Intervention
A stunned silence had fallen on the meeting room. After Shining’s outburst no one had the nerve to say anything. Princess Celestia was shamefully staring at the ground, while Princess Luna remained frozen in her place. Twilight Velvet and Nightlight were too embarrassed to lift their gaze from the ground while the remaining Elements of Harmony exchanged shared expressions of shock.
After what seemed like an eternity, Celestia broke the silence with a dejected sigh. “I was afraid this would happen.” Celestia said. “I’m sorry you all had to see me like that. I let my emotions get the better of me as well. I think it’s best if we reschedule this meeting for a later date, and–”
“Wait, Princess.” Twilight Velvet called as Celestia stood up. “I... I’d like to continue with the meeting. I want to hear everything that’s happened. Although Shining did make some valid points, I want to hear what your sister has to say before making any conclusions. It seems Shining has already made his, but we didn’t come all the way here to be sent back home.”
Celestia glanced at Twilight Velvet and remained silent for a few moments, but before she could speak, Luna stepped forward. “I think I should take over from here, Celestia,” Everyone focused their attention on Luna as she made her way towards the table and stood next to Celestia.
“Luna, I–”
“Please, Celestia. You’re placing a lot of the blame on yourself and are trying to exclude my own. They need to hear it, and they need to hear it from me.”
Celestia glanced at her sister before nodding and stepping aside.
Luna turned her gaze towards the group surrounding the table took a couple deep breaths before addressing them. “As you all know, I... was Nightmare Moon. Or rather, a creature known as The Nightmare was inhabiting my body. It took control of me one night when my emotions were boiling over. I was jealous of the praise my sister received and angry that I didn’t receive the same. That’s when it attacked. It seized my body... my power, my name… It desired nothing but power, no matter the cost, and did terrible things using me as a vessel. I no longer had control over myself.
“Now, I am not saying I hold no responsibility for what happened during while The Nightmare had my body in her possession. It was my jealousy and greed that allowed it to take over. Everlasting night was a ploy to make me the evil villain, as if I was determined to achieve worship through any means necessary. Thankfully, that plan failed, and we were imprisoned in the moon for a thousand years. However, it quickly discovered it could still torment me, and for centuries The Nightmare described in... vivid detail... how it would enact revenge on my sister by torturing anyone she cared about.”
Luna faced everyone in the room and looked each one of them in the eyes. “It was my own weakness alone that allowed this to happen, that much is undeniable. However, Nightmare Moon is not who I am. What she did... and what I had wanted are not the same. I know it’s asking a lot, but is there any way you can forgive me?”
After several long moments of exchanged glances,abject silence, and contemplation, Luna hung her head. “I see. I-I’m sorry. I need to go.” Just as Luna reached the doors, a voice called out to her from behind.
“Wait!”
Luna turned around to see Twilight Velvet standing at the table. “Your Highness, please don’t take our silence as a denial of forgiveness. I just... it’s a lot to process all at once. We, or at least I, need some time before I can give you an answer. If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to talk things over with everypony before making a final decision.”
Celestia nodded. “That would be wise. It would give us time to perform our royal duties as well. Luna, let’s leave them to their discussion.”
As Celestia left the room, Luna followed sullenly behind her.
*-~-*
“This is absolutely insane.” Shining Armor grumbled as he plowed through the city. “Nightmare Moon killed Twilight, and Celestia expects me to just forgive her?” Shining snorted in annoyance as his speed increased. “And Celestia practically sent Twilight to her death with her meddling! She’s just as responsible as her sister!”
He charged down the streets of Canterlot in a rage-induced stampede. Even as his legs started to scream for mercy, he pushed forward, slowly blowing off steam. As his rage subsided, so did his speed. “She doesn’t know– she could never know what this is like.”
What makes you so sure?
Shining’s jumped and scanned his surroundings. “What?” He shook his head and sighed, turning his gaze to the ground. “It’s not fair. It’s just not fair! Twilight didn’t deserve this.”
And Luna did?
Shining looked around again, groaning in annoyance. “I must be losing my mind.” Spotting a bench out of the corner of his eye, he begrudgingly pushed himself up and walked over to it and laid down, watching as the sun fell below the horizon.
A few seconds of silence passed until an unmistakable voice demanded his attention. “You may be my BBBFF, but right now, I can’t even begin to explain how disappointed I am in you!”
Shining jumped, looked to his left and nearly screamed when he saw Twilight standing next to him. “Tw-Twily? You’re... alive!?” He scrambled to sit up on the bench.
“No, not exactly... but I’m here for now, Shining.” Twilight shook her head. “I still can’t believe you would just storm out o–”
A light chuckle interrupted her. “So that’s it then,” Shining said between laughs, “I have lost my mind. That definitely explains a few things… lately, anyway.”
Twilight groaned and quickly grabbed Shining’s muzzle. She pulled it down into a face to face. “No, Shining, you’re not crazy.”
“Of course I am!” Shining yelled and wrenched himself from her grasp. “I’m a full grown stallion, lying on a bench in the park talking to my dead little sister! That doesn’t sound like a madpony at all!”
“Don’t snap at me! I'm trying to help you here!”
“Help me? How?” he growled, his earlier irritation returning as his thoughts drifted back to the ruins. “You’re dead, Twilight!” Shining averted his eyes and whispered, “You’re dead.” He collapsed onto the bench with a grunt and placed his head between his forelegs. “I saw it myself.”
Twilight’s ears flattened against the back of her head as she took a step forward. “You... you saw me?”
Shining nodded slowly. “Yeah...”
“I... I’m sorry you had to see that. With the condition I was in–”
Shining shook his head. “All I saw was you lying there. Princess Celestia healed–” he stopped. Healed was not the right word. “She fixed the damage Nightmare’s spell caused.”
Twilight sat down next to Shining and nuzzled him gently. “Shhh,” she cooed, “it’s okay, just talk with me a bit. How are Mom and Dad handling everything?”
He took a couple deep breaths before answering, “They’re distraught, and they miss you, but,” his voice quieted, “they’re certainly holding up a lot better than I am.” Shining turned his head away to hide his shame.
“I’m a royal guard, yet after hearing what Celestia did I nearly attacked her! I was so furious I– Did you know she–”
“Had planned for me to confront Nightmare Moon.” Twilight nodded. “I know.”
Shining blinked. “Not just that! You... died. You died because she wanted her sister back! Aren’t you mad? O-o-or upset!?”
Twilight sighed heavily. “Well, I wish I was still alive, but how could I be mad at her? I didn’t decide to stop Nightmare Moon knowing I’d die, nopony did. At first I decided to fight Nightmare because I felt like I needed to. But then I was placed under a spell that forced me to attack the others who were with me. I hurt them...” Twilight turned toward the ground. “... badly. I wanted to. But that wasn’t me. I was watching from within my own body. I fought back when I realized what I was doing, and in the end, I broke free. Not to defeat Nightmare Moon, but because I realized how important those five were and how much I wanted to protect them. That’s why I did what I did.
“Because of that, I was able to return Princess Celestia’s little sister back to her. A pony who had no control over what a monster was doing in her name. And what do you do? You wouldn’t even stick around and listen to what really happened. You just called her a murderer and stormed out, throwing a tantrum like-like some foal!”
“Well, you don’t need to be so blunt about it,” Shining sulked.
“Sorry Shining, but you of all ponies should know better than to be so irrational. Look where you are in life. You’re a Lieutenant of the Royal Guard, yet abandoned the ponies you vowed to protect in a fit of rage, with someone who you called a murderer. Look at me, and tell me you honestly believe that she was a murderer.
Shining opened his mouth, but the words refused to come out. He tried once more to restate his opinion, but failed again. With a defeated sigh, he hung his head.
“If you had honestly believed that, would you have left Mom and Dad in the room with her? Would have left Celestia in there with her? My friends?”
“I know, and I–”
“And one more thing!” Twilight interjected. “You said earlier that Celestia could never know what you’re going through, but you and I both know that’s not true. She lost her sister for a thousand years! She had to suffer with the knowledge that she had been forced to banish her for someone else’s crimes. If anyone can understand what it’s like to lose a sister, it’s her.”
Shining sniffled as Twilight’s words hit hard. Tears trickled down his cheeks as he averted his eyes. The sun fell behind the horizon and the moon slowly rose above them. The stars took their shape in the night sky, dimly illuminating the empty park.
“It’s just... Twily, I miss you so much. I can’t accept the fact you’re gone. And how can I? Whenever I came home it was your smiling face I looked forward to. Mom and Dad mean the world to me, too, but,” he paused, “you were my little sis. I joined the guard so I could protect you, but I couldn’t even do that. What kind of Royal Guardspony can’t even protect his own family?” Shining looked back towards Twilight. “And you know what the worst part is? There’s not a single thing I could’ve done differently. That’s what tears me apart.” Shining choked back a sob. “I don’t want to say goodbye, Twily. I just want you back.”
Twilight pulled him into another hug as Shining cried softly. She sat there and held him until his crying came to an end. “Shining, you’re my big brother, best friend forever and I love you. Nothing will change that, but what’s done is done. I can’t stay for much longer, but we both know that it’s time you make things right with the princesses. And if you don’t, so help me, I will haunt you in your sleep.”
They both giggled as they broke off the hug. “Now go.”
“But... are you sure they’ll even forgive me?”
“I ca–”
“After what I did today, I’ll be lucky if I’m not run out of the guard!”
“Well that–”
“I may even get kicked out! I may–”
“Shining, listen to me!”
Twilight grabbed Shining’s muzzle with both her hooves and held it shut until he fell silent. “Look. I can’t say for certain what will happen, but you still have to try to make things right. Besides, take a look at the sky, and tell me what you see.” Twilight waved a hoof upward and his gaze followed it.
It took a moment, but his eyes eventually came to rest on a new, vivid constellation and his mouth dropped. “She... made a constellation of you?” The longer he stared, the more details he could make out. Twilight's eyes, her cutie mark, he could even make out her bangs. “It's beautiful, Twilight, but I don't... Twilight?”
Shining turned around but all he found was an empty park bench. He let out a ragged sigh in resignation and as he turned back to the constellation, a shooting star grabbed his attention. He followed it as it streaked through the constellation until it vanished behind Canterlot Castle.
“Okay, okay. I get it.” Shining smirked as he stood up and began the long trek back to the castle, but paused and looked up at the constellation one last time.
“Goodbye, Twilight... and thank you.”
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Chapter definitely feels incomplete, more like something that belongs at the end of the last chapter than the beginning of this one. The constellation is a nice touch, though. Twilight's seemed a little too comfortable and matter of fact through all this, granted that she didn't really have much time to consider the notion of dying or feel anything about it other than anger or regret.
So, taking bets: Who's creating magical illusions to mindrape Shining into line?
Also, this is the first time I've ever seen someone take the proper run at Cellybeans she deserves. That entire episode, and for a lot of the rest, she's simply playing games with ponies' lives. She's just fucking with them.
Well, Shining sure got over that fast.
3787695
No magical illusions, this was probably twilight's spirit (Luna talked with Twilight's spirit in the astral plane a few chapters back)
Sadly I must admit this kinda re-affirms the worries I had when Luna met Twilight's Spirit in "Reconciliation Part 2" - bringing Twilight back into the story as a character - even if only in Spirit form - reduces the impact Twilight's death had.
A story with Twilight truly dead would have had the opportunity to explore how the characters deal with the loss. Twilight still being available for interaction (in Spirit form) takes away from that.
I have to say while I still like this story, I disagree with the direction it's taken.
You created all these great emotional conflicts by having Twilight die, but now are squandering them by having ghost Twilight act as a deus ex machina to resolve them. Not only that, but by bringing Twilight back in any form weakens the impact of her death.
The story would be stronger if the characters have to resolve their feelings themselves.
Missing quotation at the end.
Luda in Equestria? Vinyl will have some competition. (ludicrous)
Missing quotation.
3787831 To be honest I had a feeling this was going to happen for some people, and I'm beginning to think the next chapter might cause a few other people to feel the same way. >.< I'm kinda preparing for a bit of a backlash.
But I'm not changing the direction the story is currently taking. I know you weren't telling me to, but I know it might anger some people, so I'm saying it right now.
3787842 Fixed the errors. thanks for pointing them out!
3787801 I originally had another idea, but I will say this, to alleviate some worries, Twilight won't be a part of the story anymore. This is her last appearance.
3787801 That's why I'm hoping/guessing it's an illusion, because if the author just went LOL NOPE SHE'S A GHOST NOW it would take out all the impact her death had, and make us all look like idiots for waiting this long for it.
Well a few contingency errors in this one, Celestia first of all did tale Shining about the fact that she offered to take twilights pain onto herself, and that she knew Luna was no longer a threat. Go and check the last chapter again if you don't believe me.
Furthermore I personally still think Celestia is given way too much leeway, and the sparkle family is much too forgiving for it to be believable. The bearers reactions are a bit more understandable since they just met Twilight that same day and have quite a lot of distance to her, more or less only feeling she was a brave girl and their sorry she died. But the sparkle family’s reaction just seems off and wrong. There is no way in hell they would be so forgiving and understanding towards Celestia for what has happened.
I might be a bit off here and please tell me if I am, but I don't think you have lost anyone truly close to you yet in your life. If that's the case then I'm actually a bit envious, and I understand that you think one can forgive something like that so quickly and easily. But trust me when I say it just would not happen.
I have lost someone, and my pain was “just” losing my father figure at an early age, he was my grandfather but I didn't have a real father in my life so he filled that role. He died much too early because of certain circumstances that I will not speak of here.
So the thought of losing my child because someone else wanted their sister back… It doesn't matter who they are or what their reason was… I would kill them or die trying for taking my child's life in exchange for their happiness!
Celestia has admitted she took a gamble with Twilight's life and lost… If you take a gamble like that you better make fucking sure you're the one suffering the consequences for it and not some unknowing third-party.
Otherwise it is like Shining said, murder, if not directly then sure as hell by manipulation. The only thing he does wrong is accusing Luna when the responsibility is squarely at Celestia’s hooves when it comes to Twilights death. And yes Nightmare Moon was the one costing the spell, but Celestia sure as hell made certain it could happen with her gamble and way of handling the situation.
So I still say Shining’s reaction to it all is so far the only one that still makes sense, except for the fact that it seems he's ready to forgive everyone in this chapter. Then there is the way Twilight Velvet is all apologetic and forgiving, that also really ticks me off in this chapter, that reaction to what has happened is just… NO!
Then Rainbow’s blurts out her line about Shining’s behavior being way out of line, I almost flew through the roof at that complete bull shit line.
Then there is to talk between Shining and Twilight where she says he should be ashamed because Celestia knows how it feels to lose a sister… then that makes her behavior in the last two chapters even more appalling and cruel.
I'm starting to feel I'm coming off a bit angry here and I'm sorry for that. But up until the last two chapters this story was truly one of my favorites, and I was really looking forward to it starting up. And now all of a sudden two chapters later, I feel I just can’t relate to any of the characters in the story. Their reactions are just so far out of touch with anything remotely resembling what I personally would feel in that situation, I just don't know how you will manage to save this.
I'll stick in there for a while longer, hopefully you'll be able to pull a miracle of here and get the story back on tracks. Because I really feel there is potential in it, and I hope you will start reining in the story in the next chapter.
Hope I haven't come off as too much of a dick… so until next time, have a nice one!
Awesome! I can't wait for more!
nothing I can think of fits this chapter better than this.
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PL67ELyOKjVQvjk84sFqjcInI4VFksZb0d&feature=player_detailpage&v=RTlY8lXZaE0]
Actually, I would see it a bit differently. Celestia had to banish her sister, losing her. The difference is that she knew one day she would be back, Twilight is gone forever. May seem insensitive but that's the way I see things.
Shining Armor's breath through the mask was a strained rasp as he looked down upon the broken midnight Alicorn before him. The analgesic supplied by the mask helped... but no medication could ever truly banish the agony within his soul. "Why..." the Moon Princess coughed, "why didn't you just... banish me?"
"You don't fear banishment, Princess" Shining Armor sneered. "You welcome it. For the death of my Sister, Twilight Sparkle, your punishment must be more severe..."
Hmm.... Last Chapter:
This Chapter:
But she did Just mention it to Shining Armor in her fit of rage!
chapter 8 made me cry... wow...
3788648
i kinda second this, it was the same thing i was thinking about the moment i red the story
3790078 Oh crap. That one line in chapter 7 I thought I had removed... I'll fix that.
3788648 She knew Nightmare Moon would be coming back. She didn't know for certain Luna would ever come back. Even the prophecy she received almost two decades ago about her return, it wouldn't be for certain what would happen that day.
3788055 Y'know I kinda hinted this would happen in chapter 6 when Luna and Twilight had a conversation... it wasn't a thing out of left field.
3788160 Well, I did fix the errors. Thanks for pointing them out (In all honesty, I that I had removed that one line.)
Second of all, no one has forgiven anyone yet.
And I'm sorry to see that it's not staying where you had wanted. I know a few people are in the same boat, and I feel bad that the story isn't living up to what people wanted. I'll probably make a video or blog post explaining what's gone on with this story after I complete it..
3788160 I agree with you on 99% of this.
The only thing, keep in mind that everyone in the room has been trained to suck celestial D from the moment they were born. Sure, she killed their daughter, but c'mon, u guise, it's cellybeans! She can do no wrong!
3791446 And it's less an issue with her 'coming out of left field' and 'not fucking staying dead'
3791536 I know, but if it's any consolation, she's gone for the remainder of the story. I'll delve into all my headcanon and stuff in the blog post I create once this story is finished.
3791484
Thank you for answering dastrdlyW. Nice to hear you fixed the errors. I have missed stuff in my own stories as well, so it happens to everyone.
Also I don't disagree with the direction the story is taking, my disagreement is with how the interactions between the sparkle family and the Royal sisters are handled. They are... well... Let's just say they are unbelievably, extremely, on comprehensively understanding towards Celestia's way of seeing things.
Seeing Twilights mother and father more or less given a shrug of the shoulders and then say "Oh how wonderful that your sister is back Princess, too bad Twilight had to died to make it happen... Well we can always make another one I guess. Honey, could you pass me another cupcake? They go simply marvelous together with this tee Princess."
I might have been power phrasing a bit, but this is more or less what's happening... and that is what I cant really accept this story right now. Apart from that I do like what you've done, and I'll see where this is going with anticipation.
But if this isn't turned around within the next couple of chapters, I will most likely be one of the people standing on the hilltops screaming rewrite! Rewrite please please rewrite!
Okay I'll stop ranting now, I think you understand pretty well now where I stand on the subject.
So I bid you goodbye for now, and I'll see you at the end of the next chapter most likely.
3791536
Mostly true, but I would still be standing right next to Shining trying to rip her freaking head off if it was somebody I loved who died like that...
3791577 But the thing is, she showed up just in time to go HO, WHAT'S THAT? INTERESTING CHARACTER DEVEOPMENT?! NOT ON MY WATCH! and then vanished into the sunset like the Lone Ranger of Status Quo
3788648 also, Twilight's spirit was, until the end of this chapter (I think?) hanging around and being helpful.
There's also the fact that Twi, spirit or no, is the element of magic and you can use magic for all KINDS of weird stuff. timetravel to change the past and body generation for instance... or twi could turn into a bodyhopping superghost, or ascend in death, or just materialize out of pure mana...
but that's conjecture.
3791438 The thing about being a ruler, is that you have to see everyone as a chess piece. To gain a powerful piece back you must be ready to sacrifice another. She may not have counted on losing Twilight, but gaining her sister back was always her end game. As important Twilight is to her, Celestia knew she would eventually grow old and die. Did she plan so far ahead that she was already thinking about her becoming a Alicorn? Maybe, but who's to say?
Give us more or I swear that I will find you and skin you.
I disapprove of this chapter and how quickly Shining is ready to forgive Celestia/Luna. I disapprove how none of the other elements back up Shining at all. I dunno, this story started out really good but the handling of Celestia makes me not happy!
I think the whole thing sort of feels like nobody really cares that Twilight died, which made last chapter and Shinings outrage very relatable...now it sounds like it's back to who cares! Even twilight herself is too ok with herself being dead. Need more anger and angst to make it believable!
3796680 What makes you think he's ready to forgive Celestia? All he agreed to here was to apologize for his actions, namely assaulting his monarch(s) and storming out like some kind of child throwing a tantrum.
creepy ghost twilight is comforting
3791577
Please do. I mean I don't have any desire for Twilight to stay dead, but yanking her right back without some cost would be story breaking. Not sure where the story could go though except to end promptly w/o Twilight to drive it. It's a story about Twilight or at least her demise.
3814134 I believe I put somewhere that Shining had turned over the body to the set of ponies originally going to take her. I know I had that in somewhere at some point, but I've had so many revisions and rewrites of chapters and sections, it may have been removed somewhere along the line and forgotten to put back in.
Many people have already pointed out their perceived story problems in this fanfiction, but I'm willing to sit and watch where the story goes next before I cast judgment. So for now, I'll focus on something that I didn't see in the comments section.
What is really hurting this story the most is the dialogue. This simply isn't how people, or in this case, ponies, talk. Characters are giving speeches when they should be conversing. If you listen in on every day conversation, there's a flow to it that is missing in this story. Only Celestia has an excuse, as her dialogue is a bit overwrought, as befitting her stature in the Equestrian government. But I'd expect it to be toned down when she's under duress. And no, having her say "shut your mouth before I shut it for you" doesn't help; in fact, that line was so out of nowhere and uncharacteristic of her that I resolved to write this comment to try and give you this advice.
To try and give a concrete example, here's a line of dialogue in this story.
"I was prepared to take all of Twilight’s injuries and the spell placed onto her and move them to myself, but you know what Twilight did? She stopped me, and told me she didn’t want anyone else to undergo what she was at the time." ~ Celestia
Here we see Celestia being a very big drama queen. There's no need for her ask Shining a question like that. It comes across as needlessly theatrical. The whole thing could stand to be shortened a bit, to sound more like normal talking. Here's my very quick attempt at re-writting the dialogue while keeping the same message.
"I was prepared to take all of Twilight injuries and the curse upon myself, but she wouldn't let me. She didn't want anypony else to go through what she was feeling."
Changing "the spell placed upon her" to "the curse" makes the sentence just a tad less complex. "She wouldn't let me" amplifies Celestia's feelings of helplessness over the situation, while not diminishing Twilight's bravery. "Anyone" to "anypony" is obvious. And then I cut down the last bit again so that Celestia used less words to say the same thing.
Again, Celestia has more excuses than most to speak in many words and theatrics. But that's better suited to when she is sitting on the throne, not talking to a soldier who is grieving over the death of his sister.
I hope this advice helps. I do enjoy this story, but as it stands, it could use some revising.
3821416 Dude, it's undergone countless revisions. Days of editing and rewriting and revising and rewriting again. you have no idea hahaha.
I will say, maybe Celestia's question was a bit much, but emotions were high during that scene, which is why I felt justification for it. Either way thanks for your comment!
3822569
Haha, I know how tiring it can be to keep revising stuff. Before I got my first story on EQD, I had to re-write the ENTIRE story almost from scratch, only keeping most of the dialogue. And I've been editing and revising my current fic for about a year now, and I still don't have word back from EQD on my second submission.
The sentences I chose to critique weren't chosen because they were specifically bad, but because I saw someone quote them in the comments section, and figured that it was as good a dialogue section as any to look at. It's really hard to talk about dialogue writing in brief, because to write believable dialogue, you need to not only know how a character thinks and acts, but how people in general communicate. If you're open to more advice and critique, I could provide it, but the comments section probably isn't the best place to get in-depth.
3822703 Dude, rewrite from scratch is exactly what I did. Hell, originally this story was two chapters, ending with Twilight's death, then three chapters after I expanded on it, still ending with Twilight's death. But then feedback from EQD came and said "there should be more" basically. It was a really great thing that happened.
And yeah, like I said, some of the dialogue in there could be better. I'll take a loo later when I have more time about revising those few lines. But I mainly made it a story because I didn't know HOW anyone would interject, and figured no one would interrupt the Princesses basically issuing an apology for being responsible for Twilight's death.
All i could think about when reading this more and more was "choo choo all aboard the feels train"
.......But none the less a very well written story 
I can't wait to continue reading it and see whither or not they forgive Luna. Keep up the good work and can't wait to read the rest of the story.
What this story needs to have at some point is a scene where twilight talks to all of them, a chance to say a final good bye to everyone before she moves on to the afterlife.Thats what I would like to see
Next chapter please
YOU ARE AWESOME. Why the pause please finish this story
6221683
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3974429
Thank you all for the comments. I posted a blog entry today about the future of this story.
3881537
Probably. I'll take a look at that as I go through and re edit this story. Found some things I should change early and figured I may as well do some re editing. Won't be rewriting a lot though.
3822703 Reread your comment. I don't know if you still follow this story but it's being updated again. And the chapter you made this comment on will probably be massively redone, and I'll take a look a look at that line in chapter 7 as well.
And I know I kinda changed the personality of some of the characters and the way they speak, but that was intentional to fit the story. But I'm still undergoing some editing. I thank you for your comment and will definitely go into detail about it.
Cap. [Group / Organization]
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needs end " marks.
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A little sad that there's only one chapter left. But it's been fun re-reading this.
God I'm crying this Story is just so sad.