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Scootaloo has always been a fan of Rainbow Dash. But, when a chain of events and Rainbow's new found popularity causes Rainbow Dash to ignore her, even the strongest of wills can crumble. (Cover art and Tainted Scootaloo belong to deviant user Moonveil. I do not own it in anyway shape or form. Link for the pic is here http://moonveil.deviantart.com/art/tainted-scootaloo-282405342 )
I think you could have put a little more into what caused Scootaloo to seek revenge. As it stands, the only inciting factor is that RD yelled at her. Doesn't seem like it would be enough for Scootaloo to seek revenge in the way that (I think) is being implied. All relationships have problems, so the first time that one comes up usually doesn't end up driving people away from each other (unless you're one of those premature idiots who think it's 'love at first sight')
Also, as others have said, you could have drawn out Pinkie's transformation.
Just my thoughts. Other than that great concept; I am looking forward to where this is going. 
I feel the same way just a bit more critical.... she gave her her house 
and she's wanting revenge for her having a big ego and thinking about herself, shes always had a similar mentality to that. The bad part is you didn't even do anything like a prologue to build up a believable relationship with her to warrant this kind of behavior she's never had a close relationship in the show and its only fandom that brought them two together so I'd have to rely on reading a fic that involves those two you'd be better off linking someone else's story to help with that even if it is a single chapter one shot 
, hell even Pinkies character isn't explained enough she evil or something?
Maybe have a prologue that builds upon an abusive relationship with Scootaloo and its only been getting worse over the years or something, while having pinkie in there somewhere that explains her behavior and not having it oh she's the Pinkie from Cupcakes that's why she acts that way.
Now at its core its a good concept, you just need to go into way more detail explain a few things and not try to have it being dark and Scootaloo and Pinkie are randomly evil as its only statement. I don't like Grimdarks... I like Grimdarks that tell a story.
I realize that it could be your intention to just make a shallow Grimdark 
and everything above is just personal opinion 
The pacing here is way too fast. I mean, there's no build up to any of it.
Dash yells at Scootaloo once, then all of a sudden... 'Let's go to Pinkie Pie and ask her how to take revenge on a pony, cuz she's completely insane and really good at that sorta thing.' It just doesn't seem like something that would happen between two ponies that consider each other sisters.
I'm sorry, but it all seems very forced and rather contrived.
"If you were my sister, you wouldn't have yelled at me."
really? I facepalmed. I got no ill intentions, but it's not going in a good direction. You don't have to release Cupcakes Pinkamena to help Scoots get revenge (the original Pinkamena was just bonkers, she wasn't twisted and evil). Triple rainboom sounds a bit off the charts as well.
All in all, you escalate too quickly and jump from event to event, discarding emotional part with one short sentence.
"I'm sorry, you must have mistaken me for somebody else."
I believe it should have said somepony else ^^
Oh, and the your lack of character build up seriously bothered me. Scootaloo is a sweet little thing, and she would never automatically deem her untimate idol as some 'ego-manic that she hates'. 
And, if Scootaloo was the sister she said she was to RD, then she would accecpt the fact that RD was being a bit... Rude. If someone gave me a huge mansion and taught me how to fly, I'd be forever grateful. Sure, I'd be a bit upset that she was being a jerk, but I'd just give her time and stick with my friends.
Also, you need to mention something about Pinkie Pie's insane side. This is comming from someone who's never read Cupcakes, by the way. You need to explain how Scoots knew about Pinkamena, and why she'd ever go to her for advice.
Over all, I liked the story. It has a good plot, but the character build up was really what got me.
Enough of my bad review, though! This is comming from someone who has the writing and critique ability of a dead hedgehog. I think the story has great potential, and it has a great plot!
I'm looking forward to chapter 3, hopefully there will be a bit more explaination there :3
Keep up the good work! 
Erm...while I do like the concept, isn't this story moving a tad fast? I mean, I understand that, yes, Scoots wants revenge, and she wants it NAO! 
, but I found it strangely peculiar that it took little to no effort to learn how to fly and perform complex aerial maneuvers when she could barely fly "in a few days" and easily coax out Pinkamena. The aerial training I can sorta buy...sort of...but the whole thing with Pinkamena just seemed...
There was a line in the story that just...irritated me. It was this one:
"If you were my sister, you wouldn't have yelled at me."
...what? 
Siblings argue and yell at each other all the time. True, while I never had such a sibling, my cousins and I have butt heads with each other so many times its a wonder we can still get along, let alone be in the same room together. However, its because we have a semblance of family love there, we can still persevere.
Which leads me into another point. Is This version of Scootaloo and orphan (like the many other renditions out there)? If so, I can kind of forgive this line, but it still is a bit irritating.
My broken record style of reviewing (coughbitchingcough) aside, this story has a lot potential. Really, you just need to slow it down and focus on development of your characters. Because, realistically, no one can go from "OH-WOE-IS-ME-MY-IDOL-NO-LONGER-LOVES-ME!" 
to "THAT-DOES-IT-I-WILL-HAVE-MY-VENGEANCE!" 
But hey, take my review as the sleep-deprived honest critique or the caffeine-deprived hate message. Its up to you
Let me sum this whole story in 2 pictures:
Ok what the fuck, man? That has to be the weakest motivation ever! Not too mention Rainbow Dash is so OOC here it's not even funny. So what? Rainbow scorns Scootaloo once and then yells at her later a maximum of one time for something she probably wouldn't get riled up over? I'd ay rewrite the chapter and try slowing things down a bit. For Scootaloo to go off the handle to the point she wants to wreck RD's reputation and thus life, she needs to have been subjected to more than just being yelled at. Also RD and Pinkie are pretty badly out of character. Raonbow is pretty much a 2D cardboard cut out with no depth to her. She's basically acting like a bitch for the hell of it which is not very good writing. You need to at least have some reasonable explanation why she'd betray her friend's trust like that. You know, the whole ELEMENT OF LOYALTY thing?
>>1450780 Yeah, no. For a story to work the motivation for the way the characters are acting needs to be established in this story. Not in a prequel as motivation also usually were the readers start trying to identify with the characters. Writing a story with no explanation of why they are acting this way outside of a single small argument is not a good idea at all.
>>1451814 Sleep-deprived honest critiques are the best. Also a "tad fast"? This story is bolting along faster than Rainbow Dash and suffers for it. It's like me writing this:
One day Rainbow Dash flew to Cloudsdale. then Spitfire smacked her in the face with a trout as Mechagodzilla attacked.
you need to answer why RD is flying to Cloudsdale, when and where she meets Spitfire and then go on to show why Spitfire smacks her in the face with a trout and preferably why she has one and then go on to show when and where Mechagodzilla shows up. You need to establish the picture before moving onto the action as it explains why they are doing things. Explaining why in a prequel makes no freaking sense.
Scootaloo felt a grin tug at her lips as she read the article. She tossed it on her couch and headed out to Sugarcube Corner. She entered and found Pinkie by the counter as usual.Ft."How's it going?"
Scootaloo flashed her a grin.
"Nice job out there, you ready for the next step?"
"Sure."
"Okay"
"Eliminate her"
"What!?"
Scootaloo stared at Pinkie for a moment before realizing she was dead serious.
"Um, Pinkie, no offence, but I don't think Rainbow Dash deserves to die. I just wanted to get back at her, not murder her."
"Okey dokey lokey! But if you change your mind you know where to look for me."
"Thanks Pinkie."
For their new Track : Cupcakes!
"Nice job out there, you ready for the next step?"<(LOL!)"Sure."
"Okay"
"Eliminate her"
"What!?"
Scootaloo knew what had to be done, it was time
The first problem with this story is that no reasons are provided for any of the actions taken by the characters. Rainbow Dash comes of as being snooty for absolutely no reason. I know you SAY that she's a Wonderbolt now (which raises the further question of why they chose THIS year to give her the uniform if she's won the best young flier competition ten years in a row), but we don't FEEL that there are really any added pressures on her. Seems like she doesn't even need to be a Wonderbolt, having multiple mansions already and all. Seriously, where did the money for those come from?
Scootaloo wants serious revenge over a single outburst from someone she's been a fan of for at least a decade? Yeah, right. That makes sense. Same thing goes for Pinkie; although it's well established that she loves a good prank, she is absolutely NOT a mean-spirited character.
Furthermore, you have massive problems with run-on sentences. This is something that I would never expect to see in a story up in the feature box. Mods, I am disappointed.
The only thing going through my mind
This story has a lot of potential. It seems that this story is not necessarily the tale of how Scootaloo developed her hatred for RD, but the results of keeping said hatred locked up, and then having it all let out at one time. Also, Pinkie's "transformation" has peaked my interest. Is it some evil force? Is it possibly an alternate personality? Maybe it's the manifestation of the anger she has felt her entire life, but is too nice to show day-to-day. Also, to everyone bitching about the seemingly 2-dimensional relationship between Scoots and RD, and Scoots' seemingly unjustified hatred, the author said that he/she would be writing a sequel at some unidentified point in time, so be patient. Since I'm not one to end on a sour note, great job on the first chapter, good luck on the rest of the story and you just got yourself a new follower.
FIRST BLOOD.
Not knowing the particulars of the Scoot/dash relationship, All I can say is that both are being total jerks. I'm sure there is more to this issue than anypony can see, something that may be covered in the prequel you are planning.
other than that, good job
The Student has become the Master
Er, it's an interesting idea with potential, but the execution's a bit... fast. It takes no time at all for RD to snap, and a stressed-out RD's one line and two seconds is all it takes for Scootaloo to seek revenge on her idol. Then, Pinkamena gets released after no time at all as well, Scoots doesn't seem shocked by her, etc.
It's not entirely a bad story, but it needs work.
>>1453270 Really? Do you not pay the attention to the author notes at all? The author said that he/she will be writing a prequel describing the tension that led up to this magnificent battle. Also, think of it like this: the one constant in Scoots' life, and the reason she lived day-to-day was to please RD. However, RD betrayed her. It devastated Scoots, made her lose all sense, she is an angered Pegasus with nothing to loose, a very dangerous enemy. And like the author said, put your money where your mouth is or shut the fuck up.
>>1453987 Thanks, also:
This story, Princess Luna approves of it. I do believe that congratulations are in order.
...well, reading this...(again, sleep deprived mind you) I have to say this:
I know you're planning a prologue or prequel of sorts...Really, you don't need it. If anything, you can just scatter bits and pieces throughout the story as minor flashbacks, letting the readers slowly piece the picture together. Sure, an exposition chapter would be a nice thing, but only if it doesn't break the flow of the story. When you think about it (having read my past comment [coughbitchingcough]), having a prologue/prequel thingy would cause your pace of the story (which admittedly is still a tad bit fast for me) to stumble for a bit and lose its consistency.
Furthermore...about the chapter length. Now, while I'm sure others will shout for MOAR!!!!!!, I will say otherwise. You write what you want; after all, its you're story. As long as you got across what you felt what needed to get across, you can put your pen down, go down to your local coffee shoppe, grab a latte and call it a day. (...don't mind the last bits, I'm slightly insane when not fully rested). I mean, yes, you could benefit from writing out full epic length chapters, but going with what I said earlier, you lose your flow and consistency (unless, well, it is full of epic Aerial Dogfights with Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash going head to head, guns blazing, laser fire decorating Luna's night and missiles exploding throughout the sky!...and not basic padding for the sake of just adding length)
Now I'm gonna stop here before I annoy someone. 
Good luck and happy writing!
>>1453289 I don't really understand why people get so [insert various terms used for anger] over how a story is written.
The point is, the reader is being told a story, as they want to have something to read. Who cares if it's not up to their standards or not; you're the one who writes the story, and thus, they should read it, and either like or dislike it. But instead, a lot of people like to feel superior by pointing out anyflaw and everyflaw the can, just to either hate, or, as said, feel superior. Now, with constructive criticism? That's helpful, and people often like that
My belief is that, I bring a story here only for people to read and enjoy [or hate, whatever]. I don't care about the status it may have; my main goal is just to publish. And I think that's the way it should be.>>1454793
-_-
Not gonna downvote, but I am gonna stop reading - I don't like darkfics.
So, wait, scoots gets rejected ONCE and decides its a murderin' time? Then she visits PP and goes "hey, can you do pinkamena for me?" "No." "Pleeease?" "Heres a leather jacket and hoof cffs, now you can be emo too."
I'm sorry, I can in fact suspend disbelief to a great degree, but I draw the fucking line at straight stupid.
Downvoted.
>>1454616 Well, look at it this way. If I were to release the prequel first, then other people would just look at it and assume "Just another fan fic about Scoots and RD. Nothing new." But if I were to release this first, then when other people see it, they will instead say "Oh goodie! The prequel to a story I like! Time to see where it all began." Makes sense?
There shalt be no bitching and moaning from me about the things that'll be adressed in a prequel. Pinkamena Promise
Now that that's out of the way, I just wanna say that details are your best friend in tese types of stories my good writer. Go more into whats happening at the moment, like back a chapter with the first showing up of Rainbow, go into any last-minute doubts she may have had and her feeling of actually accomplishing it. Now remember that I do think this story is great with a fantastic premise... but add more reluctance and DETAILS! (You kinda agitate Twilight )
I must agree with the other who have pointed out how quickly this 'fic escalated.
The emotional back-story, especially the "turn-point", was not yet developed fully and doesn't really allow the reader to form much of a bond with Scootaloo. Which leads to her "turning bad" being difficult to totally understand or fully agree with as the lack of bond prevents the reader from "feeling" betrayed by RD to the point where we would agree with revenge. After-all right now RD only gives us, me, the "feeling" of being very stressed and attempting to follow the example of the Wonderbolts -- As RD sees them -- and as such would warrant a much lesser "retribution."
I could say more but I am ridiculously tired, I will read onwards for the sake of reading though.
Edit: I read you were going to do a prequel and some of your other comments to others that have said stuff along the lines of : "too fast, not enough reason, etc., etc."
I can somewhat understand your frustration from receiving so many like comments, but bear in mind that many of them were probably intended to point out the most grievous weakness or fault of the story.
The emotions and ideas of the characters are rather jarring to be honest.
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