Axan Zenith
Joined 4th May, 2012 ·
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Axan Zenith · 5.2k words · 50 2 · 759 views
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After a long day of swimming at a Disney resort pool, I finally got back to the hotel room. My little brother was sitting on the couch with a tablet in front of him.
"Hey bro," he said, "I just had an idea. I'm gonna try to write a parkour pony fic."
"Wow. That's....pretty dumb, actually."
"You're dumb."
"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, I'm gonna hit the shower. Need to wash all this chlorine off me."
15 minutes and a lot of mulling things over in my head later, I stepped back into the living room wearing nothing but a towel.
"Hey, dude, can I see the iPad after you're done? I got an idea I wanted to write down."
Nice!
FIST PUMP OF VICTORY.
Seriously. That was brilliant. And little!Twilight was worked in really well, even though the identity wasn't all that important in comparison to the act of leaping the chasm. Symbolism? Only a little.
1524570
Exactly. Only a little symbolism. Just a tad. One tiny smidge-o-meter of it.
(Seriously though thanks for the praise.
)
Well done
1525141
Glad you think so!
Hopefully other people will as well, that way there's a chance my story could get f-feature-snktpfft Bwahahahaha!
Sorry. Couldn't say that with a straight face.
You've got six straight upvotes. That's a good sign, if nothing else.
1525337
Hmm. I suppose that's true....
Perhaps.
Very well done, my good friend, very well indeed. I continue to be astonished with your writing, for how low those English grades are. Also, I liked your somewhat subtle reference to your previous story. It gave me a small chuckle. As always, keep up the extraordinary work and you'll bring "f-yeah I'm such a badass" grins to the faces of many ponies. That feel.
1525492
That feel.
Excellent work, Iago. ;3
Cool,very interesting.
1761819
Pfft. That's nothing. When this was first posted, I actually watched it get less attention than a fic entitled "Spongebob's Adventures in Equestria".
*Grins* From the mouths of our own no?:P
Very nicely written. I loved the long pauses in the text, it really helped give emphasis to the actions.
I'm not a big fan of second person so this had less effect on me than it might have and I kind of didn't like Twilight being included. That said this is still a beautiful piece.
This is a really REALLY bad fic. Lllliterally the worst thing i have ever read. I hated the ending the msot.fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/020/b/0/new_canvas_20_by_silvadruid-d5s6uyt.png
That last sentence made me smile, and caused tinglies down my spine. Very very few fics do that. Probably because i dont read very many....But of the 8 i HAVE read, this one made me feel chilly in a really good way!
So, as I'm doing my routine check of my notifications, I see this story and the second one, being added to the group I'm in, "The Writer's Group".
Out of sheer boredom, I click, fully expecting some 100k+ behemoth of an epic.
Instead I find a 1k one shot. And it damn well was epic.
I applaud you. I fave, and I follow.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2726179
Huzzah! I've been rather desperate for more opinions on these stories. Hell, I'm not even picky about whether they like it or not, I just want to know what they think.
So thanks and junk.
2726397
I'm impressed that not that many have seen this. It's REALLY good.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2726407
Eh. You'd be surprised. As I mentioned in one of the comments above, when this fic was first published it got less attention than "Spongebob's Adventures in Equestria".
I didn't know exactly what you meant by "substance", so I decided to check out your writing.
I now know. Like some of the other commenters, I got chills reading it, especially at the last line.
You've created a very *real* aspect to your story, which is a pleasure to read.
Thank you for reading and commenting on my little fic. I hope that you will continue to keep an eye on it. Or two.
Excellent. Gave me chills.
Long live the unknown literary geniuses!
Simple and sweet.
Very inspiring.
Wow, I am pleasantly surprised. The story was brief, but that's what made it great. you conveyed your idea in an organic concise way, and it felt very real. Usually, I jump for longer stories, but you have demonstrated quite clearly here that length is unnecessary. Definitely the best short fic I've read, this literally sent chills down my spine. Well done.
3572360
Well...thanks! To be perfectly honest this isn't my favorite work, but everyone seems to like it well enough, so I won't complain.
The parkour bit is excellent, and I enjoy the idea of the "audience" at the end, but the filly being Twilight Sparkle specifically? I don't know, it just ruins the vibe for me. There really seems to be no reason to have her there specifically, not to mention she sounds like the pony who would run for help after seeing a pony break their face on a rooftop, instead of clapping in approval.
I'm assuming there's supposed to be a message there, but it doesn't work for me. The one I get I don't like, and if it's something else, then I don't see it...