The Art of Failing
The school bell rang. All the colts and fillies filed out of the room, glad that class was finally over. It was the usual routine. I began packing my things when the Crusaders came up to me.
“Hurry up, Lyle! You’re so slow!” Scootaloo remarked. “We’ve got crusading to do!”
"Alright, alright," I said. "Why are we in such a hurry? It's not like we'll get a cutie mark in crusading fast."
"Hey, you'll never know until we try. Now get your flank moving!"
I rolled my eyes. Kids... At least they're ambitious, I'll give them that. I pulled my saddlebag on. As we were about to leave, Cheerilee came up to me.
"Lyle, can you stay behind for a moment?"
I looked up at her with a questioning glance before looking at the girls to see if they knew what she wanted. I hoped their crusading didn't rope me into some sort of trouble. All I got were shrugs from the three of them. What does Cheerilee want with me then?
"Sure...?" I replied, still confused to what was going on.
Cheerilee turned to the Crusaders. "It won't take long, girls. I just need to talk to Lyle about something."
"He ain't in trouble, is he?" asked Apple Bloom.
"No, he isn't. Could you please wait outside for a few minutes?"
The girls nodded and began walking out of the class but not before casting one more glance at me. Now it was just me and Cheerilee. I'm not in trouble? Then why does she want to talk to me? I thought I was going to have a teacher conference for sleeping in class and not paying attention. But apparently, that wasn't the case.
"What do you want to see me for, Miss Cheerilee?" I asked.
As if her actions weren't puzzling enough, she gave me a smile. "Some important ponies are coming to school tomorrow to give you a test.”
Test? "What test?" I was pretty sure I would remember something like that.
"You know, the one to see what you've learned already. We talked about it a couple days ago."
Days ago? I don't remember talking abou— oh... Right… I really should have paid more attention when Cheerilee was talking. Apparently, I was going to get tested. Oh joy...
"Right... but can you run it by me again on what it's about and why I'm taking it?"
"Well, you’re bored in class, aren’t you?” she asked. “You seem to doze off a lot during class. I know you’re a smart young colt, so I suggest that you take the assessment, just to see where you’re at in learning. All you do is answer some questions and talk to some important ponies. It's nothing to worry about. Just try your best to answer."
"Okay, so what happens after that?"
She put a hoof to her chin. “Well, if you do really well, you might go to a special school in Canterlot for smart colts and fillies."
I blinked a couple times as I stared at her incredulously. I must have heard her wrong. "I'm sorry, but did you say Canterlot?"
She nodded. "Yes. The schools in Canterlot are very nice. Some of them teach gifted ponies."
I forced my lips to contort into a smile. "That's... great, I guess.”
"I know, isn't it wonderful?"
Not exactly.
Many things came to mind as I thought about my options, most of them I found unfavorable. If I went to Canterlot, I would be leaving all my friends, even Lyra. I would miss out on all the exciting adventures. I dreaded the upcoming assessment the more I thought about what would happen. Going to some private school in Canterlot was going to put a dent in my plans. Sure, going to a school for gifted ponies was nice and all… but I was already in college, so that didn’t matter to me. Whether it’s going to a public school or a private school, the fact still remained that I was stuck as a foal. At least if I stayed, I would still have my friends. Then, there’s keeping the adult thing low profile…
“I think I’ve kept you here long enough,” she continued. “Be sure to stay after class tomorrow and do your best. Okay, Lyle?”
I began making my way towards the door, casting a downward glance at the floor. “Okay, Miss Cheerilee…”
“Goodbye, Lyle.” She waved goodbye before going back to grading everyone’s papers.
Once I was outside and the door was closed, I let out a heavy sigh. Great, how am I going to get out of this one?
There was a thump, a rustling of leaves, and a voice crying “Ow” in a nearby bush, close to the school’s window. I took a peek over it and found an orange, yellow, and white heap of sprawled limbs. I should have guessed it was Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle.
I cleared my throat. “Ahem!”
Immediately, three adorable pairs of eyes were on me. They looked as if they were caught with one hand, or in this case hoof, in the cookie jar. The girls scrambled back on their hooves, trying to look as casual as possible despite being caught snooping around.
“H-hey, Lyle. What’s up?” Scootaloo nonchalantly replied.
Yep, completely suspicious. “What’s up? Why don’t you girls tell me ‘what’s up’? Because eavesdropping by the window while I talked to Miss Cheerilee is totally not suspicious.” They dropped their façade, now wilting under my gaze. I let out a heavy sigh. I wasn’t mad at them. I was just stressed out from what Cheerilee told me. “What are you three still doing here? I thought you’d be crusading by now.”
Apple Bloom stepped in front. “Well, we were… but then, um…”
“Please, don’t go!” Sweetie Belle blurted before having an orange and a yellow hoof placed over her mouth.
I raised a brow. "Go?"
They looked at each other, as if unsure what to say. Apple Bloom was the first to gather enough courage to say the thing on their minds. "We kinda heard ya in there with Miss Cheerilee... We don't want ya ta go to that fancy school in Canterlot."
"Yeah! You're a Cutie Mark Crusader! You're going to miss a lot of crusading when you're in Canterlot," added Scootaloo.
Oh, so that's what they were worried about. By now, their eyes were starting to water. My heart melted in their gaze. I had to cheer them up before I started crying too. "Who said I was going? I'm not going to leave my friends just to go to some private school."
Sweetie Belle wiped her eyes with a hoof. "Y-you're not?"
I gave a warm smile. "Of course I'm not! I’m staying here in Ponyville.”
“But what about the meeting with those important ponies tomorrow?” asked Apple Bloom. “What if they send ya ta Canterlot?”
“I think I can convince them not to,” I said with a smirk.
They all looked at me with a quizzical expression on their faces. “How?”
~~~~~~~
I stayed behind as all the foals left the classroom. The Cutie Mark Crusaders waved goodbye but not before giving a few words of encouragement. As they walked out, four ponies wearing ties and suits came in. The four unicorns from Canterlot looked strangely familiar. I think I remembered seeing them from the episode showing how Twilight got her cutie mark, though they looked older and now had a few more wrinkles since Twilight’s exam.
The blue stallion with the combed, white mane levitated a clipboard in front of his face. “Lyle Hartston?”
“Yes sir?” I replied.
“Please take a seat. We will begin the test,” he said, his voice boring and monotonous, probably from rehearsing the line a thousand times. Would it kill you to smile?
I grabbed a seat at the front of the classroom. A pencil, an answer sheet, and an exam booklet were placed on my desk. The first part of the assessment was math, about fifty questions on logic, arithmetic, and basic operations. The test was going to be a cinch for someone with a college level education, if I had planned on passing that is…
He watched the clock as the second hand ticked away. “You may begin… now.”
I began scribbling furiously on my answer sheet with the pencil in my magical grip; all the while, the stallion oversaw my testing and looked at the clock every few minutes. Oh, I am going to have fun with this, I thought to myself. For each question, I added another bubble to the answer sheet and wrote “42” as the new answer for each letter, and for each question, I didn’t mark just one bubble. Oh no, that would be too easy. I marked all of them instead. The entire time I was smiling like a madman.
Ten minutes later, I was done. I set my pencil down, feeling pretty proud of my work. Piece of cake. If I still had hands, they would probably be cramping right now. I’m so glad I’m a unicorn. The stallion took my answer sheet and glanced at it. Confusion was written all over his face the moment he saw my answers. He looked at me questioningly, to which I responded with a cheerful smile. He merely shook his head and returned to his cold disposition.
The next test was given by a yellow mare with pale pink mane. “This next test will be on Equestrian history. We will begin in one minute.”
That one minute went by excruciatingly slow as we waited in silence. I tapped my hoof as I waited. “So… how was your day?” It couldn’t hurt to make small talk. It was better to make some sort of conversation than to sit quietly next to someone.
She looked at me with an apathetic expression. “Okay,” she replied tersely.
We still had about thirty seconds to go before I start, and her short answer did nothing to ease the tension of the atmosphere. My attempt at small talk only made the silence more awkward.
“You may begin now.”
I began my test, filling in each bubble without much thought into it. Failing that was guaranteed, but I wanted to have fun and made my sheet look like a smiley face. These ponies could use some cheering up, and what better way to cheer them up than with a smile? Like the first proctor, I watched as she scrunched her nose when she collected my test. There’s no way a private school is going to accept me.
It was break now. Cheerilee served some coffee for the examiners, and of course, I didn’t get any because I was “too young” to drink coffee. I used this time to go to the restroom, but before walking back into the classroom, I decided to listen in on what the older ponies were discussing with one ear against the door.
“He did that on his test?” asked the first proctor’s voice.
“I can’t be sure if it was intentional or not, but his underperformance shows that he acts more immature than he should for his age,” said a female voice, the examiner of the history portion of the test.
“I think the best course of action would be to put him in a younger class so he can improve his performance. Of course, this is just my opinion based on the results so far,” said another voice, probably belonging to the other stallion in the room.
I took a step back from the door and stood there with my mouth gaping. They’re holding me back? No wait, they’re sending me back a grade?! No, no, no! I just don’t want to go to Canterlot! Crap! Looks like I’m going to have to try now.
“Hmmm, but his test results aren’t consistent with his school work,” said another mare. “It might be the stress of testing that may be affecting him. I suggest we have Miss Cheerilee nearby him to create a more comforting environment and see how he does in the next few tests.” There were murmurs of agreement all around.
I walked back inside and took my seat, acting like I didn’t just eavesdrop on them. The next examiner, a gray stallion with a black mane, passed out the next portion of the assessment: writing.
You can do this. You can’t fail now or it’s pony kindergarten. I looked towards Cheerilee, who was standing in front of me. She smiled at me, alleviating some of the stress. I put on a forced grin. Right, I just have to try my best.
I turned my attention back to my test and looked at the first question. Circle the correct word choice. The dog lied/lay on the floor. Lied or lay? Dammit, why didn’t I pay more attention on this back in school? I’ll just go with ‘lay’. That sounds right. Next question: He bought apples from the pony, who/whom he bumped into earlier. Who he bumped into? Whom he bumped into? Who cares?! What’s the difference between the two?! I spent more time on some of the questions than I should have on the writing portion of the test, but I was sure I made up for it by answering all the easy questions quickly.
“Please put your pencil down. The writing portion is now over,” said the stallion.
I did as I was told and let the proctor collect my test. I sighed. Phew. Almost didn’t finish there. I could feel the fatigue weighing down on me after a few hours into the assessment. Fortunately, it was almost over. Everyone in the room left all of a sudden, leaving me alone with the fourth Canterlot examiner. The final examiner was a beige mare with straight brown mane. She didn’t pass out any paper or anything. Instead, she walked up to my desk with a clipboard.
“Hello, Lyle. My name’s Apple Polish. How are you today?”
Wow, the first pony to finally make a conversation and the first to actually give a name? What’s up with the change in attitude? “Er… fine, I guess. Maybe a little tired.”
She scribbled something down on her clipboard. “Lyle, I’m just going to ask you a couple questions to see how you’re doing in school, alright?”
I nodded slowly. “Alright…?”
“So, how are you doing in school? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I guess.” She wrote something in her clipboard again.
“What do you think of your teacher, Miss Cheerilee?”
“Well, I think she’s a great teacher.” Again, she goes back to her clipboard. What the hell is she writing on there?
“Are you bored in class? Do you feel that the work is too easy or too hard?”
“Yes—I mean, no! I mean… it’s alright.” This time she spent much longer writing in her stupid clipboard than the other times. She flipped through some pages.
“From what I’ve read, you’ve just moved to Ponyville. Are you making friends?”
“Yeah.” I nodded.
“Any bullies?” she asked.
Hmm, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon? Nah, better not make this any more complicated than it already is. “Nope.”
“Any problems at home?”
"Nope, no problems at home."
“Good, good. What about your parents? Where are they?”
After my little interview with Twilight, I finally got my story down. “They… passed away,” I lied, doing my best to put on a pout.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” she apologized, putting a placating hoof on my shoulder.
“It’s fine. Things happen unexpectedly.” Like being sent to a cartoon world or being turned into a pony or being turned into a kid.
She withdrew her hoof and picked up her clipboard again. "Miss Heartstrings is taking care of you now, right?"
As much as I hated to admit it, that was true – me, a grown man, being cared for by someone my age. It wasn't like I wanted it to happen. It just did. I silently nodded.
"How do you feel about the living with her? Do you ever feel uncomfortable at home?"
Well, there was the time Lyra licked me... I shook my head. "No, she’s nicest pony I’ve ever met. She’s kind and caring and selfless.” I thought about my first night in Equestria. She just took me in her home, let me sleep in her bed, and fed me. If it weren’t for her, I would have probably caught a cold or worse in that storm. “Sometimes I feel like I'm getting more than what I deserve..."
The mare abruptly stopped writing. "Oh? Why is that?"
I bit my tongue, too late to undo what I said. "Oh, uh, it's nothing." Oh how I wanted to bash my head on my desk right now. Dammit, why did I say that?!
"Lyle, is there something wrong? Something on your mind? You can always talk to me or Miss Cheerilee if you're having problems at home or outside of school." No, I can't because you wouldn't understand if I told you!
“N-nothing’s wrong,” I stammered, unaware that I was tapping my hoof nervously on the floor. She nodded as she wrote furiously on her clipboard. Seriously, what is she writing? I barely said anything! “Um, Miss Polish, what are you writing?”
She looked up from her clipboard. “Hmm? Oh, it’s just my notes.”
I craned my neck to get a better look at what she’s writing. “Can I see?”
She pulled the clipboard away before I could take a glimpse of it. “Sorry, Lyle, but this is for me. Besides, you wouldn’t be interested. It’s boring grown-up stuff and filled with things you wouldn’t understand.”
I crossed my hooves and huffed at being treated like a little kid again. “I am a grown-up…” I mumbled under my breath.
She brought out some pieces of paper and placed them on my desk face down. “Okay, Lyle. I’m going to show you some pictures and you tell me what you see in them, okay?”
She stood behind me and lifted the first piece of paper, revealing a black splotch of ink. A Rorschach test? Okay… “I see a butterfly or a moth.”
She jotted something down. And onto the clipboard it goes. She flipped the next paper. “And this one?”
I tilted my head at the picture. It’s hard to say what something looks like when it doesn’t really look like anything. “Uh, I see a crab, I think. Either that or two dancers doing a pelvic thrust." She gave me a strange look. What? You asked.
This went on for a while: look at an inkblot, say what it looks like, and then what I say goes on the clipboard. Real difficult, right? I had no idea how this test worked, so I just said whatever came to mind when I saw the inkblots, like two poodles eskimo kissing or two hippos with huge badonkadonks. Yeah… there was no other way to describe those inkblots; it was probably the closest I could think of to describe the pictures. After about eight or so inkblots, we were done. She packed up the inkblot sketches. "Okay, Lyle. We're just going to do one last test."
Finally, I inwardly groaned.
She put some sheets of paper on my desk. “You’re doing great so far. All I need you to do is a little more writing for me, and then you’ll be done. Please try to answer the question however you feel is best. Okay?”
I nodded, trying to stifle a groan. Great, more writing? Might as well get this over with.
I looked at the essay prompt: Ponies often have to make hard decisions. Write about a time when you have had to make a hard decision and what you gained from it.
I re-read the prompt again. Huh, well that’s… coincidental. It was like this essay prompt was written for me. There were so many things I could talk about. I could have talked about lying to my friends like being human or being an adult. But I couldn’t say any of that, not without blowing my secret anyway. I didn’t want to get too personal with my essay, so I had to find something else to talk about. Shit, there are a million things I could talk about, but I can’t say most of them without revealing anything. What else can I talk about?
About twenty minutes had gone by and I still hadn’t written anything yet. I stared at the blank piece of paper in front of me as I tapped my pencil on it. I have to write something! Anything! Come on, think! Think, think, think! Wait a minute, that’s it!
I picked up my pencil and frantically wrote down my thoughts onto the paper. Going to a private school sounds like a big opportunity, but I wouldn’t want to go if it means leaving all my friends behind. There are some things that are more important than a good education. To me, friends are worth more than all the bits in the world. Friends are always there for you, for both good times and bad times. I wouldn't give up my friends for anything, and I wouldn't have realized it sooner if it weren't for my best friends -- Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle…
Minutes flew by, and before I knew it, it was over. “Time’s up. Please put your pencil down.”
I dropped my pencil from my magical grip, letting it fall onto my desk. I wrote a little less than two pages, a small concern to me. I just hoped the quality of my work would make up for its short length.
“Well, that’s the end of the test, Lyle. Thank you for taking the time to take this test. I hope you have a great future.”
I shook her hoof. “Yeah… it was, um, nice meeting you too.”
“Goodbye, Lyle, and good luck,” she said as she joined the other Canterlot ponies as they left.
Cheerilee returned short after. “Well, how was it, Lyle?”
I scratched the back of my head. “It was… okay.” By “okay”, I mean I have no clue whether or not I’m being sent back a grade or going to a different school.
“That’s good to hear.”
“So when do I get to see how I did today?” I asked.
She shook her head. “Oh, the results are for your paren— I mean, for Lyra to read. You wouldn’t want to read it; it’s for grown-ups, you know, the boring, complicated stuff.” Figures.
“Alright then, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at school, Miss Cheerilee. Bye.”
“Bye, Lyle,” she said as she waved goodbye.
After leaving school, I could still feel the apprehension in me, like a tightly coiled spring ready to burst. The anticipation was just killing me. Who knows when the results would arrive? Any day now, some letter in the mail was going to tell me whether I did horribly bad or horribly good. All I wanted was to let things stay the same. How am I going to tell the girls the news? Sorry I got sent back a couple grades, or sorry I got sent to another school? Ugh, why did school have to make my life more complicated than it already is?
I came across a pebble and kicked it. The only thing I could do now was wait. Unfortunately, that was the hardest part.
~~~~~~~
A few weeks had gone by until I finally heard something in the form of a knock on my door. “Lyle, are you busy?”
I put my book down. Aw, I was just getting to the good part on Illusions and You. “No, come in.”
Lyra opened the door and hovering beside her wrapped in the golden glow of her magic was a letter. Uh oh. At first, I thought some unpleasant news regarding my education reached Lyra, but that didn’t explain the smile on her face. “Congratulations, Lyle! You did so well on your test that you got into a good school in Canterlot for gifted ponies.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah, it says here you were very creative and very good at writing. Now you’ll get to learn more new things at this private school for smart foals. Isn’t it great?”
“No!” I shouted. Lyra’s ears folded back, wincing at my sudden outburst. I took a deep breath. “I mean, no. It’s not great. It’s terrible.” I cradled my head in my hooves.
“W-what do you mean, Lyle?”
A heavy sigh escaped my lips. “I don’t want to go to a new school.”
She trotted over to me and sat down beside me. “Why? What’s the matter, Lyle?” she asked as she stroked my mane.
“I don’t want to go because it’ll mean leaving you and all my friends behind.” I felt something warm and soft wrap around me. I found myself being hugged by Lyra as she comforted me. My head rested on her chest, the hairs of her fur coat tickling my nose. It felt nice to sit like this with Lyra – her holding me against her.
She continued to hold me and stroked my back. “It’s alright, Lyle. Everything is going to be fine.” Although she was calming me down like a mother does to an upset child, I didn’t mind it, so I let her do it just this once; like I said before, it felt nice. She nuzzled my face. “No one is making you go.”
My eyes widened at the sudden revelation. I broke the hug. “Wait, you mean I don’t have to go?”
She shook her head. “No, you don’t have to if you don’t want to. What gave you the idea that you were being forced to go?” Three adorable little fillies…
I was at a loss for words. “B-but… What?!” I worried about that for nothing?! I found a mint-colored hoof waving in front of my face. Apparently, I had been staring blankly for who knows how long while I was mentally chastising myself.
“Hello? Equestria to Lyle, you there?”
I shook my head. “Y-yeah. Sorry, what were you saying?”
She giggled, bringing a small smile to my face. “Dinner’s ready, by the way.”
“Sure, I’ll be down in just a sec.”
She left my room and went downstairs. I did the first thing that came to my mind. I walked over to the thickest book I could find and proceeded to bash my head with it. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Of course, I could have chosen not to go! God dammit, I spent all that time worrying for nothing! Well, I’m glad I’m going to make three certain fillies very happy. I wondered how that was going to turn out
~~~~~~~
“REALLY?!” Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo shouted as they glomped me, cutting off the oxygen from entering my lungs.
“Yes, yes, you’re all very happy, but would you please do me a tiny favor and let me go before I pass out?” I gasped.
Scootaloo fluttered her wings excitedly. “But that’s great! You’re staying!”
I filled my lungs with precious air before giving a smirk. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
Apple Bloom hooked a hoof around my neck. “Yeah, you get ta stay in Ponyville!”
“Mhmm, Cutie Mark Crusaders stick together!” added Sweetie Belle.
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS, YEAH!” they all cheered, much to my ears’ displeasure at being so close to the commotion. Note to self: buy ear plugs.
The bell rang, grabbing our attention. We rushed back into class, with me nearly running into Cheerilee on the way in.
“Sorry, Miss Cheerilee!” I apologized.
“Don’t run inside, Lyle," she scolded. "What’s got you so excited today?”
After taking the assessment, I realized I could pay a little more attention in class. Wouldn't want to miss out on anything important, you know? Gotta start acting the way I looked. “Oh, I’m just eager to learn today. I’m ready for your lessons, Miss Cheerilee!” I beamed. Yep, going for straight B’s instead.
She gave me a warm smile. “I’m sure you are.”
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Wow, I thought this story was dead. Good chapter, but I noticed the on hiatus, and it hasn't been taken off.
2964478 Oh, it's going to be on hiatus for a while...
IT LIVES!
*is all happy now*
2964543 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *headsplosion*
2964820 ewww...*sweeps the mess up and rolls the body out the door* come back when you heal...
2964543
i has a sad now
2964543
Awww....
2966735 in a later chapter that is being re-written
...
I could have sworn there were more chapters!?!?! 
2967012 I agree sir
2968284 I thought the same... scary.
I think It's a rewrite.
please sir, may we have some more? i'd be ever so grateful
Is it just me or did Miss Cheerilee's last line have the faintest hint of some kind of devious plan on her part?
MORE!!! Says I.
2964543
If you do not mind me asking, why's that?
3028090
Going through the entire story and fixing it up requires a lot of time (after all, it took a couple months for barely half the chapters of the original). That, and I'm trying to work on my other stories, not to mention that I'm busy with other things in life.
This reminds me of that one Saturday morning cartoon Recess when Gretchen went through the same thing kinda.
2973958 I saw that story on America's dumbest crooks.
Update! Update! Update! Update! Please!!!
My good sir it saddens me to see such a great story on hiatus and not being complete(like mine). Would you kindly update this story ASAP.
Please sir can i have some more chapters
ill follow this again as it is a lot less dead looking then when i found it a year ago. glad to see life keep up the good work
Please, sir, may I have another. I haven't eaten in three years.
I hope this is some Grammy nomination worthy editing
Uh.... the story was not what I was expecting when I took a glance at the description and the picture. I thought the Human turned pony was of Lyra's age by the picture and it didn't mention anything about him being a foal on the description.... Teenager? Meh.
The story is pretty awesome, too bad it got cancelled. Now I'm gonna read the 'original' version. It.... is quite different than the one posted here. Anyway. Thanks for making this story and all that shit.
Just read the original to the end. Too bad it continue being 'incomplete' and Lyle just keep digging his own grave with Lyra...
Either way. It was such a damn good story. Thanks for letting us read it.
After having read all the chapters of this story, I must admit, I enjoyed it. I agree with other commenters, it's unfortunate that it's been cancelled. The story of a human finding himself in Equestria, being turned into a colt version of Lyra Heartstrings, and sharing in the lives of the ponies of Ponyville through at least the second season (at least that's what it was looking like based on what I read)? And, it looked like he was learning some really good lessons in a really hard way. It would've been interesting to see where you would've taken the story, how you would've completed it. But, like I said, I enjoyed what I read.