love halo love mlp and so no surpize love this kind of fic

It`s all right.... please go on.

The win...ITS SO MUCH

Edit: I forgot MORE!

I dont think it got destroyed by dislikes... when its got ten likes already!

please continue

don't stop dude this is amazing i couldn't write a better halo/mlp fic if my life depended on it so keep going

Go on. Amuse me.

Awesome! Here, have a moustache:

You now have my attention... Please continue.

Show him no mercy

Looks pretty good so far.  Only thing I’ll say though is a lot of people think it’s cool to throw a couple of things together and see what happens and it is!  However their stories get old after a hand full of chapters because they haven’t thought a good story to apply it to.  

Meh. It's okay, I guess.

Not really enough description for my tastes, though.

Well, that and the fact that you got through a decent number of plot points in just under 3,000 words. Slow down!

>>14706921470692

Alrighty. I'll do my best to make it more descriptive and I'll attempt to slow it down.

>>14707171470717

Don't take what I say too seriously, though.

It's still your story, and you can write in any way you feel comfortable.

>>14707351470735

I'll take it on board anyway.

What goods writing if you don't take some advice ? Haha.

Hmmmm....

Words cannot describe what I just read.

>>14714231471423

Is that a good or a bad thing ? Haha.

>>14714501471450

Nope its horrible.

Just kidding its pretty damn good.

>>14714701471470

Seriously though, I'm glad you like it.

OMG a human from the halo verse that's actually appropriately suspicious of alien ponies!

Very few people seem to get that humans from the halo verse would be xenophobic like crazy but you sir seem to be getting the gist of that in this fic.

Congrats you just earned..

1x watch

1x fave

1x like

Ah a halo wars crossover nice

He wasted a bullet shooting an apple out of a tree?

I know he thinks he is dreaming but come on, and sides a magnum bullet would reduce an apple to a fine mist.

Eh, quick thing; It's spelled Sergeant.

Ha you said Plot

"Forge ? That's a rather odd name."

If only you knew, Twilight Sparkle, if only you knew.

Image: https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRt0I8VuKRanRcZHRpUU0o2vYKZiE0SOIUj0MC5J6sJpFiV-rV4Mw

>>14733001473300

Oh real mature man.

See multicolored human-like residential structures, and cartoon ponies.

IMMEDIATELY ASSUME COVENANT THREAT.

/facedesk

>>14732821473282

Yeah, that does seem kinda stupid now I look back at it.

My bad.

>>14733201473320

Image: http://i.imgur.com/I9H8U.jpg

>>14733001473300

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ldxwttKbIH1qzf5dd.png

The hell did I just laugh?!

just a minor spelling error I'd like to point out, the word is spelt course, not coarse, coarse means rough in appearance and texture, just pointing that out. Is a good story by the way. keep up the good work

I have to say that this is so AWESOME I think ill just fav and watch you.... I like where this is going and its going to turn out to be a great story Keep up the good work and I can't wait for the next Chapter.

>>14733531473353

Alrighty, I'll fix that.

That's partially my retard computers fault.

If I miss-spell course the first time, it auto-corrects to coarse on its own for some reason.

It's a bit Cliche so far, but your writing is good, spotted very few grammar mistakes or spelling, so far so good. I'd like to see more of this.

Biggest mistake I spotted was this.

After what felt what felt like hours of laying and observing, Forge found himself fascinated with the colourful creatures going about their business before him.

You repeated "What felt" twice, only big thing I found. Other than that, great job, I wanna see more.

You seem to keep putting a space between punctuation marks and the end of a sentence, which isn't right.

"And what might yours be little horse ?"

"Hey Applejack !"

Also, if you want to emphasise a word or phrase, you can use italics instead of apostrophes.

"So, you 'are' an alien."

And, I might be wrong about this, but, with dialogue, you only need to start a new paragraph if a different person is speaking, not each time there's a new sentence

Chapter: Sufficient

Concept: Forge is awesome. Bringing him in is, therefore, awesome.

Status: Continuing to Chapter 2.

WARNING: More death of sentient biological organisms is required.

Image: http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/055/a/0/odst_virgil__happy_by_skipperthepilot-d3a9uu4.png

Keep it clean!

I DEMAND MORE

NO! NO! NO! NO!

Opinion: First Contact should have been destructive! Multiple biological organisms should have died from the onslaught of his M6C magnum, let alone his MA5B assault rifle!

Realization: There really aren't any good fictional writings where the pony population is reduced a few hundred individuals.

Magnetic Accelerator Cannon: Charging at a rate of 2 percent. Currently at 73 percent charge capacity.

Image: http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs46/f/2009/208/b/e/__Superintendent___Sad_by_Saint_Lulu.jpg

Keep it Clean!

>>14733191473319 I know thank you

:>>14735331473533

>>14735171473517

halo ODST new Mombasa AI nice

good idea

Image: http://gifsforum.com/images/meme/soon/grand/soon-eccbc87e4b5ce2fe28308fd9f2a7baf3-1375.png

You sir, need a proofreader. I've seen many spelling errors, and grammar too.

otherwise, it would be a nice story ;3

A halo crossover using one of Spirt of Fire cast will read later

Halo wars, Hell yeah

Right now it will be in read later stack, spectate me to read this!

Interesting... I shall follow this closely

As much as people hated on that game i loved forge

so im just gonna fave this. See where its going

I can honestly say I've never seen this before.

A very rare thing when it comes to Halo Crossovers.

I shall read this, and comment again.

Expect me.

~ScreenedPlum, TWE's Drunk Scotsman

Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/thumb/mlfw4597.png

Good, so far, but punctuation is not separated from the word by a space.

See here:

Bananas.

Bananas!

Bananas?

Apples, or bananas?

Use something to mark the transition from the POV of Forge and the Ponies. Or anything, it's quite confusing.

Pile of crap? Well then it must've been from American's Dad Roger because this shit is gold!

Hey! I'm going on a school camp thing most of this next week too! Any slight chance you're in California?

So, you just decided to dump Sgt. Forge into Equestria? Just like that...?

Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lu6r28Cx4M1qczvpto1_500.png

You know, one would think he would be more conservative with his ammo considering there are no factories to produce bullets for a reload.

just an FYI: you mispelled Honor. its not honour, it honor.

other than that, its a great story.

keep up the good work!

Alrighty, IT'S REVIEWIN' TIME

Image: http://pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw3191_medium.jpg

Storywise, it's decent. Not much has happened, but you can't really expect a lot at such an early point.

I liked the fact that Twilight was recording before she recorded. Nice little touch.

But why did Forge have to shoot the apple to get it down from the tree?

Spelling/Grammar? Not so good.

Biggest slip-up was course/coarse

"Of coarse you can Spike. Sweet dreams."

Lots of unnecessary hyphens too. "some-sort" doesn't need one at all, for example.

The use of Apostrophes as emphasis is a new one to me. Use [ i ], [ b ] or [ u ] to get across tone of voice, or whatever.

Overall?

Could work. Like I said before, the idea's new enough to pique my interest.

You really need a proofreader, though. Grab one from This group, they're usually pretty awesome.

Watch out for lots of little errors dragging your fic down.

Still, enough to earn a watch from me

Image: http://dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw976_medium.jpg

~ScreenedPlum, TWE's Drunk Scotsman

Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/thumb/mlfw4597.png

>>14733221473322 maybe he could of shot the stalk, and show how much of an amazing shot he is!

I WANT MOAR NOW!

Dont fuck this up kid

Yes! Ive been waiting for a Fic like this!

More

i agree with those other comments: forge wouldnt waste a bullet on an apple. besides, he's twice as tall as an average pony. he could just reach up and grab one.

I don't see how any of you like this.

>>14735331473533 I've seen a couple like that...

Now I just need to remember where...

You seem to use "coarse" whenever you want to use "course", like : "Of course i like cheese". I saw it twice so far in that chapter.

*looks at feature box* Wait... I think I've seen that guy before... *looks over at tv, where the picture for my profile is at.* And thus I have a new Halo story to follow.  

You might want to also get a proofreader or editor.  I'm noticing the occasional spelling error, along with a few run on sentenes, or sentences that could be combined for easier flow

YUSH!!!

I've always wondered if Forge had survived that explosion...

>>14732821473282 He just wants to look like a badass for the country ponies

>>14747511474751 talk about peer pressure

i think he's gonna break

I shall read this and return with a proper opinion, but I think this earned a like simply for having Forge in it. Halo Wars may not have been the best strategy game ever, but it had an enjoyable story and good characters

Imma go ahead and favorite this. I've enjoyed it so far.

Alrighty everyone.

Just going to put this as a general update.

1) I have acquired a proof-reader. (Yay. )

2) Yes I know the whole 'apple' incident was rather stupid on my behalf. I do apologise.

3) I don't write all that often. So please excuse the grammatical and spelling errors.

4) In response to Far Low 1's comments. I guess I could find some way to initiate some good old bio organic destruction. I'd just need to know whether the rest of you are thinking that as well.

5) The Spirit of Fire. Should it make an appearance in later chapters ?

6) This is still in its very early stages. Please be patient with me. I'm still trying to get my head around the plot ideas I've thought up.

Overall, I'm glad that this little story of mine has had such a good reaction, considering it is my first cross-over.

I was mighty surprised to see it in the feature bar this morning.

All thanks to you guys.

>>14732821473282shooting things is fun

especially when you think you're in a dream

he probably thinks he has unlimited ammo or something

im actually surprised he hasnt done anything MORE crazy cuz if i know im in a dream, id do a whole shitload of crazy things, i swam to the bottom of the ocean once, breathing regularly when i found out it was a dream & that i wouldnt drown JUST FOR DA LULZ!!!!

Don't worry. Your likes will be an over shield against the dislikes. Their red thumbs can't match our green thumbs.

Umm, I'm pretty sure if you shot an apple with a M6 it would be completely blown apart. As a matter of fact if you shoot an apple with any kind of gun it would blow apart. Other than that the story is good so far.

Please replace all instences of "coarse" with "course"

Biggest thing you need to worry about is a loss of a storyline that plagues quite a number of attempts to write this kind of crossover (protagonist of a game, book, or movie in Equestria). So far you don't seem to be heading this direction, as far as I can tell, but just make sure you have a plot to follow.

EchoWolf31 and makey101.

I've addressed both those issues before.

I know and I'm still getting around to fixing them.

>>14756931475693

I have several plots that I'm intending on employing.

Just still deciding which is best.

Stay tuned.

>>14756221475622

5) yes!!, maybe you could create your own Spartan

There is no need for anypony to get killed...maybe a guard or two..or nine..maybe have a phantom or lone bandit with some grunts, couple jackals, a few elites, and a few brutes, invade Ponyville and slaughter a dozen civilens(maybe more) and have Forge save the day and everypony honor him (except Rainbow Dash and maybe Fluttershy). He is taken to Princess Celestia and is about to be sent home when the Spirit of Fire appears in the sky followed by more Covenant. UNSC Pelicans, Longswords, and Base Holders come down and establish a ground force along with the covenant and thus bring the war to Equestria.

... I think I gave to much detail

Before I read this I must know, will be be turned into a pony? Please say he isn't.

>>14758821475882

I wasn't intending on it.

A cross over with on of the biggest badasses in Halo? YESH!

A few grammar mistakes, but pretty good.

>>14746041474604

Image: http://i.imgur.com/zDXf2.jpg

British English, it's honour.

American English, it's honor.

>>14759251475925 It's not hate.

I just don't understand how people could literally read this.  You're in desperate need of an editor.

You have spelling and grammatical errors galore, eccentric line breaks and downright weird sentence formatting.

I'm all for a Halo novel, but this one's just too....I don't even know how to describe it.

I suggest getting an editor before you continue, is all.

>>14759391475939

Alrighty.

Well that makes more sense than your previous comment.

This is literally my first attempt at this kind of story. That's why it's fairly dodgy.  

I have acquired an editor, so don't fret. I don't intend on publishing the next chapter until my editor deems it worthy.

Another thing is that Forge has probally suffered some sever internal organ damage after being punched by the arbiter.  If getting punched by a normal elite while playing as a spartan can kill you with a single hit, then imagine what being punched by the arbiter will do to a normal human.  That has to of broken a few ribs, at the very least.  

On top of all the abuse he get's over the course of Wars.  I mean, really, the amount of times he survives his warthog being blown up cannot be counted.  

>>14759121475912 ah, alrighty then.

The premise actually seems legit on this one. I usually don't read crossovers [for games I haven't played], but dat background... Legit.

"So, does this mean I can go to be now ?" Asked an anxious Spike.

"Of coarse you can Spike. Sweet dreams."

Next of coarse came his smell.

Almost every species in the know galaxy, apart form other humans of coarse, wanted both him and his race gone.

Just correct those, and I think the grammar should be okay. The flow of the story seemed a little too fast; the situation wasn't really given time to develop. If you slow down the story while simultaneously creating some havoc and mayhem with Forge, you'd have the skeleton for an excellent adventure. Best of luck!

>>14732621473262 Halo wars that was it. Trying to remember who this guy was from the halo universe!

>>14761461476146

Beat me to the punch!

>>14759811475981

He's just one tough bloke in general.

Internal damage ? Multiple car explosions ?

Pfft. What the hell's an internal injury ?

Oh! That Forge, I liked him. Good in a warthog, especially gauss. So far pretty good, and a new character for Equestria (at least I think so...)

Wasting a bullet, at least you put a hole in the apple instead of a perfect shot at the twig.

My advice for the plot, don't take advice for the plot Really, if it isn't your idea and it's stuck in the middle of your story, good luck.

This earned A watch, A fave and A like. I hope you are proud of yourself sir. =.=

>>14756571475657

And thats how i know you've never actually fired a real gun.

Guns are loud, hard to control, and shooting for any extended period of time (especially with shotguns or hand guns) starts to hurt. Even if he thought he were dreaming he would have just found out otherwise.

go on...

I like

Favoriting for now. Will read later and critique

Why is it Rainbow Dash always seems to instantly either love or hate humans, she can never just be curious...