Some weird person who writes stories about ponies. You should probably just ignore him.
There's a new pony in Ponyville. She's perfect in every way. She's kind, fast, strong, beautiful, and is loved by virtually every pony she meets. But something seems off to Twilight. Something seems wrong. Very wrong... What horrible secret will she uncover?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Ahhh, the horrific doom of a Mary Sue always enlighten my day!!!
Dude.....
My mind is blown
5/5
I think an MST3K series with Pinkie, Twilight and Derpy all reading terrible fanfics would be EPIC. MST3K was basically what my entire last year of school consisted of. I still can't stop laughing everytime I think of the movie 'Squirm'.
I suppose its slightly ironic that my avatar is a darkly coloured OC pony...but I have resolved not to use OC's in any fanficion, EVER, unless they are minor characters or a ponified existing character from something else, so I should be ok.
112539 *Squirm title splash appears onscreen*
Mike: Well, I dunno why, but okay. *Robots and Mike proceed to squirm*
Ah, classic. You have a point though. Somepony should really do some sort of MST of bad fics from the Mane 6's point of view.
That said, this was fantastic!
As a fan of both MST3k and MLP:FIM, I say "Well done!"
Nothing wrong with a realistic OC, but yeah... Mary Sue's need to be sent to the moon.
112539
Actually, I found Derpy and Pinkie don't work too well while writing this. They aren't really the sarcastic, riffing types, so I felt as though a lot of their comments didn't quite mesh with their characters.
I died inside. This was just so AWFUL.
AWESOME job!
112817
Maybe for the next one, replace Derpy with Rarity? Or maybe Rainbow Dash?
MST3K with Pinkie, Twilight and... any other pony that happens to come by that day. Mix and match. Ohhh I want to see it happen. DO WANT SOW VEWY MUCH.
...
/starts work on a collab
Hi!
Got to say, I really enjoyed most of this story, left me with a huge grin on my face! That said there were a few things that felt a bit off.
1 - Pinkie Pie suddenly talking about computers. Technology like that is really out of place in the magical fantasy land of Equestria, which while it has some technology, it is mostly 'quaint'.
2 - Why isn't Twilight affected by the Mary Sue? I think it needs some explanation.
3 - I think once it's revealed what she is, the shift into her suddenly being blatantly evil is a bit too sudden, and she's a bit too super-evil. If she can enrapture ponies so easily, why does she even need to pretend, surely she can wander around the streets and zap whoever she likes? Also if they're so powerful as to control Celestia, how come there aren't more dominating the land? How does Pinkie know all about them but Celestia is powerless?
4 - Can't say I'm a fan of the MST format either, it's a bit odd but I can kinda see why you've used it. Pinkie sucking Twilight into some sort of third-person perspective is odd too, since Pinkie seems to function on her own level, it feels strange when other ponies join in. It might have been a better idea to have Twilight and Pinkie 'review' her in 'real life' as it were. It might add a bit of danger too, since if they're in some totally abstract realm then they're in no peril from the dangerous character and can't really 'lose'.
5 - I'm not sure why Derpy is in there either. Saying 'random' things isn't funny at all, and you've proved in the first half that you're really good at comedy.
Basically I think the first half was excellent and had me grinning and laughing like a crazy thing, but once the revelation was dropped and it went into a serious/MST mode, it lost me for the above reasons. Liked it overall though, please take the above as constructive criticism!
BWAHAHAH!!!!
I never laughed so hard while reading a fanfic!!!
if only i could do that to some of the OC's i hate...
It's like a never-ending train wreck. You just can't look away. The chaos is too beautiful.
Fuckeen five stars.
112817
Berry Punch, Gilda, and Spike would probably be better at riffing
112817
what if you replaced one of them with discord? :3 THAT would be sarcastic and random!
The MST was amazing. Just...I laughed the entire time.
The meta concept in and of itself was fucking brilliant.
I award you all my stars, and a favorite.
...
I love you.
113149
I always appreciate some constructive criticism. Concerning your points...
1. That's quite true. I suppose in the back of my head I was thinking "Durr, Pinkie Pie is special.", but I suppose just saying "It's Pinkie Pie, I don't have to follow the rules!" isn't an excuse to just do whatever I want.
2. I remember at some point in the writing process I was going to mention the reason, but I suppose that slipped my mind.
3. "If you're wondering how they eat and breath, and other science facts.... Repeat to yourself, it's just a fic, I should really just relax." But seriously, I made her so evil because a Sue can only go from one extreme to the other, no in betweens (That's my opinion anyway.). As for why she doesn't go around zappin people, remember that Mare E. Sues have a weakness to criticism. Zapping ponies, therefore, would elicit criticism en masse, and the Mare E. Sue would be obliterated by ponies calling her an ass. ...Wow that sounds weird. And about Princess Celestia? I have no buckin clue. I didn't really think too much into that.
4. I like the alternative suggestion. Unfortunately, that would greatly limit the things I'd be able to make fun of. Since Twilight and Pinkie would be in the same dimension, they'd be unable to make fun of some things such as grammar and wording, which is kind of staple for MST's. I didn't think the MST would hit it off with everyone, but perhaps I could try giving another look over the formatting...
5. Agreed Derpy's got to go.
Raven giggled
Twilight: At rainbow's petty, mortal emotions
You were able to write a good fic that was contained inside a terrible fic. Good job, seriously good job you are a god.
That is all.
Please let there be a sequel or something, bloody loved this.
Alright, I went through the fic and gave it a fix. For those who've already read here's the rundown of what I've changed...
1. Tried ironing out plot holes such as why Raven wasn't already the grand ruler of Equestria if she'd been around so long. If there's some plot holes I may have missed, feel free to ridicule me and point them out!
2. Reformatting change to the MST. No more odd indents, and I changed the MST lines from italics to bold. Is that too abrasive? Tell me what you think!
3. Biggest thing. NO MORE DERPY! And good riddance, she was such an awkward fit!
As always, rate, review, and enjoy!
There is so much win in this fic, and I was rolling on my bed struggling not to laugh out loud and piss off the others while they slept. I love this fresh take on the concept of a Sue. An eldritch abomination that feeds on canon personalities? That's just epic.
On a side note, I would have LOVED to have seen Gilda in Derpy's place.
I love you.
This made my night, and that is saying a lot considering I did not do shit today and just screwed with mods on fallout and crysis on my new three grand gaming computer with a 32" plasma screen HDTV for a monitor.
TL;DR: Awesome shit went down earlier, liked the story more.
It's...beautiful...
never heard about mst3k before... this fic was awesome! Im soo tracking this sucker
hahaha!! Dude, you're slowly KILLING ME!!! Tottaly made my night bro!!
I'll never get anything as funny as this, but thanks for inspiring me to at least try ^.^
Amazing work, I've always wished I could write good comedy, but you freaking did it for me man. My fingers are gonna be completely screwed once IM finished typing!
Oh, and five stars, btw
(Fluttershy's sudden change in attitude was easily the best part xD)
Not again.
Hilarious and clever!
LOLed so hard at this.
Also, I'd just like to say that Twilight makes a much better fit for this then Pinkie, but we'd also have to explain HOW Twilight finds out and HOW she gets into the dimension, so it works out well.
For the next one, if you ever decide to, maybe someone like Spike or Gilda. Those two seem to be the only other ones that'd make a good fit.
Also, am I the only one who wants to see GIlda's reaction to Dash's confession? Much LOLs would be had.
114604
Fixed!
And yes, that was a Nostalgia Critic reference. Love that guy!
This is simply fantastic: It sums up mary sue characters for this fandom perfectly, and the inevitable hate that tw'light moon receives made me giggle and cackle with childish glee
Love it.
Absolutely brilliant. Loved all the descriptions of her heavenly, divine, and otherwise unearthly smiles that Raven bestowed upon the unworthy mortals.
XDD pinkie should have gotten the hecklers from the muppets to help
javascript:smilie('
');
You must love me exactly as I love you...
Enjoyed it - very amusing little mickey-take on Mary Sues in general.
I will however, bring up the point a lot of others are bringing up - namely that the transition between a typical story and an MST format is EXTREMELY jarring. Pinkie Pie's comments while in MST mode aren't much of an issue, her comments before that are. Computers? Internet? In Ponyville? It just didn't quite work. Now, if you'd waited until after Pinkie Pie had stepped outside the 4th wall to include the explanation of how she knew about Mare E. Sues, that would have been a lot less jarring - and I think you would have got away with Pinkie Pie pulling Twilight out of the story with no previous build-up beyond Pinkie narrowing her eyes at Raven and running off with an "I'll get you yet!" and then the brief exchange where Pinkie tells Twilight they need to do something about it - minus internet references. Once you've got Pinkie MSTing the story, you can get away with her saying "I read about it on the internet" because the rules have already been broken. Before that, it just doesn't sit right.
Now the good stuff - the Mary Sue includes most of the defining traits of the archetype, and - here's the big thing - they're actually somewhat interesting. Not because they're an interesting character, but because they're a well-thought-out parody. It's fairly straightforward to make a bland, faceless character for the sake of parody - but a Mary Sue with enough of a persona to BE a recognizable Sue? Now that's a good bit of writing. Maybe I'm not describing this properly, but take for instance when you describe her laugh. Rather than just stick with a single description (which would have been a legitimate parody of Sueish writing) you used as many variations of purple prose that you could - mainting the interest while still making fun of the flowery writing. You drew attention to the fact that she looked away with a pained expression whenever someone asked her the time of day, but only after she'd done it half a dozen times, when you could have just done it once and then forgotten about it. The characterization of the shows cast members is good (before their actual personalities get supplanted at least) and kudos on making the obligatory Mary Sue love scene ludicrous rather than smutty. And of course, the shoehorned-in sequel hook fits a Mary Sue story down to a tee.
I have no idea what I just read, but it was glorious. Have ALL my stars!
I just want to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for the way you tagged characters. So many people seem to tag every character involved in the story to the point of the character tags being useless, thank you so much for just tagging this Twilight and OC.
And suddenly I got an urge to watch MST3K...
115372
Crap, I thought I got rid of all the references to the internet!
I guess its time for more editing...
Edit update.
Got rid of a few references to computers, and made a MAJOR overhaul to the transition to MST. Hopefully it's less jarring.
So, yeah. Is it better now? Tell me what you think!
"Raven gave her a sympathetic smile, one that rivaled “War and Peace” in its complexity. "
I just completely lost it here!
114011 You forgot to have them make fun of the two or three times you put "THe" in a description of what was happening at the fan-club meeting.
And then they had sex.
reply 1:
"Whoa, Nelly! Isn't this a little girl's show? Now, please, apologize for teaching these poor foals what the female orgasm sounds like."
reply 2:
"Wait, no foreplay? Or, since they have 4 legs, eightplay? That sucks! I hate it when I can't even get my mare a winkin' afore I trot up behind her!"
reply 3:
"Horse-wanking fillyfooler! And, if you're so perfect, aren't you straight? No, wait! Omni-sexual! THAT's why the animals were playing with you earlier!"
reply 4:
"They rolled in the hay, bucked like funnies, had a nice fun trick for two fillies, played a love game, and then, out of nowhere, Card Games on Motorcycles. Oh, wait. I meant GriffonChasers."
reply 5:
"... and that's how Fallout: Equestria was made! If it weren't for her multi-colored orgasms of mega proportions, Raven would never have been caught in that stupid Alicorn body with only a damnable shield spell. At least Sweetie knows levitation!"
She let out a huge sigh.
reply 1:
"And everypony realized that she had finally let go of that fart she'd been holding in. Too bad everyopony's dead now."
Sign me up, please!
Oh, god. I just started reading, but... I know it's a parody... I keep telling myself it's a jole... BUT IT'S JUST SO PAINFUL TO READ!
Oh... poor Rainbow Dash... I think I just threw up in my mouth... a lot.