1
5
86
Joined April 2012
106
2,116
Rainbow Dash is having an excellent day - that is until a desperate thirst drags her from the sky and into a mess that may take more than simple magic to cure. Can real love bloom amidst the kerfuffle, or will shenanigans reign supreme in this tale of epic cliches and awkward matches?
"I'll explain when I have this all sorted out. Right now, I've got a certain pink party pony to talk to."
Because that line is good lead in for a Doctor Who episode. Why is everybody falling in love randomly.
Ha, at least she didn't get weird with Scootaloo. My best guess is that the potions greatly amplifies what a pony feels for another pony. So her strong friendship with Twilight gets bumped up to love, her status as a role model for Scoots turns into a sisterly bond. I can't wait to see if and/or how that plays out with the other Mane 6.
Good characterization and tongue-in-cheek enough to make the silly premise work. Have a 
and a fave to track.
Thanks for all the support, I appreciate it and am glad you like it 
And yeah, penultimate seems like a word she'd misinterpret, so I couldn't resist 
Thanks a bunch! The next chapter should be out pretty soon.
Dang, I knew there'd be something to sneak by. Nice catch 
Yeah, I figured the old love potion thing had been done by everyone and their dog, so I decided to add some extra randomness to spruce it up. Rainbow is best fly-by potion stealer
Ooh, good theory. Maybe you're right...or maybe not And thank you muchly, no one can resist the suave Spike stache
You made that line seem much more awesome.
Amorous Rainbow Dash unleashed in Ponyville? Pfft, what's the worst that could happen?
Thanks for the comment and the next chapter should be up shortly.
Awesome 
I love how you dodged the ultimate cliche of Twilight going
"I love you too Rainbow Dash and I've had these feelings like forever."
No, she was acting for the first time in fanfiction like a heterosexual mare would in this situation. Honestly, this never happens and it surprisingly original...or maybe I've read an outrageous amount of Twidash...either way, that was great!
Haha, thanks, and yeah it does - nothing better than toying with pony emotions
Thanks, and yup, more is on the way
Glad you liked it! And yes, the maligned magical mayhem (nice alliteration, by the way) will contonue 
...I don't know. The world will never be the same, will it?
Thanks - next chapter will be up in the near future
Yeah, I kinda wanted to skip over the whole cliched love plot thing (This thing already has its share of those) I mean, if your friend just randomly came up to you suddenly all gaga for no reason, it makes sense that you'd be a bit surprised and awkward about it. I think I'm in the same boat, except I've just read too much shipping in general to know what's original anymore Anywho, glad you liked it!
I'm happy to see that other people are finding this funny - its hard to tell if something is actually humorous when you're writing it (especially if you laugh at pretty much anything, which I do 
) And no worries - more comments are always fun to read
Pretty much. Or will her kookiness prove to be helpful after all? Hard to say... 
*Passes out due to suave overload* I shall treasure this random and excessive amount of fabulous mustachery!
Ah! The flashbacks! Last time I ever browse youtube and naively click on a seemingly innocent video starring pastries and ponies 
Thanks! And yeah, I owe bookplayer for all of her advice, pre-reading and pimping out of my story And Applejack? Hidden feelings? *shifty eyes* I have no idea what you're talking about!
Tada! Chapter 2: The corniness continues! I've gotta give a big thank you to bookplayer for all of her awesome advice, pre-reading abilities and advertising, so - Thanks a bunch! And to all you people who read, commented, critiqued, liked, faved, yata yata - you're all super special awesome. I hereby present you with a Bad-ass Rainbow Dash and Suave Spike for your support - 
So yeah, hoping you guys like it - if not, constructive criticism is always welcomed. In any case, I'm having a ton of fun writing it
Well done! Really enjoyable so far, and I can't shake the image of Dash as a loyal puppy. One minor correction:
a pear repelling potion for a doctor or renown = should probably be "doctor of renown"
Also, nice shoutout to your fellow Dash-ship stories with the kitchen sink reference.
Well, the potential for mischief is awesome indeed. I'll keep reading just for the laughs :P
One thing I have to wonder about though, is why everybody tends to picture Dash as being gay. There are precious few stories where she's straight and it seems this one won't be one of them. More's the pity... I thought Mac would be in the picture but it looks like that's not the case.
Oh and for the record? Great Pinkie Pie. Writing her and making her come across as Pinkie AND not have her be annoying is difficult.
Eheh, I may have got everything ready to post last night and then went to sleep... maybe
Thanks And yeah I was worried a bit about Zecora - but, I mean, she's pretty much necessary in any wacky love potion plot, so forced poetry ahoy!
AJ secretly crushing on Dash? Hmmm, I don't know whatever gave you that idea
Here, have this! 
Hey, thanks! And 
those sneaky or/of things are always ninja-ing their way in - nice catch! And yeah, during my forays into the shipping section of this fandom I've discovered some rather interesting couples. Watermelon's and sinks need love too 
Yay, I was hoping someone would catch Pinkie's Sokka line! Glad you're enjoying it so far - moar shall be given in the not too distant future
Appledash? I've never even heard of such a thing! And I have no idea what other raw zap apple story you could be referring to. Certainly not one even vaguely related to the shenanigans that occurs after eating them. 
Glad you're liking it so far As to the gay Dash thing - I think its mostly because the six characters that get the most development are all girls. Their character's are all so different and dynamic, its hard not to ship them together just to see what'll happen. I actually never even considered the idea of sexual orientation when watching the show (well, except for Rarity and Spike, obviously) and found the stereotyping with Dash odd and a little disconcerting when I first entered the whole fanfiction scene. I mean, liking sports and having an aggressive personality or a certain haircut doesn't indicate sexual preference, in my opinion. I happily ship Dash with pretty much everyone (Mac and Soarin included) because she's my favorite - though I do have preferred ships.
Anywho, ramble about fictional pony orientation over. I'm glad Pinkie Pie came across well - she's really fun to write for because you can just chuck logic out the window sometimes
>>1550719 Ah, that makes sense. Well, Brilliant chapter, although the romantic clarity is as murky as the Mississippi river. She likes Twi and Big Mac, and Applejack possibly likes Dash. But Rainbow Dash doesn't like her from the looks of it, and in the end, My entire post is disorganized and discordant. But that's irrelevant. It seems that the potion Is similar to a truth potion, but with emotions, bringing the buried feelings up from her inner being. But that's simply a guess.
Crap, I forgot to introduce myself. Brony Scientist SLV, at your service. It's a pleasure to meet you.
Ha, too true. Pinkie logic is best logic
Glad you're liking it And no worries, a lot of my comments end up being a random mish-mash of whatever goes through my head, so yours is pretty intelligible
Ah, but what is truth? Is Dash really being honest with herself and her feelings? You have a pretty interesting guess - maybe next chapter will explain more... And nice to meet you too (or whatever counts as 'meeting' on the internet)
Oh snap! At the end of the story you have to reveal who you think is "Rainbows true love" and when you do and people dont agree and go "What the hay? What is this?! I'm telling you AJ is her true love not this pony!" 
NO! You write the story, you build that hate bunker, you take cover in there put on those shades and go:
Yeah, Rainbow's not doing herself any favors by harassing the Mayor Glad you're enjoying it
Thanks - I was surprised how fun it was to write her And yeah, for Zecora... poetry isn't really my strong suit, but I think I got most of the exposition across in a way that can pass for clunky rhyming. In my head it worked, but I may have been reading them with a different flow in mind, and I knew with some of the rhymes I was grasping a bit (or a lot). Hopefully it didn't jar you too much and the rest of the story is more immersive 
First off, I have to say I feel like a complete arse for leaving it off there, but the next part isn't fully finished yet and I figured it was about time I updated with this chunk. So, um yeah. Spot any errors? Report them in to me and I'll tactically rain nuke 'em. Again, constructive criticism or any general thoughts on what was liked or disliked are always welcome. Other than that, hope you guys enjoy
My romantic side is telling me that this will cure Rainbow Dash.
My comedic side is telling me that Rainbow will push Applejack off her, forcing them to find her true love elsewhere in a convoluted, embarrassing, and hilarious endeavor of epic proportions. All of which is accompanied by a lovesick Applejack.
Awesome chapter!
Dash's head was cocked to the side, magenta eyes watching Applejack with what looked like concern and confusion. Just get it over with. You've been wantin' this forever, ya might as well just do it. And with that, Applejack leaned forward before she could talk herself out of it. Just before their muzzles met and Applejack's eyes closed, the magenta ones flashed with a spark of recognition."AJ - ?"
Any further sound was cut off as their mouths met and the world disappeared.
Augh, too Early!! You shouldn't have that kiss yet. Instead it should've been like the following:
Dash's head was cocked to the side, magenta eyes watching Applejack with what looked like concern and confusion. Just get it over with. You've been wantin' this forever, ya might as well just do it. And with that, Applejack leaned forward before she could talk herself out of it. Just then, there was a loud explosion and the wall came crumbling down filling the room with dust. Even so, Applejack could see clearly through the quickly dissolving dust cloud to what was on the other side of the now blowned wall; an angry Mayor Mare, a ticked of Law and a score of both Unicorn and royal guards, cladded in full armore on either side of the two Earth Ponies.
"Halt!! Stay where you are, criminal scum!", one of the guards yelled; "You have violated the law!!"
Anyway, Tracking and faved.
>>1594046 That's funny, I thought I picked this up from the feature list.
Or maybe it was from somewhere else.
Thank you muchly, I will scold it and return it to its proper place
Yay! Glad you're liking it. Emotional stuff can be kinda hard to pin down sometimes, so its nice to see its working
That would be pretty epic, actually. Although I'd feel bad for AJ as she would have to act as Dash's steward and constantly have to pull her off of whoever the love interest of the minute turned out to be, being the only one immune to the love virus Darn it, stop giving me ideas
It was up in the box for a little bit the other day, and when I updated last week (for like, five minutes, but whatever, I still squee'd )
Haha, thanks The only thing that I wonder about is the crap-ton of people who fave something, but don't "like" it. I'm the opposite - I'll give a thumbs up to tons of stories if I like them, but I only fave certain ones. Eh, *shrugs* just one of those things, I guess.
Appledash is best ship and reference?... possibly...
You have no idea how hard I had to restrain myself from adding "Criminal scum!" to Mare's "Stop Right there!" Every time I read over it I added it in my head inadvertently Maybe someday I'll write an Appledash adventure story. There needs to be more of them. Although, there will be a bit more in this one about Law, or at least the consequences of booting him in the chest
There are a few schools of thought on that. Many people think of faves as just a way to track something, so they'll fave anything that looks interesting but reserve their likes as the highest form of praise. Other people won't like something until it's complete, which I can see in a way.
Personally, I'm with you. I'll "like" anything I like. But people do things different ways.
Oh, I do use fave tracking for stories I really like. Other times I'll just check out favorite authors to see if they have anything new out. Its like a surprise then if I haven't checked in a while and then see a bunch of chapters or new stories are added. I have a pretty good memory, so I can usually just type in a story I like and check that way. I know my way isn't very efficient, and doesn't make a whole lotta sense, I just like keeping actual favorites in my favorites for some reason Plus, when I first joined the site I just used the account to comment and didn't bother with anything else (I admit I didn't really know what half the stuff did) so I got used to just following a few stories and fave-ing them on my computer instead. Tech savvy, I am not
Great big thumbs up on the comedy.
Characterization is a bit off with the Mayor. You would think she'd defer an Element's odd behaavior to her friends or the princess.
As for the ship...
Ugh, AppleDash.
So boring.
I mean at least the premise is pretty original, but this ship is still just there. "Hidden feelings" is the laziest of all romance cliches. The one that makes most AppleDash fall completely flat compared to other pairings.
And the coincidence of the one she truly loves also being in love with her is incredibly unlikely.
Heya, thanks - making people laugh is always a plus
As for the mayor - that was more for comedic effect and plot progression than anything. Still though, she is supposed to run the town, and Element or not, Rainbow was basically jumping her in a very public place. Mare was just getting her out of the public eye (quite tactfully, considering the circumstances, I think) to deal with whatever may have been happening (with Law as back up, just in case), and Pinkie kinda jumped the shark. Plus, its hinted at that Rainbow was the one who ended up escalating things offscreen and so ended up on Long-Hoof's back wearing the Mayor's clothes
As for Appledash... Its my favorite ship, so naturally its the one I want to write about. There are actually a ton more Twidash fics out there than Appledash (especially ones that garner a lot of attention) and it doesn't get called out on being overdone nearly as much as Appledash does. (I'm also a fan of Twidash, and its just something I've noticed, though I could be wrong)
As for the hidden feelings, I guess it just worked with the story I wanted to write. I can understand your opinion on lack of build-up - heck, I share it. Just keep in mind that we still don't have Rainbow's take on the whole thing yet. Plus, adding AJ's crush build-up just doesn't work with the flow of this story, at least with the part I've written so far. (I suppose I could have included flashbacks or something, but I don't feel that would have gelled right).
And I don't think its that unlikely that Rainbow could like her back. They are best friends after all, and do have a lot in common. Plus, the whole story is more than a bit contrived - it is about a love potion that was created by accident that Rainbow just happened to drink after all Its meant to be more a light-hearted romp through friendship and awkwardness than anything. Anywho, I appreciate the feedback, and though I do see the flaws you mentioned, I stick by my decisions. Thanks again, and hopefully the next little bit that goes up will make the romance a bit more believable for you
Hey, thanks for replying.
As for the Mayor, I understand why you wrote it the way you did, but when common sense and logic go out the window, so does my interest.
Everything about that scene and the responses to it made me scratch my head more than laugh.
And Dash was technically simpering for a job at the Mayor, not trying to jump her.
You have a multiple time local and national hero who operates on the direct orders of the throne, making an ass of themselves, but otherwise doing nothing wrong, and you not only bring this bizarrely acting VIP to your office but try to have a police officer detain her? Not gonna be Mayor for much longer. I can understand trying to get her out of the public eye and off the street, but why try to arrest her? She was harmless.
Now if Long-Arm had been acting not in a legal capacity but as a pseudo bodyguard for the Mayor... And if they didn't bring Dash to the office but either were chased there by fangasming Dash the Mayor was trying to flee from, or chased her there after she decided to organize and clean the Mayor's office or something, that would be funnier, make more sense, make the Mayor and Long--Arm's actions believable, and better, make the blame for their anger actually be Dash's fault instead of her being so horribly mistreated by those that owe her so much.
tl;dr, Dash's actions were not enough to get the cops involved
And I don't think its that unlikely that Rainbow could like her back.I was talking about AJ not Dash. As you set it out, the one Dash truly loves must kiss her. The problem is that if you are in love with someone, the odds of them also secretly being in love with you are astronomical. Either they do not have the same feelings for you or they are openly reciprocal. I'm saying it would make far more sense if Dash was in love with AJ but AJ either didn't like her like that (yet) or they were already kinda-sorta together prior to this. Dual unrequited love is just too contrived to be believable.
They are best friends after all, and do have a lot in common.That is one of the two most cliched and least realistic excuses for shipping out there along with "They are worst enemies and hate each others' guts". It's insulting.
I have a lot in common with my good friends. I should so be having buttsecks with them RIGHT NOW! No. Even if I was gay. There are plenty of gay M/M or F/F and straight M/F friends, including best friends, who have no romantic interest in each other at all.
Yes I get it's just a fun, fantastical, cliched, rom-com. That doesn't mean I can call a silly pony a silly pony.
Heya - all valid concerns, save for the Mare thing. Long-Hoof wasn't trying to detain or arrest Dash. He just seen Mare was having some trouble with her and followed in case he was needed (even if she is an Element, she still has to obey laws. She hadn't done anything wrong - yet. By acting as strangely as she was, I can only assume that Mare wanted to control the situation in case any errant magic was involved in Dash's sudden behavior change and things escalated later on) Mare only took Dash to her office (note: not a jail house) to sort things out in a quieter, more private place. Long-Hoof was only there as a precaution, and no arrest was made. After Dash went a little overboard with her obsession and decided to get more physical (stealing Mare's clothes), Long-hoof's presence was more warranted. (And he only acted because, well, Dash did literally jump him). Law and Mayor only placed Dash and Co. under arrest after Pinkie and AJ busted into the office, grabbed Dash, and AJ bucked Law in the chest. Which makes sense, I think. Even if I was a hot shot celebrity who invented time machines or something, I couldn't just ninja-kick a police officer in the face and get away with it.
As for the love thing - yes, I've admitted it was contrived. Dash and AJ secretly crushing on each other may be overplayed, but its not like stuff doesn't happen like that in real life. In fact, my friend and her current boyfriend were friends for years before they hooked up - it turned out that they were crushing on each other for months before it ever came out in the open. Does that mean all friends are nursing secret flames for each other? Of course not. Plus, like I said before, I haven't posted anything about the Dash/AJ romance from Dash's perspective yet. Is it gonna be groundbreaking? Nope, but it will settle the cliche-ness a little bit, I hope.
As for mentioning that they are friends and have a bunch in common - I merely used that as an example to show that they aren't completely incompatible. I didn't introduce an OC who knew nothing of Dash and vice versa and have them fall in love at first sight or anything along those lines. Relying on cannon interaction as a base for their compatibility without fully displaying it in my fic might be lazy - I admit that.
So yeah, I appreciate your criticisms and admit more development would be optimal. It just ended up not fitting into how I planned to write this, and I accept that. Anywho, thanks for the debate. Who knew bantering about fictional ponies could be so entertaining?
All good. Actually you clarified a few things. I was under the impression while reading that Pinkie was worried Dash was IN trouble, not worried she was going to get in trouble.
Also:
After Dash went a little overboard with her obsession and decided to get more physical (stealing Mare's clothes)Understanding that makes thing make much more sense. Huh. So that's what the hell was going on. Now that that's clear it makes much more sense.
You know, at the mid point of AJ's rambling Dash could have just said:
"Ugh...Shut up and kiss me you fool!"
Then Twilight and Pinkie would have looked at each other and calmly nodded "well, it's about time!"
Then they would have kissed too!...No wait...that's another story... OK so AJ and RD kiss for now.
Oh and Rarity should come in to over react to the whole thing in hilarious ways. 
Ah, was wondering about this baby. Surprised but delighted that it's not complete. All in all, I think you wrote a fantastic story with a fantastically creative premise. Really anticipating what you're going to do with little scoots.
I must say though, this update does feel a little lacking on the meat, much lighter than your previous ones.
And god damn new authornote feature is too jarring with "dark" setting.
Pfft Yeah, that seems like something Dash would do. I don't know where it came from, but I decided to make her more coy in her response than I would usually think to write her.
Rarity would probably end up fainting at the over the top cheesiness of it all. Upon awakening, she would likely go into overdrive planning a matching set of dresses that would never actually be worn by their sources of inspiration (she does in a lot of other fics, anyway )
Heya, thanks! I agree about the "lack of meat" completely. I was in a bit of a creative slump for a while for whatever reason (I blame it on too much homecooked food making me lazy ), but I feel like I'm back in the thick of things, now. And yeah, the new author's note thing is a bit overbearing. It feels like a warning label or something tacked on at the end.
Reset Password
Resend Verification Email
2,116 ( 5,319 )
More
Less
Post Comment
Refresh
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applejack_lolface.png
Image: http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/288/7/6/deal_with_it___rainbow_style__by_j_brony-d4cwgad.png
Cancel
Send