Fluttershy and BigMac Discover their love for one another when their is a big accident. This is my first story so please don't be mean, but I would like constructive criticism and please tell me what you think.

I think that you need a prof reader

Read it, and it's time to give a recap.

1. show don't tell!

2. NEVER EVER use "he said", "*he replied" and things like that. You placed them in brackets, that shows that it's spoken dialogue.

3. Get a prof reader.

4. Flesh it our a lot.

5. Watch the show and actually get the charracters to sound in character. Fluttershy's way to confident!

6. Read stories made by the best and learn from them!

I addition to the above, every time a different character speaks, make a new paragraph. It's much more readable and much easier to keep track of what's going on that way.

Can you add a link to the source of your story's image?

http://alicehuman-sacrific.deviantart.com/art/Flutter-Mac-wallpaper-255512598

The full version is fantastic.

I kinda liked it, but it was too short, and the personalities of some of the characters needs to be studied some more.

Yeah, I was making her confident because there was apparently a big accident and she was about to perform surgery.

>>15204921520492 Yeah um, I'm still writing it. Chapter 2 is getting started today.

>>15203711520371 sorry

>>15350721535072 Yay got something right

>>15350721535072 Hey if your willing to help me im writing a story and need a way to have my character like twilight

>>15209611520961 I hope it's finished soon then.

>>15351941535194 sure, just send me what you got at gillface@ymail.com

>>15350721535072 yeah, im not finished

I Liked the chapter,especially the part when you described how Big Mac and Fluttershy felt for each other. Not bad for your first story.

What I don't get is that FLUTTERSHY AND BIG MAC are supposed to fall in love by "Accident"

I love this story! Please Finish!

Getting back to work, been stuck YIPEE!

>>15690541569054 they dont fall in love by accident, they fall in love BECAUSE of an accident

Ohhh....Thanx 4 the explanation! I LOVE UR STORY!

I'm thinking on how to finish it out!

FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY! YOU FINISHED!