Who Ya Gonna Call?
“So… are we going to have a cold open with Blueblood again?” Tydal asked as the group trotted along the country lane.
“Nah,” Luna said, taking a moment to pluck a flower that was growing along the side of the road. She nibbled on it as they continued along their way. “We need to try and not do the same cold open scene twice in a row.”
“What about that thing with Fluttershy?” Shining offered.
“Maybe next time,” Luna stated.
Cadence bounced along beside her aunts. “We could do my idea!”
Luna scowled. “We are not doing a cold opening about us having an orgy that turns us into strange two-legged creatures with hands.” Cadence pouted at that, though she did continue to hop about. “Besides, I already came up with the perfect cold opening.”
Celestia pursed her lips. “This is the cold opening, isn’t it? Us being meta and talking about the cold opening.”
Luna nodded her head happily and the others groaned in annoyance.
“What?” The lunar goddess asked.
“Why do we have to be meta? It’s annoying and 90% of the fans don’t even get it!” Shining complained. “Do you want our ratings to go into the toilet?”
Luna shook her head. “I am the star of this story and I say we do a meta cold opening.” The night goddess cleared her throat. “Ahem… I want a TVtropes page!” Luna stomped her hoof as she began to whine. “It’s not fair! Every other story gets a TVtropes page! My daughter got one for asking about Scootaloo and now I WANT ONE! I WANT IT NOW!”
Tydal rolled his eyes. “I’m going bash my brains in. Anything is better than being in this opening.”
“Wait for us!” Cadence called out, Celestia and Shining joining her in chasing after Tydal.
Luna scoffed. “They just don’t know a good opening when they hear it. Isn’t that right guys?” Luna turned to a pair of stallions that had suddenly appeared on the road.
“Yeah, I always like meta because it’s cool…”
“Cool… cool cool cool,” the other stallion said.
“Troy and Abed as little ponies!” the two sang.
The God Squad
Episode 6: Who Ya Gonna Call?
It was the day before Nightmare Night
and moving across the land
was a group of deities
whose conversation was bland…
“So, explain to me about the Everfree again,” Cadence said, looking about the dark forest. “I mean, why do we even have a spooky haunted forest?”
Tydal shrugged, the rocking of the blue and green wagon they rode in making him sway back and forth. “Well, from what I remember… our Mother decided that she wanted Equestria to have, and I quote, ‘every stereotypical environment possible’. She’d just gotten done make the ice castles when she decided on adding a spooky forest.”
Luna looked around in utter glee. “Plus, when Celestia and I lived here we were really into haunted hay rides.”
Celestia nodded, using her magic to lift up a jug of apple cider. “Would anypony care for a refill?”
“I would… and some more donuts too!” Cadence said happily, holding out her cup while Tydal leaned down to chow down on some pumpkin glazed donuts. “Shining, would you like some?”
Shining Armor grunted. “No… I’d rather have somepony take over pulling this cart!” The captain strained against the yok, the green and blue wagon slowly moving down the forest path with every step he took. “Why do I have to pull this stupid thing?”
“Are you honestly suggesting your princesses should pull?” Tydal asked.
“Oh… of course not!” Shining said quickly.
“Good,” Tydal stated, before grabbing a whip and cracking it just above Shining’s head. “Now hurry up!”
“Gah!” the captain cried out. “I don’t think the whip is necessary!”
“Go faster and it won’t be!” Tydal called out.
“Can I borrow that when you are done?” Cadence asked sweetly.
Shining panted, muscles straining as he pulled the goddesses and the sea god deeper into the forest. “Why are we out here again?”
“Our niece sent a message that she needed to see us and since we were in the neighborhood I decided we could go see her,” Celestia stated, taking a sip of cider.
“And the wagon?” Shining called back to them.
“As we said… we like haunted hayrides!” Luna giggled. “Hmmm… maybe we should hang some plastic skeletons in the branches… that would make this creepier!”
“Plastic,” Tydal grumbled in annoyance. “I prefer something else...”
“Which would be?” Cadence asked.
“Oh… something a bit more realistic…”
~2 Weeks Earlier, At Tydal's Keep....~
"-the cake will end up craz-y!" Princess Coral, eldest of Lord Tydal's twin daughters, sang as she skipped about the Keep. Coral was an unusual capricorn: while her sister also had a pink fish tail (which in of itself was unusual since most capricorns had blue, yellow, or brown tails), Coral chose to have her fuchsia-colored mane as poofy as could be. She was always beamed and happily dancing about the Keep, singing silly songs and glomping anyone and anything. Of course, it was hard to stop her for two reasons, the first being that she was only a foot shorter than her father and thus towered over her subjects.
Coral was about ready to break into the next verse of the song when she noticed a strange door that she had never seen before; it was decorated with the image of a grinning jack-o-lantern.
"Oooh.... spooky!" Coral giggled, happily knocking on the door. "Heelllooooooooooo!" she called out.
She had barely managed to stick her head through the doorway when a skinny figure leapt out. His head was pure white and as smooth as a beach stone while his eyes and mouth were black. He wore a black jacket and his long, bony limbs seemed to stretch on forever.
"What's this... what's this?" the skeletal man sang.
"What's what?" Coral asked.
The tall figure blinked before bowing. "Ah, hello there. My name is Jake Skullington."
"Did you say Jack Ske-"
"No!" the creature said sternly. "I am an unlicensed character and thus not owned by the Disney Company... much like Sherry Bobbins."
"Oh... ok!" Coral said, wagging her fishy tail. "I'ma gonna chop you up now, Mr. Demon Bones."
"Choppy me-AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Jake screamed as Coral twisted her body and cut his right arm clear off his body. "AAAAAAAAAAAA!!"
Reason Number 2 that the other capricorns had trouble stopping Princess Coral: despite her sunny disposition she was just as deadly as her father. Before the capricorns had fallen into their stone sleep a 1500 years ago the world had trembled when they saw Tydal coming... and fell to their knees sobbing when Coral skipped their way. Princess Coral was co-commander (with her sister) of the entire capricorn army.
"Weeee!" Coral giggled, horns glowing as she grabbed the skeletal arm and began to beat Jake over the head with it. "Die Mr. Demon Bones! Die!"
"Help! Help!" Jake cried out.
~MC~MC~MC~
Meanwhile, back at the plot...
"Here... we are," Shining panted, falling to the ground in a heap. Before them stood an old shack, made up of old timbers harvested from the Everfree (and a few bricks from Hut Depot). "Happy?"
"Much!" Cadence said, leaping down and giving him a peck on the cheek. "Thank you Shining!"
"You're welcome," Shining said happily, glad his wife at least cared for his suffer.
"Yes, thank you Shining," Luna said, giving him a kiss on the cheek too.
"I'm not kissing you," Tydal said as Celestia did the same. "To honor you I will refrain from defecating upon you."
Cadence grinned, "I tried that with my Shiny but-"
Thankfully for the group (and the readers), the door to the house opened. "I thought I heard a rather loud thump, and now I find a unicorn sitting on his rump."
"Hello Zecora," Celestia said politely.
"To each of you I say these happy words-"
"Can we just cut the rhyming?" Tydal asked. "We're family after all."
The zebra huffed in annoyance but still managed to grace the capricorn with a smile. "Always to the point, aren't you uncle?"
"Leaves more time for drinking and fighting," the sea god proclaimed, giving Zecora a hug. "How is your mother? She was always my favorite big sister."
"She's your only big sister," Celestia reminded him. “You’re the 4th oldest in the family.”
"Meh."
Zecora chuckled. "Mother is still demanding you pay her those 17 bits you owe her."
The capricorn shook his head. "She is mistaken... she owes ME 6 bits." He leaned over towards Cadence. "Never loan money out to an earth goddess. They spend it all on hay seed and apple butter."
Luna was paying less attention to the conversation and more on the condition of Zecora's house. "Celestia, we really need to spring for some repairs to the Zebrica Embassy."
Celestia nodded. "Indeed, but at least it is better than the Minos Embassy."
"What's wrong with it?" Shining Armor asked, unhitching himself from the wagon. "Roof caving in? Rat infestation?"
"You have to jiggle the handle on the toilet," Celestia stated.
"How can anypony survive those conditions!" Luna exclaimed in shock.
Zecora led the group inside her home/embassy and offered them each a steam bowl of whatever the heck she was brewing that day (it looked like Mountain Dew yet tasted like Pepsi... truly a magical broth). "I have called you here with some dread, to deal with a problem that has no head."
"I thought we agreed you wouldn't rhyme?" Tydal stated. "Don't make me ask a second time."
“Wait, didn’t you just-“
“No.”
Zecora blushed. "Sorry... just use to ponies coming here and asking my advice. Somehow it all sounds more dramatic when I say it in verse."
"Maybe you should try giving out your wisdom behind a fence," Luna offered. "You could go, 'Hidey ho, Applejack!' and then dole out some knowledge. Maybe wearing a fishing hat."
The zebra shaman/princess nodded her head. "I will consider that."
Celestia's brow furrowed. "Zecora, according to my faithful student Twilight you were the story teller for last year’s Nightmare Night. Why aren't you this year?"
"Ah... well, there was some... unpleasantness..."
~A Week Earlier~
Mayor Mare smiled, shaking Zecora's hoof. They were standing in the library, going over the notes for Nightmare Night. Twilight had been elected to help plan the event (mainly because everypony assumed she was Princess Luna's daughter and thus the best for the job) and one of her first tasks had been to get Zecora on board. "The children loved your stories last year and I am thrilled you can help us out again!"
Twilight Sparkle nodded. "Yeah! Even with Princess Luna appearing you were the talk of the town last year!"
"More importantly, you managed to keep the tales family friendly. We want to have Nightmare Night be about the kids. I will admit I was skeptical last year having you participate but I am happy to admit I was wrong-"
"Twilight!" Rarity called out from outside the library. "I finally settled on my costume!" The fashionista burst into the library's main room, her purple mane sticking straight up, cheap costume jewelry on her legs and black stripes painted on her coat. "I'm Zecora!" Rarity said with glee. "I saw a cat... he wore a hat... there he sat... like a mat!"
Zecora's right eye twitched. "Last year I dressed as a spooky witch... and today I'm going to waste this BITCH!"
Rarity narrowed her eyes. Instead of being horrified that she had mocked the zebra the fashionista was enraged that she had been called out. "Oh, you want to throw down?" she asked, her voice reverting to its normal Neigh Jersy accent. "Bring it on mush mouth!"
~MC~MC~MC~
"...so they are getting Derpy to do the story telling this year."
"Wow," Luna said.
"Go back to the catfight," Tydal stated with a smirk.
"Yes, tell us more about the raunchy lesbian sex," Cadence said in glee.
"Ignore them please, they're idiots," Celestia stated.
"So, I am assuming you brought us here for more than to sit around and get drunk," Luna said, taking a sip from her bowl. "Not that I wouldn't mind having a Nightmare Night party..."
"We could drink every time Tydal talks about murder," Shining said.
"I will chop your head off and not feel an ounce of remorse," the sea god said.
Everyone took a drink.
Zecora wiped some foam from her upper lip. "No... I have brought you here because I have heard tidings. A nameless evil has found its way back into the world-"
"This isn't going to be about the One Ring of Power, is it?" Celestia asked. "I already tricked a fellowship into destroying it 500 years ago." She still found it hilarious that none of them had thought to ask the eagles for a lift.
"No... I have heard tales that a phantom has taken up residence in the Castle of the Royal Sisters."
Luna frowned. "We really sucked at naming things." Celestia nodded in agreement.
"Do you know anything about this phantom?" Cadence asked.
"Like if he really exists?" Shining asked. When the others just stared at him the unicorn rolled his eyes. "Ghosts aren’t real."
"Right... just like dragons aren't real," Luna said. "Or hydras or manticores or griffons-"
"I get it," Shining complained.
Zecora sighed, stirring her caldron ('I should have gotten that one with the auto-stir'). "The phantom is known as the Headless Horse. Legend tells that nearly 2000 years ago a unicorn had come to a lake near here to get a drink when he was attacked by some dreaded sea beast-"
"Wait," Tydal said, "did this unicorn like wearing top hats?"
"Uh... I think so," the zebra said, "why?"
Tydal laughed. "What a small world! I'm the one that killed him!"
Everypony took a drink.
Shining just stared at Tydal in horror. "You... you killed him?"
"Yup! I was taking a bath and that dumbass came wandering up. Said he was a Discord's Witness or something stupid like that and asked if I wanted to be saved. I hate the preachy types so I cut off his head."
Eveyrpony took a drink.
"You... you created the Headless Horse?" Zecora exclaimed.
"It's not like I was trying to make a ghost!" Tydal complained. "And it wasn't personal... I didn't even know Bob's real name."
"Bob?" Celestia said.
Tydal laughed. "Yeah... when I cut off his head it went flying in the water and kinda bobbed up and down... it was funny!"
Everypony took a drink.
"Let me take a wild guess at what you are getting at..." Luna said, lips puckered in annoyance. "You want the five of us to go into a haunted castle on the spookiest night of the year and take on a ghost. And to make matters worse, the creature that killed said ghost will be with us." Tydal gave a little wave at that.
"We'll do it!" Celestia said drunkenly, sloshing her drink around.
Shining groaned. "That's what we get for playing drinking games with Tydal."
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And thus begins our Nightmare Night arc... needless to say, it won't be scary, even with ghosts and murder.
Zecora was established as the Princess of Zebrica and Celestia's niece in "The Many Secret Origins of Scootaloo"
And here is a piece of fan art from Persianjuilet:
i.imgur.com/FtKkh.jpg
When everypony drinks, does this include Tydal? Hilarious, but I'm still curious.
Also, I thought it was 1500 years ago, because Discord, not Nightmare Moon.
1503686
You are correct. Fixed.
I always ove Nightmare Night.
This chapter is hilarious.
Shining Armour has all my respect.
How can he survive under those crazy ponies..
FOURTH MOTHA FUCKAS!
Great chapter btw...
Yay! :D Go Tydal and his way-too-easy drinking game!
"Ignore them please, their idiots," Celestia stated.
It's they're. Just to inform.
How did no one catch the joke with the title "Who Ya Gonna Call" come on sing it with me "Ghost Busters!"
1503714
Fifth, actually.
Anywho, on to making remarks with actual substance, this is completely awesome. Upvoted, favorited, and yay'd.
1504045
Thanks
The Nightmare Night arc is a fun one because, as you will see, I get to homage some classic things in it and have fun with the characters. Shining and Tydal make such a wonderful duo and Luna gets some great bits coming up. Adding Zecora as a guest star is also a delight; I plan to do this often as the characters journey outside of Equestria.
I don't know about the rest of you, but as I design this story I have come to the opinion that the world of MLP is much like our own, geographically. The ponies live in Equestria/ North America. Griffons are Eastern Europe and Zebrica is of course Africa. The Mareatine, realm of the capricorns, is the Atlantic and also features the Mediterranean and Greece (since the capricorns are based on the Spartans). As for the dragons, we know they live south of Equestria so I figure that they are somewhere in South America. The cast will be visiting all of these places and I have some interesting things planned, especially for the Griffin Empire (let's just say most griffins aren't like Gilda) and when the cast finally makes it to Tydal's realm (where we will see a reversal and have Shining be viewed as the crazy one with radical ideas and Tydal accepted as being completely rational).
1495029
One of the important things is that when Shining DOES let Tydal off his leash it needs to be for a very good reason... and a VERY bad pony.
Yay
I think that Celestia should invest in a rolled up newspaper. Every time Tidal has one of his... episodes, she can bat him over the nose.
"No! Bad Uncle!"
She should also give him a chocolate cake every time he's nice.
What? It's a valid, scientifically-verified method of behaviour alteration!
Good chapter, and yes for the Ghostbusters reference in the title. Shining and Tydal really are interesting when they`re together.
1504092 does this mean i get to 'see' Tydal kill somepony?
I will have to remember the Tydal Drinking Game for the next time I want to get seriously wasted...
And also:
I must say I simply love your Zecora. (She's kinda(super) badass in both your stories)
1504045
EVERY TIME!!!
Tydal is like the crazy uncle no one invites to the family gatherings... but he somehow ends up there anyway.
1508796
And that is the approach. In the world of God Squad, Tydal raised Luna and Celestia since they were fillies (their mother is... well, Fausticorn is a bit nutty) so they love him... but because he is a capricorn he is different and thus comes off like the grumpy uncle
You know, they keep up that drinking game the whole arc, even the alicorns'll be dead from alcohol poisoning.
titaniumteddybear.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/moar-because.jpg
Why did I wait before reading this story? It's so f***ing awesome!
>>>“So, explain to me about the Everfree again,” Cadence said, looking about the dark forest. “I mean, why do we even have a spooky haunted forest?”>>>
Hey, if New Jersey can have a spooky forest, why not Equestria?
We have the Pine Barrens! Which always looks half dead! And is filled with ghosts, devils, and Pineys! (the latter being the most terrifying of the three)
>>>Zecora led the group inside her home/embassy and offered them each a steam bowl of whatever the heck she was brewing that day (it looked like Mountain Dew yet tasted like Pepsi... truly a magical broth).>>>
>>>"Maybe you should try giving out your wisdom behind a fence," Luna offered. "You could go, 'Hidey ho, Applejack!' and then dole out some knowledge. Maybe wearing a fishing hat.">>>
With these two puns, you have ascended to God of Pop Culture References *bows*
1503656
I've always imagined him as being sort of a ponyfied walrus...
I can hear the Scooby Doo theme song already....
1504719
He's a god, not a cat...
“Can I borrow that when you are done?” Cadence asked sweetly.
Ooh, ooh, use it on me!
Cadence grinned, "I tried that with my Shiny but-"
Thankfully for the group (and the readers)
Aww, weak, I wanted to hear that story!
"Go back to the catfight," Tydal stated with a smirk.
"Yes, tell us more about the raunchy lesbian sex," Cadence said in glee.
"Ignore them please, they're idiots," Celestia stated.
Catfights? Raunchy lesbian sex? Yes, tell us more Zecora (wait, do I need to call you "Princess Zecora"
?)! MORE
!
...Hey, wait a minute...
Anyway, nympho/I-love-that-Cadence tendencies aside, another amazing chapter!
Forgot this quote and my reaction the first time
:
Cadence bounced along beside her aunts. “We could do my idea!”
Luna scowled. “We are not doing a cold opening about us having an orgy that turns us into strange two-legged creatures with hands.” Cadence pouted at that, though she did continue to hop about. “Besides, I already came up with the perfect cold opening.”
That reminds me, I still need to read that one fic
...
There's magic in the air.
What's that? What's this?
There's ponies everywhere
1503837
I got the joke.
>>Luna was paying less attention to the conversation and more on the condition of Zecora's house. "Celestia, we really need to spring for some repairs to the Zebrica Embassy."
Celestia nodded. "Indeed, but at least it is better than the Minos Embassy."
"What's wrong with it?" Shining Armor asked, unhitching himself from the wagon. "Roof caving in? Rat infestation?"
"You have to jiggle the handle on the toilet," Celestia stated.
"How can anypony survive those conditions!" Luna exclaimed in shock.
Zecora led the group inside her home/embassy and offered them each a steam bowl of whatever the heck she was brewing that day (it looked like Mountain Dew yet tasted like Pepsi... truly a magical broth). "I have called you here with some dread, to deal with a problem that has no head."<<
Dun Dun Dun!!!!
>>"I thought we agreed you wouldn't rhyme?" Tydal stated. "Don't make me ask a second time."
“Wait, didn’t you just-“
“No.”
Zecora blushed. "Sorry... just use to ponies coming here and asking my advice. Somehow it all sounds more dramatic when I say it in verse."
"Maybe you should try giving out your wisdom behind a fence," Luna offered. "You could go, 'Hidey ho, Applejack!' and then dole out some knowledge. Maybe wearing a fishing hat."
The zebra shaman/princess nodded her head. "I will consider that."<<
I'll call Mythbusters, 911, Mom...
So we have two idiots, two drunks, a princess used to speaking in rhyme, and this universe's chew-toy. I'm sure nothing can go wrong!
And Rarity.... Why? Just, why?
If she's doing the Pinkie thing, then the technical term is pronking.
So, she's a capricorn Pinkie Pie. Celestia save us all.
Jack Skellington?
"Oh... ok!" Coral said, wagging her fishy tail. "I'ma gonna chop you up now, Mr. Demon Bones."
"Choppy me-AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Jake screamed as Coral twisted her body and cut his right arm clear off his body. "AAAAAAAAAAAA!!"
Reason Number 2 that the other capricorns had trouble stopping Princess Coral: despite her sunny disposition she was just as deadly as her father. Before the capricorns had fallen into their stone sleep a 1500 years ago the world had trembled when they saw Tydal coming... and fell to their knees sobbing when Coral skipped their way. Princess Coral was co-commander (with her sister) of the entire capricorn army.
Ah. That's why. I like this. She's a nice capricorn sure, but, she's as bloodthirsty as her daddy.
She's your ONLY big sister.
Those poor souls.
Fair enough. And useD.
Oh dear...
If you did that, you'd end up dead. If you used water.
Shocker.
OK then, I'm gonna go this way.
I tried to warn you.
Hah! Celestia's a bit of a lightweight. That's funny!
Hah. Funny story. But this kind of humor isn’t really my jam so I’ll bow out here.
I preemptively blame Tydal.