• Member Since 30th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Everyday We Shufflin


T

There is a dent between the human world and the world of ponies and Twilight, Rainbow dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie pie, and Rarity must go out to find what is causing it. The result is something.... that will haunt them for life MUAHAHAHAHA! Based off the classic Disney world ride. Ugh! And Disneyland.

Will be remaking it into something better. This specific story is not cancelled for life, we will just have to wait and see.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 156 )

what the chirp is this

How did I expect people to hate my stories? :ajbemused:

1522531

i hear my cousin frank chirping in the background

1522550 Oh boo hoo. Hold on i'll just step on him.

hey guys whats going on in this thread

1522598 Ur cuz hatin. Me hatin on ur cuz. It's just like school!

I'm so sorry about those two. I don't know how they got out of the jar...

Frank! Cricket! Get over here!

1522640
1522643

No buts. You're both grounded for a month.

1522653 .......... Huh. Everything worked out for me once. Alright then.

1522673

No. Go back to the airplane, Wil.

Da fuq happened in these comments.

Remember to capitalize your names. And it's a bit 'said' heavy. Other words if you please.

Also, you should refrain from using words like "thing" or "stuff."

a decayed old creature thing.

Out of nowhere a bunch of ghosts came out of their graves and started to dance and have tea parties and stuff.

This shows the reader that you cannot generate creative imagery and it breaks the reader from their immersion in the story.

1522743 Yeah I suck at that stuff. I'm just awful at thinking up shit like that.

1522739

“Can I get rarity?” Spike asked.

See this. Missed capitalization on Rarity. Just one example of a few.

“Celestia I had another vision.” Luna said.
“You and that vision thing really creep me out.” Said Celestia.
“Yeah yeah. But it was about a human this time.” Said the night princess.
“Hold on a second.” Celestia said walking into the kitchen and getting some water. She took a sip of the water and immediately spit it out. “What! Luna you sure this wasn’t just a dream? The human world and ours have been separated for years.”
“I know. And you’ve said my visions were just a dream before. Remember Discord?” Luna said.
“I don’t like to talk about that!” Celestia said crossing her arms.

Said this, said that, too many saids. Use other words instead of said. OK boyo.

I don't even know what's happening anymore D:

1522744 I don't know if I should be completely offended cause you don't really like the story or I should thank you for upvoting.

By the gods, this is probably the best comment section I have ever seen.

But yes. Capitalization, Word Choice, and the like. Those need to be worked on.

1522763 Yeah I know. I tried to not have many saids but they keep coming to my dumbass 12 year old mind.

i got out of the jar again

TAB

That may be one of the greatest comment threads I've ever seen on this site :rainbowlaugh:

1522770 .... >:D This is all an illusion! You aren't really here! You are talking to a meat saucer!

1522744>>1522774

Another happy customer, I see.

Jar

1522790

Pffffffffff my baaaaaaad

Login or register to comment