C-H-A...N-G-E...L-I-N-G-S!
Meanwhile, on Cybertron...
"Please, Lord Megatron... you must know that I only mean to serve you!"
The leader of the Decepticons glared at his air commander before delivering a vicious kick to his side. The great silver-white gladiator-turned-rebel-turned-war lord glared at the cringing form of Starscream, all around coward and sniveling backstabber, and felt only his rage and disgust grow at the sight of him. It would have been so easy to destroy the fool right then and there but despite his reputation Megatron wasn't one for scrapping his soldiers without thought. It did no good to get rid of cannon fodder. Failure was punished but, if done right, it could be a great motivator.
Still, Starscream tested the limits of Megatron's already razor thin patience.
"If that were true, Starscream, you would have completed the job yourself, as I demanded, instead of tasking it out to that mercenary!"
"I... I believed him capable."
"His name is DoubleDealer, Starscream... did it not occur to you for a second that he would turn on you... and us... for the right price?" Megatron's jaw clenched. While it was true that even he had made use of the hired gun's talents from time to time, it had only been as a last resort and Megatron had always saw fit that there was little chance of the warrior betraying them. Dealer was used when needed but Megatron never forgot that the triple-changer held no alliance save to his own wealth. It was something Megatron could respect, which is why he hadn't scrapped the merc yet.
But Starscream, in his attempt to avoid a fight, had screwed up. He had hired Dealer to retrieve plans for an Autobot mobile fortress. Dealer had been more than happy to provide said plans... but not before cutting a deal with Prime. Dealer had doubled his energon and the Autobots had altered their plans so that blueprints Megatron held were now useless and outdated. They had lost 200 soldiers attempting to attack a weak point that wasn't there.
Thus the reason Starscream was being beaten.
"Please, Lord Megatron... mercy!" Starscream whined.
The leader of the Decepticons struck the head of the Seekers one more time before turning away in disgust. "Get out of my sight, Starscream... but know this... you have broken what very, very little trust I had in you-"
"FOREVER!" Pinkie Pie screamed, popping up behind Megatron.
Starscream leapt up, pointing his null rays at the pink pony. She, however, showed no sign of noticing and began to happily trot along Megatron's shoulder, looking around at the strange new world she found herself.
"Wow, this place is strange! Your grass is metal and so are your roads and buildings..." Pinkie turned and bucked Megatron in the head, causing a long GONG! sound to ring out. "And even your head is metal!" Pinkie giggled and struck Megatron again. "Bong bong bong!"
"Miserable little vermin!" Megatron roared, reaching to grab the pink pony and squeeze the life out of her. Pinkie merely bounced onto his hand then sprang onto his other shoulder.
"Your head is like a bell!" She turned and began to buck out a tune. "Heart and soul... I fell in love with you heart and soul-"
"Get off of me, you pathetic-"
Pinkie leapt down and began to bounce about, somehow managing to avoiding Megatron's kicks. "Wow, look at this place... it is super special awesome!" She ran up to Starscream, tilting her head. "You don't look happy... I can fix that!" From seeming out of nowhere she pulled out a party cannon and fired it at Starscream. When the smoke cleared the air commander was dressed as a ballerina and his guns were now rubber chickens. "See!" Pinkie turned and skipped away, singing to herself.
"...Starscream, we never speak of this again."
"Agreed, Lord Megatron."
The God Squad
Episode 34: C-H-A...N-G-E...L-I-N-G-S!
"So... this is the changeling hive," Shining said as they walked towards the castle. Behind them the tropical sea's waves crashed against the shoreline and in the distance they could hear a bird let out a startled cry. "Why?"
"Why what?" Celestia asked.
"Why is THIS the hive? It doesn't look like a hive. It looks nothing like a hive."
Luan shrugged. "Well, I hear it was originally called Changeling Abbey but they changed it for legal reasons."
Shining blinked, wondering if Luna was screwing with him, before deciding to just shrug it off.
"So, what is the plan?" Celestia asked.
"We storm the castle," Tydal said simply, eyes narrowed as he prepped for the battle to come.
"... what is the plan that doesn't see half of us killed?"
"Well, we first need to find a way in," Luna stated. She tapped her chin in thought, ignoring Tydal as he pointed out that storming the gate WOULD make an opening to let them in. "Now, let us see... Daring Do would build a slingshot that would give her enough lift to land in the upper right window."
"OOO!" Cadence exclaimed, waving her hoof. "What if we bought a big hollow cake and I got inside and when the time is right I burst out, giving Shining a kiss and sing Happy Birthday to him?"
"How would that get us into the hive?" Shining asked.
"What hive? I'm just thinking about what we should do for fun!" Luna reached over and turned Cadence's head so she could see the castle. "...oh."
"Why don't we just go through the front door?" Celestia pointed to a sign, that featured pictures of happy changelings with the words "Changeling Hive Entrance This Way".
"...it is worth a shot," Tydal stated. Not having any other ideas (well, except the suicide charge, but that was not going to happen), the others followed him up to the gate, which was not anything like the expected. Instead of guards and sentries there was a lone changeling manning a ticket booth.
"3 bits," the changeling proclaimed.
"Huh?" Luna said.
"3 bits, not that hard to understand."
"3 bits for what?" Celestia asked.
"To come into the hive... it isn't that unusual. 3 bits for entry... or 7 bits if you want the specialty package."
Tydal raised his eyebrow. "And what pray tel is the specialty package?"
"You get a ticket, a map, and a changeling hat."
"Oooooo!" Cadence said in glee. "Let's get that." She slammed 35 bits on the counter before anyone could stop her.
"Very good," the attendant said, pulling out five little hats and placing them on their heads. The hat was plain black cloth with a pair of miniature changeling wings stuck on the top. "Enjoy your visit to the Changeling Hive: The Happiest Place Ever."
Shining glanced up in confusion at the hat. "Something is not quite right here."
"When has anything about this trip been 'quite right'?" Tydal asked.
"Exactly... and this is only worse."
"Yes, but I think we should go along with all of this until we know more," Celestia said. They five entered the hive and were surprised to find it not filled with wicked looking changelings but instead gift shops and loud, brightly-lit games. There were changelings milling about, but also ponies, griffins, perytons, and-
"Coral!" Tydal snapped. "What are you doing here?!?"
"Hi daddy!" the capricorn princess said, bouncing over to him. She also had a cap on and had, apparently, won a large stuffed changeling doll. "I took a wrong turn at Trottingham and ended up here! Isn't it nice?" She hugged herself. "This place gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling."
"That is the changelings sucking the love out of you," Shining said dryly.
"...meh."
"Coral, daddy wants you to go home right now."
"Do I have ta?" Coral whimpered.
"Yes, and stop pouting."
Coral broke into a grin. "Okey dokey smokie!" She turned to skip away, only to turn and flash them a smile. "If you want to find the queen, try the ride to your right." With that she bounced away, though she did stop long enough to get her hoof stamped.
"...I suppose it couldn't hurt to go on the ride," Celestia said.
"Actually it could hurt... alot," Shining reminded them.
"Well, too late, because we are already on it," Luna stated.
Shining looked down and realized that, yes, he was now sitting in a small 'boat' on a motorized rail way, a safety bar lowering onto his lap. "How... what..."
"Welcome, everyone, to the Changeling Hive," the ride's announcer stated. “Please keep your limbs in the vehicle at all times.” The ‘boat’ began to move along the rail, taking the fivesome through an archway cut into the wall. They were plunged into darkness and Luna lit up her horn. “The Changelings… one of the most amazing races in the world. Did you know that you can find Changelings on every continent? Well, you can! And they all believe in the same thing…”
The lights came on the group stared at the scene: hundreds of robotic changelings, all dressed in different cultural clothing, holding hands and singing.
Changeling Robots
Kill the ponies big and small
Kill the ponies big and small
Kill the ponies big and small
Kill the ponies big and small!
“Well… this is disturbing,” Shining said as they rode past three changelings dressed in kilts who were playing golf.
“I am going to have this song stuck in my head all day,” Celestia muttered.
Changeling Robots
When Chrysalis yells we heed the call
To hunt them in the spring or fall!
Then we'll sell their heads in a shopping mall!
Kill the ponies big and small!
“Well, I am a capricorn, so I’m good, right?” Tydal asked.
"Did you know that Changelings have a long history of attacking other species and eating their love?"
"I did not know that," Luna stated. "Please tell me more."
"Sister, that is a recording, it can't-"
"Certainly, Princess Luna," the recording stated. The 'boat' took a left and the fivesome found themselves staring at a recreation of Griffland in the 1600s. "Back then, daring Changelings would ride in their great tall ships, pillaging love from coast to coast."
"Well, that is interesting," Tydal commented as they watched robotic changelings chase around griffins.
Robo Changelings
Yo ho, yo ho
It's a changeling life for me!
"It is all very... festive," Celestia said. "But I think being around all these changelings is causing Cadence to have a nervous break down." She glanced over at the pink alicorn, who was rocking back and forth, sucking on her hoof and mumbling 'They come at night... mostly' over and over.
"There were some changelings, however, that did not want to eat pony love," the ride stated. They took another turn, leaving the pirates behind and coming to a stop in front of a regal looking stage. "One such changeling was Honest Abdomen, or Abe for short. He spoke of ponies and changelings living together in peace and harmony."
A robotic changeling slowly stood up from the chair he had been seated in, his stovetop hat clutched in his hooves. He had a long blue beard and a tired, regal bearing. "Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers-"
"He was promptly devoured for speaking against the crown."
"AAAAAAAAA!!"
All the ponies cringed as robo changelings began to tear robo-Abe to shreds. "Hmmm, interesting choice when it came to gutting him," Tydal said, stroking his beard.
"And now that we come to the Hall of Mirrors..." the recording said in a spooky voice. "You might find... that a changeling is riding with you!" Looking at the mirrors, Shining rolled his eyes when he saw 'Chrysalis' riding with them.
"That is just another robot behind some glass that, with the right lighting, makes it look... like..." he noticed the others were staring at him. "She's really sitting next to me, isn't she?"
"Indeed, lover," Chrysalis purred, wrapped her forelegs around Shining. "We never did get a honeymoon..."
"I need an adult! I need an adult!" Shining screamed.
"She is an adult," Celestia pointed out.
"Not helping!" Shining screamed as the queen yanked him out of the boat, taking flight out of the ride and to her private chamber.
"We have to do something!" Luna exclaimed.
"Help... police..." Tydal said dryly. When the others glowered at him he snorted. "Oh yeah, like he was any more concerned when i was kidnapped by that cult!"
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Lost my shit
please continue to throw in random DBZA references
Is it weird that when they mentioned some of the changelings were pirates, my thoughts jumped to 'Whalers on the Moon'?
2106582
I had that in my head from the beginning of the ride.
On topic:
Too fucking funny at the end. The whole chapter was hilarious, but that ending would've had me in tears if I wasn't 12 hours beyond too tired to cry.
2106568
Also yay for Disney Land/Disney World references and a Transformers cold opening.
There is but one phrase that can describe this chapter, and the story in whole:
LOFL
"I need an adult."
"I am an adult."
This is the only pedophilia joke that will ever be made after that DBZA episode was released.
And there is nothing wrong with that.
Fantastic.
"i need an adult"
"she is an adult"
"i need a different adult! one that isnt a changling!"
I see what you did with that "Aliens" reference... which reminds me, gotta pick up my copy of Aliens: Colonial Marines this week.
ahahahahahah...really these chapters will kill me one day
So Nightmare Moon cultists runs a Chuck E. Cheese while the Changelings have Disney World.....Can't say I saw that coming. Also loved Queen Chrysalis making off with Shining Armor while Cadance "Newt" Cabinet has a mental breakdown.
To be fair I tend to imagine the Changeling have as being similar to a xenomorph hive. Turns out it's a common idea so seeing it as a relatively clean castle that's bright and cheery inside is a first.
Why do I have the feeling the group is going to walk in on Queen Chrysalis riding on Shining Armor's back, wearing a leather corset and stockings while singing "It's a Small World"?
Not quite sure why Shining is panicking...
Myself, I'd choose getting kidnapped (and possibly enslaved or tortured) by a Changeling Queen over being forced to continue to ride the "It's a Small World After All" ride any day of the week... it'd be much less painful.
I would dare someone to read this story and not smile, laugh, and/or ROFL.
Why?
I would get free money!
Soo....Disneyland is a feeding ground for love devouring monsters?
2107179 Actually, I think the Nightmare Moon cultists were squatters in an abandoned Chuck E. Cheeses. Least that was the impression I got
.
Also, that bit about Chrysalis sexually dominating Shining...
Do it, defender2222. I don't care what you have to change to fit that in. Do it. If for no other reason than to show how Cadence would react
.
But seriously, do it.
2107513
Totally Legit.
"It's a rape world after all, it's a rape world after all, it's a rape world after all. It's a rapist's world."
I am so, so sorry. I couldn't resist.
i will sue you for causing me to suffocate due to too much laughter...
At least Megatron and Starscream made peace. I'd love to see more of Pinkie on Cybertron messing with everybot there. Unicron too.
Well...this is interesting...
Okay.... Changeling running a theme park, definitely different.
Yay, a Willy Wonka reference, you deserve a hug.
*reads all the evil changeling songs* Eyup, it's about that time... *starts loading his gas canisters with a mixture of nerve gas and DDT* Time to go crop dustin' fer bug ponies!
It's intresting how the gods are currently in the land of Changelings when the next comic issue is set to wrap up the Chrysalis saga. Talk about coincedence.
2109686 I doubt that peace will last long. Remember this is Starscream we're talking about.
After all, there's nothing more humiliating than being a pair of gigantic robotic lifeforms that have been bested unintentionally by a pink pony with a party cannon.
Also:
MORE TEAMFOURSTAR REFERENCES!!!
This time I didn't even make it over the cold opening as it dawned on me what would happen after the first sentence. It was simply too funny.
Other than that, is someone willing to compile a list of all the random shit defender2222 knows to write all these references into the story? Or a list of the most bizarre cold openings he has done up until now? Seriously his ability to write is so amazing, I simply know every chapter I'm going to read is going to make me laugh (or seriously think, if I take his serious stories) even when I've only glanced at a title or read one line of text!
2110555
They can turn into ponies, yes? Then how exactly are you going to find them? A crowd could either be a bunch of Changeling commandos or a polka band. And even if you do dive-bomb the castle and take out a few changelings, I think they'll be wise enough to take cover. Then come after your ass with every changeling from Canterlot to Hoofstralia.
Very nice chapter.
2111839 That's why I'll carpet-bomb EVERYTHING!! And I'll use those long-lasting pesticides that are outlawed everywhere except China (where they don't care cuz they have too many people anyway, which is why they put poison in pretty much everything) that kill bugs for, like, a thousand years and cause cancer and brain damage even at 1 part per billion in every other living thing!
THEN I'll be safe!
2113292
But not safe from me and my army of PINKAMENAS!
2113292
Wait...
Dammit, there's a traitor.
The It's a Small World Ride, Pirates of the Caribbean, The Hall of Presidents, The Hunted Mansion, Spaceship Earth? (Not too sure on that one)... lol
Shining, Chrysalis and Cadence is best crack shipping.
2113402 *blows the world up and then throws the pieces into a black hole*
Safe at last!
2113726
Dude...
you are one f
ed up individual.
(pushes you into the Black Hole as well)
Changelings! Monsters in Disguise!
...
Yeah, that didn't work out as well as I thought.
Anyways, who wants to see more Coral? Raise your hoof.
Also, I'm putting ten bits on Chrysalis being Celestia, Luna, and Tydal's long lost sister.
Why didn't Cadence object? or else offer to join in?
2115659 *lands in the black hole... there is naught but distorted horror all around, faded screams and tortured visages stretched through time and space, crushed and mangled debris swirling slowly to its final doom in the singularity's event horizon*
Oh god, it's the Federal Reserve!
2117210
Funny, I'd call it the United States Congress.
2117636 Nah, that's just a common mud pit. Dark and sinister are the realms of the Fed.
Buck yes
2119428 What planet would want to arrest a pony who kills Daleks?
2119200
Well, then there's Silent Hill....
2119466 Why do you think I said "worst miscarriage of justice"
(well, that, and the fact that she did it to defend her friend/family member, which I don't see as too different from self-defense)
2122059 The law doesn't protect the right to self defense as much as I would like it too.
Also, whose idea was it to call killing in self defense "Manslaughter" It makes it sound so much worse than it actually is.
2120444 Silent Hill = Capitol Hill
well then...Shining's about to get raped...
2123578
A conversation with you is one sided. Also, as one who grew up on the East Coast of the U.S.A, ( and also a Democrat and Red Sox fan) I don't really approve of your jokes made at America's expense.
Well you fucking got me with the Disneyland refs...
OH GODS, NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.......NOT SMALL WORLD, PLEASE!!!!!!!
Wow, perfect Family Guy refence and Pinkie in that intro
Love Tydal more and more, this is funny as buck, brings back some dark memories about that ride though