Hypothetically Speaking...
Rapidfire groaned as a series of heavy knocks on his hotel room door roused him from his sleep. His head ached, his throat was dry, and his limbs were sluggish. Furthermore, there was the ache in his gut that left him with the distinct impression his liver was punishing him.
With a fair amount of effort, he forced his eyes open, and immediately regretted the act. The dim light of his room was all but blinding to him and immediately sent a cringe through his body. Slowly he lowered his head back to the pillow, his foreleg draping over his eyes. For a few comparatively blissful moments the only sound was the throbbing in his skull. Then the knocking came again, as insistent as ever.
“Hey, LT,” somepony called from the hall, “you dead in there or what?”
Rapidfire groaned again, reluctantly sliding out of his bed. He steadied himself against the mattress for a minute before he dragged himself to the door. After a short and stumbling walk, he managed to get it unlocked, pulling it open to reveal Soarin’, his right hoof poised in the air ready to knock again. Soarin’ stared at Rapid for a moment; his expression shifting from mild confusion to thinly veiled amusement.
“Dude,” Soarin’ started with a chuckle, “you look like a train wreck.”
“Whaddaya want?” Rapid growled, his head pounding from the light filtering in from the hall.
“Making sure you’re still alive,” Soarin’ answered.
“It’s too early for this,” Rapid whined.
“It’s eleven-thirty,” Soarin’ informed his colleague.
Rapid leveled a blank stare at Soarin’ for a good while, his hungover mind not quite able to process the sky-blue stallion’s information. The last time Rapidfire had slept so late had been the day after he had been accepted into the Wonderbolts. That party still retained a legendary status in the annals of team history.
“…What?” Rapid asked.
Soarin’ sighed and shook his head. “This is why you shouldn’t drink so much.”
Rapid grumbled an indistinct response.
“How you feeling?” Soarin’ asked after a moment’s pause.
“…Lovely,” Rapid growled, the discomfort plain as day on his face.
Soarin’ regarded Rapidfire for a long moment before he leaned slightly to the left, peering over the ginger stallion into the darkened room.
“Uh, Rapid,” Soarin’ began, an amused smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “Why do you have two uniforms in your room?”
Rapidfire blinked in confusion before he turned to look. After a moment he spotted his familiar blue and gold uniform laid out on the room’s desk. Beside it, wrapped in clear plastic, was a second uniform, the only difference being the sizes between them. The sound of Soarin’s giggles drew Rapidfire’s attention back to the door.
“So,” Soarin’ teased, “is that Misty’s or Fleetfoot’s?”
“…Spitfire’s.” Rapid answered after a moments thought.
Soarin’ pressed his hoof to his lips, trying mightily not to burst out laughing.
“You know,” Soarin’ giggled, “when you said you liked twins, I didn’t think that included yours.”
Rapidfire stared flatly at Soarin’, clearly unamused.
Soarin’ pantomimed wiping a tear from his eye. “And here I thought we had something special.”
“It’s too early for this, Mallow.” Rapid groaned, his hoof gingerly rubbing the side of his head. “And I’ve got a headache.”
“Turnabout’s fair play,” Soarin’ kindly informed Rapidfire.
“Do you need something, or can I go back to enjoying my hangover?” Rapid asked, his voice laced with irritation.
“Actually, you can get your flank in gear,” Soarin’ began casually. “Arcus wants to see us at the Stadium.”
“What for?” Rapid asked, wincing from the throbbing ache in his skull.
“I’m not entirely sure,” Soarin’ answered, “but if we leave now we can meet Spitfire and Rainbow Dash for lunch.”
“I think I’ll just go back to sleep,” Rapid grumbled as he started to turn back to the bed.
“Rapid,” Soarin’ started as he reached out and stopped his friend, “you need a big greasy breakfast and a lot of water. Otherwise you're just gonna feel worse when you wake up again.”
“Says who?” Rapid challenged.
“Say’s your boss,” Soarin’ answered, “who also happens to be the pony who will have to drag your dehydrated flank to the hospital for an IV. And I am not about to explain to your sister why you need IV fluids.”
Rapidfire stared down Soarin’ for a long moment as he considered his situation. On one hoof, he really wanted to go back to sleep. On the other hoof, he knew full well that Soarin’ was right. He kind of hated when the oversized stallion was right.
“Fine,” Rapidfire relented before he slowly made his way back into the room.
“The exit is in the opposite direction, genius,” Soarin’ pointed out.
“I know that,” Rapid growled as he retrieved Spitfire’s uniform from the desk, “but if we’re meeting with Spitfire then I’m returning her uniform to her now that it’s been cleaned.” He explained as he carefully folded the uniform and placed it into his saddlebag.
“Whatever.” Soarin’ shrugged before he leaned casually against the doorframe.
After giving the miserable stallion a few minutes to brush his teeth and splash some water over his face, Rapid pushed Soarin’ out of his room.
“All set?” Soarin’ asked.
Rapid grunted a sedate confirmation and Soarin’ gave him a light nudge in the ribs. “Come on, Rapid, you look like you’re walking to your own funeral,” Soarin’ playfully chided.
“Shut up and walk,” Rapid grumbled, his ears flat and his head low.
Soarin’ shrugged and led the disgruntled pegasus down the hall and into the lobby, humming a jaunty tune the whole way while Rapid followed close behind, seemingly under an invisible raincloud. Making their way into the bright outdoors, Rapidfire hissed from the sudden increase in light.
Soarin’ didn’t take much pity on Rapid’s self-inflicted condition.
“Come on buddy,” Soarin’ said as he draped a wing over Rapid’s back. “Pony up and take it like a stallion.”
“I really hate you right now,” Rapidfire glowered at Soarin’.
“That’s nice, dear,” Soarin’ replied.
Rapidfire made a mental note to plot his revenge the minute his head stopped hurting so much. Since flying with a migraine was never a good idea, they trotted down the sidewalk, Soarin’ leading the way while Rapidfire did his best to follow while keeping his eyes mostly closed. Occasionally Soarin’ stretched out his wing to adjust Rapid’s path before he could bump headlong into something or somepony. After a twenty-minute walk they arrived at a small diner’s simply called ‘Zeke’s’. Soarin’ paused for a moment, looking through the small crowd to see if Rainbow and Spitfire were still there.
The place was one of the many indoor/outdoor café’s that lined the streets of Manehattan. A single massive window allowed most of the natural light to filter into the building as well as let the ponies inside see out into the street. Outside, eight round wooden tables were set up with collapsible umbrellas mounted in the middle to provide extra shade on a hot day.
Directly across the street was a comparatively small park area. It only took up the space of a single city block, but that was more than enough room for a decently-sized playground for young fillies and colts to play in. Alongside it were several street vendors, each with their own cart, presumably filled with whatever it was they were selling.
If there was one observation Soarin’ felt comfortable applying to all the ponies in Equestria, it was that they took the idea of ‘lazy Saturdays’ extremely seriously. Soarin’ spotted a perfect example at the nearest table. There, an orange unicorn with a curly brown mane was engaged in discussion with a grey pegasus who’s grey mane was streaked with red. By the look of things, both stallions had long since emptied their plates and were taking their time to enjoy their respective drinks and chat.
At a different table there was a dark-brown earth pony stallion; he had several unfinished maps spread across his table, one of which he was very carefully inking and several others that were rolled and tied with twine poked out of his overstuffed saddlebag. His cutie mark, a bronze compass, gave Soarin’ the idea that this pony was a cartographer of some sort. The stallion set his quill down and reached for his drink, seemingly in no rush to complete his work.
Wonderbolts didn’t have that sort of luxury most of the time. While they had enough downtime to keep healthy and (mostly) sane, they rarely had the chance to just sit and watch the clouds drift by. For the most part, Soarin’ liked that. He was raised to keep busy and productive, but sometimes it was just nice to take things a bit slower.
Not seeing Spitfire or Rainbow Dash outside, Soarin’ trotted into the diner and glanced around. He scanned slowly around the open room, looking for Rainbow’s unique mane or Spitfire’s ginger locks. Finding neither amongst the myriad of colors and styles, he started to retreat out of the diner, hesitating only when a pair of cute mares at the table nearest to him caught his eye.
The one nearest to him was a white unicorn mare with a short cut black mane, but he couldn’t make out what her mark was from his angle. Seated across from her was a tan-colored earth pony mare with a wavy blue mane and a pair of sunglasses perched on her nose. She held a notepad in her hooves that she carefully read over.
“All-in-all,” the first mare said, “I think that should be enough to get them through the day and leave a little to spare.”
The tan mare peered over her glasses at her counterpart. “I guess, but that still leaves ‘em without an opener.”
“That’s your job,” the unicorn mare chirped.
“…Touché,” replied the earth pony.
Before he could accidentally eavesdrop on more of their conversation, Soarin’ turned and trotted back to where Rapidfire was waiting. To his surprise, Rapidfire was looking away from the diner and across the street where Rainbow and Spitfire were trotting in their direction. Soarin’ stopped beside Rapidfire and waited till the two mares were close enough before he spoke.
“Where did you two go?” he asked with a smile.
“We stopped for snow cones,” Spitfire answered.
“Snow cones?” Rapid balked, his face scrunching in confusion. “Where in Equestria did you find snow cones at this time of the year?”
Rainbow pointed across the street to one of the sidewalk vendors. Soarin’ and Rapidfire squinted for a moment before they each spotted the vendor in question. He was a blue unicorn with sweptback mane standing behind what looked to be an icebox on wheels. In his magical grasp, he carefully held out a snow cone to a young unicorn filly that was doing her best to grab it with her own magic. Her mother’s horn flared to life, subtly assisting the filly’s magic.
“Huh,” Soarin’ clucked his tongue, “well, you don’t see that every day.”
“The guy makes good snow cones too,” Rainbow noted with a lick of her lips.
“Well ain’t that swell,” Rapidfire grumbled earning an amused look from Spitfire.
“What train ran you over?” Spitfire asked.
“Rapid had a few too many drinks last night,” Soarin’ said, his right wing giving Rapidfire a playful embrace.
“I hate you,” Rapid grumbled.
“Karma’s a pain in the flank,” Spitfire said, an amused smile on her lips.
“Whatever,” Rapid said with a roll of his eyes. Without any ceremony, he reached into his saddlebag and hoofed over Spitfire’s folded uniform. “It doesn’t smell like a donkey anymore.”
“Thanks,” Spitfire said as she tucked the uniform into her own saddlebag. “So, shall we head in and get a bite?”
“Mrrrgrh...,” Rapid grumbled, his mood still suffering from the effects of the hangover.
“Yup,” Rainbow said.
“Food sounds good,” Soarin’ agreed.
The four pegasi trotted into Zeke’s and got in line at the counter, each taking their turn to order their food. Rainbow and Spitfire each ordered a sandwich, Rainbow with just water, and Spitfire’s with coffee. Soarin’ decided on a salad with tea, and Rapidfire ordered the greasiest foods he could with both a pitcher of water and a coffee.
As they sat down to wait for their food, a peculiar question popped into Spitfire’s mind.
“Hey Rainbow?” Spitfire asked.
“Yeah?” Rainbow said as she sipped at her drink.
“I’ve got a… weird question,” Spitfire said, after a moments thought.
Soarin’ and Rapidfire exchanged a knowing glance.
“Define ‘weird’, Spits,” Rapid said.
“Oh shush you,” Spitfire admonished Rapidfire lightly.
“Proceed...” Rainbow said carefully, having the most peculiar feeling that she was walking into a trap.
“Well,” Spitfire began as she shifted in her seat, “being one of the Elements of Harmony, you’ve spent some time around the princesses, right?”
“Personally? Not as much as you might think,” Rainbow answered. “Twilight spends way more time with them then the rest of us do combined.”
“Still, you’ve been around them both, more than pretty much anypony who isn’t in the royal guard or castle staff, right?” Spitfire asked again.
“Yeah…” Rainbow confirmed slowly. She wasn’t entirely sure where Spitfire was going with this line of questioning.
“So, Rainbow,” Spitfire hooked her foreleg around Rainbow’s waistline, cutting off any chance of escape, “who’s got the better flank?”
“…What?” Rainbow deadpanned.
Soarin’ stared at Spitfire with his face an amusing combination of horror and amusement while Rapidfire snorted his water.
“Celestia or Luna,” Spitfire said in as casual a manner as she could manage, “who’s got the better flank?”
“I…d—” Rainbow groaned and pressed her head into her hooves.
“Oh come on,” Spitfire drawled playfully. “You can’t tell me you haven’t at least looked.”
“No comment,” Rainbow muttered.
“I vote Celestia,” Soarin’ interjected.
“Why’s that?” Spitfire asked with a chuckle.
“Cause her face is on the money.” Soarin’ answered.
“Fair enough,” Spitfire said with a grin. “What about you, Rapid?”
“Celestia,” he answered quickly.
“Why’s that?” Soarin’ asked, lightly elbowing the smaller stallion.
“Cause I’m not interested on getting sent to the moon for the rest of my life,” Rapid answered simply.
Rainbow groaned. “Twilight’s gonna kill me if she ever hears about this.”
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Be right back, laughing uncontrollably at the ending XD
Nice chapter.
An excellent chapter as usual. Thank you :). I now have a sudden craving for snow cones, even though the temperature is below freezing.
The answer to that last question is Luna though.
Celestia. Why? Her plot thickens!
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6934077440/h2CA333A5/
Luna, obviously.
I would probably choose Celestia for fear of being banished too.
Yay for Plots!
sorry i can't read this right now. Will read when done with homework
I giggled out loud when I saw my OC in there: I'd been looking forward to that for a while. Also, wonderful slice of life chapter.
Luna best flank, hooves down
Luna and Molestia
1959885
I see what you did there!
I told you I knew what the reaction was going to be!
There were a few minor edits in there, two of which were Spitfire's name not being cap'd, and some awkward wording at one point, but overall a very fun chapter! Now I just need to bide my time until next Monday.
LUNA
"Because her face is on my money" LOL! What a reason^^ Why though do I get the feeling that Rapids answer wasnt quite honest?^^ lol^^ Anyway, Luna wins this one by far^^
Also, nice cameo^^
I really liked it^^ Thanks
Aww, I wanted more of that conversation. Well, next time then.
Luna, definitely Luna
lol awesome, but we never got to hear rainbow dash or spitfire's answer to the question.
To answer Spitfire's question: "Yes."
1959777
I am convinced that is a subtle nod to the fandom.
Yea...Don't want to be going to the moon. So my vote goes to Celestia.
Is that dialogue I see? ^_^ huzzah.
Dem Flanks! I'd have to say this chapter's flank is better than both of them.
Luna has better looks common, she's less of a horse.
luna
You don't need the ' in Wonderbolts.
Luna..............................Because I really like her mane!
Wow best chapter yet and good job getting on the dashboard for posted stories. But I've been reading this story sense it came out. And btw luna is better just letting you know
Luna. cuz of this
derpyhoovesnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/lunasworkday.png
cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbB1sHOgZmSSJyMjAxMi8xMi8xNC8yMF81N18wM184NzNfMTc4NzY2X19VTk9QVF9fc2FmZV9wcmluY2Vzc19sdW5hX2ltYWdlX21hY3JvX3JlYWN0aW9uX2ltYWdlX2lfc2VlX3doYXRfeW91X2RpZF90aGVyZQY6BkVUWwg6BnA6CnRodW1iSSIMMjUweDI1MAY7BlQ/178766__safe_princess-luna_image-macro_reaction-image_i-see-what-you-did-there.jpg.jpg
Dat ending
cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbB1sHOgZmSSJOMjAxMi8wOS8xMS8wM181NF8yMF85MjlfOTQ4NDlfX1VOT1BUX19wcmluY2Vzc19jZWxlc3RpYV9wcmluY2Vzc19tb2xlc3RpYQY6BkVUWwg6BnA6CnRodW1iSSIMMjUweDI1MAY7BlQ/94849__safe_princess-celestia_princess-molestia_artist-pablo09042.png.png
Okay, I'm back! Sorry for not being around like normal, my best friend is in town from Korea for the week, so I spent the day hanging out with him after I uploaded today's chapter.
Anywho, on with the replies!
1959708
Glad you enjoyed it! It's always a trick to make cameo stand out enough to be noticed, yet be subtle enough to not be distracting.
1959741
There's always time for a snow cone
1959923
Look forward to hearing your thoughts!
1960138
Again, sorry it took longer than I had originally thought.
1959942
Glad you liked it, and I'm sorry it took so long to sneak him in. I just was waiting for the opporitune moment
1962162
Why thank you sir!
1963214
Hope you liked it!
1963272
Loved it
1963276
yay!
1963289
I'm getting good at it
Soo my thoughts... I absolutely love this chapter It had really good humor, but I have to disagree.
LUNA HAS BEST FLANKS
And I'll look forward to more of the two turtledoves, I am of course talking about our fave shipping Rapid/Soar.
1963272 and again, dont sweat it^^ lol
1960553
Hope you liked it!
1964403
hehe, hope you liked Cue Ball's cameo!
1964436
Excellent! Glad I was able to make it work for you
so well written, so funny, i think rapid/soarin should have had a druk kissing scene, and i love the idea of spitfire being a perve
And so I catch up to the most recent chapter and am forced to wait for the next one. Great
Enough self pity. Ruirik, I like it.
There's plenty of Spitefire x Rainbow Dash stories out there but none that I've read are anywhere near this level of quality (or length). This story has quite rightly earned a spot in my favourites, and I mean as one of my favourite fanfics ever. In fact, it's one of two shipping fics that I actually enjoy for being a ship fic, the other being Love, Loss and Apples (which coincidentally majorly features Soarin in it, but shipped with Applejack)
Keep doing what your doing /)
Okay. That settles it. *Throws laptop at wall* WHY IS THERE NO NEW CHAPTER?! I leave this sitting to stew, get four or six chapters, read them all, and am left hanging....
1973061
Eeeevery monday
1973253 *Wants Monday to be every day* This story has gotten me wrapped up in it. Now there must be more. It must be soon. Monday cannot come soon enough. *Begins to plot to make every day Monday*
1973270
Glad you're enjoying it, I do my best
Wow just finished reading this excellent story, and i must say the length, detail, plot twists, and sheer classic romantic appeals are a refreshing and wonderful addition to two personalities that you would not directly see such affection and curiosity from. Now within my top 5
favorite stories! Cant wait to see what else is in store. 
>>>Luna soo beats Celestia for those who are keeping tabs on the votes for best flank haha! truly wonderful
Definitely Luna. My allegiance shall always be to the night.
you misspelled annuals. and it said annals. anal? hmmmmm...
If I had to pick a pony flank as superior to the other, I'd say Luna.
And I'm hoping this conversation continues next chapter, lol. I'd like to see an answer coaxed out of Rainbow.
Best royal flank? Luna, hooves down.
Had to restrain laughter...