It seems good so far, just some minor formatting issues since some paragraphs are indented while others aren't. Storywise, it feels as if the first two chapters could be merged into one, or maybe go into further detail in each of them to flesh things out. Details like what exactly happened with the Loyalists and further backstory on the other characters should also probably be resolved early one, as the way that it stands will have a reader that's played the game with some questions.

I really like how Emily fits into all this.

...Now, is Dunwall ready for a purple magical talking pony?

Probably not.

And thus, our adventure begins.

Should you need any more help, Klepto, you know who to call.

GHOSTBU-

>>15149861514986

-STERS

Thanks, I'll be sure to get in touch with you again.

Been wondering when someone would do a fanfic about this, it's possible people already have and I'm just blind, but yay

Hehe, I'm finishing writing a Dishonored crossover too, but it tells the story many years after what happened in the game.. Anyway good luck mate and have a Derped Rarity for the idea:

Image: http://th03.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2012/297/6/4/rarity_got_derped_by_derant-d5iququ.png

Haven't even read it and I already want to make love to yo-I mean, erm, good story, will check it out.....

No seriously, I've been waiting for Dishonored since it was in RUMORS, I've beaten in like 4 times now and it's one of my favorite games ever made at this point next to Half Life and Halo (Of course, story wise) I've been PRAYING for someone to make a Dishonored Fic. You have my thanks, good sir.

so with wich ending are you working on this fanfic?the low chaos ending?

I forsaw this fanfic... Long ago.... Now to read.

I quite enjoyed this....I shall stal- I mean watch you as you create more word sequences that work well together. (I like your writing style)  

>>15216271521627

Interesting ... I LOVE THIS STUFF

>>15238511523851

Despite the grim outset, I am working with the low chaos ending. I don't think I could work with the way Emily becomes a bloodthirsty tyrant on the high-chaos ending.

>>15240711524071 good cause i was hoping that you were using the low chaos ending it seens to be the most cannon ending and also my personal favorite

A dishonred fic already, damn that was quick.

Looking forward to reading it, gonna wait till I beat the game first in case of spoliers.

Hmm... This seems to be featued, huh.

Can someone please explain how the feature box works? I'm not sure anymore. 29:4 like to dislike ratio with a feature. Are there other variables?

Interesting premise that is done fairly well. It would be interesting to read what purpose Twilight could find in a plague-ridden, war torn city.

Intriguing. I wonder if Twilight and Spike will stay as a Ponie and a Dragon respectfully, or will they both be transformed into Humans? The Overseers would have a meltdown if they ever encountered these two in their original forms, and don't get me started on Piero and Solokovs reaction... Actually, i'm looking forward to Twilight meeting those two.

Emily Pankhurst: "you cant win a war, no one can win a war!"

me:

like

>>15149731514973

>>15261171526117

Well, as of now, there are 37 likes, but there are 68 favorites.

I think someone is holding out on me.

when in doubt: face hoof

Ohhh this is gonna be good!

For the love of plasma weaponry, yyeeesssssss....

I have been waiting too long for a Dishonoured crossover.

Image: http://media.giantbomb.com/uploads/1/16071/2147093-un_mother_of_god_meme_rage_face.jpg

It's real.

Ah, good to see I'm not the only one doing this, and judging by the positive reception it'll be a good read. Watched.

The Outsider... that prick, I never liked him.

A very good start to a promising story. I especially like how you have captured both the Outsider's tone and the feelings of Corvo and Emily's relationship perfectly. I look forward to the next chapter.

Looking forward to more.

In the case of placing spoilers and ruining the game for others who haven't played it yet, I find this story to be quite a wonder. The story is well-written and excellent ideas, seriously though, does anyone took notice that the markings on the portal was an easter egg of "Portal". I didn't know that at first, but man, I was like wooing all over.

The story is interesting, especially Twilight going to city of Dunwall by magical mean, but is it wise to have her visit to a grim and darken city. I was thinking more like having the Outsider interact with the princesses more than the student, so I'm kinda concern about that part. But seeing this is all about ponies, let's go through with it and let's see how it goes. The writing style was easy to read, descriptive and exciting because you could just imagine the scenario just by reading it. Another concerning about was Discord that use to rule over the Veil before the Outsider. I mean seriously, Discord ruling the Veil? I don't see the picture. Sure, the Outsider can be chaotic sometimes, but don't forget that he is a true neutral, both an angel and a demon and his goals are unknown and mysterious; which I find it to be interesting.

So in the end, cutting it short, the story was good, but the plot, well, I'm hoping that the next chapter have Whalers kidnapping the purple mare or something. Keep on writing good sir, I'm eager to see what happen next.

More please!

Well no offense against your story, but my story was more popular, but never got featured. I'm just wondering what factors lead to the feature box

>>15287911528791

I was thinking on there being more interaction between Celestia and the Outsider, but I'll be completely honest with you.

I have trouble writing Celestia's character. I experimented with it during the first fiction piece I wrote... it didn't end well.

Regarding Discord and the Void, I was mainly using it as a writing item to give Celestia a bit of back story with the Outsider. Although re-watching "The Return of Harmony", I do see your point of view.

Regarding the Whalers, keep in mind that their supernatural abilities were linked directly to Daud, and as a result their abilities would most likely be diminished, if not reduced to nothing, when he died. However, I may consider going more in-depth with them later. Rest assured, the 'adventure' tag is there for a reason, things are just getting warmed up here.

>>15289801528980

Image: http://media-titanium.cursecdn.com/attachments/42/719/634798639221257881.jpg

Personally, I think scoring the featured box takes a bit of luck, in addition to having a good story. Personally I would also appreciate any solid knowledge regarding the process of how a story makes the featured box. I've seen the same story make the featured box over and over again whilst other authors had to be content with sitting on the sidelines. (Not that I didn't like 'What Princesses Need', but it gets old after the third time you read it, y'know?)

EDIT: Ah, here we are, I looked it up. The explanation for featured stories are as follows:

"Featured stories are completely automated. They are calculated on a mix of a few things. The number of likes a story has received, the proportion of likes to dislikes, the total number of ratings, how frequently it's being viewed and the time since it was approved are all factored into the equation."

...Yeah, I think by now we can both agree that it feels a bit more complex than that.

You... this story... just...

ALL OF MY LOVE! ALL OF IT! I read this even before it became featured, and now that I have an account, just... Agkjdlkgjlgjhfllghdlghl

Please, keep this up!

sounds like corvo needs a little help from an outside friend

FUCKING YES! BEEN WAITING FOR A DISHONORED STORY TO COME ONTO FIMFICTION!

Brace yourselves. the dishonored crossovers are coming.

I just got Dishonored a week ago and haven't stopped playing since. And you sir, have made an awesome crossover. Keep it up!

>>15295041529504

You know, as of now, there are three other Dishonored fics on this site...

I'd pretend that I'm the first, but that would be petty and dishonest, so here:

The Rat Assassin

Dishonored: The Outsider's Reach

An Even Sadder Hand Fate Has Dealt

Dishonored ponyfic, good Dishonored ponyfic. Well, I'm impressed

You combined Dishonored and MLP. Instant like and fave.

All of my yes.

>>15273101527310 That could be me, But I'll fix that

Good stuff dude. I honestly can't wait to see where you take this.

Well alright then, this just got very interesting.

If I may make a suggestion:

You shouldn't ignore Twilight's 'home universe' while she's out on her adventures.

How do her friends react to her disappearance?

How does Celestia react? Seeing as she probably knows exactly where Twilight went.

And even more importantly:

Assuming Twilight makes it back eventually (albeit with some scars, mental and physical)

Do not end the story right when she gets back.

Having a Twilight, changed by another world, have to readjust to life in Equestria makes for some damn good reading.

Even if you completely ignore my advice, this is shaping up to be a good story. And I look forward to reading more.

>>15290451529045

I don't mind the interaction with Celestia, but why her? Shouldn't it be Luna instead. I thought she was the more interesting type, seeing that she was imprisoned by her sister for a thousand years. Also, the Whalers aren't link to Daud, they're bestowed upon the gifts given to him; and by likely chance that Whalers may have a new leader and following Daud example in teaching new recruits of their powers.

From what I have read so far I can safely say that I can follow this story with some antisipation.  While I was a bit skeptical at first to read this as most of the time when I see a crossover with a pretty small word count per chapter it usally leads to some combination of bad writing, gratuitous fan serves, or rushed plot.  I'm happy to see this one break the mold that and can't wait to continue with the next part.

Hey, it has come to attention that many of you are adding this story to your favorites, without dropping a 'like'.

I don't like being held out on, so please leave a like if you fav'. I appreciate it.

Awww yea update and on Holloween no less. I love this but it needs conflict when does corvo become an ex-ex-assasin? You have my like and fav

Interesting chapter, seems as though Emily is going to be the one playing the main role as rather than Corov...I like it.

I can't wait for the plot to start developing. Knowing the Outsider, this HAS to be interesting.

Sooooo...is it too much to ask for spoilers?

>>15407391540739 Since the great tracking/favorites consolidation debacle, faving does not necessarily constitute a like. It is a step above the read it later, in that you want to receive updates on new chapters, but if the quality of said chapters declines it can easily be un-starred. A like means that you endorse this story with your own personal stamp of approval. I end up "liking" probably about 5% of the stories I track(fav).

As for what this means for you and your story? A few more good chapters to give a better feel of the story and you'll more than likely get a thumbs up from me.

Entertaining chapter and nice timing. I'll be interesting in reading the rest of it as you post.

YOU LYING SACK OF SHIT!

I DID leave a like!

sorry about that, either way KEEP IT UP SON! or daughter.....whichever you are

You know, the humans were taking this surprisingly well. I somehow get the feeling that if word of this reaches the Abbey, it is going to raise holy hell.

>>15300071530007 Maybe you aren't the first, but you do have something those others don't. Yours is a pony going to Dishonored, theirs are all Corvo going to Equestria. A fresh perspective is always nice.

>>15407911540791

>>15410081541008

I'm just going to say, I have a framework for the next two chapters already lined up. Personally, I think that the encounter scene is always the most awkward scene in every single 'PoE' fic. The inevitable scene in all "Pony-in-<world of choice>" type fics is that one part where the pony of choice, and a character from the other world meet, and that idiot says "What? Horses can't talk. That's impossible!

Image: http://forums.deletionquality.net/images/smilies/byodood.gif

As you may have noticed, I tried to educate the characters in question as much as possible about each other before they actually met. I'll just tell you that while writing the encounter scene, I feel like an alpaca eating apples. The speed and grace with which everyone reacted was a necessity so that I can get on to the actually interesting stuff.

Cool story bro

This is certainly getting interesting. I bet Piero will be intrigued by magic, although that could get Twilight in trouble with the Abbey of the Everyman. I'm certainly liking the way this is going so far, and I can't wait to see how the characters interact. For your hard work, have a rune.

Image: http://oyster.ignimgs.com/mediawiki/apis.ign.com/dishonored/6/60/Rune.png

I can imagine what will happen when Twilight learns about Corvo's magical abilities.

She will end up thoroughly creeped out.

>>15283351528335 truth be told, I thought of him as a more neutral version of Discord, he's an observer who intervenes to make things interesting.

Have a like

I demand a new chapter now.

>>15407391540739 It's not that I wasn't going to like it. I just had not read it yet, but now I have and I put a like. I'm all a-twitch as I read this story, please more!

>>15407391540739 and not to be rude, but liking does absolutely nothing, except move up your spot in the featured which seems to be more and more exclusive, especially in your case since a dishonored cross over was recently in the featured but that would need a large amount in a short period of time, but other then that, as far as i know it does nothing

This pleases me thus far...

I just finished this game yesterday, so reading this fic will most please the Inspectah.

D'awww

Just... right in the feels

ERMAHGERD NERW CHERPTAR!!!

Heh,  hehehe.  Oh Twilight, just wait... you're going to get to find out how they harvest whale oil.

And you will scream.  And you will beg Celestia to take you home.

Another excellent chapter.  I was wondering a couple things though.  Do Corvo still have the heart? And did he find Jesamine's secret office behind the fireplace? There was a recorded message in there for Emily.

This is better than... gak.  I'm sorry.  That's good, by the way.  

Makes me want to play this game that much more.

More Corvo.

Another good chapter to an already excellent story. I honestly can't wait to read the rest of this and see where it goes from here.

Very nice, havn't played the game myself, know what its about though. Though, I wonder, like BadWolf, does Corvo have Jessmine's heart? I would guess not, guards (and especialy Emily) would freak if Corvo had the former Empress's heart now would they. Keep it up, wonder if The Outsider, or some new villain (ok, Outsider was kind of an Anti-Villain, a lesser evil, but still, he was called a cross between the devil and an angel) this is going to be good.

Good show I must say! Also, I am the number before 2.

Oh, Come On! No Cliffhangers!

NO! Don't kill Twilight you fiend! Corvo,save her! (Keep it up )

>>16838771683877 Hhhmmm... The number before 2, so -7?

WAT

I want to say boom head shot but I know that the out siders going to trolololol and the guns going to backfire

Most interesting. I can't wait to see how Twilight will escape this mess. Perhaps Corvo will stop or slow time, giving them the chance to evade the attack. This story is truly amazing. You've captured the universe of Dishonored perfectly. I'll be sure to keep reading this as it updates.

Brilliant.

The way you write the Outsider really blows me away.  His lines feel like something that could have actually been used in the game.

>>16845061684506 Hmmm... I can't count, so maybe... bacon?

Shit's 'bout to go down, bois.

Damn you cliff HANGERSSS!!!!!!!                                     2 WEEKS LATER As the bullet flew at twilight head corco appered and did some stuff.

>>16873481687348 Mmmmmm.... Bacon.

>>16838771683877

Zero?

I've been meaning to read this forever and only got around to doing it now and I have to say, I'm sad that it took me so long to do so. The way you weave the game's lore into the story, the way the Outsider plays into the story....pretty much everything about this story is fantastical. Can't wait for more =^~^=

>>16087571608757 Morvo.

>>15149861514986

The wait was definitely worth it. Shorter than the others, but still well done.

As for errors, I didn't really see any so you're good...at least by my standards X3

And get some sleep! It can't be fun being dead AND tired, ya know?

Excellent installment, sharply contrasting ruthless killer Corvo with loving father(?) Corvo.

Best MLP/Dishonored crossover... that other one sucks, lol.

>>19420951942095 i like them both and neither of them suck. but how do you think the other one sucked?

>>19462001946200 cause its one long clopfest to his reimagining of corvo, into an untrackable godkiller. He was OPed in the game with half the powers you could get (still fun though), but tack on perma possess, become smoke, and many more...

Corvo as a character is so boring it's embarrassing. He states he doesn't want to kill anyone, but the second he believes it might all be fake (which conveniantly lasts long enough to needlessly kill two jerks being slightly mean to fluttershy) he goes all no consequences and turns into a stab happy killer.

Also, since I mentioned Corvo, I'll mention the empress. Whose personality drifts from, helpless prisoner, to hinting that he should rip out fluttershy's heart so that she can possess her, to I know you don't want to kill but I'm ordering you to kill two princesses I never met and am willing to judge as deserving death, to the most outrageous 'I looked into their hearts and see that murder is wrong and blablablah'.

You don't make a dramatic set up involving morality, then spend the rest of the fic with him doing as he pleases, especially with no real conflict! If this wasn't corvo and was just an OC, the story would be a blatant author insert/god fantasy. It is shameless, and make ponies as useless as humans are in a TCB story.

>>19470291947029 ok