Twilight Sparkle has been appointed to investigate the mysterious disappearance of a Ponyville shopkeeper, and she'll start by interviewing the last pony to see the missing mare alive. Unfortunately, Lyra can't remember what happened to Bon Bon.
A submission for the 2012 Equestria Daily Halloween fanfiction spooktacular. Cover artwork by twopennypenguin.
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"No! I must kill the demons," Twilight shouted. The radio said "No Twilight. You are the demons." And then Twilight was a smooze monster.
First!
Well, ish.
Edit: Got the chills. Nice work.
Just in time for Halloween.
Dammit, why did I read this? Now I've got the willies, the heebie-jeebies, and the freaky-dekes
Hee hee, not bad, I like it. It had a nice, even pace throughout the story though I wonder if the ending could have cut off before we knew that Twilight had been, for certain, taken, and then having just that last sentence to leave us guessing.
Hahahaha, that ending was awesome! Made me laugh, that's for sure.
I would have gone with something else for the title, Bon Bon is a candy maker after all, but it was still really good!
This was fun! Scary...but fun!
I love the way this was written, a nice slow build up and a really good pay off. Only really negative thing I can say is I guessed the ending about halfway through and the last part felt a bit rushed but aside from that, very well done.
You monster! How dare you do that to poor Twilight! Oh, and Lyra and BonBon too.
Still, a fun story as we realize what danger Twilight is in and hope that she acts in time. Nice use of a classic MLP villain, and a fun reference to Friendship is Witchcraft. The melting Lyra was especially gruesome, by the way.
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The title is a reference to the song "Pinkie's Brew", with the line "Crude stew, do you fear it Apple Bloom?" in which Pinkie seeks to cook up a portal to another dimension through an odd combination of ingredients, which is apparently what BonBon did in this story by accident.
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Sorry about Twilight! If it makes you feel any better, you can imagine it's the Twilight from FiW, who honestly has it coming.
It's okay, I didn't need my sanity anyways.
This... This is some Steven Hawking shite right here. The characterization of... "STEWIE", as I shall call it, is so well done. It's descriptive without revealing too much about it. And the ending.... For some reason, I'm slightly reminded of the ending to "The Man in the Black Suit", in it's suddenness and implication.
I'm glad I sacrificed myself to my nyctophobia for this fic. Time to never sleep a wink again!!!!
OH YOU
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Choosing to believe that after Twi travels to Canterlot, Celestia manages to not get eaten and also rescues Twi, Lyra, and Bon-Bon!
Jeez, how do we know who's infected? Anybody got a blood test kit?
1498933 Hawking is a physicist. I think you're aiming for Stephen King, the author. And the creature has a name: The Smooze.
Speaking of Stephen King, this is an (awesomely) ponified version of Gray Matter, a short story he published in Night Shift.
...and then Fluttershy Stared/verbally beat down the Smooze, it restored its victims and renounced its twisted ways, and the story ended with a catchy musical number. Muffins were involved somehow, too.
Right?
......SpOoOoky.....
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I may simply be derping, but i don't get it
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CnOysetlQw
Loved it; saw the ending before I got there but there were still hints that I originally missed (aversion to tea or water ect). Thought it is logical to say a monster would claim invincibility to invoke fear, it already gave away it's weakness: water.
Get the garden hose!
(That being said I don't particularly like LyraBon)
You know that thing you do where it's clear from the very beginning how the story is going to unfold, but instead of making it dull, it gives the story a feeling of completeness and inevitability? How do you do that? I ask because I'm about to start a project which could really benefit from that technique.
A part of another fanfic came to my mind, and this story made it more disturbing.
“Twilight, who said anything about dating?” Lyra gave her a long, leisurely look. “If Bon Bon and I weren’t exclusive…”
Twilight frantically tried to write another message but her haste caused it to come out as ‘Glarba globba Smooze.’
“Smooze? Twilight, even I don’t swing that way.”
This reminded me of The Stuff (1985) and The Thing (1982) combined. Very eerie from beginning to end, very much enjoyed it.
I'm glad I waited until October to read this. Fun stuff! I think you could have gone into just a hair more detail on Lyra's emotional state, particularly what her eyes must have looked like, and the atmosphere you set up didn't feel like it had much support in the last two pages. But it serves its purpose as a succulent, spooky Halloween fic.
Now that's good horror. A bit of The Thing remake's style.
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Which other fanfic?