All of Equestria is united in celebration for the return of their beloved Princess Nightmare Moon. But when Celestia and everypony else recieve her she's skeletally starved, filthy, and very nearly dead. Meanwhile, while everypony's eye is turned, a lusty Blueblood pursues Twilight Sparkle, intent on adding her bloodline to his own so his family might step closer to godhood. (Alternate Universe, there never was a Princess Luna)
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Comments ( 3,073 )
I'll be watching.... and waiting for your reason why she is not called "Luna".
Guarantee this will be featured.
You have my interest. Now, proceed.
>>1439085 Luna was given the name "Nightmare Moon" by others when she rebelled against Celestia. If Celestia was as vigilant against others bad-mouthing her little sister, then she must have had a different name at one point; if not "Luna" then something else.
Just saying.
Ooh, interesting! I like this so far!
Celestia’s body was always much warmer than the average pony. Being a goddess of the sun tended to make one hotter than average, Twilight supposed.
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That sounds very familiar, Aegis.
-Vivas Noctus!
This...
Has peaked my interest.
Indeed, I shall be tracking this now, as I am much in need of MOAR.
Or shall I say...
Take my moustaches, you are worthy: ![]()
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N-N-N-Never w-was a L-L-Luna?
Well this is interesting idea for a story...
I'll be watching from now on.
ok it was the first chapter it was ok it did not blow me away but i am interested
You have my attention. I'm looking forward to seeing where this one goes. Seems a bit dark, but this should be interesting...
Fluttershy, what should I do with this story?
"You will LOVE IT!" ![]()
Huh. Different. I like this kind of different. Yet another story for me to follow there aegis.
Now this is a take I haven't seen done before. I can't wait for more!
Maybe not. If you take away the bad-dream meaning then 'Nightmare Moon' would be thought of by ponies as 'The Night Mare of the Moon', as in the female horse who rules the night and controls the moon. Considering that the Equestrian word 'Nightmare' for bad dream probably came from Nightmare Moon(canon villian) calling herself that, then if Celestia keeps her sister from becoming a storybook villian then the Equestrian word 'nightmare(bad dream)' would never arise.
Languages are funny like that
This first chapter puts me in mind of this song...
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=H4tyvJJzSDk]
Also this is a version of Celestia I really like, ensuring her sister was represented properly in History books. Also interesting to see Nightmare return in such a weakened state, it's a new approach I haven't read before, besides that one horrible trollfic I read
Still this is a good first chapter that just makes me want to say two words.
Go On...
So the immortal Princess is still vulnerable to things like starvation...... Interesting.
Wouldn't the Luna be before Nightmare Moon? Was Luna originally named Nightmare Moon in this universe?
There was a Celestia though with an alicorn sister associated with the moon. We demand further explanation!
I concur. It doesn't make sense for her name to have been Nightmare Moon. Also, if her atrocities were so great, I doubt Celestia would have left the truth of them untouched, lest they scare ponies.
I expect an alternate rationale for Twilight being Celestia's student, since the canon universe seems to imply that Celestia intended for her to wield the elements of harmony. I'm guessing the elements don't exist here. If sending her away was uncontrolled magic, why would Celestia let Twilight be near the returning magic it, much less than any other pony?
Anyway, I must congratulate on what appears to be yet another story with a unique take on things. ![]()
Here's the only thing I got:
The raised dais began to hum like a tuning fork, every dark crack and rune and marking one it turning a glowing white.
I would guess you meant "on".
This is a very intriguing story. I don't know why I never thought about the whole "thousand years on the moon with no food or water" thing before. They kind of conveniently ignore that in the show.
This comment shall be full of both useless comments and [hopefully] helpful suggestions. READ 'EM ALL!
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The purple unicorn mare put on her reading glasses, poor nearsighted thingWouldn't she be far-sighted if she had to use reading glasses?
Oh, and shouldn't Nightmare Moon be "Night-Mare Moon" in this case, if she's not to be seen as a monster?
Adorable or Adorkable? Idk. 'Adorkable' used right is almost always win.
every dark crack and rune and marking one it turning a glowing white.
and sterile white eyes homed in one the rune-covered dais.on* in both cases
“Nightmare!” Celestia shrieked, aghast and fear in her eyes.How about just "Sister!"?
while others made a fast and thick litter to bear away the battered Princess on.What? It makes sense, but I had to think about it.
She looked up at the purple mare with dull green, serpentine eyes.You can safely remove the comma here. Dull can describe both.
This is a very intriguing concept. I can't wait to see where you go with this.
Buck yes! I'm putting off reading some Australian shenanigans to read this.
Other than creepy Blueblood, I'm really liking this. STAY AWAY from Twilight you creep!
i want to get past the physical trauma and move onto the mental trauma already. Nightmare was alone on the moon for One Thousand Years. think about how damaging that would have to be.
No Luna? Thats means our princess of the night is going full-on badflank! I'm liking this!![]()
>>1440885 People ignore Celestia's actual reasoning for contracting Twilight far, far too often. Here's a quote from Cutie Mark Chronicles:
"You have a very special gift. I don't think I've ever come across a unicorn with your raw abilities. But you need to learn to tame these abilities through focused study."
Tame these abilities through focused study. Clearly Twilight would be a menace to society if she went around uncontrollably turning the population into potted plants. Celestia, being the only living being with experience handling that much power, has to help Twilight to handle her magical energies.
That's all there is to it. The part with the Elements may have been part of the plan from the beginning, or maybe not. Either way, Celestia chose her to train her in magic.
Will this story end once Nightmare Moon is physically okay again or will it traverse into further talking and communication between her and Celestia?
Something that intrigued me was with Nightmare in such bad shape will anyone come out against Celestia for doing this to her sister?
How long was she like this? It must have been quite a while, erring on more than a century. Celestia kept her from being villainized but ponies are going to start thinking who the real villain is. By all accounts she held her sister in beyond squalid conditions are knee this before hand. She chose the place of her banishment and chose there. Would it not have been more humane to turn her to stone for a thousand years or simply as disdainful as it is, Kill her?
-Sturrn
I'm liking this a lot!![]()
One thing, though. I'd ditch the whole "Thank Faust above," thing in the future. It's really jarring in such a serious story.
>>1444374 I have to disagree there, but only because I've long ago adjusted my headcanon that they, by ancient knowledge or coincidental whimsy, do call the higher power Faust. Don't forget, it's not just the last name of the show's creator, but also the name of a very famous protagonist of a German novel.
Aegis, you've done it again. Very interesting and well-written, and I'm loving how the characters have changed as a result of the differences in the past. There's a hundred tiny, subtle changes you've tossed in there that I feel really sync up with this universe. Definitely going to be keeping an eye on this one.
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
Well done. You have my attention. Please, take a like, fave, and a stache. ![]()
This story is quite interesting. I really like the concept and the execution so far. I have to ask how will the others of the main six play a role in this story Twilight wasn't sent away so she never met them. I'm looking for to seeing how that works. I also can't wait to see more situation between Twilight and Blueblood. Well until next time.
My only complaint is you can get kind of repetitive with the diction, like describing Celestia as "motherly." I suspect it might be a case of getting a little too wordy.
Well... I'm not sure what is a bigger twist, Celestia's sister coming back like a concentration camp victim or that Luna never existed and was always Nightmare Moon. I honestly don't know what to think about that last bit, so I have to ask why did you decide to have Nightmare Moon without Luna?
wearing reading glasses does not make one nearsighted, it makes them FARsighted. I'm nearsighted myself, so i use glasses for distance.
Very true. However, given the subject matter, it's impossible to remove the connotations from the word. You may WANT people to think of it as a clever nod to ancient mythology, but damn near everyone is going to make the Lauren Faust connection. Safer to just dump it and make up some headcannon.
Though I do mos heartily agree that Aegis has done it again! ![]()
For>>1439224 and all the repliers of>>1444158, Luna acts like a general, so she could be associated with war, death and the night so the Nightmare name would stick from the Discord Age, with Tia' being peace, life and the day, making Luna the vengeful Old Testament god and Tia' being nice Jesus/New Testament god.
For you,>>1444312, in this, luna was always NMM in name.
It's a very interesting concept and storyline, but it requires a lot of improvement. The most obvious one is how unnecessarily wordy it is. There are too many adverbs and adjectives, and some sentences shouldn't be there in the first place (i.e. ones that exist solely to explain the motives behind something a character says or does. This is not needed; readers can figure it out for themselves). The chatter of the doctors doesn't need to be written out in detail either; I found that jarring in the pace of the story. I also take issue with how casual the narration is. It doesn't fit with the overall tone of the story.
One last thing, I felt that Celestia was perhaps being a little TOO intimate with Nightmare Moon by nibbling her ear; then again, I'm no expert in equine displays of affection. Other than that, I look forward to seeing more.
A friendly point of advice:
"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."
-Antoine de Saint-Exuper
I like your Twily. She is Adorkable down to her bones ![]()
I also kinda like the take on Blueblood. He is not evil or anything truly bad. He is just a pampered ass of a noble. He has the hots for Twilight so if nothing else it proves he as ... good taste? ![]()
on another note... will the rest of the main 6 show up? Even if Twilight went to Ponyville to supervise the Summer Sun Celebration there was no adventure to cement her friendship with the others (no actual need for the rest of the 6).
lastly ... Where is Spike? I am already missing Twilight's scaly little bro ![]()
Zis is very good..
... Yes. Because there aren't enough fics where Blueblood has a crush on Twilight. (Or, in this instance, just plain, stupid lust.) Of course, I prefer the whole 'him being a bitch to Rares to get her disinterested because he likes Twi' route more, but I'm fine with him being a jackass too. XD Looking forward to more!
I hope she in fact had no control over what the Elements did to NMM. That would be monstrous in the extreme! I cant wait to see which way Aegis Shield goes on this.
I was amazed to find Fanon on Canterlot.com matching what I picked up reading between the lines on multiple watchings of each episode involving the Elements or Luna.
to wit; The Elements take the most fitting course in restoring Harmony. Discord treated everyone as his toys, mere objects as helpless as statues. he became one. NMM wants night eternal? You got it.. on the Moooon!
The fanon there continues that It took both sisters, in Harmony, to control the Elements. When 'Tia had to fire them up anyway or die, she took the chance. Alone, she had little to no control over what they did to Luna, losing control over the Elements forever in the process.
Now to see what the intreped author came up with for his headcanon for this AU... *bounces on his hooves*
Huh. Didn't get an update email when this updated. Removal/re-addition to favorites fixed it. Now, this chapter i like. It shows the damage, for lack of a better term, that Nightmare sustained over those thousand years. And it also shows Celly's devotion to making up with her after her return. I imagine quite a bit of damage, again for lack of a better term, was sustained during re-entry into the earth's atmosphere.
Good job again Aegis. This chapter actually made me feel for Nightmare. It's rare that a 'villain' can be turned good guy in my eyes, and this story is doing exactly that. I know that she's not meant to be a villain in this Alternate Universe story, at least not yet if there's any indication. I'm not sure what else to say, except... Get well soon, Nightmare Moon. (Unintentional rhyming there. Still keeping it.)
Honestly, I don't think you can do any wrong when you write.
This is a really good concept and I can't wait to see where it goes.
Another excellent story! I am liking the new head cannon you have going. There is something I was wondering about: considering Equestria's rather spastic tech levels, do you think they have come up with the nutrient bath? They're those tanks you see in fiction every now and then, supposed to be filled with a variety of different nutrients and healing agents designed to be absorbed through the skin. Just wondering.
Interesting concept; well written so far, and Nightmare Moon in the spotlight? This story's future is looking so bright, I need to wear shades. ![]()
*crickets*
But seriously, this is good, and I'm looking forward to the next update! ![]()
The two things that clashed with the narrative for me were the occasional use of adult language, and the change to Nightmare from Luna. One can easily be justified, either through author's fiat or by an in-story reason. The other, in my opinion, doesn't fit the story or tone at all.
Liking it so far. Also it's rather interesting to have a universe where NMM isn't just a corrupted form of Luna.
This looks like it could be interesting, and so far its written well. I just hope you are not going to add any tags at a later time.
>>1444831 I would have to disagree on a single thing. Discord's delight was in chaos and constant change. So the Elements turned him into an unchanging statue. But that's the opposite of what it seems they had done with NMM, in which case it was an ironic punishment giving her a twisted version of what she wanted. If it were the same mode, Discord would have been completely dispersed into a chaotic mishmash of particles and energy scattered across the cosmos (turning him into a pure representation of chaos), OR NMM would have been banished into the Sun (into eternal daylight, opposite of her desire).
Of course, then there would have been no need for "The Return of Harmony" episodes. ![]()
I rather think that the Elements do exactly what the writers decide they're going to do in each episode. ![]()
I am interested in seeing in how many ways NMM differs from Luna. I doubt it's just in appearance, otherwise why call her Nightmare Moon.
Heh. Creeper Blueblood.
>>1439668 Reminds me of the dark humor of this joke: If only Cass Elliot had shared that last sandwich with Karen Carpenter, they'd both be with us today!
(One of the most deliciously evil jokes, so cruel and heartless in its perfection... I suspect Discord was the one who thought of it.)
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>>1445436 Actually... the blueblood in the show is just a spoiled princess in a man's body. Think about it. He expected the door to be opened for him, Rarity to lay her cape down for puddle-crossing... he's supposed to be poking fun as a gender-switch, for how silly it looks.
>>1444634 Horses tend to nibble, nuzzle, and go for the upper chest area when being affectionate, as far as my research tells me.
>>1444312 No, no it doesn't. But if there never was a Luna, then Nightmare Moon really is Celestia's polar-opposite. Loud, powerful, demanding, and terrifying to a degree. If there was never a peaceful princess of the night, she would balance out Celestia. Just wait until she's up and about, you'll see the differences that make it AU.
Was a good read. I'm going to go blow up that gas station several more times now.
Contracting Twilight? I think I missed something, what were you getting at. I disagree, that doesn't like a valid reason to take a personal student. If Twilight was that way out powerful, nothing would make any sense. The academy is there for talented individuals.
I'm not sure Celestia was expecting anything of the sort, and it's not clear what exactly Nightmare Moon's crimes were in this universe. It sounded like Celestia was shocked, as though she honestly expected her sister to return more or less the same and intact. I'd like to hear more about the history there. I would think from her statement about the effects of eternal night that maybe she'd been successful for a while and then had to see the results top down from the moon.
Please don't try and compare things to religion. In any case you clearly don't read the bible if you consider the two to be different.
exelent as always aegis.![]()
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why ist there a princess luna face,head,thingy WHY
I find Luna's absence interesting. In my story,Luna was NMM. Here, NMM is Luna.
Good opening scene, let it be an example to anyone who wishes to start their story with an interesting and enticing event!
Nice concept, hope you have a good plan for it though.
Also, got this scene stuck in my head where a still bed ridden Nightmare Moon offers to teach Twilight how to throw lightning bolts as a solution to her Blueblood problem.







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