Eating
A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my hero, HoovesLikeJagger. I loved “Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut” so muuuch!
The Return of Princess Nightmare Moon
Part 7: Eating
Blueblood mixed his concoction fiercely, turning the batter over and over with a levitating whisk. Grumbling, he rolled his eyes and took the whisk into his hoof instead. It was much better to do it by hoof instead of with magic. A bit of the batter splashed up onto his coat, but he hardly cared. The kitchen was a place that a Prince like he could be fierce and passionate, like a piano player or a fencer. And while he did horn fence, his heart was hardly in it most of the time. But baking, ah, baking was an art form he could get behind. Besides, he was a big stallion and he liked to feed himself, thank you very much. He had servants in and around his royal apartments, but now and then he threw all of their flanks out of the eatery and took it over. This evening was one such time. It wasn’t as though the royal kitchens were needed twenty-four seven.
It wasn’t fluffy enough, it needed more air to keep it like. Thick batter wasn’t good enough. Sneaking just a little bit of water into it, he continued to mix and froth the giant bowls contents until it was nice and light. The blonde-maned stallion became aware of a presence nearby. “Yes, Tombs?” he said in a tired way, slowing his mixing so he could hear.
The grey-furred butler bowed deeply. “Sire, just coming to check on you. It’s always so odd to see you putting on a chef’s hat and well… all this.” The mustached stallion with a mixing canister on his flank said. Tombs’ special talent was mixing drinks, but it certainly came up in his job as a butler now and then.
“It takes my mind off things.” He turned and very gently poured the fluffy batter into the proper pan. Cocking his head, he pulled an oven open slightly to check it was pre-heated.
“The usual rounds of charity calls,” Tombs held up a silver platter with a stack of mail on it. “A few bills, invitations to a local country club, and seven invites to the Grand Galloping Gala next week.”
“Oh good Faust, unsolicited Gala invites again this year?” Blueblood rolled his eyes. “Throw those things out, Tombs, we talked about this.” He tossed his mane haughtily, though he didn’t look very Princely with a smudge of flour on his face. Getting a flat tool, he began to coax his batter to smooth very, very gently. Squinting at it seriously, he grabbed a pin and popped a pesky bubble that was rising in it. “Send the bills to the secretaries as per usual, and throw away the country club garbage as well. I’m already in horn fencing and debate clubs.” He opened the oven all the way and lit his horn. Carefully, he levitated his creation to the center shelf of the oven. Closing it, he let out a long whewww, and flopped onto a stool.
Tombs tossed what needed to be tossed into a nearby waste bin, twisting his mustache a bit. “Quite.” He said with a dutiful nod. “And the, ah, charity calls?”
“The usual anonymous donations. Education-centered charities only.” Blueblood said, washing his hooves in a sink and then getting his saddlebag from under the counter. “Four figures, divided equally among the ones in the stack there that meet that requirement.” He pulled out a notebook, pencils, and a stack of books.
“If I may, sire, why not donate to a hospital now and then, or something similiar?” Tombs ventured gently, going through and finding three envelopes in the stack that the Prince had deemed worthy.
“Hospitals always need money to buy the shiniest new machines, Tombs. Or to build another wing, or to pay their surgeons just a bit more.” Blueblood said, flicking his gaze at his servant with a stern frown. “I could give them every bit I had and they would only want more.” His butler stared at him for his rather blunt reasoning. True though it was, it did sound a little… gruff? “A foal, however,” Blueblood peered down to check on his creation in the oven window, “Needs only a good start, and he can provide for himself for a lifetime. A free education is worth more than the couple of thousand bits I throw in to make it happen.”
“…perhaps that’s something to tell Twilight Sparkle?” Tombs said quietly. He’d heard of the Prince’s latest ventures, word travelled fast in the castle. “That you donate such charities with your monies?”
“No!” he said angrily, rising. “You go too far! Away with you!” he snapped, pointing. Tombs wilted back, stuttering an apology and excusing himself. When the door closed, Blueblood sank back into his stool with a growl. One did not donate to charity merely to brag to others about it. That defeated the purpose. Since he was old enough to control his own royal coffers, he’d given every year to educationally-based charities. Though, always anonymously. If word ever got out he was throwing money at foals by the hoof-full, he would never hear the end of it. They would come in droves asking for a hand-out, without end. He’d be broke in mere weeks. Grumbling about his butler’s intrusive foolery, he returned to his studies. With his cake-to-be in the oven, he would have a long while to read and formulate his latest strategy to impress Twilight Sparkle.
Using the counter to open a semi-circle of books, the Prince flipped open his latest selections from the Canterlot Library. It was quite a spread, perhaps a bit more appropriate than the last set:
What Mares Want by T.A.W.
Impressin’ Your Mare With Your Sweet Dancin’ Style by Jagger Hooves
The Right Time for the Right Compliment by Sweet Talker
Romancing the Modern Mare by Match Maker
Proper Etiquette for the Proper Stallion by Noble Cause
Going to the etiquette book and flipping a few pages, he furrowed his brow and mumbled the words quietly. His pencil occasionally lifted by magic and scribbled. Blueblood checked his cake now and then, very protective that it didn’t burn. Turning to the Modern Mare book, he read aloud, “The modern mare considers herself complete equal to her stallion, if not higher. Herd mentality dictates that the alpha mare was in charge, and a stallion must understand that there are times to be in charge, and times to bow down to the fairer sex.” He stroked his chin a little as he said this. “Hm.” Touching the page with his hoof, he continued. “It is a stallion’s duty to understand that a mare is capable, but also be able to back her up if there is something she cannot do alone. A supportive role without taking over the situation is key, to when the heart of the one you want is at stake. Let her understand you wish to be near, but not crowd her. Offer help, do not force it on her.”
The Prince frowned over the article, unsure about it. In other words, the mares wore the pants? Pfft, that was just a little bit silly, wasn’t it? After all, he was in charge of his own household! …then again, Equestria was run by two immortal god-Princesses. Female rulers. He sat back a moment, tapping his pencil, and then went over to What Mares Want. Running his hoof through his mane a few times, he chanced a glance at his saddlebag. Another book waited for him there, and it was full of his family lineage. His ancestors expected him to find a powerful mare to bring into the fam—he flipped the bag closed. Weary of the thought for a few moments, he concentrated all the harder as the author called ‘T.A.W.’ told him about the ins and outs of gift-giving for mares a stallion wanted. He was over an hour into that book when a loud, bossy voice started to assault his ears.
“—care NOT if this kitchen is closed, we shalt find food in it regardless!” It was female. Powerful, and female. Blueblood felt his blood run cold. He stood so hard from his stool it tumped over. He looked around quickly, eyes wide in panick. He flipped books closed with loud snaps. “One side, servant!” the voice was getting closer. He gathered his pencils as fast as he could, stuffing them away. There was a clatter in the next room over, and some squeaky stuttering from somepony else. “Out of our way! We smell something cooking in here! Lies hath been told, that this kitchen is shut down for now!”
Blueblood whipped around, looking at the cake in the oven window. It was nearly, if not already done, and was filling the place with its pleasant smell. Oh gods! Oh Faust! What was he gonna do?! Jamming the books hard into his saddlebag, he let out a mare’s squeak when the door began to swing open. He dove under the counter, saddlebag clutched to his breast.
“Ah-HAH!” it was Nightmare Moon’s massive hooves that went past Blueblood as he hid there. A stallion was with her, one Blueblood didn’t recognize. “Come Bandaid, let us see what is being so secretly made here,” she opened the oven. “Cake!” the Princess said, flipping the door open all the way. “The best kind of baking!” she levitated it out, putting it on top of the oven and snapping the lid closed.
“Princess, that’s not your cake.” said the stallion boldly. “You wouldn’t steal it, would you?” he said, going to stand beside her. Prince Blueblood saw a bandaid on his flank. A medical pony? But, the bandaid had a bandaid on it, covering some minor wound on his flank. It was cutiemark-ception on his butt, the Prince pondered despite how terrified he was.
“Hyn, it is not iced yet. And the chef is absent. It would have burned.” Nightmare Moon said snootily. “Besides, we art not eating it. Merely… admiring.” The hiding Prince saw her lean, heard the deep intake of air. “Mhhhh.” She said happily. “The missing chef must be talented. We’ve not seen such smooth cake in ages!”
“I wonder where he or she went?” Bandaid said, looking around. “It’s not like a chef to just leave something in the oven and go somewhere else. I was hoping we could find a cook to make a snack for you.”
“His loss for negligence of his confection!” Nightmare Moon decided. “I shalt find a knife, and sample his unfinished work regardless!” she licked her fangs a bit, her ancient sweet tooth turning on despite the lack of icing on the cake. She peered about the room, but before she could step towards a set of drawers, her gaze fell on the counter in front of her. “Huhm?” there was a notebook there, flipped open to a page full of scribblings. “What’s this?” she said with interest. Under the counter, Blueblood was chewing his hooves and shaking like a leaf. If she found him she’d choke-a-stallion again! He just knew it!
“I bet it’s the cook’s notes.” Bandaid said, searching a series of drawers on the other side of the room. He couldn’t seem to find the cutlery. If his Princess was going to steal cake, the least he could do was make sure she wasn’t just going to stick her hooves in it.
Nightmare Moon flipped through it. “The modern mare desires…” she mumbled through a few things. “Etiquette and design…?” she frowned. Then, her eyes flicked to the bottom. “Twilight Sparkle and Prince Blueblood?!” she saw a big intricate heart drawn at the bottom surrounded by smaller hearts and little doodles. “What is this drivel?!” she threw it back to the counter. “That stallion cannot see past his own lust, how dare he pursue that delicate creature?!” she flipped a few pages, frowning as her eyes raced back and forth.
Blueblood wanted to die. He’d left his notebook out. He was so dead. She was going to track him down and hang him by the neck with her black magic, he just knew it. She knew that he’d been going after a mare before, now she knew who it was. He was so, so dead. Sweating and shaking and pulling at his collar a bit, he tried to stay as quiet as possible as the black alicorn went on through the notes.
“Gift ideas, meeting places, habits and likes— he is researching her, the sick whelp!” Nightmare said with disgust, slamming the notebook closed and throwing it to the floor-- right in front of Blueblood who kept getting paler and paler. “This shalt not stand! Hoofservant!” she turned, her wings snapping open angrily. “Forget yon cake! I have a grown stallion to gobble!” Anger fueling her power, she kicked the door down and stomped on the splinters as she left. Her jowls were up, her fangs exposed, raw spittle dripping from her mouth. “Hyssssss!” Nightmare Moon sent servants fleeing in terror at the icy aura her body emanated. Mares fainted, stallions fled, knocking things down as they went.
Nurse Bandaid stampeded after her, his face flushed with worry. “P-Princess! Please! Calm down! Remember, you’re not supposed to strain yourself and--!” the voice had faded with distance.
Blueblood slowwwwwly peeked out of his hiding spot. Shaking and trying not to pee himself, he quickly snatched up his notebook and stuffed it away. Maybe if he went out a side door, through a mud-room, he could get away. Pushing his golden mane out of his eyes, he abandoned his cake and all the rest as he slunk forward. Holding his breath, he peered out into the hallway. The coast was seemingly clear. Cantering slowly out and looking back and forth, he perked his ears for any sign of his doom. He couldn’t hear anything—until a black shadow cast itself over him.
“A chef does not wander far from his creation when he does wander, we know.” The dark, icy voice sent goosebumps up his spine. Blueblood froze in place, then gulped, slowwwly turning his head to look back at her. Standing in the shadow of a column, fangs out, was the Princess of the Night and her nurse. His mouth slowly gaped open, his pupils shrinking into dots as she started forward with authority. He was not foolish enough to stand still for her, and bolted.
=-----=-----=-----=-----=
“Twilight! Twilight! Please, let me in!” Twilight jolted from her studies when a thundering of hooves screeched to a halt in front of her apartment and started desperately banging on her door. She frowned, brow lowering. She knew that voice. “Twilight! Twilight are you home?! Please hurry!” The purple mare’s apartment was closer than his own, and closer than Princess Celestia’s throne room. If he was going to hide, this was probably the best place. “Twiliiii—oof?!” he fell forward at her hooves when she opened the door.
“Prince Blueblood? What’s the matter?” Twilight frowned down at him as he scampered forward and into the room and past her undercarriage. “Hey!” she said angrily at his invasion. (Normally Spike would've had fangs in his backside right then, but the dragon was out on errands.) His saddlebag spilled to one side sending pencils, notes, and books everywhere.
Blueblood was on his hooves and took Twilight violently by the shoulders. “SHE’S GONNA EAT ME!” his voice crackled with some distant ghost of the Royal Canterlot Voice (Celestia’s blood, after all). Not as powerful, but certainly very loud. He slammed his hooves over his mouth, eyes in a panic, and shut the door quickly behind him. “Twilight, you must hide me! She’ll stop at nothing! She said she would gobble me up!”
“What?! Who?!” Twilight demanded, looking shocked.
“Nightmare Moon! Princess Nightmare Moon!” He said, shaking her violently until her head lolled about. “You’ve got to help me! You’ve got to hide me until she gives up searching!”
Twilight steeled herself and shoved him away. “Get ahold of yourself!” she bopped him over the head, but the Prince was inconsolable. She’d never seen him so frazzled, so panicked, so off his hinges before. Where was the regal, upright and snobby Prince? What was this shaking colt of terror?
“I c-can’t! She’s looking for me right now! She said she was going to eat me!” he seized her shoulders again. “You’ve seen her fangs, she’ll do it!”
“She’s not a cannibal, Blueblood!” Twilight said, shaking out of his hooves again. “What’s gotten into you?!” She watched the stallion fling himself across the room and shove his head under a series of sitting pillows. With his royal backside sticking out, it didn’t make a very good hiding spot. Fleeing that, he went to a bookshelf and tried to fit behind it, but it was no good. The purple mare stood stunned when he had the gall to shove himself under her bed, pull the sheets down to hide the space, and stayed there. “Hey! Come out of there!” she ran over to the bed, pulling the sheet up. “This is my bed! Get out of there!”
“Neigh! I—!”
“The scent of fear and piss stops here, hoofservant!” Nightmare Moon’s voice was suddenly outside Twilight’s door. Twilight whipped around, shocked.
“Please, Twilight, don’t let her get me!” He whispered, backing into shadow and out of sight.
“I—uhm--!” the Princess sounded angry to Twilight, and she was at an indecision. If she really was the polar opposite of Celestia, and a meat-eater, would she really… no, no that was ridiculous. Twilight refused to believe it. Maybe she could just tell her Blueblood wasn’t there, and later when they met she would be calmer? She didn’t like the idea of lying to royalty, but… hrm…
“The dwelling of Twilight Sparkle.” said the voice on the other side of the door. Bang-bang-bang, went a heavy hoof. “Twilight Sparkle! Emerge! We command thee!” Nightmare Moon demanded. Gulping, Twilight went and answered the door. “Ah! Thank goodness we find thee unmolested.” She nodded, shouldering her way into the room with a rather flustered looking stallion. Wasn’t that the nurse from the clinic. “We know he is in here, one moment.” She tilted her nose up, sniffing like a dog.
“P-princess, wh-whatever you’re angry about, surely you can just talk about it?” Twilight tried, smiling nervously as the alicorn paced about the room. She checked the pile of sitting pillows, then behind the bookcase. She really could smell fear, couldn’t she? She trailed Blueblood all around the room like the path had been laid with orange road cones. “I mean uh, whatever he’s done, I’m sure you can work it out!” she wilted back when Nightmare fixed her with a boiling gaze.
“Thou shalt thank me later, Twilight Sparkle. Our sister too.” Nightmare said. “Hoofservant! Block the exit. If the whelp flees, I wish not to chase him more.”
Blueblood cowered under the bed, wishing so very hard he’d paid more attention in teleporting class. If he could teleport, he would’ve been long gone already. But noooo, it was extra horn-fencing lessons for him, why would a Prince ever need to teleport anywhere? Well apparently when a dark, hungry goddess was hunting him down! He watched her hooves stop at the bedside, and he froze. Holding his breath, he waited.
“Princess, what do you intend to do with him?!” Twilight said a little more shrilly, cantering close as the alicorn squatted. She saw her see him. Saw her jowls rise to show him her fangs. She heard the mare-ish shriek of terror as he was hauled out into the open.
What she didn’t expect, though, was to see the black alicorn’s horn hum to life. It arc’d with black sparks, crackled, and tickled her ears like a tuning fork. The magical ‘scent’ was a little overpowering. Rain pregnant wind. Blood. Perfume. Dust. It was unlike anything Twilight had ever sensed before, and she was briefly stunned. There was visible effort on the Princess’ face as she reared up. “Lust after my sister’s protégé wilt thou?!” she demanded shrilly. “The solar herd would be ashamed! Face oblivion!” She flung the shrieking Blueblood on his back onto the bed, and zapped him with a terrible arc of dark magic. He writhed and cried out, possessed by it. Outlined in terrible purples and blacks, he felt his clothes unravel into nothing and his golden regalia burst into yellow dust. Naked, he levitated into the air and began to shrink. Shrinking down to a size even smaller than a newborn colt but keeping his adult proportions, he was almost lost on the bedspread. What was this mad magic?!
Twilight stood stunned in terror, unable to move for no reason at all. Nurse Bandaid started forward, his mouth opening to plead withi his Princess to stop this madness. Seeing him, she snapped out of it. “Princess no! Stop!”
Unheeding, Nightmare Moon seized the tiny Prince Blueblood in one hoof and brought him to her fang filled mouth. He flailed and screamed in a tiny voice as fangs rushed forward to meet him. The forked tongue came forth, wrapping around his middle. “No! No! No! Nooooo---!” Then, she gobbled him up and the stallion was no more. The purple mare jolted to a halt as Nightmare’s forked tongue ran over her lips and she swallowed. Twilight’s jaw dropped in icy, disbelieving horror. Blueblood hadn’t been lying!
“Thy virtue is safe, Twilight Sparkle. Worry not.” She told the paling mare proudly, rubbing her belly a bit. My, he’d been filling. Solar ponies were usually so light and airy. Must’ve been his diluted blood. Thankfully she hadn’t chewed, so she’d not gotten any on her fangs or in her mouth.
Twilight screamed bloody bucking murder!
End of Part 7
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1559087 Thank you! Have another chapter. *posts*
There aren't words for how hard I'm laughing right now
You know, I *was* just kidding with my previous comment....
What.
“The scent of fear and piss stops here, hoofservant!”
i.qkme.me/35425o.jpg
It's about damn time someone taught him a lesson. The extreme just made it funny.
I almost felt for the lad. Then he got eaten and I felt a mixture of amusement and astonishment in equal parts.
THE MENACE HAS BEEN VANQUISHED!!!! HUZZAH!!!!!!!!!
OMG.
The first part made me think, "Awww, maybe he does have a chance at her. He's not so bad. "
The second part, " Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
...well...that was uh...
unexpected.
Surprisingly dark twist.
Holy Christ in the cradle! He was a bit of a creep but this was going a little far, Nightmare!
Wow... Don't know what to say but damn.
Is it just me or did Blueblood actually seem like a decent guy in this story.
1559229
Lawful Evil at its best.
I almost felt for the lad. Then he got eaten and I felt a mixture of amusement and astonishment in equal parts.
This whole chapter just ended with me going "HOH SHIT" XD
1559241 reread it and you'll see he was just doing this so he could have a child with Twilight so the next generation would be more powerful. Perhaps if this had continued for long enough he might have changed, but I doubt it.
well not even a year back and NM has already commited murder...
This story is about to get weird, isn't it?
im not quite sure what to say.
Agaqin, a hilarious chapter.
1559261 Uh... he kinda had a good side to him as well.. At least that's what I got... but srsly... Overkill NmN
The ending, just wow...
<(Nope)
.
Deus Ex-Machina?
And I have a question : Why and how/when do you guys use the word/term "etiquette" in English Literature? Because, In French, "etiquette" means like Ticket or Coupon , etc... I'm so used to speak French now =.='
I'm French, But My 1st language was English...I spent my half-life in the U.S and the other(Actually) in Montreal, Qc, Canada and I've learnt to speak French more than English, So I'm VERY confused dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_unsuresweetie_flip.png
So Nightmare Moon literally ate Prince Blueblood?
i.imgur.com/tJ8dP.gif
You killed one of the few non nonce Bluebloods! You bastard! - Kyle
"SHE'S GONNA EAT ME" LOL is that a lion king reference I see there? XD
Well, looks like it's back to the Moon for the Princess
Wait.. How could she gobble a full-grown stallion up without quartering..?
Ok. If Pinkie Pie can gobble a huge cake with one bite.
Why not Princess Nightmare Moon?
It's a magical land.. After all.
--> Oops, sorry
I forget the line
It's magic! I love the masterpiece!
1559321 Ettiquite = the "proper" way to do things as seen by an upright society. Things like good table manners, how to act when taking tea with someone of MUCH higher station, as well as how business deals are conducted. That sort of thing.
1559329 Good eye.
Oh dear. Poor Blueblood. I am not gonna that was kind of funny, popping him like a pill, but that's not gonna be fun for him. At least she didn't chew. He is gonna remember this one.
Since Twilight still lives in Canterlot, does that mean she never met her friends in this universe? I can't remember if that had been clarified before or not.
Wat?
1559336 She shrank him, as was described. Reeeeeead.
1559261 I don't know, from what I can tell he's actually falling for Twilight; but that might just be me reading it wrong
All my
You know, I think I actually kinda like Blueblood in this story....
I was surprised when this wasn't tips on how to get in a mare's bed.
She didn't chew...
Maybe he's not dead just yet.
1559350 25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmjm4nI9OF1qkibivo1_400.jpg
1559342
Thx!
And Also, you wrote "Ettiquite" instead dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Pinkie_loool.png <(LOL!)
1559351
Thank you. I was stunned and forget to read that line.
1559229 Well. Not sleeping tonight ...
1559361
fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/071/1/f/one_wat__by_haute_claire-d4sj4f1.png
Five bucks says Celestia makes Nightmare spit him back up... dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png
I'm... flabergasted... is that a word? Well, it is now...
I don't know wtf...
I twas funny, no doubt, but...
Blueblood wasn't so bad, I mean, he liked baking and donated to charities for good reasons. He was even coming around with Twilight. Maybe for somewhat less than noble reasons initially, but I think he was indeed besotted with her. Now... he's a crouton... I'm just...
Need...more. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_cake.png
Awwww so Blueblood has a heart
I can't believe you actually made me feel sorry for Blueblood
Also, "What Mares Want by T.A.W."
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/20760504.jpg
She ate Blueblood... Best. Princess. EVER! /)º3º(\
Am I the only person who feels at all bad the blueblood got eaten?
He was at least trying to be nice.