An interesting story. I don't know what to make of it yet. One thin Is certain: you used too many technical names. If it has numbers and letters or a hyphen, I have no idea what it is. I trust that it is correct, but it needs to be more accessible for the layman.

I'm putting this in my read later. It has potential, but I'm not sure where the story is going.

And I need to keep up on all the starwars crossovers

Aww, why'd you have to go and ruin your description with "Yeah, I'm awful at descriptions."

My first piece of advice: take it out. That's not gonna win you any readers.

A description is what it is. No need to tell everypony you're worried over it. Your description is the easiest thing for you to edit, so never, ever tell people you don't like the one you've done. Just continue to ponder it throughout the course of your writing, keep re-reading it, and change it as you think of how to fit it to your story better.

I'm interested. I've been wanting to read a good Star Wars crossover fic with MLP for a while now. I'll watch.

Before I read: something like this . . . could be either amazing or complete crap.

This seems interesting. I'll provide a longer review this afternoon, when I have the time.

>>15033531503353

You make a fair point. I struggled a bit when it came to the conflict between accessibility and immersion, and I knew I'd probably lose at least a few readers that were unfamiliar with Star Wars. Though I'm afraid the technical names will still be appearing due to my desire for specificity in such matters, I'll definitely be cutting down excessive usage of them in place of more general or descriptive terms. Thank you very much for the feedback.

>>15036181503618

Yeah, in hindsight that probably wasn't the best thing to slap on the end there. I really don't know what I was thinking there. Thanks for the tip.

>>15037791503779

I hope I can deliver to your standards, then. =) It's been a long while since I've attempted something like this, so I might be a bit rusty as I start off. Fortunately, it seems this comment section ought to assist me should any problems arise.

>>15043331504333

I would hope for the former, myself, though I suppose the latter would be a learning experience, at least.

>>15044711504471

I look forward to it.

I'm also going to start posting these replies together, because I've apparently been doing it wrong. XD

So, magic is actually the force?

huh. I am writing a star wars crossover using that same picture... now i have to read yours so I can scope out the competition! bring it on buddy!

>>15045641504564

More or less. It makes a certain amount of sense, though I'll admit it's a bit of a stretch.

This looks interesting... So Celestia and Luna were once spacefarers?

I'll keep an eye on this. I assume the next chapter will take place sometime after Luna's return.

>>15046011504601

I like this approach, adds some entertaining flavor to the tale of Nightmare moon.

>>15045781504578

Heh, I had a relative limited supply of images to choose from, and I didn't dare showcase my GIMP skills for this particular work =P I'd be very interested in reading your work as well. And I'd hardly consider myself competition to anyone here.  

>>15046091504609

I'm glad you're liking the first chapter. I'll try to get more up as soon as I can. It should become pretty clear where I'm taking this soon.

>>15046121504612 Thanks, that's what I was going for. I'm glad to see it worked.

well well what have we here? A star wars cross with mlp? Being a big fan of star wars im sincerly hopeing you don't stop writing this for the first chapter I'm very impressed by the amount of detail you put into this so an upvote and watch from me but I'm not sure if someone mentioned this yet but some of the details you wrote might go over some of the readers heads if there unfimiliar with starwars and that might push them away for myself tho I love it so please continue I have what? 4 diffrent star wars fics yet they haven't updated in months >< meh so your my only hope of reading a well done SW/MLP fic xD

I like the idea.  I promise a read the moment you hit chapter three, 'kay?

>>15047921504792

Fair enough. I can certainly understand the desire for a more complete view of where this story is going, but I figured I'd at least put out the prologue first to gauge interest.

Cool a pony star wars story, I really want to read one. Darth Twilight, Empress Celestia, Shinning Skywalker, Princess Rarity and Rainbow Solo. There is really a potential here.

"Shinning what has Master Luna told you about me?"

"She told me enogh, she told me you killed my mother"

"No Shinning I am your mother"

Oh and then he will go to the Degaba system to train under the grand master of the jedy order, master Discord.

>>15033531503353

personally i see no problem with using the actual names and designations of the vessels.  If you dont know alot about SW then you probably should not read the crossover and expect to know everything.  But thats just the fanboy speaking.

This is a great story like fav watch mustache  Keep up the good work

Image: http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/dis-gon-b-gud.gif

>>15047871504787

I'm gald you enjoyed it. I intend to continue, but I am at the mercy of my schedule. I also realize that some of the terminology and jargon utilized will not be understood by some readers, but will still be included for authenticity's sake. I would also like to point out that they are hardly an integral part of the story, and do not necessarily need to be understood completely to fufill their purpose.

>>15048171504817

Uh, that's not what I'm going for at all. This is supposed to be a serious attempt at combining these two fictional universes.

>>15048471504847

My thoughts exactly, though I will attempt to cut down on the jargon to ensure accessability. I'm gald you're enjoying the story, and thank you for the support.

>>15048021504802 At the very least I agree with that

Wanna give my story a read, in exchange?  Feel free to say no

>>15048581504858

You know what I described was also serious.

Empress Celestia, and Darth Twilight that is perfect, what could the be other then on the imperial side.

Jedy = rebels = chaos, therefore Discord is Yoda

Sith = Empire = order, therefore Celestia is Palpatine

I actually vaguely consider writing this at some point unless someone else beets me to it.

I honestly cannot imagine how this can be a serious attemt to mix the to universes if you do not make it this way, I mean, common Twilight is the best Darth Vader, just like Rainbow is the best Han Solo.

who are you casting as Darth Vader and the emperor then? you can't say Discord for Discord=chaos, and the emperor is diffidently not chaotic.

Also the "human" tag would not be present in my version

>>15046171504617

if we were in an iron pony-I MEAN writing competition, you'd be in the lead, because I only have 1/2 a chapter written :P

>>15049071504907

By combining them, I mean I'm literally crossing them over so that their universes interact. You're describing a fusion of the characters and worlds, which is more than a bit different.

>>15048791504879

Sure, I'll check it out and post up a review.

>>15049271504927

Heh, don't worry, this chapter alone took me nearly a month. I don't write fast.

This is featured? pretty legit.

>>15049521504952

It is? Wow, that is legit. I just spotted that now XD

>>15049361504936 Sweet!  I just sent it into EQD yesterday.  Hopefully it gets out on the queue sometime soon

>>15049321504932

Well yes, that's my vision, Star wars recast as ponies. Also I am following it from the other side to make it more fresh. We have:

Pony Wars Episode IV - A New Threat

Pony Wars Episode V - Revenge of the Jedi

Pony Wars Episode VI - Return of the Sith

It starts with Empress Celestia visiting a foal hospital, that gets bombed by the rebels, making a small unicorn "Dinky" an orphan. Taking pitty on the poor filly the empress enroles her into "Celestia's school for potential sith". A furious darth Twilight is then sendt out to neutralise the rebel treat ones and for all.

The thing I hate most about the original series of Star wars is that the emperor died thereby throwing the galaxy into chaos.

>>15049361504936

If you're doing that, could you check out my Republic Commando crossover?

I gotta say, I liked the jargon.  That's the way it tends to be written in most Star Wars EU books, and it definitely added a legitimate sci-fi feel to it.  I was actually worried that you might carry it over into the FIM portion of the story, but I was happily surprised at how it turned out.  Good work on this chapter!

Ah ok I can understand that :3 well I look forward to chapter 2 woot

Quick question tho how far into the SW story line are you gunna go? Grevious is dead so its a bit into the ending of episode 3 but before order 66 apparently, but is this mainly gunna be between episode 3 and 4? I'm not gunna expect the mane6 till later in the story since if I remember right this takes place 20 years before the release of nightmare moon

The uncountable numbers and varieties of battle droids at their disposal could not match the efforts of the cloned human soldiers of the Republic, and the sheer number of Jedi overwhelmed the few dozen Force-wielded 0adepts within their ranks.

That's supposed to be spelled adepts, not 0adepts, right?

>>15048471504847

There is nothing wrong with it per se, just an opinion. Which is bad cuz I got my own crossover starwars fic and I know so little about it

>>15044831504483

I understand the urge to be specific. It is what keeps disbelief suspended. Just know one thing: be prepared to defend your choice of starwars. I swear that every chapter of Jedi Exile I write I have to defend a random timeline or other technical question. But then again, I love discussing stuff.

Wookiepedia is my friend

im so giddy!!!! star wars and ponies

>>15050381505038

I'll give it a look as well.

>>15051621505162

My thoughts exactly. I'll be writing the MLP portions in a different style to reflect the viewpoint of the characters. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter!

>>15051831505183

I can't really say just yet, but it will span both trilogies.

>>15052881505288

Ah, yes, I should fix that. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

Star Wars....WITH PONIES!?!?!?

Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2386-brilliant.jpg

>>15054731505473

Hehe, glad you like it.

>>15053681505368 great! I'm excited for this >w<

The force is strong with this one

>>15055811505581

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

>>15050121505012

Oh god, how boring.

You can't do an adaptation without either making it a stale copy of the original, with OCs, or completely recasting the canon characters, which I find completely unacceptable. How is t even a FiM fic if none of the FiM characters are who they are in FiM?

Full crossovers where the characters of 2 universes interact are so much more interesting.

Of course, there are also reimaginings like FO:E and Harmony where it's neither a crossover nor direct adaptation but similar events unfolding in universe. I just have no idea how one would accomplish this with the Star Wars mythos. It's far too large and elaborate.

>>15056471505647

Well I don't completly disagree with you, that is why I consider it a low priority project, which will mean that it will likely never be done, but it dosn't have to be boring. I am talking about stuff like this Pony Age: Origins If it were to be done, that was how I wanted to do it.

>>15056681505668

Yes I know of that one...

I go by the philosophy that just because something is a great story does not make it a good FiM fic. I prefer my stories at least somewhat related to the show and it's IC characters.

>>15056861505686

I happen to like Pony Age: Origins, but I also think that it will be difficult to redo, so you don't really have to convince me all that much not to write it. Besides I have just tonight thought of an awesome story involving and chaos

>>15053071505307

I once thought that as well but once you actually read through a majority of the novels you realize that there is a historical/canon line that does not contradict itself.  There are very few paradoxes and alternate versions are virtually nonexistent.  I also like wookepedia but it can sometimes make the history seem disjointed.  the few exceptions include the force unleashed series and the kotar games in 99% of the discrepencies video games are the cause not actual books.  About five years ago i voiced the opinion that you presented to a hardcore SW fan and i got my shit rocked.  That was when i actually got serious about studying the SW universe.  I suggest you study timelines and read the novels in depth to add more to your particular case on how it should be interpreted.  

I myself am oldschool in this regard and hold to the historical view where the books are a historians take on the universe while the movies and dramatizations/comics are a directors take on what happened and therefore less accurate.  This removes all problems that occur with minor power discrepancies and tech conflicts.

But you do present a case that has been argued for a long time by fans.  Also as a fellow wookepedia browser i tip my hat to you.  

O... kay... I guess I'll give it a go, though I'm slightly lost as to what's going on, and WHEN it's going on...

>>15062741506274

It is stated appoximately when this portion of the story takes place in the Star Wars universe. As for when it takes place during MLP:FIM, the next chapter or two should clear that up.

>>15062831506283 Alright, thank you. It was the latter that I was more confused, as it was stated this is the Clone Wars, so roughly... Ow, math... ~22 years until The New Republic or so? Give or take.

>>15062951506295

22.5 years until the Battle of Endor, with the New Republic coming into existence sometime during the year after that.

>>15063081506308 ... Wow, I can't believe I was actually that close! XD I totally just ball-parked that from a guess, trying to remember Luke's age from movie IV, and then how much time had passed until the Battle for Endor. XD Anywho, I'ma gun shut up now and wait for the next chapter. :3 (And thanks for taking the time to answer!)

>>15063241506324

No problem! I enjoy feedback, and I try to answer any questions I can.

>>15062831506283

>>15062741506274

If the prophecy is anything to go by this'll be based some time after the Mane 6 defeat Disord. Though that's still quite a lot of time

>>15064641506464

Indeed, I'm thinking about two years after Twilight moves to Ponyville, and definitely after the second season's finale.

It is a great start, and I didn't really see any terms I didn't understand (Aldo I must say I'm a SW geek :p). I'm curious to see where this will lead to.

>>15065331506533

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

>>15044831504483 TO THE WOOKIEPEDIA!

>>15065541506554

Pretty much.

Hm.  I find this quite interesting, and your writing style to be quite enjoyable.

Do continue.  

>>15066511506651

Will do.

i find this rather great, but there is one flaw, the clones are going to have to follow him in there when order 66 comes...

Darth Sidious is not one to leave loose ends open and i think the clones might fear not being able to comfirm his death more than jumping in the Tyus Cluster.

>>15069951506995

Hehe, I can't say just yet...

>>15070081507008

darn, though is still stand by that a few clones are going to jump in there, half of it bravery, half of it being scared out of their wits by the Dark lord of the sith and his master. can't wait to find out on if i am right!

I knew I was going to read it immediately due to the simple fact that the title is the same name of my favorite song by Tristania.

>>15080451508045

And how'd you like it?

>>15080831508083

It's goin' places

Wow!  I was skeptical at first considering the fact that your crossing two entirely different things together.  One has highly advanced technology, the other has virtually no high technology.  One is for the most part peaceful, the other....just downright chaotic!  In a war kinda sense.    But once I read the story, I was blown away!  I'm also a huge Star Wars fan and it looks like your story is going to be a good one at that!  I really liked the detail you put in and the use of Star Wars terminology.  I'm going to favorite this story of yours, give you a thumbs up, and watch for future chapters.  I'm going to bed, so until next time, see ya later!

- Super-Brony12

>>15087891508789

Thanks for the review! In my opinion, almost anything can be crossed over with anything else, provided the author takes enough time and care to ensure everything at least seems natural.

Took long enough for one of these stories to come out, sheesh... let's just hope this crossover does not fail me as well.

Keep up the good work and don't dissapear.

Twilight Sparkle will feel the wrath of the Sith, she will die.

don't pay attention to the idiots you did good. anyway good job on the explanations you got me hooked now to see how twi reacts to this knowledge when it comes up.

cheers

>>15089131508913

I was having the same thought when I started this. And that's quite the prediction.

>>15089271508927 Thank you very much for the encoragement. However, anyone with annegative opinion of what I have posted is more than welcome to share it, and if they can present reasoning towards their position, then I would hardly call them idiots.

>>15089481508948 More of a wish. I dun want Ponies to become Jedi... but it's your story, so do whatever the hay you wanna do!

>>15089531508953 Hehe, I certainly shall.

well cant pony's really just cop out jedi by using their magic to cheat? anyway twi really doesn't need a saber of light to defeat a sith lord all she needs is a good rest and a tome of combat magic or at least the basics behind the spells involved in combat magic.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png

ah laughter.

cheers

Well, first off: Great story. You write well and give a clear idea as to what is happening.

Now, three things: Don't dumb the story down for readers who don't know what something means, instead, find a way to explain said topic. There aren't many things worse in writing than writing as if the audience is stupid.

Two, you might as well keep magic and the force separate as there is no need to make them the same considering that magic does hundreds of things the force flat out can't, and blending them merely makes the various magical species more mundane in the setting.

Third, and this is what I can guarantee will make a good deal of readers ignore the story, but the absolute worst thing you did was imply that Celestia and Luna had formerly been from a spacefaring race, only to toss out all of their technology and reduce their species middle ages equivalents(unless you are ignoring those parts of the show).

Tossing away their history, culture, technology(and with it all previous social, scientific, and medical achievements), dropping quality of living and lifespans due to lack of advanced medical technology and not only putting them at incredible risk from alien invasion(as will now be seen), but denying them what should have been their choice to begin with? Keeping them "Blissfully ignorant" from the truth? You don't keep someone ignorant of something that could kill them (or worse) when instead you could tell them and let them take precautions.

There's a reason that kind of plot element is hated by those who know better.

I hate to say that i haven't read it all but i do have to say this fic is very good and i will read it all. I always love star wars-my little pony cross overs!

>>15090861509086 This story probably implies that Twilight is force-sensitive. In a duel of the force, one has to maintain your mental barriers so that your enemy can't predict most of your actions and at the same time try to break down their barriers, while fighting. Besides even if Twi has a plethora of combat spells, that Sith Priest probably has just as powerful force techniques.

>>15099291509929 umm... the sith cannot create force barriers, the sith cannot teleport. yes they can enhance their basic abilities use tk and throw a weak form of lightning at their opponents, however from what I see and know the sith will be vulnerable to the unicorns over powered sensitivity and skill with the force. unless the author wishes to be a copout and make twi an average unicorn then that is ok as well. just saying Twilight even being half of Celestia's power should be strong enough to wipe the sith along the floor literally with ease. but that's my opinion.

>>15091171509117 Thank you very much for the critique. I will attempt to address your points as best I can.

1. I was unaware that I had been doing so. Was there any partiular example you noticed? I'll keep this in mind, in any case.

2. I'd hardly say that implying the Force and magic are one and the same somehow makes the powers or creatures who utilize it to be more mudane. Frankly, supernatural powers are still supernatural powers, regardless of their ultimate source. Also, I don't think it's ever implied in Star Wars canon that the Force has any such limits, other than the user's ability and experience.

To quote a certain Jedi Master, "No! No different! Only different in your mind! You must unlearn what you have learned..."

3. You're making a couple assumptions here. I didn't necessarily imply that Celestia and Luna were from a spacefaring race, only that they had traveled the stars for a time. I never said that ponies had reached such technological levels as a species. Furthermore, the idea of precautionary measures for a world that has willingly removed itself from galactic affairs is a bit laughable. Sure, there are some measures that could be taken, but to what end? Other planets in the Star Wars galaxy take these same measures, and their surfaces are ravaged at almost a routine pace by warfare. The best defense in this case is their secrecy, coupled with their position within a dangerous navigational hazard. And have you considered the harm that might be done to a developing culture if they were to suddenly become aware of a galaxy beyond their reah that could, at any moment, arrive to pillage their entire planet and whisk their populace away on a virtual whim? They are a single world; they could not adequately defend themselves against a large-scale assault, nor can they call for assistance now that they have removed themselves from the destructive cycle that plagues the rest of the galaxy. And finally, I did not imply that such ignorance was intended to be perpetual. Every civilization needs time to develop.

I hope that clears a few things up. Feel free to comment if you still have questions.

>>15100611510061

They can, actually, and though they cannot teleport, I don't see that as being too heavy of an advantage. Sith powers are just as diverse as whatthe Unicorns seem to be able to accomplish, and though Celestia is quite powerful, I would imagine that power is mostly utilized durig her efforts to raise the sun. That might explain why she seemed to be easily defeated by the Changeling Queen. And no, I will not be making Twilight an average Unicorn, don't worry.

>>15101251510125 oh I was just getting started on the list however it would be a damn long list of spells the unicorns could lord over the sith in actual combat. its just a matter of figuring out how to use the abilities. I mean a fire spell is an aoe effect attack that unless completely blocked will damage or harm the sith warrior. same with lightning and ice spells. not to mention specialized concussion spells. now i'm not saying the sith are overly beat down by the unicorns but unless they are using blasters as well they are out matched severely force wise considering pony society cultivates the learning of 'magic'. O and teleport is advantageous because then you can just teleport the warrior 1000feet or meters up and let them fall to there deaths.

cheers

>>15101601510160

You're not factoring in any sort of common Force block or the wide array of powers available to the Sith. You think fire is going to be an adequate defense against a Sith priest who can twist your very perceptions of reality and assail your body with any form of ailment or pain he can imagine? Teleporting would be a decent move, provided it has no user-based range and does not drain the user too much. However, the blocking effect still applies, as does the mental prediction of what is to come. Not to mention that that sort of spell usage would be utilized much more in the series if it were truly viable. Furthermore, you also have to factor in that Twilight, though immensely powerful, has never actually done battle in this manner.

>>15102011510201true I may not have read the books. I am going by what I saw in the movies. which really wasn't much. and a skilled unicorn MAGE can easily bend the walls of reality about as bad as discord. so they'd  really have the upper hoof when it comes to facing enemy's like the sith. however i didn't think the one she would be fighting was a sith priest. I thought he was a regular warrior?

>>15102421510242

Negative on that, I mentioned he was of the priest caste. In any case, you're not really factoring in how much energy all that reality bending takes. If Twilight was as powerful as you're implying, she probably could have solved most of the show's problem herself. Unicorn powers clearly have limits. Plot-based limits, but limits nonetheless. =P

>>15102611510261 alright then i'll leave you to your plot based limitations on unicorn abilities.

>>15103361510336

Technically I'm imposing limitations on both the Force and the magic seen in the show, but the writers of both universes have already been doing that for quite some time now, so it's hardly anything new.

>>15103461510346 true enough. so how many chapters till the fighting starts?

>>15103671510367

Heh, I can't really say, it might be a bit, depending on what you're anticipating.

>>15103721510372 alright then i'll be waiting.

So this takes place AFTER episode 3? I was kinda hoping to see this guy,

>>15101081510108

To the first point, that was more a precautionary suggestion after seeing the first few comments from others. It's sorta like focus groups: The focus groups will get what they know, but things outside their understanding will be hard for them. So the people running the group have two choices: Remove the things they find hard to understand, or put in effort to explain them. Unfortunately, option 1 is more commonly picked.

Now, after taking another look at the story, I do see you are right about them not exactly having had spacefaring tech originally, though you did imply they could travel the galaxy on their own. What I will ask however is if the two sisters have done anything to make it possible that they could establish themselves a defense in such a situation as is now happening. After all, in this kind of instance the rest of the galaxy is much like the American colonists, and Equestria is much like the native Americans, and we all know how that turned out.

Lastly, as to the force thing, I just mentally take into account a lot of the EU, and while the force does some interesting things (Up to and including TK dropping star destroyers (), it's generally more focused on more subtle means of manipulation.

I guess it's more that Pony magic does things like enchantments, matter manipulation, TK, illusions, weather control, mind magic and reality warping, while the Force works on a different basis and is more of a mental focus line of study over a physical line of study.

Just. Plain. Awesome.

THIS STORY SHALL BE HEARD THROUGHOUT ALL TIME!

Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbsoykXc9c1qzlgbao1_400.gif

AND SPAAAAAACE!

Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbsoykXc9c1qzlgbao2_r1_400.gif

Can't wait to see more!

>>15102421510242 Yeah in the books and games, Sith(both the species and the Dark Jedi) are capable of draining someones health away to heal themselves, create forceshields, drive someone insane through the dark side, channel the power of the Dark Side into energy blasts,  use their anger and sorrow to strengthen themselves at the cost of long-term mental health, crush someone, electrocute someone, demoralize the enemy and the strongest can even rip apart space-time and destroy stars. As this Pure-blooded Sith is a Kissai(priest), he likely has battle meditation training, force rage, the force shield, force insanity, and of course force lightning.  Of course this will likely be nerfed a little.