Ooh, nice. Really liked the fight sequence, can't wait to see where this is going.

I read some of the beginning parts, but I didn't really like it to be honest so I stopped mid-way. I just had too many objections.

Given Twilight's power, the villain does seem Mary Sue-ish in my opinion. And if she really wants to kill them, she wouldn't just say to Twilight that "I'm here to kill you." Then, there would be no reason to have the hostage angel. That and, well, why doesn't she have Spike send the letter immediately? Challenge the villain immediately. Teleport Cheerilee out of the way immediately. And so on. And why didn't Celestia show up at the first second that a "warning: mass murderer about" message got to her?

This isn't badly written or anything, so I didn't downvote, but it doesn't quite feel right to me either.

-- AAAAAAAB: >>15265271526527 , this villain is pretty much one a one shot. You'll see, if you decide to follow the story, that is. We have a headcanon (spoiler material, however) regarding what Nocturna is, and their nature, so it's more or less of justified, at least in my opinion.

As for your other points, played for drama, mostly. But, I can understand if it comes off weird, given how it's true that Twilight has demonstrated teleporting others, for example. Wouldn't be the first time she's inconveniently forgotten she can teleport, though. There are canon examples.

Either way, thank you for commenting.

-- Thespurgin: To add to my other head's commentary, the reason Nocturna's behavior is so illogical is rather simple. She's certifiably derranged. We decided to make it a strong tendency or common thread in nightmares for them to be crazy. When more on this is revealed either here or in a related story, you should understand more.

Well, this should be a good read.

>>15265121526512 It'll be a pretty long ride. We have quite a bit of the story planned out already, and there will be plenty more beyond that.

-- AAAAAAAB

Man, this story is trash.  Already one chapter in and Celestia hasn't exploded.  Also, that Nocturna sounds like a really awesome dude.  He's so desu.

On another note, thanks for the positive comments, people.  It's been fun so far.

>>15349931534993 Oh you.

Image: http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/ff286/nfforums/NF%20smilies/ofc5ra1.png

Image: http://i52.tinypic.com/2u8uryw.gif

-- Thespurgin: We shall try not to disappoint >>15272071527207.