bravo scoots bravo

And que Pinkie Pie.

Is this set in the modern day or the actual wild west era

Does the wild west have ATVs, ipods, or video games? It even says the date in the first chapter. Sorry bro, but the evidence is right in front of you.

Molesti- I mean Celestia brought him here and he isn't going back until after a night at Canterlot castle

HA not a bad scene. But I don't know about that. But let's see how it turns out.

>>15911771591177 That is a perfect plot. If you know what I mean.

:rainbow laugh: Unfortunatly, I'm not much into the brony rumors such as Molestia. I like to leave the character's personalities as is. With a little enhancements of my own. But thanks anyways

"Pegasuses." Pegasi.

awesome so far!

I require moar.

Hang in there dude. I just need a friend of mine to proofread the next chapter.>>16740861674086

YES

Yay!

>>16918431691843 How is it so far. I hope it's good.

>>16918561691856

Great. Dont doubt yourself; and keep going.

>>16954671695467 it doesn't feel good enough. Read my recent blog.

Image: http://www.troll.me/images/never-alone/hey-there-d.jpg

Hi there Ponyville! No need to fear, I'm just human!

Cause that's gonna go so well.....

>>17654521765452 I see what you did there.

You have 3 seconds to jump out that window.

I LOL so hard at the part.

sorry but quite = quiet

>>19132841913284 Thanks

Image: http://www.fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/32432_r.png?1339784019

"Ah want ta talk ta yah bout mah sister,"

Image: http://assets.diylol.com/hfs/05d/80c/f14/resized/spiderman-meme-generator-please-don-t-kill-me-vid-723fe8.jpg

Image: http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/077/1/9/profile_picture_by_clownagetab-d4t3zyy.png

"Ah'm glad that she's found somepony she likes"

Image: http://images.wikia.com/theamazingworldofgumball/images/9/99/Wait-what-meme-rage-face.jpg

Aaaaaawwww first kiss syndrome. Hahaha lol

cool

Well, it's certainly different from the other HiE stories I've read... and written.

Kudos!

>>20045632004563 Different how?

>>20098692009869

This is the only HiE I've read where the author puts himself and his creations in the same story.

>>20099432009943

Hmm... So what was written on Bobby's face... maybe the word 'Douchebag'?

>>20301752030175 HA!!

>>20302712030271 Or maybe 'Dick-Waffle' (Thank you to this for the idea)

Oh god she's gone crazy! runaway!!

Why I do got feeling she goes "You're... going... to... LOVE ME"

Wait are you deleting the comments where people tell you what's wrong with your story?

Delete this comment to confirm! :D

Whatever I'm going to pick my nose in the comments for a little...

...well ok the drawl is a little stereotypical but I hope to god this is a self insert or I'll become...mildly upset.  Well not like "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!" upset but "You actually did that without thinking?  I happen to be an expert in bullshitery and you sir have made my senses flare up like alergies." upset.

Not mad though.  Anyway, let's talk about something more productive shall we?

Bravo on intro, that was a little fun.  I thought you were going to be cock swipe retarded and cliché for making him a soldier and one of the first things he said was 'grenade'.  But you fucked up my potential rant and made him a texan...not going to comment because I feel as if I've been jipped if I say he's not real and it turns out to be a self insert.

Hell I already know who your favorite pony is by hearing the word stable and cowboy alone.

I'm already regretting the potential for shitty Applebloom in-character with air quotes and lots of fuzzy and potentially sexual romance with Applejack.

I do hope you choose to bang big mac...that'll fix everything.

Although if I continue reading and find Applebloom in character I'll forgive you for all your sins...only if Applebloom is in character mind you.

ANYWAY CONTINUING ON!  

And if I find this comment deleted....I'll be actually upset rather than bullshittery upset.

Oh and to add to my previous comment.

No reason for Celestia to go into a one line monolog, nor even be here at this time.  Even if this is chapter 1 and you only had chapter 1 at the time.

DON'T SUBMIT UNLESS MAKE SENSE! Ok well now I'm just making up stuff to yell at

UUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH CLICHE WAY TO KEEP HIM IN EQUESTRIA THROUGH LOSS OF ALL FRIENDS AND NOT CARING ABOUT PARENTS! (totally forgot that in chapter 1)

(totally know he didn't lose parents...yet)

Quick shout out to Jesus.

Totally being a prick today I know...I'm sorry.

Well not really.  CONTINUING TO BE PRICK!

>>22944532294453 Okay... why all this criticism. I'm just throwing my best story in there. There are hundreds of writers out there who probably write like me. sooo... who gives a damn.

Ok wow in all this time I was just venting for no reason...

An alicorn. I remember that term from a subject on fantasy in English class.

I'm going to get serious.

Ok Alicorn does not mean a unicorn with pegasus wings.  In fact the main instance this was ever used was in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.  The only other instance this was used was when describing the material of a unicorn horn.  

There is no historical anything that refers to an alicorn to my knowledge, so you couldn't have heard or read it in any class what-so-ever.  In fact if you google it, the first thing you see will be a site made by bronies. (and wiki)

Ok I admit the story's good and I can't fault it for little grammar mistakes.  Most of the stuff I complained about earlier was more me nitpicking at everything.  Although it is cliche when the main character is friendless and lonely.  Frankly I'd give up my hole loving family and friends to be somewhere different.

I mean why not?  Yea family isn't important, nor is friends.  Know why?

Because you can make more friends, and other people grow up without a family and do great things.

>>22944532294453 DUDE you'e so crazy! I could have swore it was all about peace and happiness a minute ago. What happened?????

P.S I was guided here by a thread! My sides are killing me right now!

>>22949442294944 What do ya mean?

Edit: Nevermind, it's just a reply to Bio. Sorry

>>22949532294953 No it's just that I had a tiny back and forth with this about some BS about religion and improving mankind and Buddhism and all that junk and then I see this crap! So weird! Yeah I'm sorry bout what I said before. If this was some sort of review than it could have been done better

ive enjoyed the story so far and i cant wait to see what happens next, keep up the good work.

Finally, one of the rare OCxAJ romance story these are very hard to find.  Most of the ones I see are the "you the reader"xAJ story glad to see you taking this route she doesn't get enough OC love imo.

I've heard of Timber wolves, but this is ridiculous!

....

Where?

"What the... how the hell can these things be made of wood!?" I yelped with serious doubt.

Yelped...is he in pain?

"Shit! Must be more wolves!" I shouted. "I can't let some innocent children die from WOLVES!"

Do you NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF ALL CAPS RAGE?!?!  KK forgivible for...about three seconds.

when wolves is in all caps it's because of screaming in rage.  that's what wall caps is for in a dialog sense.  I'm sure wolves doesn't need anything but the exlaimation point.

Ok as said the last time I commented I was just being a prick.  Now I'm going to point out some things for a while and hope you learn from the things I say.  Oh and fav.

Ok the decision to not go back home was a little premature.  But good chapter nontheless.

I'm beginning to enjoy this.

Wow you actually wrote in a point where the main character is rediscribed.  That's rare these days because people always wrongly assume that once their done explaining what something looks like, you don't need to do it again.  

Thank you for doing that.  I now consider you a really good author.

Not many people pick out important little details that others always miss.

"Well, here we are. Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres." Applejack introduces with pride in her voice. "Barn's just over here, lemme set it up for ya."  Your version.

"Well, here we are.  Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres." Applejack said presenting the orchard with her hoof, and pride in her voice. "Barn's jus' over here, lemme set it up fer yah."

Yea slightly different.  

I use: For to Fer.  You to Yah.  and to an' (situational though).  And other stuff.

Howdy is often used.

But yea you got the drawl down.  Congrats :D

Oh and called it!  (well not previously I don't think)

I knew he'd stay with Applejack right off the bat.

Colors...

I like it.

But the pouting thing Rainbow did was kinda...out of character.

>>23016462301646 What would you suggest?

I have nothing but disappointment for the swindling scene.  Not only was it not praise worthy, but they praised the main character!

They should be saying how horrible the stallion is.

Oh and 500 bits is just obvious...never do it again.

Maybe 12 bits would be better.

...That also escalated quickly

meh kinda boring chap but whatever.  continuing.

>>23174102317410 Boring how?

>>19184151918415

I love you with all my heart

>>19350431935043

I still love you

OK YOUR POLITICAL EVERYTHING IS WRONG!  I could totally do this scene better XD

But yea they asked the wrong questions and got awed at the wrong things.  Specifically firearms.  The loud noise probably would make a small panic near the front of the crowd.  (thus making him look stupid or dangerous).

Anyway I can't blame you for every little thing early on.  Specifically when you and I haven't met yet.

Anyway I'm on this chapter.  Haven't read later chapters.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU'VE DON-know what I expected this.

But hell let's move on.

"Oh, look at the time!" I boost from my seat. "It's getting late, I think you should be getting home right now. Big day of applebucking tomorrow, huh? Hehe." I chuckled nervously.

Applejack should have laughed at him...it's just normal.

As for the pep talk by John...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww

Someother stuff I can't think of right now...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee=

yea stuff.  anyway I've got a better idea of what the future would look like for your characters and story.  So PM me or call me on Skype when you're ready to speak.

>>23235562323556

yes, yes FEED ME LOVE SO I CAN GROW STRONGER!!!

Image: http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/206/235/i%20can%20feel%20the%20power.png

I'd really like to see dirty bullets like the ones in Metro 2033 being made by John.  Surely he doesn't have the necessary equipment to make good military grade bullets.

ami right?

.............

The ending was just drama inducing events...

not like...but fuck it.

New fluttershy inbound.

"Thanks." Bobby replied. "Yer stunts ain't so bad too."

...uncalled for character change...

...

WHY! WHY! WHY! WHY!

actually...this'll be interesting.

"Oh thank you Ike," she squeaked, "I promise I will never sexually assault you again."

Do I really need to say what's wrong with this scene?  Not that she assaulted him but how he forgave her?  and everything similar to forgiveness when I personally would want to see her executed.

Anyway...APPLEJACK SCENE TIME!

Heh, WAAAYY ahead of you.

...kinky

I now expect you to make a noncannon clop scene.

But stopped when I realized how lame that sounded.

Well you made me laugh... Props.

>>23419282341928 Gettin' curious sir.

>>23424902342490 Gah! Curse fimfiction and it's glitchy new notification system, just found out about this reply D:

I started, ate dinner and forgot to continue

And that was a week ago...

Now I shall pick it back up.

And a quick question, is this your first piece of writing?  I do love to watch me some good ol' fashion writer progression from beginning to end.

>>23982962398296 Sadly this is my first story. But the good news is I'm getting better and better each chapter.

>>24000332400033 Sadly?

Firsties don't mean badsies ya know.

>>24005482400548 Thanks