Two short psychological thrillers, from the twisted mind of Horse Voice.
Chapters (2)
Horse Voice
Joined 12th Apr, 2012 ·
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Oh dear Celestia..
This crap is completely insane.
Good stuff, can't wait to see the next one.
i.imgur.com/KHWKP.jpg
In all seriousness, good execution. I laughed even though I knew what would happen because we discussed the idea before you wrote it. ^_^
cdn.crushable.com/files/2012/08/mal-what.gif
I mean, it was good but...ya know...
(Warning: spoilers!)
All right, let's read this! My reactions in order:
1) It doesn't sound too thriller-y so far, apart from the classic thunderstorm, of course.
2) What, secret porn stash? I'd start to grin if this was a comedy, but let's see where are we going...
3) Uh, umm, ooo-kaay... You know, Rarity, this is the part where you should slowly back up and leave before Twilight arrives home...
4) DON'T STAY THERE! Don't stay there! I swear, if you stay there, you deserve what you get!
5) Ending: I hate you so, so much, Horse Voice.
Upvoted with extreme prejudice.
1493652
I'll get "Pinkamena" done before season 3 starts. Promise.
1540950
1541164
Really? Who was he? The only Hungarian FIMFic user I know is Zay-el. And myself, of course. Can't forget that nice guy!
(Btw, I just read The Savage Way. I didn't want to comment there just to say it was awesome, but it was.)
1541189
http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Frigo This follower of mine listed Hungary as his country of origin on some other forum, where he was plugging "The Writing on the Wall".
Also, thank you very much! But I'm curious. I assume you found me through today's blog post, but it seems like you read "Scrap Paper" first. Why? Or have I misunderstood?
1541295
Yes, I found you via the blog post about The Savage Way. You seemed like a fun fellow, and since I'm more of a comedy guy, I thought I'd check your other stories first, in case you've written a comedy. Turned out you haven't, but both Scrap Paper and The Savage Way had an interesting premise, so I decided to read them. Why Scrap Paper first? Because Rarity's my favorite character, that's why!
Spike has some...interesting ideas concerning Rarity.
Favoriting to see what "Pinkemana" will look like.
Oh pony! Horse Voice, what kind of fics are you writing! This is, um, kind of medically possible but with an extremely low likelihood.
...Huh.
Oh lawdy.
1579496
You wouldn't kid about that, would you?
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Don't worry, folks. This was just an experiment. I'll return to form with my next story. Pinkie Promise.
1580228
Oh, it was interesting. Kinda creepy, even. Didn't expect a happy ending.
1580228
Nopey Dopey Lokey!
1583493
...
You win this round.
Write more of these.
Wow, that was a weird story. But just wondering, what did Pinkie tell Mr.Cake to do?
You get five Pinkies for this story!
This was an interesting story...
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Something little fillies shouldn't hear.
Thanks for your patronage!
1923303 I'm not a filly, I'm a mare! tell me!
2062333
Actually... I'm not sure if I ever even decided on something. I thought I should leave it up to the readers' imaginations.
2070153 what? oh... oh buck, i just had a terrible mental image from "ten pounds of fetus and mouthwash" (i read the riff) and yeah, that's pretty physically impossible.... for a colt......
2070554
Heh, when I saw the words, "the riff", I at first wondered if someone had MSTed this.
Then I searched for "ten pounds of fetus and mouthwash". I wish I hadn't.
2070826 exactly!
1541295 I don't get it, did Twilight Sparkle write those short stories or did Spike because how did Spike know about any of this?
2070153 that's quite disturbing of a short story. I would've expected for something with gore but instead I got my favorite kind of horror, psychological horror.
2141411
Spike has a thing for RariTwi... in a really twisted way. Hey, you never know what seemingly normal people might do when they're alone.
2141453
That happens to be my specialty. I think we'll get along just fine.
Spoilers ahead
You know what's cool?* From what we know of dragons in the show, I can see a dragon getting into that kind of fetish. * You don't need me to tell you, but well done.
I somehow knew it was going to be Spike. Not that it made it any less enjoyable to read over, of course! I like how it slowly deepened in the depravity in the pages that Rarity found, and you did a wonderful job at illustrating the acute trauma that one would no doubt suffer at reading such things. There was something a bit similar in a game I played before, where the main character had found that there were 50+ photographs and writings about him in a room within an old cult house. Rarity's reaction was similar to his, and I think rightly so. Even though in the end I knew it was going to be Spike's fiction, I still couldn't help giggling over the last lines. As an aside - For a baby dragon, Spike sure is kinky!
2590262
It's funny: Some people guess the ending right away, and others are taken completely by surprise. An aside: A friend of mine, who likes clop, said, "Spike's story was good, until you started putting gore in it."
On another note, if you wrote a well-thought-out response to this, then you, sir, are a writer's favorite sort of reader.
ALL OF MY
arch.413chan.net/Nope-(n1315206904418).gif
(It being Spike's writing, which I figured it would end up being, MAKES IT EVEN WORSE AND IT WAS ALREADY TERRIBLE)
Oh man. These were both awesome. Scrap Paper absolutely cracked me up, (I wonder if Twilight will ever catch Rarity and if Rarity will ever actually tell her what she read?) and Pinkamena is one of the best Cupcakes-related things I've ever read.
3882630
Ahh, I'm glad these can still resonate a bit. Most of the people who sing the praises of my work tend to ignore them.
3885190 You've written a lot of really terrific stuff, I enjoyed every story I read. But these two were just fun, wheras most of the rest of your portfolio is a bit more serious, and trying to say something meaningful about any of it left me sort of groping around for a phrase other than "so many feels".
http://teamyume.tumblr.com/post/79372573919/team-yumes-dramatis-sermo-scrap-paper-and
4072726
Oh no... you had to do these ones next.
Yes, you could easily tell I did these before Monsters, and they were my first attempts at different styles. But I am glad you understood the points I was trying to make.
I've been having a bad day, so this review comes at exactly the right time. It gave me a few chuckles right when I needed them. Thanks, guys.
4072917
You're very welcome.
Oh, Spike....
I like your take on Pinkamena; it's disturbing but kind of cute at the same time. The idea of having someone else being able to take over your body is disturbing enough as is, and it doesn't need to be further compounded by the "someone else" being evil. Also, even in the stories I've come across where they're NOT evil just afraid and confused, they still end up causing pain and getting killed at the end; it's nice coming across one where they properly LEARN how to do things, and are accepted.
4134827
Some people say this one ends on an anticlimax, and maybe it does. But really, if this happened to Pinkie, she would no doubt try to make friends with it, and it would probably work. That's Pinkie all over.
Identical twins, conjoined twins, parasitic twins, fœtus in fœtu, and teratomas grade into each other. This raises the question —— ¡which is totally different than begging the question! —— of reification (¿when is a thing a thing?). Fœtus in fœtu usually do not have brains and never functional brains. Parasitic twins often have working brains, but hang out of the host twin. Pinkamena sounds intermediate between a parasitic twin and fœtus in fœtu. One can think about Pinkamena as a parasitic twin under the skin of Diane.
Noodle scenes are almost always more funny than descriptive scenes, so I understand why you do not tell us what Pinkamena asks Mister CarrotCake to do; but, if I had to guess, I imagine that after 2 decades trapped inside Diane, Pinkamena is very horny. She probably asks Mister CarrotCake for sex. Although, he finds the offer very tempting (¡I would consent!), he turns down the offer because he does not want Mrs. CupCake to geld him.
4205867
This is one reason I'm always glad to receive feedback. These things actually did not occur to me. But it's funny you should say, since I once considered writing a clopfic in which my Pinkamena seduces Braeburn. (I decided I would rather not have such things in my bibliography.)
Thanks for reading!
Great twist, and great horror.
I dislike that these two stories are a set when they are unrelated. Better to do each separately, or keep a running short story collection.
That said the first contact moment in the second was excellent.
7/12 for the first story,
8/12 for the second.
5203837
I actually kind of agree. This was an early experiment with double-featuring, as used to be done with horror films, and it didn't really work. I'm tempted to try resubmitting Pinkamena as a standalone, but that might violate the site rules.
The work with the text seems like it might be cliche or garish somehow in concept, but it worked out really well here. I could imagine Pinkie in dark red light with the diary and barely able to reply while she just watches her hoof write deformed letters by itself.
Very nice mental prodding here.
5684233
I am so, so glad people still sometimes read these old things of mine.
Yes, we here at HV Productions make it our mission to take concept most people consider cliche or intrinsically bad, and make them work. See also Johnny Never Knew What Hit Him, which crams as many bad pony fiction cliches into one story as possible, and, I'm told, manages to justify them all.
5684485 Well, HiE really isn't my thing, but I just might need to have a look if the mechanics are that crooked.
I think I'll try to learn something in the process if it works that well, too...
Also, you might want to thank Bad Horse for the blog that sent me to you, if you haven't heard about it already.