Hopefully this one won't go to shit the way most of the others have.

I like this one a lot better than the other big name Dusk Shine story.  That said, you need to break up your paragraphs some more.  I keep running into huge walls of text that are hard to read simply because they could stand to be broken down a little more.  Don't be afraid of using short paragraphs in your narrative as it helps the reader follow the flow of the text.

>>15081371508137

Thank you for your feedback. I went back and forth as to how long I wanted the paragraphs to be as I was writing this and I decided that I'd try to break them up as they seemed natural to me, but going forward I'll try to break them up further.

Excellent introspection and magical analysis, though I wonder how Pumpkin Cake was able to levitate herself...

>>15089031508903 Very careful telekinesis.

>>15101301510130 lol

Dusk is so Verbose

>>15153881515388 That was intentional, I like my protagonists a bit long-winded.

>>15155511515551

will you be making it more than just comedy?

will you be adding pairings?

>>15186861518686 More than comedy, yes. More than that I'm not willing to say lest I spoil anything. Pairings...I'm undecided but leaning towards no. If I do decide to do pairings It won't be in the main storyline, I'd do one-shots that would either be outside of the canon entirely or it would be when the mane cast were all older, like mid to late twenties instead of the mid to late teens that (as far as I can tell) they are during the show. Hope that answers your question.

>>15212741521274 well im SOLD

>>15238651523865 That'll be three easy payments of $19.95 plus shipping and handling.

>>15249061524906 *le gasp* it has a price

ABORT ABORT

good story, its good to see more Dusk Shine(in the mare version of equestria). Also if you do pairings(even if one-shots) i vote for DuskxLuna.

>>15536711553671 Thank you for the response. I am completely undecided on pairings, and don't have much of a preference if I'm honest. The one hard and fast rule I have about shipping, though, is that it has to feel natural to me. I wouldn't ship Fluttershy with Diamond Tiara for (an admittedly ridiculous) example. I won't lie, the pairings would probably be within the Mane Six, but like I said, I'm still completely undecided.

Applejack is best pony.

Wow...  More!

I love this story.  The other Dusk Shine story is more of a crack fic and while it isn't bad it just gets a little to random for me.  In yours you stay true to the characters.  I love the personality that you have given Dusk.  I look forward to following this fic for as long as your writing it.

>>15831231583123 Thank you for the reply. I just finished the second chapter earlier today and I'm starting the process of reading it over and fixing mistakes tomorrow, It should be up sometime this week.

First! And while I like the gaiden idea something I want to point out is that we are molded by those that surround us.  I do hope you have the others pick up a couple of dusk's traits every now and then.

Hm... considering how he sassed Nightmare Moon, I would hope to see Dusk take a more direct role in Griffon the Brush Off.  Twilight dismissed Pinkie as jealous, but... I somehow cannot see Dusk doing that.

Who knows, Gilda might not consider him lame for standing his ground.  XD

>>16184571618457 I'm trying to make the characterization and development natural, so eventually they'll all start to change, but that's going to be a slow process. The Gala is going to be a big turning point for that (as if the foreshadowing in this chapter wasn't as obvious as a sledgehammer to the face), and I might do a few shorter chapters dealing with the aftermath, depending purely on how things go.

>>16185651618565 Dusk is going to differ from Twilight, yes, and though I don't have that chapter fully planned out yet I'm strongly considering a confrontation between Dusk and Gilda. How rude and/or violent it will get...I haven't decided yet. I'm open to suggestions about that.

Excellently written. Though Celestia didn't say anything about GIVING AWAY his ticket....

>>16192521619252 She gave him a direct order to attend , and as much as he is still a bit misanthropic (or the pony equivalent thereof) he's not about to throw some poor unprepared civilian into the shark tank that is politics. He would feel guilty about it for the rest of his life.

Maybe DS should reply, "Dear Princess Celestia, as per your direct order, me and all the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony will attend this years Grand Galloping Gala, but let it be known that the only reason we are attending is because YOU so order it. Thusly, rest assured that you will count on our presence there, as we will go.

Under protest."

>>16204491620449 Celestia's going to hear about how unhappy Dusk is, there's no doubt about that, but I can't say anymore lest I spoil anything.

>>16186781618678

  Open to suggestions, you say?

Well, I just now had a stupid idea.  Some fics have had Gilda be the 'princess' of griffinkind...  Nah, that's too silly, isn't it?   Imagine, Gilda knowing Dusk and Dash, not just the latter...  Meh, up to you.  So silly.

>>16276821627682 If I did that there would have to be a diplomatic immunity subplot...consider your suggestion considered.

>>16277821627782 Hehehehehe.    My thanks.  Dusk struggling to not break treaties... still, I wonder how Gilda would at Dusk if she had gotten to know him?  Eh, probably no change.

>>16278161627816 They probably wouldn't get along.

>>16278371627837

Probably, but immunity doesn't mean Dusk can't letter the princess.    Even if he can't take direct action, would it be acceptable to tell?  Hm... maybe she knows Dusk as a law-abiding tattle-telling egghead.

>>15101301510130

From what we saw in "The Crystal Empire" it seems it's not that hard to learn at all

>>16857261685726 I haven't seen any of the new ones yet, and at the time of writing I had no evidence of self-telekinesis (except for the pumpkin cake bit which I totally forgot about ) and I'm going to try and work a little bit of semi-realistic physics into the story so I'm going to stick to my guns on the issue and call it a divergence from cannon.

Is an status update available?

>>16911421691142 I've started on the next chapter, but beyond that I can't be much more specific. It looks like each chapter is going to be about eighty pages in word (once I've bumped the font size up to 22 so my rapidly deteriorating eyes can read what I'm typing) but that might change depending on how far I end up pushing cannon and how much extra exposition I plonk into the narrative...also, I'm having trouble thinking up cow  puns. The next chapter needs cow puns, but I don't have nearly as many as I'd like.

Well...  I can only recommend the song "Cow's with Guns", but I see where you are coming from.  Good luck.

(And don't feel bad about the font issue, your not the only who has to do that.)

i liked a lot this chapter, waiting for more!