Reset Password
Resend Verification Email
5
52
25
171
9,561
<
soundslikeponies
Joined November 2011
1,348 followers
171
9,561
0
59743
186519
soundslikeponies
5
52
25
Joined November 2011
1,348 followers
Groups
-
28w, 4dShipping
-
28w, 5dCelestia & Luna
-
28w, 5dThe Writer's Group
-
28w, 5dTwiLuna
-
28w, 5dLuna Is The Best Pony
-
28w, 4dOrganized Shipping (Most Common)
- Show All Groups
-
20w, 1dTwilight is Best Pony
-
20w, 1dTwilight Sparkle
-
5w, 4d/fic/ception
-
28w, 4ddark soul
-
24w, 2dRomance and Adventure
-
12w, 9hLoyal Subjects
-
3w, 3dIndependent Stories
171
9,561
9,561 ( 9,561 )
More
Less
Comments ( 171 )
Post Comment
Refresh
another Twiluna fix? You have my thumbs up and a favorite 
Image: http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/29372892.jpg
Image: http://iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/89439__UNOPT__safe_princess-luna_animated_laughing.gif
Okay, I hate to be the bad guy here, but I found this...unfulfilling.
Let be explain. For any romance story, you have to really develop the characters. You have to give reasons why they would fall in love, then actually show it. And unfortunately, I didn't see much of that. Oh, there was fluff, but not any that puts it up into the romantic department. All one would have to do is remove the kiss at the end, then the part where Luna asks to court Twilight, and you'd still have a piece that all fluff, but in a more friendship kind of way. It is those two parts that attempt to put in in the realm of romance, but those parts alone aren't enough.
Why yes, I am an English major. Is it that obvious?
this story is way too complete!
great story, really nice!
as you've probably already guessed; i wish there as going to be more!
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_cake.png
I really loved your characterisation of luna, it's spot on. (and I'm saying that that after I've spent the last 2 days figuring out Luna's characterisation based on only canon material (minus end of season 2 since that's not canon.) - so yeah, damn good job)
But as always there's more:
- The story is set 1 year in the future and luna hasn't adapted at all / it seems like neither have seen each other.
That feels kind of odd to me (infact even the original luna eclipsed episode was a bit on the odd side, but I guess that's 'cause they forgot about luna for a while). Works just fine for me though if I just change 1 year to 1 month or something in my head ^^.
We will need an answer then, or it will be much, much later before we get a chance to speak again.
Couldn't twilight go to Canterlot easily? Or Luna simply drop by? (And the whole "but she's ruling equestria"-bit doesn't count. Celestia did that just fine for a thousand years and probably wouldn't object to Luna spending time with someone who appreciates her and her nights.)
They arrived at the edge of Sweet Apple Acres and Twilight stopped and turned to face Luna. She shuffled her hooves together. “Did... did the stars look different from the moon?”Rather than get upset, Luna closed her eyes and smiled. “No,” she said. “They look just like home.”
That line was just perfect.
Infact the whole scene was very well delivered and quite believeable, which in my opinion is something a whole shipfic stands and falls with. Also loved the detail of mentioning the wing again just in the second I was wondering if it's still wrapped around twilight.
Thanks for the great story, have a fave and a like. Really good twiluna and there needs to be more of them.
Image: http://imageshack.us/a/img600/2320/bunnywg.jpg
Luna looked down at her with desire. “I wish to court thee, Twilight Sparkle.”
Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mccof4vsNF1qbty8a.jpg
Image: http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/292/f/7/we_love_staying_up_late__by_oze_jp-d5iach6.gif
Mmmm.. Honestly, I'd love to pelt you with compliments about this story, and maybe its because I've read way too many Twilunas... but this one seemed very bland. Nothing new was really introduced, besides the haunted house, and I feel like so much more could have been done to characterize them, and understand what brings them together in the end. Actually now that I think about it, all of these problems could be solved if it weren't a one shot. So I guess what I'm really saying, in an ungrateful and impatient way, is - More?
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.pngPS, this still has my like.
You nubcake. :D Because if you like the concept of a female in a romantic light, then obviously with ANOTHER female sharing that romantic light with her, the fun will be doubled!
Also, because it just makes the most flippin' sense oddly enough. Big Mac x Anymare (Not including anycolt), or "Lol my neat super-awesome or super-interesting/super-serious/super-emo black-furred OC guy x Anymare" -usually- turns out to be utterly freaking boring or completely stupid. Rare to find straight shipping that doesn't fall into boring or stupid. Not to say there isn't a lot of it, just not many that are good enough to be worth a veteran reader's time.
Gold star and thumbs up for you, and not just because I'm a sucker for TwiLuna. Let's Find and Flying High are two of my favorite shipfics, so I knew this wouldn't disappoint. I do wish you'd add to this, or write a sequel, because you have a real gift for (thankfully!) non-clop shipping.
Agreed. I do love me some feel-good fluff, but actual romance and "courting" require substance beneath the fluff to be believable. I hate resorting to memes when I'm trying to be serious, but *this* pretty much sums up my reaction. Things move way too quickly here. Twilight and Luna have a unique connection that (1) makes them a convincing and likable pair, and (2) offers lots of potential for significant character development/exploration. There are definitely hints of that (e.g., Twilight's awkwardness about Luna's time on the moon), but I want to see more!
Image: http://th08.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2011/214/f/6/new_lunar_republic_wall_by_carmineburner-d42t2km.png
Twilight + Luna = awesome. My favorites. That is all.
Sometimes, the like/dislike system feels a bit restrictive. This is a three-star worthy story, but I'm not sure I want to give it the same level of "like" that I'd give to a slower-paced, more natural-feeling romance. I guess I'll neither like nor dislike. (But I will check out your other stories!)
Spike’s pleas faded as Pinkie Pie dragged him away. Twilight winced, watching him go, trying to give him an encouraging smile. “I’ll see you back at the library!” she shouted as Pinkie dragged Spike off the clearing.
I can almost hear Spike's dramatic "NOOOOOOO!" scream while Pinkie takes him away 
And another beautiful chapter! Loved it 
Makes you wonder what they did. 
and the comedy is definitely the cherry on top 
Short but really warm and sweet.
The shipping part is ok.
However, some words are really good.
Luna “The stars have always been there throughout the ages so that they may guide ponies home.”
Twilgiht “Did... did the stars look different from the moon?”Rather than get upset, Luna closed her eyes and smiled. “No,” she said. “They look just like home.”
Too many feelings.. GJ!
A TwiLuna ship fic? What an original and unique idea!
Image: http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/154/444/notamused.gif
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Sweetie_Belle.png
I enjoyed it, seemed to be paced to fast and the end came too quickly. Though I can never turn down a fic where Luna is one of the main characters.
Image: http://www.deviantart.com/download/294413579/lunadance_by_warpout-d4vaayz.gif
Image: http://i.imgur.com/4YL4n.gifOkay, that said, you could have done quite a bit more with this story than you did. While it's obvious that Twilight cares about Luna as a friend, her reasoning for why she said yes came off to me as though she was doing it out of pity, like with this line.
At that moment, Twilight wasn’t with the Princess of the Night. She was with Luna, a pony who had been alone for a very long time and was trying to reach out to her. And it was then that Twilight knew her answer.
This story has potential, and I always love a bit of Twiluna fluff, but it could definitely use a bit of work. Either way, you've got my upvote, so take heart.
I definitely agree with the ''write more'' crowd. As a standalone work, its very bland and vague for a romance story. The passion seems less of two adult ponies getting into a serious relationship and more of two elementary school kids declaring they will marry each other before running in for their afternoon snack. But if this becomes part of a growing story, it starts to shine. Twilight sees the potential for something (hence her agreement) yet there's still enough doubt and uncertainty to allow the romance to blossom.
You've got something here, and I really hope to see some more come out of this story.
>>1544209 That might be the greatest gif I've ever seen. Thank you.
I liked it! I, personally, don't really have a big issue with the lack of background information regarding their feelings for each other because of something you did incredibly right. Courting = dating. Ie, "You wanna go out some time?" The whole point of which is to feel each other out (pun intended) to see if you're a compatible match. You don't need much of a reason to want to date somepony, and the explanation Luna gave was more than sufficient. Twilight's thought processes during the "date" (that's what it essentially was. Or pre-date date.) could have been fleshed out a little more to show what tipped her over from "maybe" to "yes", but, all in all, it was quite enjoyable.
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
You know what? I like fluff. I wouldn't want to subsist entirely on it as a reader, but sometimes good stories are fun stories. A few people can get wrapped around the axle because there isn't enough elaboration. In this case, while I do tend to agree that expansion would be helpful, I don't think the story necessarily suffers from the lack of additional material. I appreciate writers who can imitate the flow of a MLP episode; it is a admirable ability to transfer what would otherwise be better suited for a visual medium into text format. The cadence, the rhythm, and the sequence of the story is one I readily relate to a typical episode from the show. If that was what you were seeking---and I suspect you were---then you did a very good job.
Setting a fluff variable aside for a moment, even though this is a one-shot, you may wish to consider elaborating more on the thought processes of each characters---especially in particularly emotional environments. The bulk of this story was dialogue and action, both of which are written in an engaging manner. But when Princess Luna, the co-ruler of a Equestria, unexpectedly requests of one of her subjects that they consider the possibility of a romantic relationship, that is some heavy stuff. It does not necessarily require the grinding and gnashing of teeth, but that character---Twilight in this case---should be given to inner-reflection. An interesting contrast might have been occasionally side-stepping out of the narrative and entering Twilight's thoughts and emotions. Then, in the moment of truth, it comes down to the very succinct conclusion you ultimately provide in the story. Such a juxtaposition would foil, I think, what can be a typical bout of hemming and hawing when a character must commit to an answer involving a very personal question.
I do not pretend my suggestion is better the narrative you ultimately crafted. What it may reveal, however, is a strong foundation, i.e., the story you just told, which could serve as a launching point for an lengthier endearing tale. The fact that Twilight and Luna are both socially awkward in their own idiosyncratic ways adds fuel to the fire, so to speak. In other words, a writer has a lot to work with. The nice touch of this narrative is that you may wish to proceed at another time; or you may desire to leave it open ended. I personally wouldn't begrudge you for either decision.
In short, this was a very pleasant story. It may not have broken new ground in the TwiLuna ship, but it could do more if you so desired.
>proposition to twilight
>romance tag
The stars from the Moon look very very different. Much more beautiful, many, many more.
I downvoted it because there were much much too many likes for this little thing. Also I really disliked the "That answers the why me question." bit. Luna should have refuted that point. She should have used that opportunity to compliment Twilight, tell her what else she likes about her other than "you paid attention to me and didn't act like a dick" She could at least have said something along the lines of "I have a lot of acquaintances, but I wouldn't call them friends really." You do not imply "Well, I don't have anyone else, but you'll do." And IF you imply that any self respecting other party should decline. I would, no matter who the other party is or how they look.
"Twilight closed her eyes and nuzzled Luna’s forehead. Then she felt Luna pull away, and a hoof tilt her chin up. She opened her eyes and saw Luna staring down at her, slowly leaning closer."
Image: http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/peter_griffin_-_go_on_____2918.jpg
Fair enough. I was going slightly for a Romeo and Juliet effect, where the love is slightly spontaneous but deep.
As for the body of your comment, most of which had to do with Twilight slightly nervous depreciative humour, Luna frowned when she said that. It was supposed to show she didn't like Twilight thinking that way about herself, and that it wasn't the reason Luna liked her at all, which is why it's really emphasized by being a three word paragraph.
“Well...” Twilight said, not sure how to respond to that. “I guess that sort of answers the ‘why me?’ question I was going to ask,” she said jokingly.Luna’s frown deepened.
In hind sight, Twilight's dialogue following 'Luna's frown deepened' makes it unclear why Luna's frown is deepening in the first place.
But here's the alternative: Luna says "That's not true at all." and goes on to flatter Twilight. I really wanted Luna to feel like the princess she is in the way she acts. And I wanted it to feel that she does act as though she comes from a different culture.
You downvoted because you didn't like the amount of likes it has? Then give a bitchy response about how YOU'D do things in their stead? So you take an opinion that no one cares about, and forcefully inflict it on the story by adding to dislikes. Good job, you ingrate. Hope you win a Darwin Award.
Image: http://iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/princess_luna___animated___by_nesbael-d3dvy1x.gif?1328029922
>>1546579 Sorry, to clarify: If it had a 10 to 1 rate of likes to dislikes I would have upvoted it because that would have been a bit harsh. But with the rate it had I didn't feel bad about pushing it down a bit, because I didn't think it was all that great.
Also I am not saying how the writer should have done it, but what I would have done in Twilight's stead.
>>1546540 Mh... Yes, it's a difficult problem to tackle. If you had mastered it I would have liked and favorited your story.
The "Luna's frown deepened." Doesn't really say all this. I wanted to see it as such, but it still left a bitter aftertaste. This bitter aftertaste would be an excellent sequel hook and I think that this is why so many people think this shouldn't be a single chapter story.
Also I didn't see it as Twilight thinking she isn't deserving of a Princess or anything selfdepreciative, but rather about how Luna comes across as having no one else. She shouldn't flatter Twilight, she should defend herself. I thought it an accusation.
Both of these things contribute to the story seemingly just starting out and me feeling the kiss to have been premature...
I do concur.
B.S. Er dude, other ponies have to exist, it's not like a pony just splits in half and becomes two ponies. There's this wonderful thing called OC creation too. Of course maybe people are too scared to ship Luna with an OC, especially if said OC is a self-insert or somesuch. Besides, it was a tv show made for girls, of course they wouldn't focus much on the guys.
Um, me too maybe. It seemed a bit too hasty, and there's no particular reason to think Twilight is like that or has been harboring secret romance or something. At best, she's humoring Luna and trying to set a hoof into a place where she's not been before (i.e. Twilight + romantic relationship), at worst, pity.
I'm sorry, what were you saying?
That makes zero sense. Explain or desist from spouting nonsense.
I should scream: "lesbian shipping, ugh!", but I'm not going to.
Heh. I agree, I like soaringxdash. Especially after that story I read on here the other day, it was pretty good, even if it's not finished ye.
ME
NOW!!!!!!!!
FOR THE NEW LUNAR REPUBLIC! DISOBEY!
Image: http://th07.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2011/259/4/c/random_new_lunar_republic_post_by_12rooster-d4a1iau.png“Ah saw her somewhere in the crowd,” Applejack said. “She’s dressed in this Viking costume with a brown beard an’ moustache, and has a cohort of fillies and colts followin’ her around. Ya can’t miss ‘em.”remind you of somepony? YOGSCAST! DIGGY DIGGY HOLE!
dtlux1
PS: TUNA IS THE BEST SHIPPING! I LOVE TUNA AS MUCH AS TWIDASH!
It was nice. There's nothing much that makes it memorable. Luna's ye olde archaicism felt a bit unnecessary, even jarring, and the story could have used a few call backs to the first Nightmare Night to show the change in Luna and in her feelings towards Twilight.
All the same, for a simple, casual, quick sleepy-but-trying-to-stay-awake read, it was nice and did its thing.
Anonymous comments currently disabled. Please register to make comments
Cancel
Send