Chapter Eleven: I'm Friends With A Sociopath
Canterlot Castle Throne Room, The Next Day, 3:30 P.M
The throne room was heavy with anticipation and nervousness as the Mane Six and the two humans waited for Celestia to cast the spell. The sun goddess sat on her throne, a bead of sweat forming on her brow. Luna sat beside her, whispering comforting words to her. A table rested nearby, an enchanted map resting on it. A pair of unicorn Royal Guards stood in front of Celestia, ready to help if anything happened.
"Oh my," Twilight anxiously said, "I hope the Princess will be okay!"
"It'll be alright, sugarcube," Applejack reassured, "the Princess'll be a-okay when this is all said and done."
"I'm just hoping the damn thing works," Pat bluntly stated. Matt nodded in agreement.
"Get ready," one of the guardsponies warned. He turned towards the Princess. "Are you ready, your highness?" The sun goddess nodded.
"WAIT!" Pinkie Pie cried. The party pony then rushed to various places around the room at near supersonic speed before returning to her spot with a tower of sunglasses balanced on her back. "I have sunglasses stashed all around Canterlot," she explained before adding, "In case of sunglasses emergencies." The other seven made a noise that sounded like "Ah- wha- huh- oh, forget it" before snagging a pair and slipping it over their eyes. Pinkie then walked up to the guards.
"Thank you, ma'am," one of them said, "but that won't be necessary." A magical glow then radiated from both of the guards' horns and enveloped their helmets, causing golden visors to fall over their eyes.
"Coooooool," Matt and Pat said in unison.
"Thanks," the other guardspony said. He turned to Celestia. "Ready, Princess?" The sun goddess nodded, before closing her eyes. A white glow emanated from the tip of her horn. It began to glow brighter and brighter, bathing the room in alabaster light. The ponies and humans shielded their eyes. Celestia began to feel more and more drained as the spell came to fruition. After what felt like an eternity, a blast of magic exploded and swiftly crawled across the ground and walls, like at the end of a movie when everything returned to normal after the villain was defeated. Celestia dropped to the ground, breathless.
"Princess!" Twilight worriedly exclaimed. The Princess' star pupil rushed to the goddess, along with the Royal Guards. Twilight kneeled down beside Celestia. "Princess!" she repeated. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," she explained in between wheezing fits. "But boy, am I tired. I don't think I've done anything that strenuous in a long time."
"Is everypo- I mean, everyone alright?" one of the guardsponies asked.
"I think I've gone blind," Matt said, clutching his eyes. It was true; for the most part, all he could see was white.
The guardspony trotted up to him. "Here," he said, "this'll help." A blue glow lit the tip of his horn. The aura enveloped around Matt's head. There was a flash, and then Matt's vision was restored.
The human wiped his brow and sighed relievedly. "Oh, thank fuck," he said.
The guardspony just shrugged and humbly said, "Just doing my job." He turned to Celestia. "Speaking of which..." He trotted over to the sun goddess, her sister now standing over her.
"Will our dear sister be alright?" Luna asked.
"She'll be fine, Princess," the guard replied, "she's just tired is all." He bent down to eye level with Celestia. "Is there anything we can do for you?"
"Carry me to my room," she replied with a tone almost sounding whiny. "I'm so very tired." The two guardsponies looked at each other, bewildered, then simply shrugged and hoisted the Princess over their backs.
"I would make a comment about weight here," one of the guards said, "but that'd just be in bad taste." The remaining men and women in the room watched them carry Princess Celestia, co-ruler of Equestria and raiser of the sun, to the Royal Bedroom.
"How ignominious," Pat said. "For her, I mean."
All of a sudden, there was a shimmering noise coming from the enchanted map. It had a spell cast on it that synched with the detection spell, so that way it could show the radius in which the spell located the Chaos Gate. The group rushed over to the table. On the map, a purple ring of light flared up near the top of the map, which Matt and Pat could only assume was north.
"The thingy seems to be in..." Matt observed, tracing his finger towards the label on the map, "the Frozen... North."
There was a pause as the information sank into Matt and Pat's heads. They tried to say something, but all that could come out of their mouths was a single, scared "Fuck."
"Relax thine selves," Luna said. "This situation could be worse. You could be forced to journey into the depths of Tartarus."
"Well, it could also be a lot better," Pat said.
"Calm down, you guys," Twilight interjected. "Princess Celestia said that the Royal Guard wouldn't find anything for the next two or three weeks. We'll have plenty of time to prepare before then."
Matt sighed. "If you say so." He walked to his room with Pat.
"Um," Luna awkwardly said after a pause, "we will go signal the troops." She walked out of the room as well, leaving the Mane Six by themselves.
---
Canterlot Castle, The Next Week, 4:00
The days seemed to slow to a crawl as the two humans waited for something from the Royal Guard. They were sick to their stomachs with dreadful anticipation. They seemed to lose their drive over the week, partly because of their journey ahead of them, and partly because of the monotony. Every day it was the same thing: wake up, eat breakfast, go to room, wait until lunch, go to room, wait for dinner, sleep, repeat. There were also the reporters; despite the events of weeks past, they still hadn't gotten the message. Daily, almost hourly, it seemed, some intrepid journalist came knocking on their door, only for the door to be shut in their faces.
"Shutterfly here from the Manehattan Tribune, would you-" SLAM.
"My name is Headliner, reporter for the New Shropshire Times-" SLAM.
"Paparazzo of the Hoofington Post-" SLAM.
And so it went, day after day, without fail. Until one day, that was.
To use a cliche, it had started out like any other day. Matt and Pat were lying down on their beds, depressed as all hell, when a guard knocked on their door.
"There's somepony here to see you," the guard said. The two humans glanced at each other.
"Fine, I'll do it," Pat said while getting up from his bed. He reluctantly walked over to the door and slowly opened the door. Outside, there was the guardspony standing next to a pegasus mare with a giant mailbag slung over her side. Pat's eyes went wide.
"Hello there!" she called out. "I have some mail for you!"
"Uhhhhhhhhh..." Pat said.
"You have quite a bit of mail here, mister. You and your friend are quite famous around Equestria!"
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh... we know, I guess."
"Well, I'm just gonna drop this off here." She dropped the mailbag at Pat's feet. "Goodbye! It was nice meeting you!" She happily trotted off.
"Uh, yeah... bye, Derpy." Pat picked up the mailbag and closed the door. He carried it over and dropped it on his bed.
"What's that?" Matt asked.
"This," Pat answered, "is our mail." Matt whistled in awe.
Matt went over to the mailbag and began rooting through it. "Might as well do something while we're stuck here," he said in response to Pat's questioning look.
"Fair enough," Pat said in return. The two humans began sorting through the mass of letters and packages.
"Fan letter, fan letter, death threat, creepy-ass fan letter," Matt said while pulling out mail.
"The hell is this?" Pat asked. He pulled out a medium-sized box. Pat weighed it. It felt kind of heavy. He looked at the return address. It read "System Shock, 1982 Generation Way, San Franciscolt, Equestria."
"What do you think it is?" Matt asked.
"With a name like System Shock," Pat replied, "it has to be good." He opened the box to find a black, plastic console with "HS3" on the top. On top of the console, there was a letter. Pat picked it up and read it aloud.
"To the two humans,
Hello. I have heard quite a bit about you. One of those things that I've heard is that you two have a love of video games. I myself have an affinity for them as well. I was named after one. I happened to have my Haystation 3 lying around. I barely use it anymore, so I decided to donate it to a worthy cause; that cause being you two. But what is a console without games to play on it? Fear not, for I have that covered. Included with the Haystation is a copy of Maretal Kombat Nine. I hope you get as much mileage out of it as I did.
Sincerely,
System Shock"
Pat looked into the box. Sure enough, in the letter's place was a copy of Maretal Kombat Nine. He looked at Matt, and the two grinned. Pat opened the door to the guard posted outside.
"Dude," he said, "get us a TV."
---
One And A Half Hours Later
"Remind me why we're here again?" Twilight asked. Her and her friends were gathered in Matt and Pat's room, huddled around a TV.
"We're gonna play some vidyagames," Pat replied.
"Really?" Applejack said. "Vidyagames? Almost non' of us 're interested in that kinda thing. The only one of us that likes that is Dash." She pointed to the pegasus - at least, the spot where she was. Rainbow had already went over to Matt and Pat, sitting down and eagerly waiting to play.
"What're we playing, guys?" the rainbow mare asked.
"MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARETAL KOOOOOOOOOOOOOMBAT!" Matt shouted, thrusting his hands in the air.
"Awesome!" Rainbow exclaimed. "Let's go! I'm ready to kick some flank!" At her request, Pat got up and turned the Haystation on. After a few moments, they were at the title screen. It was pretty much identical to the human version of the game: Scorpion crouched, ready to break Sub-Zero's jaw. Twilight's eye twitched at the glaring spelling mistake in the title.
"Um..." the lavender unicorn began.
"It's supposed to be like that, Twi," Rainbow explained.
"But-"
"It was the Neighties. Things like that happened." Rainbow turned back to the TV. Matt hit the start button on the controller; System Shock had been considerate enough that he got two controllers designed for claws, as well as a controller for ponies. The game went to the main menu, and the first thing the other ponies saw of Maretal Kombat Nine was a vicious uppercut from Scorpion to Sub-Zero, complete with x-ray so they could see the damage done.
"Th- that's horrible!" Twilight stammered, echoing the feelings of the other non-gamers in the room.
"Sets the mood quite nicely, don't you think?" Pat snarked in return. The human navigated the menus until he was at the versus screen.
"Alright, who's going first?" Rainbow asked.
"I say me and Pat," Matt said.
"Why's that?" The gamer mare questioned.
"So we can show our skill at this game, man!" Pat explained before adding, "And plus, you'll be able to study our bomb-ass moves."
"I guess that's fair," Rainbow said after some deliberation. Pat went to the character select screen. Himself and Matt automatically knew what characters they were gonna pick. Matt picked the all-American (or, in this case, all-Equestrian) bruiser Jax, in this incarnation a dark brown earth pony with cybernetic legs. Pat went for the, in his words, "invisiblessed" reptilian ninja aptly named Reptile. Here, he was an acid green dragon in a ninja gi. They selected their stage and went to war.
"Round one... FIGHT!" the game exclaimed. Matt went in for a jumping kick, but he was countered with an uppercut from Pat. Matt threw some projectiles at Pat, each and every one blocked before Pat closed in for a brutal combo. He then used some of Reptile's EX projectiles to play a ranged game. Pat did this for nearly the remainder of the match until the end, where he used a throw just to spite Matt.
"Oh, what the fuck, man?" Matt cried when the round came to a close. "What the fuck was that bullshit?"
"It's called zoning," Pat smugly replied. Matt gritted his teeth and clutched the controller tighter. Rainbow observed Matt and had recognized that he had become angry, and if she knew one thing, it was that you never fought a gamer that was angry.
"Round two... FIGHT!" the game shouted. This time, Matt didn't hesitate to go in and beat the shit out of Pat. He first threw a jumping punch, then did a basic combo. Pat tried to get in using Reptile's slide, but Matt blocked it and threw out his X-Ray. He had gotten the meter during Pat's maelstrom of projectiles. Jax grabbed a hold of Reptile and tossed him into the air before catching him and bringing him down on his knee, shattering his spine and rupturing his internal organs. The non-gamers gasped in shock. Unsurprisingly, Fluttershy began to cry. Rainbow rolled her eyes at them. Matt then did a few more combos, interspersed with some projectiles, until Reptile fell to the ground.
"YEAH, ASSHOLE!" Matt triumphantly cried. "HOW THE FUCK DO YOU LIKE IT?"
Pat just groaned. "It's just a game, man," he said, though there was a dangerous edge to his voice.
"Wh- why w- would so- somepony make something so h- horrible like t-this?" Fluttershy stuttered out through tears.
"Because there are some of us out there that enjoy inflicting pain on virtual characters," Matt replied. The answer did nothing to help Fluttershy's mood. She continued sobbing while burying her face in Applejack's chest. The earth pony hugged the pegasus while shooting the human an intense glare. If looks could kill, Applejack's scowl would have tore Matt's lungs out and force fed them to him.
"Round three... FIGHT!" the game barked out for the last time. With both of them in a sufficiently pissed off mood, the final match was particularly rush-heavy. Both of them went in for a jumping kick, only to knock each other out of the sky, sending them flying backwards. They got up, only for Matt to use a ground-pound, hitting Pat into the air. Matt leapt up towards Pat and used his mid-air throw on him, essentially performing a smaller version of Jax's X-Ray. Pat got up and immediately used Reptile's X-Ray, a move which Matt was unprepared for. Reptile turned invisible and ran up to Jax, clutching his jaw before shoving two fingers into his eyes. The group, even Rainbow, winced. Reptile then grabbed the back of Jax's head and snapped his neck, the x-ray displaying it in all its brutal glory. Finally, as a sort of coup de grâce, the dragon punted the cyborg pony in the rib cage. Not one to be outdone, Matt, despite having only a sliver of health left, threw out a surprisingly long combo, taking away a massive chunk of Pat's life.
This was it. The two were running on pixels. They began to shuffle about, both of them anticipating each other to throw out a move. Matt and Pat were utterly focused on the screen. Finally, after what felt like a small eternity and with mere seconds on the clock, Pat tried to catch Matt off guard with a slide. Matt quickly reacted, jumping up into the air so Pat slid under him, and threw out a neutral jumping punch.
That was it; the fight was over in an instant. Pat gawped at his loss while Matt simply smiled. There was a flurry of button presses on his controller and the background turned to black as the Fatality began. Jax stood up on his hind legs and beat a dazed Reptile into the ground, stopping when he got to his arms. Jax got back down and turned around. He bucked once, then twice, sending Reptile's head flying into the air and Fluttershy into hysterics. She quickly flew out of the room; almost Rainboom-quick. The others fired sneers at the skull-capped human.
"What?" Matt said defensively. "It's not like it actually happened."
Meanwhile, Rainbow was busting a gut, banging her hooves on the floor. "Oh man," she said, wiping a tear from her eye, "Fluttershy was just p-perfect!"
Twilight facehoofed. "I'm friends with a sociopath..." she lamented.
"Well, I'm done," Pat said before wordlessly getting up and moving to the back of the room. Rainbow walked over to the Haystation, unplugged Pat's controller, and inserted the pony controller. She sat back down and cracked her wings.
"Let's see how high and mighty you are when you get a taste of my skills!" Rainbow boasted. The two fighters went back to the character select. Matt stuck with Jax, confident he could take Rainbow on with him, despite eking out a win with barely any life left. Rainbow selected the warrior princess Kitana, here a cerulean pegasus with a mask that covered the lower half of her face and a pair of fans. The two selected their stage and went to war.
At the beginning of the first match, Rainbow immediately threw out Kitana's fans, nailing Matt in the chest. She then used her Square Boost to get in. She then threw out an insanely long combo utilizing multiple specials and EX moves, taking away nearly all of Matt's health. Matt muttered random things and cursed under his breath trying to steer the fight in his favor, but alas, it was not to be. Jax collapsed to the ground, defeated. Matt stared at Rainbow in shock. In the back of the room, Pat grinned.
"You ready to give up?" she asked, smirking.
"W-whatever," the human stuttered, "that was just beginner's luck."
"Call it what you want, Matt, I still beat you."
The next round fared slightly better for Matt. He was the one to first get a lick in, taking away a chunk of Rainbow's health. The pegasus simply smiled and went in for a mix-up, allowing her to combo again. Like last time, Matt went straight for the X-Ray on wake-up. Unfortunately for him, Rainbow blocked it. Matt grunted while Rainbow threw out her X-Ray. Kitana threw both of her fans at Jax, slicing into his body. She then teleported behind him, grabbed the fans, folded them, and jammed them in the back of his skull, the x-ray showing all the gory detail. Kitana then teleported in front of Jax, yanked out the fans, and shoved them in his eye sockets. Matt's health depleted to nothing, and the fight was done. Rainbow pressed numerous face buttons and d-pad directions and started the fatality. Kitana pushed Jax, somehow making him stand on his hind legs. Kitana copied him and whipped out her fans. She sliced his forearms off, leaving bloodied nubs in their place. Kitana then cut across Jax's face, severing his head in half and leaving the lower jaw intact and the tongue flopping about. She crossed her arms and posed dramatically.
"Kitana wins... FATALITY!" the game yelled. Matt glared at Rainbow. She met his gaze and held it for a few seconds before busting out laughing.
"What's so funny?" Matt asked.
"You- you take this so seriously!" Rainbow said through laughter.
Matt smiled a little. "Yeah, well, video games are serious business, you guys."
"Yeah man, totally," Pat said. "We gotta be MLG LEGIT!"
"Four-twenty swagzorz fo life, bro!" Matt mockingly said.
"Super leet one-v-one!"
The two humans laughed the night away.
---
Dodge City, 6:45 P.M
"It has been a week into our journey, and what a surprising journey it has been. My squad and I have been marching towards the place called "Canterlot", where it has been observed that the two humans who ended my life have taken refuge. Loren and Chrysalis says that only when they have been killed will we know peace. I hope I am the one to take their lives, as they did mine. But, then again, I am probably not the only one with that fantasy.
We have found a place to spend the night, a town called Dodge City. It reminds me of an American Wild West town. Funnily enough, a tumbleweed rolled past me as I entered the town. The locals seem afraid of us. It is understandable. Some of them have taken arms against us. I was forced to shoot one of them, a mare, on Chrysalis' orders to make an example. I do not take pride in that fact. But, if it means that I can get to the two, I will do as they please.
The Changelings are strange. They always are performing some feat of magic to transform into something. They're currently practicing how to transform into humans, with varied success. Some have transformed into pony-like creatures with human extremities, others transform fully but can only hold it for a few seconds. I do not care much for them; they have an unsettling quality about them. They look like bugs; I hate bugs.
I'm already having second thoughts about this. Loren has taken death very hard, which is reasonable. However, he takes out his anger on the soldiers. I think he's gone insane. Chrysalis, on the other hand, does not seem to care about the two humans, not even the six mares she keeps telling us about. I suspect that there's something- or someone- else driving her, and I have a sneaking suspicion that it's this "Celestia" character she constantly rants about. Whenever she talks about her, she has a certain edge to her voice, a spiteful edge. It seems that she wants to kill her, more than anything."
"Glukhovsky!" a voice outside hollered. "Get rid of the body!"
He sighed. "Yes, sir," he said. Sergeant Dmitry Glukhovsky, year of death September 1964 in Tselinoyarsk, Russia, scribbled down a few last notes in his diary before going outside to stow the limp, lifeless, bloodied body of Cherry Jubilee.
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I can beat ANYONE at Mortal Kombat with Kung Lao. (you should've added an all-Sheva round!)
Oh, and while in the frozen north have them relive that one shitstorm of scariness.
Dmitri! You idiot! You're fighting for the wrong side!
Also quick question. How did Big Boss kill you?
FUCK YES!!!!
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2l6txYa9C1rt72kbo1_1280.jpg
th02.deviantart.net/fs70/200H/f/2012/131/b/2/hooray_for_ponies_by_tabby_cat_chan-d4zdq44.png
1905094 forums.allkpop.com/attachments/no-meme-jpg.36828/ You better read it
Pat, that death threat letter is from Chrysalis.
I bet crazy fan letter is from lyra XD
Here, have some mustaches....
SOME....
cdn.iwastesomuchtime.com/August-19-2011-19-32-57-tlMjvLastPostofMySummers500x364219821580.jpeg !!!!
2261292 Alright, bring her in!
*A pair of helicopters flies in with a net, swooping almost every mustache out of the air*
When I want mustaches, I get them.