15. Nadir
Prince Blueblood and two royal guards walked to the castle and out of sight, leaving the rest of the guards to deal with the chaotic scene behind them. At the center of the commotion, several guards were wrestling with Rainbow Dash. She continued to yell and make attempts to get away, but they forced her down to the ground.
“I’m calm, I’m calm!” Rainbow Dash yelled as the guards finally let her up. She looked down at the few whips of hair that were still on the ground, then back at what remained of her tail behind her. “My tail…”
“Miss Dash, we have just apprehended Flanksy. She is being brought to Canterlot Castle right now,” said one of the guards.
Rainbow Dash nodded. “Glad to hear it. I’m outta here.” She flapped her wings, but one of the guards reached out and grabbed her before she could do anything. As she was pulled back to the ground, she turned to the guard who grabbed her. “What’s your deal?”
“I’m going to have to ask you to come with me, Miss Dash.”
"Excuse me?" Rainbow said. "I came to Canterlot to find the pony who hurt my friends. I found her and gave her what she deserved. So now I'm going to leave!"
She tried to take off again, but this time one of the guards grabbed her by her hoof and yanked her down to the ground.
“We have to go to the officer’s quarters to report to the captain of the guard. It’s standard procedure after any incident involving an arrest. You’re a witness and took part in the conflict, there is much to discuss.”
"What? But—!” she yelled. For a split second she was about to take off, but when the guards pressed down on her shoulders she relaxed and looked at the guards surrounding her. The stern looks of each of the guards made her involuntarily fold in her wings, and they lead her down the street.
As she was lead away, one of the guards broke off from the group and walked back to the statue. He looked around for a few seconds before coming across Flanksy's duffel bag. He hauled it up onto his shoulder and began to trot back to the Castle. As he turned a corner, a pony caught his eye; she was curled up against the wall, her back legs tucked into her chest. She seemed to have tears in her eyes, so the guard quickly walked over to her.
“Is everything alright?”
Amethyst quickly wiped her eyes and looked away from the guard. “I-I’m okay.”
The guard just looked at her for a few seconds, then stepped closer and patted her on the back. “I know it was quite shocking, but don’t worry; it’s all over. Now that Flanksy has been apprehended, the celebration is going continue as normal. You can go enjoy the festivities.” The guard smiled, then turned away to return to the castle.
"W-what's going to happen to Flanksy?" Amethyst said through her sniffles.
"Well," the guard said, pausing to think over his answer, "given that Prince Blueblood is taking her straight to the castle, it appears that this is being treated as a royal issue. So I would presume that whatever happens to Flanksy will be decided by Princess Celestia herself. Now if you'll excuse me..."
The guard turned away and resumed his trek towards the castle. Amethyst Star stared after him, then looked the other direction where ponies were just starting to recover from the incident and enjoy themselves. Amethyst choked back another sob and just rested her head to the side against the wall as she stared into the sky.
----------
Although things had finally settled down at the dedication, there was a sense of unease hanging over everypony, with what happened at the statue dominating every conversation. Just as the band had started to play again, a pony with a camera around his neck broke away from the dedication and trotted down the street. He briefly glanced at the pocket watch hanging from his saddle bag, wincing when he saw the time.
"Oooh, she's not going to like me showing up early..." he muttered to himself as he walked through the streets towards his destination. His pace slowed as he approached the building, until he finally stopped in front of The Finishing Touch. He took a deep breath and opened the door slowly, immediately spotting the single desk on the far side of the room. A single light from the desk was the only illumination in the studio, revealing the figure of Photo Finish standing at the desk, intently looking at various fashion spreads that were strewn about. She momentarily glanced back at him as he approached.
"I thought you vere going to be at ze dedication all night, Snap Shutter,” she said quickly before she turned back to the photos. "I need complete concentration to decide how my next spread vill look."
"Miss Finish, I thought I should let you know that Flanksy showed up at the dedication."
Photo Finish jerked her head up and spun around, then quickly rushed over to get right in the face of her photographer.
"Vhat?" she said. "Vhat happened? Vhat did she do?! Tell me everything!"
Snap Shutter instinctively looked to the side a bit as Photo Finish got right in front of him. "She arrived and immediately began spray painting the statue, but before she could finish she was confronted by one of the Elements themselves. There was a pretty intense confrontation that ended with Flanksy cut Rainbow Dash’s tail off. Rainbow attacked Flanksy after that, and the guards quickly stepped in. Next thing I knew, they had apprehended Flanksy and were bringing her towards the castle. I think she got arrested.”
He waited, but when there was no response, he looked up at his employer. Photo Finish was a difficult pony to read—she tended to be overly enthusiastic about almost everything she did and her oversized glasses tended to hide a lot of her face—but even the photographer could tell that there was something wrong.
"Oh. I see," she said as her ears drooped. "Thank you."
She turned away and trotted slowly back towards her desk where she began to go through the photos again. Snap Shutter watched her walk and slouching posture—something he had never expected to see her do—then followed her.
"Is everything alright, Miss Finish?"
Photo Finish momentarily ignored him and rustled the photos around the desk. She spread them back and forth before her head fell again and she just stared straight down at the table.
“I vanted to support Flanksy through everything she vas doing,” she said. "Such passion, such statements, such... such rebellion! It vas unlike anything I had ever seen in Canterlot. I vanted nothing more than to sit back and observe vhatever she did next..."
She shuffled the pictures on her desk around again, then her head fell further.
"But like this? Throwing paint on other ponies, breaking into houses, and now assaulting another pony and getting arrested? It is not even rebellion anymore…”
Snap Shutter stepped up next to Photo Finish. He put on his best smile, hoping to cheer his boss up. “Well, she was still painting when she was there. Her art—”
He was interrupted when Photo Finish turned around quickly and shook her head. “Zat is not art! Zat is just anger, and I refuse to have anything to do with a pony who operates solely based on anger! I refuse to—” Photo Finish stopped talking as she saw Snap Shutter cower back. She took a deep breath, then just shook her head. “It hurts me to see art die like this, but there is nothing I can do about it. What is done, is done. It’s over.”
Photo Finish turned back to her desk and resumed looking through the photos. Snap Shutter waited for her to say anything else, but when she didn’t, he turned to leave.
“Please throw out the sheet on the wall on your way out.”
Snap Shutter looked over to the right. Hanging on the wall was a large sheet that had been painted in every color of the rainbow in grand patterns. The middle of the sheet had “I AM NOT A PROJECT” written in large black letters, while the corner was adorned with a large “F.” He blinked at it a few times, then looked back to Photo Finish.
“But I thought—”
“I vant nothing more to do with Flanksy if she is going to pursue this path. Throw it avay!” she yelled without turning around. Snap Shutter quickly ran over and tore the sheet down, bundled it up into a ball, and left the room in short order. Photo Finish continued to look through the pictures on the table, spreading them around more erratically before she slammed her hoof down on the table in anger. There was silence in the room for a while before she sighed as she took her glasses off and dropped them on the table, then rubbed her eyes as she looked back at the empty wall.
—————
Rainbow Dash sat awkwardly in a chair as she glanced over at the window on the far side of the room. She knew that if she took off now she could be out the window in a split second and be back on her way to Ponyville. There was no way any of the other ponies in the room could stop her; she was the fastest pegasus in all of Equestria. It’d just be a matter of getting the angle right when she leapt into the air and she would be home free. But every time she considered leaving, she noted all the guards in the room. Running would only make things worse.
Instead, she just stared out the window and wondered if she had made the right decision. It had been hard for her to leave when her friends, especially Fluttershy, were in such a depressed state, but as soon as she had even a shred of information on where the culprit was, she knew she had to act. She had refused to sit idly by knowing that somepony out there had made all of her friends miserable.
Her thoughts were interrupted when one of the guards stepped in front of her. “Rainbow Dash, come with me,” he said. “The captain would like to speak with you.”
Rainbow jumped to her hooves and followed the guard through a tall archway. He pushed a door open to a room decorated with shields and spears and nodded for Dash to step through, then closed it behind her. She looked at the only other pony in the room; a white unicorn with a blue mane who sat behind a strong mahogany desk.
"Nice to meet you, Rainbow Dash," the pony said. "I'm the captain of the guard, Shining Armor."
"Yeah, nice to meet you too," Dash replied as she sat down in the chair across from him.
“This shouldn't take very long. I just need your side of the story for the report. Now tell me exactly what transpired between you and Flanksy."
"It should be obvious what happened: she attacked me!" Rainbow Dash yelled. "I was just in Canterlot and I saw her, and before I knew what was happening, she grabbed a pair of scissors and cut my tail off!"
Shining Armor just blinked a few times, then flipped open a notepad and wrote a few things in it. "So, when you attacked her..."
"It was in self-defense," Rainbow Dash replied.
There was a long silence as Shining Armor jotted a few more notes down. "Well in that case, this whole thing seems pretty open-and-shut, doesn't it? She attacked you, there's nothing else to say about it."
For a moment, Rainbow Dash shifted her eyes about nervously. "Uh, y-yeah! Nothing else to say about it."
She tried to smile, but there was something about Shining Armor's face that was making her uncomfortable. One of his eyebrows was raised as he put the pad of paper down, then took in a deep sigh.
"Alright then, you're free to go."
The adrenaline that had been surging through Rainbow Dash's body for the past hour was finally starting to wear off. She had been reliving the moment of punching Flanksy over and over in her head, proud of what she had done to the pony who had hurt her friends. But now she was looking into the eyes of the captain of the guard, and the pride was gone; instead, shame and disgust were beginning to overtake her.
"I... what's going to happen to Flanksy?" she asked, fiddling with her hooves.
Shining Armor paused, then looked down at his note pad. "It's a bit too early to say, but based on the fact that she has been brought to the castle, I can only assume Celestia is going to be dealing with the matter privately. But as far as punishment goes... based on your testimony, this was a completely unprovoked attack. That obviously doesn't look good, because cases like that almost always end up with jail time."
The word 'jail' sent a chill through Rainbow Dash's face. "W-wait, jail time?"
He nodded his head. "Oh yes. A year or so at least, maybe more depending on what Celestia says. After all, this is the pony who has called Celestia ignorant and insulted royalty several times. I doubt Celestia is going to like hearing that she assaulted one of the Elements of Harmony completely unprovoked. With all of that, it's certainly not looking good for Flanksy... after all, Canterlot does tend to look down on violent ponies."
For a few seconds, Rainbow Dash sat in silence. Her thoughts began to swirl and she realized that she had never been inside a prison before. But she didn’t need to, because she knew enough about them: Held in a cell, told exactly what you couldn’t and couldn’t do… but most importantly, absolutely no freedom. It was the worst place she could possibly imagine a pony ever being.
Rainbow Dash's entire face was numb as she stumbled over her words. "I-I mean, I know she did some awful stuff, b-but I wouldn’t go that far!"
There was another pause, after which Shining Armor looked Rainbow Dash directly in the eyes. Although he had remained professional the entire conversation, now there was something else there; he was deadly serious, as if he was telling Rainbow Dash the most important thing she would ever hear.
"Rainbow Dash, I need you to listen to me," he said. "The fact is, there is a great difference in punishment between being attacked with and without provocation. The situation that I give to Celestia could radically change what punishment is handed down. So I need you to tell me every single fact about what happened, do you understand me?"
Silence filled the room as Rainbow Dash's thoughts swirled together. Sweat was now pouring down her face as she shifted nervously about before she looked back at the captain of the guard, his gaze unwavering. She closed her eyes and took in a long deep breath, taking several seconds to let it out before speaking again.
"Alright... look. I came to Canterlot because I wanted payback," she quietly said. "After what she did to Pinkie Pie, after what she did to our houses, I just... I didn't care about anything else, I just wanted to get her." As she talked, Rainbow felt the corners of her eyes becoming moist, a feeling she hadn't experienced in years as far as she could remember. "I was in Canterlot to find her. I wanted her to pay for what she did to my friends. When I saw her at that statue of us, painting over it, I... I saw red. I was in her face screaming, I was erasing her art, and that's when she cut off my tail..."
There was a long pause as the memory of her confrontation flew back through her mind. Once again she saw herself punching Flanksy in the gut, she remembered the pain that shot through her whole leg, and more importantly, the knowledge that the pain Flanksy was going through was probably far worse.
At the time, that knowledge had made her happy. Now, just realizing she had thought that was making her absolutely sick.
"What she did was wrong. What she did to my friends was wrong. B-but I don't want a pony's life to be ruined because of what I did. So yeah... I did provoke her.
She gulped down the lump that had formed in her throat while talking and wiped her eyes one last time while Shining Armor wrote in his notepad. He finally put the pencil down.
"I want to thank you, first and foremost, for all the information. I think I have a clear picture of the story here, so I'll be able to report everything to Princess Celestia. I obviously can't predict what is to happen, but the knowledge that this was not a one-sided attack will certainly weigh heavily on Celestia's decision. As far as you go... I understand you were angry, I understand that you wanted to stick up for your friends, but when you come to Canterlot specifically looking for a fight, you're in the wrong too. You may not be as much as fault for the incident, but you certainly played a part. And while you say that you were sticking up for your friends, do you really think any of them would approve of you attacking another pony to stick up for them?"
Rainbow Dash slowly shook her head. Shining Armor thought for a moment before continuing.
"I'm going to ask that you not return to Canterlot for a few weeks, at least. I understand your actions, but you have to also understand that that kind of violent act, no matter if it was provoked or not, will have ponies feeling very uncomfortable around you. While I’m sure that you won’t act that way again, I don’t think I could convince everypony else, so it’s just best if you don’t return for several weeks, just until the situation has calmed down. That's all I have to say, the guards will escort you to the train station."
Rainbow Dash got up and walked towards the door, most of the energy gone from her body. She wrapped her hoof around the door handle when she took one last look around the room, noting all the pictures that were hanging around the office. One of them caught her eye; it looked to be a grand ceremony as all the guards stood by saluting, while the captain was placing medals around the necks of Soarin, Spitfire, and Fleetfoot of the Wonderbolts.
“Hey, uh,” she said, not even looking back at the captain, “I don’t suppose there’s a way you can, like, cover this up, is there? I’m supposed to be attending the Wonderbolts’ academy in a week or two. They have ties to Canterlot, so I bet they’d want to wait until the story blows over too… which means I’d have to wait until the next open enrollment in six months.”
The captain shook his head. “I’m sorry, Rainbow, but there’s nothing I can do there. It’s difficult to keep a story quiet if it happened in the middle of an important ceremony like that.”
Rainbow sighed. “Yeah, didn’t think so,” she said as she pushed the door open.
She had only gotten a few steps out of the room when an image returned to her. She remembered the sight of Flanksy in front of her, pressed up into the wall. For a split second she saw Flanksy’s eyes, but that image faded into a new one; the feeling of driving her hoof as hard as she could into Flanksy’s chest.
She knew that Flanksy deserved it. She knew that after everything she had done, she absolutely deserved it. But it was the first time Rainbow Dash had ever done something like that to another pony, and now the image of it was making her sick to her stomach.
She forgot about the Wonderbolts, about leaving Canterlot, about everything else; the punch was playing over and over in her mind as she was led out of the office.
“I…” she mumbled, uncharacteristically quiet. “I was just trying to protect my friends…”
----------
The door to the apartment suddenly flung open and Amethyst Star stumbled through. She shot beams of light to the two lanterns to quickly light the room up as Phi, her cat, looked up from her position curled up on a pillow. Amethyst sat down next to her and just stared straight ahead as Phi tried to cuddle her foreleg.
“Hey, Phi,” she said, her voice shaky and distant. “Flanksy attacked another pony, then she got arrested. I… I think the guards may have followed me when I chased her. That’s probably how they found her…” She sniffled as Phi jumped off the couch and wandered away. Amethyst’s sight followed her as Phi sat down and licked her paw in the corner of the room. Behind her sat numerous items—dresses, jewelry made from hoof-crafted gemstones, fabric weaved into intricate patterns—all half-finished. She sighed.
"Flanksy turned out to be a jerk, Chic Trend turned out to be a jerk... maybe if you do something creative, you just become a jerk. I don't want that..." she said quietly before she shook her head. She glanced toward the side of the room where several of her paintings were sitting. For a few moments she remembered all the art that Flanksy had created around the city, but those images quickly went away, replaced with the still-vivid memory of Flanksy slicing Rainbow Dash's tail off, and the ensuing fight.
She quickly tried to focus on something else, but she was unable to stop tears from forming in her eyes again. Her body gave out and she fell to the side on the couch, burying her head into the pillow as she bawled. Phi ran over and leapt up next to her, where Amethyst quickly pulled her into a hug with one hoof as she continued sobbing.
Minutes ticked by and though her tears finally dried up, Amethyst didn’t move. She just gazed at the blank wall opposite her, gently stroking Phi’s fur until the cat finally fell asleep. Amethyst sat up and let her rest on the pillow, then shuffled up to her hooves and looked quietly around the room. She glanced back, where her canvas had been set up. She slowly trotted over to it and stared at the white canvas and the paint next to it. Her eyes narrowed and she grabbed both sides of the canvas and picked it up, about to throw it in anger into the corner of the room, but she stopped halfway through the motions and glanced back at the cans of paint next to the window. She looked beyond them, to the sight of Canterlot: there was nary a cloud in the sky, the stars were all twinkling, and the moon was so bright that she could see all the way past Canterlot to the mountains in the far distance.
She very slowly set the blank canvas back down on her easel, then sat down behind it and picked up one of the brushes. Despite the emptiness inside her, it felt mechanical, almost routine; as if she was so used to it by now that it was just second nature. She slowly dipped the brush into the navy blue can of paint, then looked ahead for a few seconds before pressing brush to canvas.
Through the emptiness, through the tears, she still smiled.
----------
The loud music playing from the stereo system was starting to take its toll on the other residents of the apartment building. They were used to the music occasionally seeping through the walls, but for the past several minutes the beats were so loud that all the adjacent apartments were practically shaking.
Sole Seascape slammed his book down and looked to the side where one of the paintings was about to vibrate itself off the wall and to the floor.
"I've had enough of this," he grumbled to himself as he pulled the front door open and trotted one apartment over. He could hear the music far louder as he pressed his ear against the door, then knocked on it a few times. When there was no response, he pounded on it as hard as he could.
"Miss Scratch!" he yelled. "Would you turn that music down!"
Finally the music abruptly stopped. Seascape was about to leave when he heard the door unlocking and his neighbor opened the door. Vinyl's eyes were sunken and her face almost completely lifeless, a far cry from what he was used to seeing.
"It is nine o'clock at night, could you please keep the music down?" he said.
"Sure, whatever. Sorry," she muttered, then began to close the door again.
"Is everything alright?" Seascape said.
Vinyl momentarily held the door partway open. "Yeah, everything's peachy," she quickly said. "I'll keep the music off."
"You can keep it low, just please don't have it be so—“
"Okay! Not loud. Gotcha," Vinyl said as she closed the door.
She stared through the peephole at Seascape, who had one eyebrow raised before turning and walking back to his own apartment. She turned back and trotted slowly to the record player, then reached up to put the music back on, but stopped as she looked around. Next to her were several shelves lined with her extensive music collection, and her attention was drawn to the bottom shelf where numerous classical records sat; Octavia's contributions to the collection. Vinyl's hoof remained hovering over the record player as she stared at the shelf.
"You can just rot in hell!"
Vinyl's hoof curled up and she angrily drove it into the albums, sending them off the shelf and scattering across the floor. She stepped around them and shuffled back over to the couch, where she plopped down in complete silence. She stared up at the ceiling, restlessly picking at the fur on her chest as she began to mumble to herself.
“I can’t believe her,” she said. “Tell me to rot in hell? Well if she doesn’t want to be friends anymore, fine. She can do whatever the hell she wants; attack ponies, go after royalty, throw rocks at Princess Celestia, call my friends worthless… It’s not my damn problem anymore.”
She glanced to the side at the records strewn about the room, then beyond them to the hallway. From her position on the couch she could see into Octavia’s room, where her cello sat up against the wall. A lump formed in Vinyl’s throat, which she quickly swallowed down and scoffed instead.
“She has to come back at some point,” she muttered to herself as she rolled over and buried her face in the couch. “She can’t just leave all her stupid junk crap here, she has to come back for it at some point. When she does, I’ll give her a piece of my mind. She wants to lose a friend? Well I’m not going away without getting in what I have to say first…”
----------
Celestia’s solitary reign over Equestria had ushered in an era of peace across all the land. As a result, the dungeons that had previously been used to house enemies to Equestria in the basement of Canterlot Castle had eventually fallen into disrepair due to a complete lack of use. With time, they had been done away with completely, most of them transformed into storage rooms for various seasonal necessities of the castle or bedrooms for ponies in need in case of disaster.
It was in one of these rooms that Octavia sat quietly, staring at the ground.
A small window near the ceiling was Octavia’s only gateway to the outside; given that the sun was now shining in the sky, she figured she had been there for almost twelve hours, but that was all she could be sure about. Guards had stood watch over the room the entire time, only one of them bringing in a cup of water and a small sandwich for her hours earlier. Other than that, there had been nothing; none of the guards had said a word to her.
Not that she would have been willing to speak anyway. When Prince Blueblood had thrown her into the room and slammed the door shut, the only thing she had thought of was the image that had come to her when she was first being dragged away: the park. She had held onto that image as long as she could; each tree, each color, each smiling pony’s face. But eventually, the exhaustion caught up with her and she fell asleep, and by the time she woke up, the images were gone. She had tried to concentrate, but it was as if somepony had torn them out of her mind completely.
She tugged at the sleeve of her coat, pulling it tighter around herself. There had been no reason, no motivation, to take her Flanksy disguise off. It was the reason she was in there; why deny it anymore? She glanced back up at the window again to see the sun, but all it did was make her feel colder. She closed her eyes instead and tried to bring herself back to the park. For a moment, she was able to see the color again. Just as she began to relax even a little bit, a voice cut through.
“Cutting the tails off of ponies, throwing paint on them, breaking into houses? Tell me, how does that make Canterlot more beautiful!?”
Just as quickly as it had appeared, the image of the park vanished, leaving Octavia alone once again. Her lip quivered as she laid her head back on the cold stone wall behind her and closed her eyes. There was nothing more she wanted to think about, nothing more she even wanted to do. She just waited.
----------
“…so as you can see, I had no choice but to act last night," said Prince Blueblood, his head bowed slightly. "With two confirmed assaults on other ponies here in Canterlot, I felt that I had to do something. I didn't want to run the risk of this being Flanksy's last appearance. If she suddenly decided to disappear, she would have gotten away with everything. Instead, I..."
"Blueblood.”
Blueblood looked up at the pony he was talking to; Princess Celestia, who stood across the room from him, gazing out the large window that made up the far wall.
“Stop defending yourself.”
“Aunt Celestia!” Blueblood said. “I am going to defend myself because I believe that I made the right call! Flanksy has—”
“No no, Blueblood, you don’t understand,” Celestia interrupted. “You don’t have to defend yourself. With an assault like this, you were right in bringing her in.”
Blueblood smiled. "Thank you for the vote of confidence, Auntie."
Celestia nodded. “Now, Shining Armor brought me a report last night of the incident. Although Flanksy did start the physicality, it sounds like Rainbow Dash was provoking her, and had in fact come to Canterlot for specifically that purpose.”
“Celestia,” Blueblood said, “regardless of the purpose, I say that what happened happened. Regardless of if Rainbow Dash wanted to start something, the point is that Flanksy was the one who first initiated contact! I hardly think that it matters who provoked who.”
Celestia didn’t say anything. Instead, she just sat down at the table next to her and looked over the notes that Shining Armor had given her. “Where is Flanksy now?”
"She has been held downstairs since the incident last night. I have my guards watching her. Last I checked, though, she had not said or done anything, or even removed her attire. What would you like me to do with her?"
There was a long silence as Celestia looked back out the window. She finally closed her eyes.
"Bring her here. I would like to speak with her in person."
----------
End of Chapter 15: Nadir
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Eh? Why was this republished?
3812574
Because it got taken down due to some major mistakes in the previous chapter.
3812574 So many people were butthurt about this "Zero Tolerance Policy" thing... because it is honestly a flawed system, and had not been applied when Flanksy had thrown paint at Pinkie's face in an earlier chapter.
Some were butthurt because Rainbow Dash had to pay some admittedly over-done consequences for physical violence in response to the hair of her tail
being cut short in rage.
... Overall, many were butthurt. That's all I can say. Also, there were plot holes that needed to be addressed.
Still, while this commentator was content with the prior chap, this works out is better... Some may not agree, however.
Eh, I have nothing to note. All in all, seems solid and nothing to indicate that Rainbow will get off lightly due to her actions.
Octavia seems more clear cut, but still hoping she stillstands aagainst Celestia because she simply have nothing else. Her pride shattered, her art and music destroyed, and now a very bad mark in her record.
All in all, her life is in ruin.
Hopefully Octavia stands tall either way.
3812595
3812625
Ah okay, thanks for explaining.
3812595
That being said, you can't please everybody.
So please don't think you have to give in to everybody's complaints, because it's your story. Not ours.
Reson for replacing (as I understand to) :Several things in the old version were controversial and made simi-plot holes. This story was ment to get people to talk so that was not the reason it was taken down. The reason was he had added these things last minute and looking back they didn't fit well with the story and upon review it change a story in a slight but real way reducing his own enjoyment and excitement over making the next chapter, which he had been excited about posting since the start of the story.
Read his post for expanded and better explanation.
Also, loved the new version.
Are you serious? Peace doesn't mean the abolition of crime. Did this fic's Equestria suddenly become a utopia when i wasn't looking?
3812721
Peacetime does not equal no crime. I imagine peacetime means that there is no war that Canterlot/Equestria is involved in, and that the dungeons were used primarily during times of war to house enemy combatants.
With no war going on, they don't need to hold ponies in the Castle.
3812742
Nations the size of Equestria would never have a prison inside the ruler's castle, they always have off site prisons aka Tower of London and the Bastille in France.
Putting POWs in the ruler's castle is begging for trouble, especially in a magic world like this one. Putting Octy in a castle storeroom isn't a problem, she's a low-flight risk, but the castle itself wouldn't have prisons.
3812721
Classically, dungeons within castles are used to house important political or military prisoners, while jails are off-site buildings housing the Nation's criminals. This practice was only for small nations, not large ones like Equestria. Though, let it be noted, crime in Equestria in the show seems to be non-existant and Equestria is often presented as a near-utopian society.
3812819
A nation the size that Equestria is now wouldn’t have dungeons, sure. But a thousand years ago, when Equestria was smaller and less organized, you can bet the castle would’ve had dungeons. Especially seeing how Canterlot is built on the side of a mountain and space is at a premium. And never mind that having the capability to put said dungeons in the mountain greatly minimizes security risks. But then peace came, and with peace came organization, which includes prisons built elsewhere in the country. With the rise of other prisons diminished the need for castle dungeons, and so they were all converted to storage.
QED.
Eh, I'm just annoyed she doesn't have a record now. No record and she had very few real consequences. Then again, I'm looking at consequences compared to battery in our world. I won't have a real comparison to see if justice has been served until we see Octavia's consequences.
With regards to self-defense, I already pointed out in the chapter of the fight that her self-defense argument has problems. If she's admitting to provoking, then, depending on the laws in Equestria, she technically could lose all ability to use self-defense. Then again, I'm basing this all on the variants of different state laws of the United States. Heck, I can't remember if I talked about the requirement to run which Rainbow Dash would have failed to utilize and lose all self-defense claims if the law required it like some states do. Then again, I don't think anyone wants to run through these arguments again and I already utilized my Law School training once. :)
No offense whatsoever, but chapter feels... slightly less well-written than the original version.
I dunno, Rainbow Dash was just sorta weirdly exposition-y "I will have to wait six months to attend the academy." and whatnot. Who says things like that? It felt very clearly like she was talking to the reader, rather than actually speaking with Shining Armour.
That was only one example, but the whole scene just felt kinda rushed and... off.
I only mention this because you are a great writer, so having something slightly below par writing-wise feels even more out of place in an otherwise amazingly-written story.
I wish I could articulate what I'm trying to say better than "it felt bad", but there it is.
Still love the story overall, though. Can't wait to see more!
EDIT: I do fully support the actual story content of the edit though, for what it's worth. I wasn't offended by the original version like some people, but I do think this version of events will probably work out better.
"The report that I hoof to Celestia"?
Also, you missed "to" during that 'going "to" continue as normal.' may as well mention it.
- Every single "detail" - instead of fact. This last one is just knit-picking but it fits more fluidly within the context. Ignore this one if anything.
- That line felt awkward and adds nothing to the emotions building up by this point. Distracting. Maybe word it to sound less telling somehow?
"When I saw her at the statue, painting over us, over it,"? I know you do your own thing, I'm just doing this mainly to kill time though. You're free to dismiss these since it's just my own personal moments where I got a bit jarred out of my reading. They aren't all the things that could use a minor touch up, but these are the only ones I ran into that bothered me enough to point a hoof at.
(Nitpick#1: "wiping off the paint" instead of having RD refer to her stuff as art? I know she's wroth with guilt but to consider it art now seems weird given chapter 14's reaction to hearing it called 'art'.)
(Nitpick#2: "making her absolutely sick" - what about "making her stomach churn." you know, something less broad. I would of loved to see more descriptions of how she kept feeling more ill as the scene went on. )
Didn't she fly from Ponyville to hunt down someone to take revenge on? She admitted this in her thoughts. You are downplaying the severity of the situation there. You have great conflict going on here. SA seems like a fair, but strict, stallion who upholds the laws of Equestria. Dash doesn't need hoof-holding, it isn't like he can't be fair and firm at the same time, RD is supposed to feel like her insides are about to burst from all these emotions. No mentions of how she tried pounding Flanksy's face in but I totally overlooked that. But this just feels like some of the guilt is being swept under the table. That really detracts from what is powerful moment where RD is supposed to learn a very serious lesson here.
Sorry, it is your story, but it doesn't make the fact you're weakening a very emotional scene by downplaying its severity at this point. In fact,
is redundant and the whole line can be removed. Read it within the context of the sentence before it to see for yourself. Just drop the And if you want on the following sentence and it flows perfectly. Maybe add a "So, while"
Glad you kept the Photo Finish scene, it was my favorite in the chapter, but now I think I have a new one with Rainbow Dash seeing the monster she became. Bravo.
Poor Vinyl. Glad the chapter remained mostly unchanged and the new changes and clean ups were fantastic. New Rainbow Dash and SA moments certainly improved the feel immensely.
3813102 I think it's leagues better than the Blublood scenario and at least she realized that her record could cause her to miss out, causing her to try and see if maybe the Captain of the Guard could put in a good word or seal up the records was a long shot, but if you had nothing to lose, I say why not ask? Felt more like she was explaining her situation than just lifeless exposition. Though, it still was exposition, it wasn't out of the blue and felt more somber.
My take at least.
3812980 Understandable, I sort of felt the same way. But her not being able to apply (attend apparently) the Wonderbolt Academy for another 6 months is somewhat of a decent punishment. Lots of RD fans out there would go rabid though if she got punished with even a night in jail if fan reaction to it was anything to go by last time.
It can still be improved. But I think I'm done with 15 and ready for Celestia Flanksy showdown.
All I must say, is that I still await the next chapter/possible finale of this story. Hopefully the former
3813197
Next chapter is NOT the final chapter of ETC. We got a few more to go
3812664 I believe in Celestia. Octavia is a strong mare and she's now face to face with the deity that caused her to challenge society and how it treats the common pony.
I look forward to it.
Ever since chapter 14 this story just feels like it has lost its suspension of disbelief completely. It has been iffy to me for awhile honestly ever since it was decided that the guards literally will do nothing "for reasons" about Octavia. I have kept reading despite that since for the most part they were conveniently ignored. Bringing them into a more active role has reminded me of the past "what in the world" moments.
3813239 Except alicorns aren't gods
3813435 Nope, just Celestia and Luna. Rest are artificial alicorns.
I mean, come on... who else can walk between the borders of life and death? Celestia is like Zeus, only she prefers to mingle with other ponies on a more personal level, their backstory alone even states they watched the ponies from above. That's symbolism right there. Not until they could no longer bear the suffering of the ponies did they come down and acted against the foe known as Discord.
Then you have Nightmare Moon. I don't know anypony else who could survive and even break a seal of being practically embroidered on the moon. And Celestia being banished to the SUN upon NMM's return? And making her way back to earth (whatever the world is called).
So, yeah, I suppose in technicalities not all alicorns are god-like.
Brian J glad to see you FINALLY GOT IT RIGHT
3813102 i would disagree rainbow dash avoiding shining armors gaze as she gave her version of the incident the nervousness sweating it was well done and thought out shining armor could have been any police chief anywhere in any city calm and professional Im looking forward to see how many years octavia gets in the bighouse
This re-chapter felt strange but I'm okay with it.
3813193
I'm not a RD fan, and the issue last time was there really wasn't much of a crime for Rainbow.
I'm not exactly too thrilled though, with her calling it 'destroying her art', because Flanksy has been 'Provoking' her from the very beginning, even the Graffiti she has been putting up has been provoking and insulting.
She didn't even attack her physically till she got her tail cut.
But I am finally ready to see 16 at least.
I honestly thought the original version of the chapter was fine. Not perfect, perhaps, but far from the catastrophic crime against narrative that some people made it out to be. That said, I think I like this new version better. It's spiritually the same, but seems to have more flow and naturalness to it, somehow. And while I see what Zaponator is saying, I don't think the slightly more expository nature of certain portions detracted from the experience.
I'm so torn. On one hand, Octavia's done some genuinely bad things in the more recent chapters, and she shouldn't get a free pass. But at the same time, I think her art is a good thing (or was, before she disappeared up her own ass), and I really want her to be redeemed. In other words, I disagree with the "Octavia = Evil Incarnate" sentiment that some commenters bewilderingly subscribe to. I still wonder if Discord has anything to do with her nosedive (as elaborated in my comment that was lost when the previous version of the chapter was deleted [not a big deal]). I can't remember whether it was in the original version, but this line stuck out to me this time:
Seems fishy. Or maybe I just want Octavia to be redeemed a little too much, and I'm rationalizing.
Either way, the new version of the chapter is good, and I look forward to the coming chapters.
3813218 3.bp.blogspot.com/-Es5fdqszk78/Tx744PAawLI/AAAAAAAAB5o/XCwQn-PMM7Y/s1600/this%2BPleases%2BMe.jpg
Yeah, that's much better. I especially liked how Dash ended up tweaking her story to benefit Flanksy. This way we can see that Dash is realizing her guilt from the inside out as opposed to having it pushed from the outside in.
3812896 Equestria in the show is only near-utopian if you ignore the theft (Gilda), bullying (both on the CMC and bad enough on Babs that her parents sent her away on holiday), market ponies willing to screw Fluttershy over, and backstabbing (Suri) that we have seen on screen. And that's before the various big bads are considered.
3813628 I didn't mind that, actually. They way I see it, at that point Dash is trying to present her story more favorably for Flanksy, and describing what she had done as "destroying art" instead of "wiping off paint" was a part of it.
I like the new edit, far better than Dash losing her job and not being in the Wonderbolts academy for another year. Basically her getting the harsher punishment in general.
I'll be honest, the old chapter pissed me off because Dash got a brutal punishment for taking action that wasn't really necessary but still needed in a way.
Getting to the entire situation in general, I'm taking no sides. Flanksy definitely needs to face the music for actually performing slander and breaking into the Mane 6's homes, BUT the Mane 6 also needs to finally face the consequences of what they've done in the past. Ruining the Gala and Crashing a PRIVATE social party, nothing happened to them because "DEFENDERS OF EQUESTRIA LELZ".
They're both in the wrong and should have what's coming to them.
3814017
I said near-Utopian. No war, no major internal conflicts, no serious crime. Gilda may steal something, but it's a low-value item. We're talking petty theft, not a bank heist. Eqestria may not be perfect, but it's pretty goddamn idyllic. As for the big bads, they're external forces affecting Equestria. I'm speaking of Equestria as a nation, not as the name of the world or whatever. There may be jerks in society (Suri, market ponies) but they exist because it is not a true Utopia, just nearly so.
I suppose I should have said "ponies have a near-utopian society". You don't see homeless ponies or starving ponies or any of the other major issues that are common with modern societies. Their people are still "human" (if you get my meaning) and prone to "human" failings, but in comparison to our society it's way above what we've accomplished.
3813628 Yeah, I pretty much addressed that "art" thing over here 3813149 and yeah, I recall the zero tolerance stuff.
Mainly the only disappointing thing for me honestly in this chapter is she never thinks or mentions how she almost brutalized Octavia's(Flanksy) facem but missed probably due to so much blind rage and even then her hoof grazed her cheek, and hooves at those speeds are liable to leave a small cut with just a graze.
Overall though, it did a fine job trying to please both camps. I'm just happy the other parts relatively stayed the same for the non-RD scenes. Overall it was more controlled, even if RD seems to have gotten off easy, she's still gonna have a record and not be able to apply (or attend I suppose) to the Wonderbolt Academy.
In any event, next chapter is going to be potentially awesome ^^ been waiting for ages. Hopefully Octavia will be able to salvage her friendship, though with how Vinyl is at the moment I don't think That'll be all that hard. Though, Octavia can be stubborn.
3813149
I thought you weren't going to play editor, Telaros!
Oh. Okai.
Nice spot on a few of those, though a lot of them, as you said, were pretty nit-picky or just word choice preference. I tend to avoid suggesting vocabulary edits unless I feel a word used is really weak in a given situation. It feels too much like I'm trying to write the story if I just say, "use this word that means the same thing as the word you chose", if you understand what I'm saying. I let Brian pick his own words.
One point, just looking for clarity:
I don't exactly understand what you're suggesting here, as far as the situation being played down by Shining Armor's assertion that RD isn't fully at fault—because this is a true statement. While she may have aggravated Flanksy, Flanksy still used a pair of scissors on her person. Yeah, it may have just been cutting off some tail hairs, but by our laws, scissors brandished in an aggressive manner go from a "utility item" to "bladed weapon", even if that weapon never actually caused egregious injury. They're both in the wrong, so for Shining Armor to say that RD isn't fully at fault, or as much at fault, is true. Though RD aggravated the assault, Flanksy still initiated the physical violence by acting as she did. RD is wrong, but by the laws that I'm referencing (human laws, which may or may not apply, and I have a feeling that they don't apply as much as we're thinking) Flanksy is still technically MORE at fault due to initiating physical violence—and that does matter.
Though, I suppose you could say I'm just... splitting hairs..
3814288 I don't bother commenting on trivial stuff unless it causes a big enough bump to where I lose my immersion in a story. If I like something I comment on it. And for the most part its a huge leap in quality over the last one on all counts.
Aside from that, I had spare time since my mod duties were done. As I said, all that was what got *me* to pause and at times question things, especially during more tension driven scenes.
Story is reaching my long awaited part, Octavia meets Celestia. It's all about chapter 16 for me.
3814266
One last thing you mentioned that probably deserves clarification for EVERYBODY involved with the arguments in the previous iteration of Chapter 15's Zero-Tolerance policy.
To reiterate what Brian said in his blog: Brian made these changes because the addition of a zero-tolerance policy created a huge plot-hole, in terms of how the guards have reacted to Flanksy, as well the fact that it would effect Chapter 16. The outrage over the zero-tolerance policy brought the issue to Brian's attention, but he didn't change it in an attempt to placate one or both groups on the side of the issue. If the zero-tolerance policy hadn't created a plot hole, it would have been left in the story and nothing would have been changed.
While the changes made to the chapter do have the side-effect of placating the argument, the changes weren't made because of those arguments.
All that being said, I'm actually way happier with how this chapter turned out because of these changes.
3814388
I'm quite familiar with the blog. I'll rephrase it for you though since you seem to not have gotten my meaning behind those words, so for the record, it meant this chapter is done well enough to satisfy those who wanted a certain level of expectations between those who wanted Dash to be punished, but not punished too much.
You bring that blog up like we haven't had this round about before. You're free to disagree with my opinions, and he's free to ignore whatever I put down, but I'll bloody well keep sharing them so long as I feel the desire to do so.
Yes, the wrench is gone. Now remove it from ye backside laddy. Tis' not how ye use it!
EDIT: Just noticed the "EVERYBODY". My bad~ :derpy:
3814435
Yup, totally misinterpreted what you said and assumed it was in reference to the zero-tolerance policy. My sincere apologies.
That said, I still stand by what I said, because I doubt many people actually read the comments on Brian's blog and saw our discussion on that.
3814266
I'll be honest, it didn't please me that much because now it places most of the blame on RD for someone who has been constantly harassing her, her friends, and blatantly being insulting on a large scale.
Not to mention RD shouldn't have gotten a thing, considering the failures of the guard against Flanksy.
But yes, awaiting the next chapter and all that.
Well, I wasn't sure about this at first, but seeing the changes made to the Rainbow Dash part, I'm sold! I had no issues with last chapter, thought it seemed slightly unfair, but I view most laws that way anyway. The changes made not only give it a better feel, it also gives more depth to RD's character I believe, making her admit two wrongs don't make a right, acknowledging ones mistakes and excepting whatever consequences may come.
Still love this chapter and can't wait for the next one.
3812721
Dungeon =/= jail. There are still dungeons in the castles of jolly old England. It doesn't mean they're actually used, though. It's also a very common fanon element. A character commits a "heinous" crime and is carted off to the dungeons, only for the guard/Celestia to realize the dungeons haven't been used in decades. I've seen stories where they've been turned into tourist attractions, storage, housing for the poor, etc.
3814540
When has the Guard ever not failed, though? If I was in Parliament, I'd seriously be questioning why we pay for an armed forces when six mares take care of most of our problems for free.
I really hope Celestia doesn't pull the "oh, well since you're sorry then everything's fine" card on Octavia after she committed several felonies and even more misdemeanors. No amount of creams and lotions will be able to soothe my jimmies then (although I won't be as butthurt as I was about the Zero Tolerance thing).
I was honestly more worried about the plot holes than the addition of the Zero-tolerance thing and the controversy surrounding it. But I do think it's better in the end. Though I hate to be that guy...
3814288
Should be 'that'.
Missing capitalization, repetitive wording, and grammar. Could possibly be replaced with "It's irrelevant that/whether or not Rainbow Dash wanted to start something, the point is that Flanksy was the one who first initiated contact! I hardly think that it matters who provoked who.”
3815849
The first "regardless" should not be capitalized, as it is a continuation of "Celestia". Imagine if "Blueblood said" was not there. "Celestia, regardless of the (and so on)."
If Brian had written "Celestia," Blueblood said(period). "regardless of the (and so on)." then you would be correct, but since it was written as "Celestia," Blueblood said(comma), "regardless of the (and so on)." you would not capitalize "regardless". The comma indicates that the following quotation is a continuation of the previous statement, so it needs to be taken as part of the whole. If you're aware of a grammatical rule that I'm forgetting, please enlighten me, but I feel fairly confident that I am correct on this.
That being said, you are correct on the repetitive nature of the wording. Thank you! I believe, though, that Brian's intent was to have Blueblood BE repetitive as a device, showing how he is driving home his point.
Edit: As I was looking over the passage you quoted, I noticed that "what happened happened" was missing a comma, and should be "what happened, happened."
I must say that, even though I liked the previous chapter, and I think it would have done fine going into these final chapters, I like this one so much better. RD wasn't introduced to the repercussions of her actions like they were punishments, but instead like they were necessary consequences, and that makes a huge difference. Indeed, she even learned something here and made the decision to tell on her own, instead of just carrying on with her life!
Thank you for the rewrite, I look forward to Celestia's judgement!
3813470 Their backstories say nothing about about watching down from above, merely ruling over them. And nowhere in the entire show did they "walk the border between life and death". Also, how does the seal being implanted on the moon hold any indication of its power?
And all this is without even taking into account the ludicrous amount of evidence against Celestia and Luna being gods. Both have been shown to have clear limits. Nightmare Moon can't have been godlike if her approach to fighting Twilight was to charge at her with a very serious expression on her face, and it seems like she was only a notch or two more powerful than Celestia in the Season 4 opening. Celestia herself was defeated by Chrysalis, who was fuelled by the power of ONE GUY - there's no way you can tell me that was enough to fell a god.
Besides all this, pretty much all the "evidence" used by the fandom to convince others that they're gods can easily be explained away. Raising the sun and moon? Pah, unicorns were shown to do that before they came along in the Hearth's Warming episode. They're immortal? Not necessarily, and that still isn't an actual indication of power. Displays of power? MAGIC. All the "Sweet Celestia!" expressions? Stuff like that has always been said about royalty - "By George!" was a very common saying in Britain a few decades ago, of course referencing King George.
Let's face it, the closest thing to a god in the MLP universe is Discord, who seems to be able to do pretty much anything. Anything else is pure headcanon.
3816346 Much like everything you've stated. Magical Mystery Cure.
Twilight's death and reincarnation, Celestia's 'heaven' and omniscience.
And Discord would be, he IS a SPIRIT OF CHAOS.
In any case, Royal Wedding was never something Lauren ever intended to introduce to the series. And has implied enough that Celestia may or may not be more than we're privy to.
In any case, nothing in the show has been made canon aside from "everything" Twilight went through was a *test* for Twilight.
Your headcanon is nothing more than just that. Headcanon till proven otherwise by the show itself.
STALEMATE :p
3817076
Wait, WHAT?!
What show have you been watching? At what point did Twilight die? That wasn't "Celestia's heaven" - it was just some magical plane where the two of them could talk and Twilight could get wings.
That was my point entirely. What do you gain from re-stating it yourself?
All Lauren said was that Celestia was supposed to be portrayed as a powerful, motherly, protective character. That part about her implying more is basically something you just made up, as indicated by the fact that you even put "may or may not" on the end yourself.
Firstly, you don't actually know what "canon" means, do you? The very statement "nothing in the show has been made canon" is a complete paradox.
Secondly, you seem to be trying to imply that everything that happened in the show up until Magical Mystery Cure was all staged by Celestia, which of course is complete BS. These events just happened and Twilight learned enough from them that Celestia decided that she'd done almost enough to fulfill her original plan for Twilight, which - as stated by Lauren herself - was to have her become a princess.
Thirdly, none of that does anything to support your own argument. A teacher testing their personal student has nothing to do with godly powers - surely even you can see that.
Except all my supposed "headcanon" is actually just facts I've pulled from the show itself - the only one using headcanon here is you. A stalemate is not composed of one side being stubborn, thank you very much.
3817076
...You don't know what Canon means do you?
Noooo my beautiful commentttttt
*spray paints all over this thread*
3816346
3817166
3817076 Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, There is an easy enough way you can both be right here. Celestia is obviously not omnipotent. She does not live in a sparkling cloud of heavenly light and influence and judge little ponies when they die. She does not know everything and she sometimes makes deeply questionable moral decisions. She did not create their planet and she cannot call down her powers to alter reality. Therefore, she is not in any sense a Judeo-Christian goddess.
However, Celestia does have an extremely long (possibly indefinite) lifespan, the ability to do things it took enough of an entire race to do that it was considered equal to the sum of all farming in the land, the ability to live in environments that would kill another member of her source race, an obvious set domain over her power that defines her as a creature and a body plan that is the physical height of beauty within her society. All of these things make her a quite convincing Greek or Chinese god, or perhaps even a Native American one. Therefore, you don't need to fight about this (completely off topic) subject. It just depends on what you consider to be the criteria for a god.