<

trelatyraelis

Joined July 2011
31 followers

Stories (4)

  • Midnight Fragments
    Two slices of Echo Fleetfoot's life, the blind wonderbolt.

    5,569 words · 958 views · 60 likes · 2 dislikes
  • Derpy's Bebop
    A journey inside Ditzy's mind, dealing with something she had never experienced before.
    19,789 words · 2,064 views · 59 likes · 3 dislikes
  • The Hounds
    Screwloose has been locked in a padded cell for years now, but why?
    4,616 words · 431 views · 23 likes · 2 dislikes
  • Things that happen
    Twilight can't sleep and tries to distract herself.
    1,791 words · 450 views · 17 likes · 8 dislikes

Blog Posts (12)


A slice of Ditzy's life, dealing with something she has never felt before.

First Published
3rd Jan 2012
Last Modified
14th Jul 2012

Comments ( 19 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 119w, 4d ago · · ·

Sweet. And quite catching.

#2 · Chapter 3 · 107w, 5d ago · · ·

That was wonderful, absolutely wonderful! The scenery and playful emotions couldn't be more alive. :eeyup:

#3 · Chapter 3 · 106w, 6d ago · · ·

dang this is such a good story. i want moar!!! :flutterrage:

and so many d'aww and hnnngggg moments!!!

#4 · Chapter 1 · 102w, 6d ago · · ·

Now to read the rest on here.

#5 · Chapter 4 · 91w, 6d ago · · ·

I honestly forgot about this fic before it updated today.  Anyways, the entire chapter was one huge roller-coaster of emotion, and I was literally gripping my seat in anticipation at parts.  You do a wonderful job at conveying emotion in your writing.  This was a perfect ending to a wonderful story, and it has earned a special place in my heart as one of the best dramatic fan-fictions that I have ever had the pleasure of reading.

Now on to something less touchy-feely, I found a few section with weird wording or misspellings:

He hid the bottom of the sea with a loud thud. Everything around him was pitch black

Supposed to be hit, I'm assuming.

“Can you please call this number and tell that mister Noteworthy is awake?”

tell her that

Nothing could to get her out of this room, mister Noteworthy.

I had to read this line a few times, it seems to be missing a few words, but it could be fixed in multiple ways

He started testing his legs her arms, all seemed to be in order.

...his legs, his arms... OR ...his legs and arms...

She took a two hours bubble bath until

hour

and now he was there for her his lips his eyes his mane...

it switched between who was acting here, but it was a bit awkward and you had one to many pronouns

Blues’ Ribs were healing

ribs doesn't need to be capitalized

Now that I'm done with that, I am glad you wrote this story and I will be looking forward to anything else you wright in the future.

#6 · Chapter 4 · 91w, 6d ago · · ·

I knew I’d wait for you for my lifetime to get that feeling of Harmony, of bliss, with you

I'm vaugely sure that the harmony doesn't need to be capitalized.

However, I love the chapter and the story:derpytongue2:

#7 · Chapter 4 · 91w, 6d ago · · ·

>>915535

Oh I know it's just that I wanted to convey a feeling of... true Harmony. It's one of my idiosyncrasies. Thank you for your comment! I'm glad you liked it

#8 · Chapter 4 · 91w, 6d ago · · ·

>>914343

Thank you for taking your time in helping me find the errors in there! no matter how many times you re-read a thing , there's always something wrong that you missed! I suppose I was a bit too hasty in posting it without getting it proofread,too.

Thanks for the heartfelt review!

#9 · Chapter 4 · 91w, 6d ago · · ·

>>916430

You deserve it, it's not often that a piece of literature can make me honestly feel for the characters, and the only other fan-fic to do that was the length of a small book, so I will give you praise as long as you allow.  Thank you for writing this, and thank you for not becoming angered over the proofing, sadly many authors do.  And besides, I've seen a lot more popular stories (which is shame that this isn't more known, something which I shall be attempting to rectify) with absolutely horrid grammar and spelling, the few problems here were ones that I would have completely missed if I hadn't gone back to reread it.

You are best pony.:derpytongue2:

#11 · Chapter 4 · 91w, 5d ago · · ·

Great story, so much raw emotion! I still remember tearing up a bit after reading the first chapter several months ago.

#12 · Chapter 4 · 90w, 4d ago · · ·

I must say, truly a magnificent peice of artwork. So many D'AAAAAWs and feels. I must go cry now out of the beauty of this story.

#13 · Chapter 4 · 90w, 3d ago · · ·

Ordinarily I'd post this on a fics finale, but because this chapter was so beautiful, here it is

And by the way this fic is going I think I'm gonna need it again :yay:

#14 · Chapter 4 · 90w, 3d ago · · ·

>>966965

Sadly, this IS the fic's finale.

#15 · Chapter 4 · 90w, 2d ago · · ·

>>969477

Oh so it is, hehe I didn't notice that it said complete before I read the last chapter :twilightblush:

#16 · Chapter 4 · 90w, 2d ago · · ·

that last chapter had me going "NONONONONONONONNOOONONOOOONOONOOOONOOOOONOOOOO"! i was so scared you were going to let him die! god that was scary :fluttercry:

but im okay now, its so well written! thanks for this mate, cheers for talent! :pinkiehappy:

#17 · Chapter 1 · 85w, 6d ago · · ·

:fluttercry: I like the name derpy, much more than ditzy doo. :fluttershbad: I'll just leave now

#18 · Chapter 4 · 84w, 4d ago · · ·

I think this story just gave me diabetes. So... sweet!

Comment posted by Skywind deleted at 3:33pm on the 16th of March, 2013
0 5923 119618
Login or register to comment