Life is going quite well for Fredrick. What a life he is having he gets to do his life long dream...flying. The Luftwaffe is the place to be for Fredrick. His childhood friends are there and Fredrick is next for promotion. All is going well until he flew though that cloud.
Godric The Radical
3
3
8
11 followers
Groups
-
29w, 3dThe Proofreader Group
-
30w, 5dThe Writer's Group
-
30w, 1dFluttershy
-
30w, 5dLooking for Editors
-
29w, 3dArt for Fanfiction
Comments ( 172 )
Hmm... Tracking...
You definitely have an interesting premise.
Tell me, are you german yourself?
In your last chapter you spelt Equestria wrong and Celestia's name.
Thought i'd let you know.
The story is good, as well as the plot... but it needs to be edited...
This is an interesting story, you should attempt to find an editor however. I think the another human who knows German and equestrian (english) would be a necessary addition, or at least someone who could translate.
Ungewöhnlicher Benutzername, aber mal sehen wie sich das Ganze weiterentwickelt.
Well, let me help you with the Titel of your first Chapter. The Titel is......how to put this.....this sounds like "Typical english German" to me.
First Chapter Titel: It would called "Die Luftwaffe", not Der Luhtwaffe.
Trust me, this would be the right way to write this Titel^^
The story seems good so far, but if I may, think about getting a proofreader. Your sentence structuring needs a bit of work to be honest. Spelling is not a big issue for you it appears, but the way you write the dialogue between characters makes it a tad hard to read. Also most of what you wrote was broken up into too many simple sentences instead of paragraphs. Not being mean, just offering constructive criticism! A little rework and you may get many more reader interested in your story. Good luck! ![]()
This chapter became a bit confusing , but not entirely difficult to follow. You might want to revise it. Other than that, keep up the good work. ![]()
Interesting story line, even though it has been done before. I would recommend revising it a bit, as I found some parts hard to read, but otherwise great story, up'd and fav'd.
I opened up the new chapter and.... DEAR GOD WALL OF TEXT! Serously, take some time to split up the paragraph everytime a character talks. that space new paragraphs. Walls of text scare off readers. Trust me, I learned the hard way.
let me guess, the princess is going to not give him a charge but in return he has to be the elements body-guard or something like that?
'"what a weird place, must be Russia." Fredrick thought.' In Soviet Russia...
The docter??? THE DOCTER!!! I DEMAND MORE FLUTTERSHY COMMANDS YOU ![]()
MAKE MOAR ![]()
Thats if you want too that is ![]()
did I tell you I love Fluttershy so devoted and shy. She is so innocent and pure
If you want to get the quota look up the Heroes of might and magic V
Who thinks that my new name is cooler than my old one Herr Goebbels
To any one who dislikes the story tell me why you do not like the story
Lol, one of your previous comments about how you enjoyed reading the comments got me imagining someone waiting forever to post more of a story just to make people suffer. I can imagine the maniacal laughter now. Anyways, nice job, though as others revivals mentioned, sentence structure is somewhat of an issue. I still favorite thigh because this is interesting to me an Id love to see more!
...I love the Me 262 because it was the first jet and I has the fire power to wipe out any ground forces that opposes you...
I would like to point out that the Me 262 was horrible at ground attack. Its inability to quickly throttle up and down made it almost useless as a ground-attack aircraft...and now you know.
>>1485819 I think you missed my point...
The few that did get put into operation in the ground-attack role, preformed miserably. Rarely could their pilots hit their targets with bombs, and with the 30mm guns, the pilots couldn't get a slow enough gun-run to make them worthwhile. AA was rarely an issue to the 262 (in either role).
The Me 262 only really shined when it came into its intended role in the end of 1944/ beginning of 1945 - as a fighter-interceptor. When it came to shooting down aircraft, the Sparrow was nearly untouchable. It was too fast for escorting fighters to catch, and bomber gunners found leading the craft nearly impossible...and when those quad-30mm guns got a hold of a bomber...Whoo! Someone was sure to be in for a bad day...
not quite you see the Me 262 had 4 30 mil's Those bullets would rip any thing in its way to sheds
Those rockets are used for hitting large areas and that is why the Me 262 was effective against ground
This is the best song of the German luftwaffe I have heard yet
tell me any other German song you like and love
It is not a weeping angel"They scared me too." It comes from the Heroes of Might and Magic V He is a the leader of the Human "Griffon" Empire He is under Asha the spider goddess If you see any weeping angels I will defeat them and save you FOR ALL THAT WE HAVE DONE YOU SHALL NOT DIE.
Two things I need to say is that I am writing the story as I am posting it now I am only two chapters ahead of the one I have posted to there will be a delay between each chapter I am so sorry
But there is good new to this bad news I was wondering if any one would love epic music in there 11th chapter I have found some epic music for a battle in the chapter
But I also want to hear any suggestions ![]()
![]()
I will leave a parting gift the 9th chapter I will need some time to make the 11th-13th chapter OK I need some time.
New plan I will split chapter 11 into to parts you guys ok with that.
You did NOT just use Fredrick Stiener as his name *facedesk* Just had to be a name from Cod right? :3 Jk i love the story so far ![]()
>>1489199 I don't know where you're getting your information, but no. The Me 262 was never a good ground-attack aircraft. (IL-2 Sturmovik is not an accurate source of information on WWII aircraft...)
I Grouppe, Kampfgeschwader 54, (For example) had been equipped with Me 262 A-2a variants for ground attack in January of '45. In the first two weeks of service, they lost 12 in combat. It is my understanding that the unit was very quickly retired thereafter...
Its not a big deal, so long as you're not glorifying it as a ground-attack aircraft, because that simply wouldn't be true. Nonetheless, knowing your facts is a good thing before one tries to write anything historical/ Historical-Fiction...
Oh yeah I forgot goebelles was the head of the nazi propaganda program
I have one thing to say
LONG LIVE THE PRINCESS
LONG LIVE THE MARE LAND AND THE STALLION LAND
BRONIES OF THE WORLD UNITE
NO FOE SHALL STAND AGAINST US
LONG LIVE THE BRONIES AND PONIES
It acctully is "Die Lufftwaffe" Die is not just ment for females or female things it can also be neutral i.e. "thing thing is.." can be written as "die sache ist das...." and the articel Der for the Luftwaffe is in correct also its not "Sie Verhalten oder ich schieß" its "Bleiben sie stehen oder ich schieße" what you wrote means "you behave or I shoot" and excuse my horriable spelling and grammer i hope you still get what i ment .... btw its a nice story but please dont use to much german ... most of it is in someway wrong no offence
>>1502842 That comment reminded me of the unitologists a lot. Which reminds me of something someone said.
"Unitologists are basically a religious cult dedicated to unifying the human race through their beliefs, but because they're so blinded by their pride they don't realize that all they're accomplishing is making themselves looks like fools with opinionated ideals while also transforming the rest of mankind into a cluster of monsters running on pure rage and slaughter.
In short, Bronyism has become the real life Unitology." -Mixermike622
Anyway, good story.
That was me being angry at the Haters because they shoved me around and verbally abused me that day so they have struck the first blows I shall be back with reinforcements
Tell me which chapter needs the most revising so that I can fix the story. don't we want this story to be featured
There goes one of life dreams to be on the front page on this site gone because of the dislike ratio *sniff* well anyways you can't have every in life can you
FUCK when i wanted a new chapter i dint want cliffhanger that has flutters in danger
damn, if there is an army of flying changelings, i think he could use a few others to help him up there ._.
o: Changelings...
Edit: Should make another pilot (Maybe american o:? or british) enter equestria :3?







8




