It's another day of travelling the world for Pinkamena Diane Pie and her Chocobo, Gummy. Before a Meteor flies over their heads and crashes into a nearby forest. Upon inspection of the Meteor, Pinkie meets unexpected allies, who end up putting her on track for the ultimate adventure, one that will change the lives of everypony involved. The elements call...
An attempt to retell Final Fantasy V with ponies. This is not a walkthrough in anyway, Elements of the story will be changed to fit certain characters! Also, this is my first story, and i accept there might be mistakes, and all criticism is welcome! I only want to improve on my writing for you all!
Chapters (3)
>Final Fantasy V
Instant favourite.
I love this I am such a final fantasy V fan [So Pinkie takes the place of Bartz sweet
Oh yes, I love Final Fantasy V, it's an underrated gem in the FF franchise. Good job on this retelling!
So, it's pretty much just Final Fantasy V, only with the characters replaced with ponies?
Seriously, you just took the scenes from FF5 and put ponies in them?
I am seriously tired of these zero-effort crossover "fan fictions." This is plagiarism, plain and simple. If you want to cross two stories over, fine, but at least do something ORIGINAL with it.
1469471
Yeah, no. A few minor differences like that does NOT forgive that the scenes in this story were literally just lifted out of FF5. It is unoriginality at its worst. Twilight Sparkle and Shining Armor might be sister and brother rather than daughter and father, but they have the same exchange of dialogue.
>>Bulletproof
To be honest, it's been awhile since i played a good run of FFV, so it was kind of chance that i got the lines like that.
I'm going to be reading into FFV's script soon, in an attempted to make sure this doesn't happen again.
Thank you all for the feedback so far!
1469837
It isn't just the fact that the LINES are from the game. In fact, I can't even say for sure that the lines are directly from the game or not. But the story is just ripping off the game. So far it's a scene-for-scene copy. It's just lazy.
>>Jarkes You'll see soon enough, i have a sort-of plan for Ex-Death, as for Gilgamesh, here's a funfact: Pinkie Pie was originally going to be Gilgamesh.
I rather not spoil it, but i think some of you will be shocked. Maybe, possibly.
>>Bulletproof
I see, i'm always open for advice. As i stated in the description, i only want to improve my writing for you viewers! Also, i was checking the script after posting my last comment, i can see where it's quite similar. I thank you again for giving me the truth of what you think about it, it pleases me to know that this site isn't full of people that just completely hate/overrate stories.
EDIT: Corrected the mistake you pointed out, Jarkes. Thank you.
I'm actually looking forward to seeing which pony plays which role of the non-party class. Plus you need to give better descriptions of the two new ponies, Galuf's representative and Faris's representitive just seem a little blurry to me. ALSO, when the party gets the crystal shards you need to describe which classes that they're gonna play as. Serious recommendation alert: Pinkie Pie as a Dragoon or a Monk would be epic beyond belief. Just sayin.
1470151
If you want to improve your writing, then I shall give you one piece of advice that you can not do without:
Do not plagiarize. A story like this might bring in readers because hey, it's FF5, and people love FF5. But copying every plot detail like this, it is not just lazy, but it is wrong. I'm not just talking about dialogue. I am talking about Shining Armor flying off on a dragon to the Wind Temple while Pinkie Pie is hanging out in the woods with her chocobo.
If you want to tell a story inspired by Final Fantasy V, then by all means, do it. But do not tell Final Fantasy V's story exactly, and just replace the characters with ponies. Because at that point, we might as well just be playing FF5, you know? This is a lesson I learned the hard way, about ten years ago, when I sat down with all by Dragon Ball Z manga, and wrote a "fan fiction" which was just the story of DBZ, with Sonic the Hedgehog characters in place of the cast. That story got destroyed by reviewers, and while it hurt my pride at the time, I am thankful for it today.
A story like this... it won't bring about any sort of fulfillment. I imagine you're here because you want to entertain, right? But if you tell us somebody else's story, it isn't YOU that is entertaining us. This story has already been told by somebody else.
If you want my advice, I would suggest scrapping this, and starting over. Actually put the story within the Friendship is Magic universe, and then have the story unfold in some way from there, in your OWN way. That isn't to say you can't implement story elements from FF5, but the way you are going about it now is all wrong.
I was just checking this page to see if you replied, honestly it's comments like these that really make me smile, because it's someone telling they're true feelings about my work. My pride sure isn't hurt, because i was reading back on chapter one right before checking this page again, and seeing you're new comment. I'm going to sit on this, and think about it.
So, thank you, Bulletproof for being honest about your thoughts on the story. Thanks again.
EDIT: I don't think i ever stated it, but this is actually my first piece of work i ever released to anyone. But, that doesn't change that i love Bulletproof's above comment.
EDIT..Again!: I did have plans to change up the story a bit after Mule(Tule), -EDIT: Half of this comment was deleted due to choices that were already made.
1472055
I am glad you see my comments as trying to be helpful. I was a little worried I'd sound like a jerk... well, maybe I did a little, but I was only trying to help.
Anyways, I really feel like you owe it to yourself, as a writer striving to entertain, to rewrite this. Because, what you are trying to do could potentially work. The Friendship is Magic universe is ripe for Final Fantasy-inspired stories, ESPECIALLY when crystals are involved. You just have to make it more Pony, less Final Fantasy.
And listen, if you want any further help, let me know. I could pre-read/edit for you, give you feedback, be somebody to bounce ideas off of. If I may be so bold, I even have some suggestions for ways to take this story, but I shan't give them to you unless you directly ask for them.
>> Bulletproof
I'd love to hear some of your suggestions, if you want, send them to me in a PM! I won't be very busy for the next few days, so i can spend some time
thinking about how to rewrite this, and your help would be appreciated!
But yeah, i understand you're trying to help, and i'm thankful to have encountered someone helpful, and not just a hater of some kind.
Like i said above, just send me your ideas through a PM, i'd be happy to hear them.
EDIT: After making the choice, the story is going to continue as-is, but Bulletproof has given me an idea for a new story all-together, which i might get to writing if i decide to take a break from Pony Fantasy V.
>>Jarkes
I try to make sure that errors are a minimum, but i shouldn't think that i can do everything myself.
Thanks for the feedback as usual, Jarkes!
Trixie was the first pony i thought of when i was thinking about the captain in the Wind Shrine. Also, any objections to the classes thus far? Just to let you all know, they will end up changing classes, maybe even multiple times throughout the story.
Also, the Clutzful/Janet connection might be less than you think, or more. I'm not one to say, i'll only find out after i post it and get a reaction.
1487167
You'll see in due time, i would've actually got this out faster if it wasn't for Darkwing (Y u so good) and his My Little Caboose: Blue is Magic! Fanfic here on the site. But i still think it came out on a decent date.
If not, i need to saw off one of my toes as punishment.
(We don't need those...Right? 
)
Okay, you beat it to me, I was going to do a FFV telling too, and I still will but yours got me interested, but I do agree with Bullet in the point of being sort of the game, but I can see you are trying by differentiate Galuf and Faris in another way, that's cool, they just needed some more detail on how they look and such.
But I will read more, so good luck!
This is now better, and I can see you want to actually to give importance to the Hidden Village, also, wow Janet being a changeling is a really interesting spin I'm looking forward.
Only flaw I can see, is punctuation, it can make some stuff confusing, but well, it was nice overall
Adding this for my faves now, I have to say, the content you are putting is great, also, Clutsie and Janet are so adorable fighting each other
I'm leaning towards Bulletproof's stance as well; I'll read it, but feel it's a shame the plot wasn't changed more (even if we're at an early stage).
Was kinda hoping for 6 crystals (Holy and Dark, I guess?), so you could just have the mane 6 meeting for the first time, in a more different setting.
I really liked what you did with Trixie here, in the game it wouldn't be fun if you were too weak even just initially but for a story it makes more sense that they wouldn't be all that great at fighting yet.
Buuut, including the jobs so directly feels too gamey. The list of titles especially feels weird; maybe something more like Trixie - who'd go with them into the crystal chamber - mention that "It's said that the crystals hold the spirits and skills of legendary warriors. If you're these... chosen individuals (scoff, scoff), maybe they're lending you their abilities?"... or something. Kinda hard I guess.
More than that, I'd not have them change appearance automatically - since they're going to be using stuff fit for their job, they'll look the part anyway (knights equip armor, wizards equip rods,...etc).
And finally, them getting the skills instantly makes one wonder how they could have any trouble getting through the adventure, since they have all these leet skills already. Perhaps something like the crystal pieces just accelerating learning, so what'd take a normal person (or pony) years to get good at only takes them days. Or if you're into realism, granting the cognitive memories but not the muscle memories, so they know how to move but won't do so instinctively like the great warriors of old.
2605864
That's the thing with Final Fantasy V.. It has alot of complex gameplay mechanics with the Job System.. each job is limited in terms of weapons and armor. Now I am curious how the "rows" will be played out here
Alright so far we got... (by jobs)
Pinkie: Monk
Twilight: Black Mage
Clutz: Knight
Janet: Thief
Following that in terms of FFV, you'd have 3 in the front row while Twilight would be the only one in the back row, and no healer.. though early on Esuna isn't available so it's not too big of a loss.. but "Cure" is very helpful
Clutz and Janet argue like an old married couple...