own opinion.

ZOMG MIKE HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS HAPPENING TO ME ?!?!?!?!

Image: http://cyberchalky.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/nuclear-explosion.jpg?w=221&h=240

Needs a sequel.

I love the reaction the wife makes, its simply priceless! I'll be sure to favorite.

LOUD NOISES!!!!!

Well I personally think it all escalated WAY to quickly, it feels rushed tbh.

most of the stuff that happened in the story seemed WAY to convenient most of the time, and there were really no challenges for him to face that had any major impact, he just simply win instantly every time, you might also want to stretch it more next time you write a story, the story it self were good, don't get me wrong, it just seemed to rushed, and left to much to be wished for while reading it.

But still  I liked it despite that.

>>24423822442382 This was actually my first published story.  I believe my writing has improved somewhat since this story (see Why Did I Choose to be Trixie or The Trouble with Time Travel).

Thanks again for the kind words!  

so much random

Ahh, Trollestia strikes again.

This story did seem a bit rushed, but that didn't really make it any less awesome

Keep up the good work, I will be watching from the shadows

He could get a job at a mine.

I actually wasnt planning on commenting at all on this story but i cant help this

"She is welcome any time, please see her in," Princess Celestia said.  She turned to me and said, "This ought to be interesting," and smiled impishly.

trollight strikes again with the help of her assistant trollmike

and you will have NO control over your appearance when I request it.

I am willing to wager that you were not prepared to grasp the possibility that the magic with which you imbued your vehicle would allow it to cast the same spells you were able to cast in Twilight's body.

I have that dark foreboding feeling again.....

um.....

OP much?

>>25136102513610

I cant express how much i agree

"Prepare to be disappointed,"

Everypony should be when they come to earth