"So, how was the war?" Applebloom asked, double checking the gauges to ensure the wagon was operating at peak efficiency. "Was it excitin'?"
Scootaloo shrugged, stepping one the gas and sending their vehicle rocking down a busy street. "It was ok. The daleks didn't really offer much of a resistance... the capricorns were totally cool though. Not as cool as Rainbow Dash, but still. Princess Coral invited me to visit her Keep."
Sweetie Belle looked up from the ammo she was loading. " I wish we could have helped out. I had to help Rarity count bolts of fabric."
"Nah, it was boring. After the first five minutes nothing real exciting was going on... just dive bombing aliens and staying out of Twilight Sparkle's way." Scootaloo shuddered; Twilight had given her the willies ever since the mare had spent a week asking everypony about her (the police had looked into her but determined Twilight wasn't interested in that, so they had let her off the hook).
"I think we ought ta invite Rollypolly to join us next time. He's a blank flank like us too!" Applebloom exclaimed.
"I thought he was an gooey alien in a mobile attack device," Sweetie Belle said.
"Ok, we'd have to relax our normal criteria but I still think he would be a cool crusader." Scootaloo slowed down the wagon and looked through the periscope. "Alright, we are here! Man the cannon!"
"CUITE MARK FREEDOM FIGHTERS!" The fillies called out as they fired.
~MC~MC~MC~
"What in the world is this?" Blueblood said, walking over to the miniature tank that had rolled into his throne room. "Is this a-"
BOOM!
The prince blinked, his entire body covered in soot save for the whites of his eyes. The wagon/tank's little turret was still smoking from the payload it had fired at him.
"... guards, the baby tank tried to assassinate me!"
"CUTIE MARK FREEDOM FIGHTERS!" three little voices within the tank declared before hitting reverse, sending the tank careening back through the great archway.
The God Squad
Episode 19: Shining Armor 2: Electric Boogaloo
"You take one down and pass it around... 57 severed pony heads on the wall!" Tydal knocked back a bottle of hard cider. He tossed the empty into the fire, watching the flames fly up. "56 severed pony heads on the wall, 56 severed pony heads-"
"Is everything about death when it comes to you and your twisted mind?" Shining complained.
"Not always. Sometimes it is about skeeball."
"Skeeball?" Cadence asked, stroking the log she had been using as her Shining Armor Stand In (let's pray the CMCs never decide to go for THAT cutie mark!).
Celestia gave her niece a pity-filled look. "Tydal is right... truly skeeball is the game of gods. Your life has not been rich and fulfilling if you've never played."
"It's better when you use severed heads as the balls," Luna said. The others (save for a humming Tydal) just looked at her. "Not that I ever tried that, because it would be silly!" She began to laugh. "Yeah... it's not like, when I was Nightmare Moon, I ripped the heads off a cricket team and used them to play the most bloody round of skeeball ever! Nope, never ever!"
Cadence pursed her lips before turning to her husband. "So, how did you end up meeting my aunts and Uncle Tydal?"
Shining shrugged. "Well..."
~Several Years Ago...~
"Captain Boot Camp I must say that your stallions are well disciplined." Celestia walked down the line of guards, each one fresh from their training and ready to prove themselves to the solar princess. They were bright, eager boys and if Celestia were a naughty mare she would have brought each and every strapping male back to her room for a bit of 'friendly fire' (wink wink, nudge nudge, click click, insert wolf howl, hubba hubba). "Yes, I must say they are all ready to serve. I do have one question... are they wearing eyeliner?"
"Right indeedie!" Boot Camp lisped. He puckered his lips (to ensure his lipstick was even) several times before continuing. "You must always be ready for anything, including looking FABULOUS!" He turned towards on the guards. "Logic Point, why is your armor so important?"
"Because it brings out the green in my eyes, sir!" the private shouted.
"Good boy!" Boot Camp said, giving the private's flank a smack with his tail, giggling as he did so. "You are going to get some extra flan with your grilled onions tonight."
"I love how you go against the stereotype everypony was expecting during this flashback, sir!" Wall Breaker the 4th said.
Celestia's brow furrowed before she brushed off the strange comment. "Very well then. I must be off and-"
"INCOMING!" one of the privates shouted, shoving Celestia out of the way just as a dangerous projectile (aka some bird doo doo) fell from the sky, nearly landing on Celestia's head.
The Princess stared at the stallion who lay flat on his belly, a drop of the white goop dripping down his horn. Celestia's magic flared and she wiped the offending mess away before making a mental note to have Philomena go remind the birds just whose flank the sun rose and set upon (hint: the alicorn who raised the blasted thing).
"Are you quite alright?" Celestia asked.
"Of course, Princess." The stallion rose and gave her a smart salute. "Private Shining Armor."
"Yes, Private Armor... I'll be watching your progress with great interest."
~MC~MC~MC~
Celestia shook her head. "Shining, while that is a wonderful story it is not the first time we met."
"It isn't?" Luna asked, intrigued.
Shining began to blush. "Princess, please..."
~Several Years and 6 Months Earlier...~
"I can't believe you are trusting her with my Twiley!" Shining Armor complained, glaring daggers at Celestia. The princess gave him a sheepish smile even as Twilight bounced around her hooves, giggling with glee. Today was the filly's first day at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns and the first day she would be spending at the castle.
Shining Armor was... less than thrilled.
"You can't trust Princess Molestia!"
"Shiney, please behave," Velvet said softly. "The Princess has every right to take Twilight away and keep her at her castle where she lives all by herself with no stallion and where no pony can hear any screams. There isn't anything creepy about a grown mare taking a random filly from her family-"
"Or having said filly sleep in her bed..." Celestia said.
"Or that! Now then, say you are sorry."
Shining rolled his eyes and stomped off.
~MC~MC~MC~
"Molestia?" Tydal asked.
"Princess of the Mole Creatures under the Appleloosian Mountains. She was well known for liking to spoon with young fillies and colts or whatever you call young moles. She was caught by Predator Catcher."
Luna frowned, using her magic to stir up the fire. "Why did her name sound like yours?"
"Do you really want to begin picking at that thread?" Celestia asked, annoyed. "Besides, as I remember, your first meeting with Shining Armor didn't go all that smoothly..."
~2 Year Earlier...~
"And this is Canterlot Castle!" Celestia said happily to her little sister. She was positively beaming with joy as she trotted towards her home, thrilled beyond measure that her baby sister was back with her. No more Nightmare Moon, no more loneliness, no more booze to numb said loneliness, no more going to The Gilded Banana for 2 for 1 night, and no more lying to Twilight about her... no, Celestia would still lie to Twilight; lying to that filly was just too much fun!
"Sister, we tell thee I am able to canter under my own power. We do not need to ride your back."
"You seriously talked like that?" Celestia tried hard not to laugh at the outdated way her sister spoke.
"Of course! Tis the proper way to speak!"
"I never taught you to talk like that... that is stupid unicorn elitism right there. Which is really stupid because every pony knows that earth ponies are the ones that should be royalty and the leaders of Equestria but they are so smart they know that being powerful sucks and so they stay on their farms." Celestia continued on with her original point. "But I want to carry you, my dear little sister! It has been ages since you were small enough for me to do so.." Celestia entered the castle's main courtyard, letting out a sigh of pure bliss. "Truly this is a blessed day."
"Princess Celestia, you have returned." Captain Shining Armor, freshly promoted after his valor in the Battle of the Sponge (where he was the first to find Celestia's favorite bath sponge before bath time... yeah, the royal guard is like the National Guard of Equestria), approached the alicorn and bowed to her. "We have readied-"
Shining was knocked off his feet by a pouncing Luna, who began to sniff his mane. "Mmmm... dear sister, how wonderful! Thou has remembered what kind of sex slave we enjoy!" Luna began to nibble on Shining Armor's throat. "We expect thou to be hung like a manticore..."
~MC~MC~MC~
Cadence raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Is there any member of my family you haven't slept with?"
"I didn't sleep with Luna!" Shining complained. "She came on to me and I resisted! And I have never been with Celestia or any pony other than you."
Tydal snorted. "Right... any PONY..."
~9 weeks earlier...~
Shining groaned. It felt like his head had been strapped in vice and was being squeezed while a drill was pressed against his left eye (otherwise known as a minotaur shuffle). The light from the nearby window was casting a glare so harsh he thought for a moment that the sun was hanging right above his forehead (and considering who his aunt-in-law was, he wouldn't be surprised if she did such a thing).
"Ugh... I feel terrible," the captain whimpered.
"You should after what I did to ya, you saucy mink." Shining rolled over and let out a girlish scream. "Wow, no need to yell that loud!"
"Lord Tydal!" Shining cried out, scrambling away from the capricorn that was lounging in bed beside the captain of the guard. "What are you doing here?"
"I sleep here... though, what we did last night can't be called sleeping." The capricorn rose and gave Shining a once over. "You know, normally my wife would be mad that I slept with another doe but you were such a yummy looking one-"
"I'm not a mare!" Shining cried out, clutching the sheet to his chest. When Tydal raised an eyebrow Shining quickly dropped the sheet and dropped his voice a few octaves. "I mean... I am no mare!"
"Right, you were a filly and I made you a mare." Tydal's tail flicked out and Shining let out a yelp, just avoiding the razor sharp edge. "Now, I'm going to take a nice long swim in the royal pool. I'm sure one of the butlers can drive you home." The sea god paused at the door. "Oh, hi Cadence."
"Hi Uncle Tydal!" Cadence said with a grin, skipping into the room. She stopped mid bounce, sniffing the air. "Shining, why does it smell like sex and shame in here?"
~MC~MC~MC~
"That... did... not... happen," Shining ground out, his jaw clenched so hard it was a wonder his teeth weren't reduced to a fine powder (of course, considering his life, he was lucky his teeth existed at all).
"I think I remember my own life, Shining," Tydal said with a snort.
"We didn't have sex!" Shining shouted.
"Well, that was disturbing on many levels," Luna said. She looked up at the dark sky, a smile suddenly blossoming on her lips. "But this truly has been fun."
"That it has!" Celestia declared. "Good food, good fun, good stories." She grabbed another bottle. "Good booze..."
Cadence nodded, snuggling up to her husband. "Spending time with family."
"Setting aside old grudges, if only for a day," Tydal said, using his magic to pass Shining a bottle of cider. The stallion blinked in surprise before taking the bottle and raising it up, clinking it with the one Tydal had grabbed for himself. The capricorn smiled, tipping the drink in a quick salute.
"Remembering the past and looking forward to the future," Shining said, wrapping a foreleg around Cadence.
"I propose a decree!" Celestia said, snagging several more bottles of cider and passing them to her sister and niece before lifting her up. "Luna, when would be a good day to create a new holiday?”
Luna, due to the phases of the moon, had always been better at dates then her sister. "Well... what about a month after Nightmare Night? That has always been dead space on the calendar.”
"That sounds wonderful! Then I decree that every year, one month after Nightmare Night, families in Equestria will gather together and share food, fun and stories. It will be a time to remember what has come before and the joy of the bonds of friendship they now have. And we shall calll it-"
"Tydalmas," the capricorn proclaimed.
Luna rolled her eyes in good humor. "How about Story Night?"
"Needs something with a bit more flair... how about Tale Teller's Night?" Shining suggested.
Cadence kissed him on the cheek. "I like it."
"I do too." Celestia lifted her cider and the others did the same. "Happy Tale Teller's Night!"
"Happy Tale Teller's Night!"
The strange family took a long drain from their bottles.
Luna, finishing her bottle, tossed it into the fire. "I have the sudden urge to go shopping for discount tvs."
“What the hell is a TV?” Tydal asked.
“I… don’t know…”
In case you haven't noticed, Tydal tends to use goat slang when referring to his own kind:males are bucks or billies, females are nannies or does, and children are kids. When it comes to ponies he remembers to refer to them by their names but will, from time to time, slip and use goat-words.
So this chapter is my attempt to create a new Equestrian holiday, their version of the one coming up in a few days. I wanted something different enough but with the same feeling... Tale Teller's Night does just that.
With the end of this arc we now move to the Cult of the Moon Arc, which will deal with the gang dealing with a Nightmare Moon fan club.
Yesh!
~looks around~ A-Am I first?
FIRST!!!! (after the author)
t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQLSkKiYPVV9tr8Ff_OTgWgCUIapBUB-3CMq-N_5mXQw_-qUk1Z-g&t=1
Also, why did your chapter name remind me of this?
a4.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/22/56e8e9192d86853e21e120b2ebf1a8d8/l.jpg
Coincidence? I THINK NOT!
OH shit Another arc !!
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It was actually a reference to Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo, which I have never seen but find the title of hilarious.
Tydal put something in Shining's cider, didn't he?
Once again the sheer insanity makes me smile and laugh!
AND NOW CELESTIA DECREES THAT A CERTAIN FRIDAY AROUND THAT TIME SHALL BE CALLED BROWN FRIDAY!!
A few errors...
(the police had looked into her but determined Twilight was interesting it that, so they had let her off the hook). I don't really know what you were trying to say here.
"Its better when you use severed heads as the balls," Luna said. It's.
"Yeah... it's not like, when I was Nightmare Moon, ripped the heads off a cricket team and used them to play the most bloody round of skeeball ever! Put an I before ripped.
He turned towards on the guards. "Logic Point, why is your armor so important?" One of the guards.
"INCOMING!" one of the privates shouted, shoving Celestia out of the way just a dangerous projectile (aka some bird doo doo) fell from the sky, nearly landing on Celestia's head. ...Just as a dangerous...
"The Princess has every right to take Twilight away and keep her at her castle where she lives all by herself with no stallion and no one can hear any screams. ...and where no one can(Or is it nopony?)
Which is really stupid because every pony knows that earth ponies are the ones that should be royality and the leaders of Equestria but they are so smart they know that being powerful sucks and so they stay on their farms. Royalty. Everypony should be one word. This is a dependent thought, so either continue it from the previous sentence with a comma or change the first word to a noun.
Cadence raised an eyebrow and smirk. "Is there any member of my family you haven't slept with?" Smirked.
"Ugh... I feel terrible," the captain whimpered Missing a period here.
"Needs something with a bit more flare... how about Tale Teller's Night?" Shining suggested.
Unless you want them to set off fireworks, I suggest changing it to "flair."
Luna, finishing her bottle, tossed it into the fire. "I have the sudden urge to go shopping for discount tvs." You capitalized TVs in the next line, but didn't here.
No other mistakes that I could see. Anyway, this was a fantastic chapter/arc (though I'm looking forward to the next one)!!!
Shining and Tydal slept with each other, well no wonder Shining Armor doesn't like Tydal.
Sure Shining Armor I believe you, not!
the cmc have declared war on blueblood
Oh gods, moluna strikes! This whole chapter is full of win!
Nice job!
Ed
Yes for the CMC to take war to Blueblood. This arc was nice to see how they first met, interested in what the next will be like.
Now we need to get some dragons in on the interspecies-snu-snu. It's always fun when you try to do the deed with something a thousand times your size!
*Cadence jumps at the chance instantly*
Why do I get the feeling that Shining is going to crack so bad in the final chapters that it's going to freak everyone else out, Even Tydal?
YES! I KNEW THAT THANKSGIVING STORY THEY TELL IN SCHOOL WAS TOTAL BULLS***!!
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Well in her defense she went a thousand years without sex.
Electric boogaloo a line i've heard so many times in mystery science theater 3000
I can't wait til this reaches the Season 2 and 3 gap bridge. I have this scene in my head.
Shining: Let me get this straight. The Crystal Empire has returned after being missing for a thousand years, and if we beat this Sombra character, Cadance is heir to the throne?
Celestia: Yes.
Shining: Which means we'd have to move to a giant crystal palace that's miles from here in the middle of the frozen wastes?
Celestia: Yes.
Shining: FAR away from Luna and Tydal?
Celestia: ...Yes...
Shining: *Having INSTANTLY packed his bags somehow* When do we leave?
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Pretty much nailed it on the head. There will be some season 3 chapters, such as the reveal that the reason Celestia and Luna couldn't help defeat Sombra is that Tydal wants to go and they (wisely) realize letting a warrior king anywhere near the soft-hearted crystal ponies will be a disaster.
Also, should the rumors be true about Cadence and Shining having a baby, you can rest assure there will be fun with that... I would love to add a foal to the mix (especially since we've seen that Tydal is overly protective of children).
knowing you have followed an author long enough to become sane again and back to insanity when you reread what the author wrote outloud in classic cartoon style
'“That the hell is a TV?” Tydal asked." "What" or "that"?
And I assume "Freedmon" Fighters was intentional typo?
Freedmon! The Ex-Slave Digimon!
Just one minor issue ... during the start, before we see Blueblood. 'Cutie Mark Crusader FREEDON Fighters!' Close, at least..
Death to Prince Bourgeoisieblood! Viva la revolucion!
CAN YOU HEAR THE PONIES SING
SINGING THE SONG OF ANGRY MARES
1657152 Brown Friday, eh? Does that refer to what I think it refers to?
1658343
Appropriate, since "Electric Boogaloo" is basically used to subtitle... pretty much anything that was a bad idea to make a sequel of.
1672379 Possibly......
1672383
Touché my good man... Touché.... Also: DAMMIT FOILED AGAIN!
needs a Discord chapter
Consider this a bit of fanart for the chapter.
"So, how was the war?" Applebloom asked, double checking the gauges to ensure the wagon was operating at peak efficiency. "Was it excitin'?"
Scootaloo shrugged, stepping one the gas and sending their vehicle rocking down a busy street.
Just started the chapter, and i already had to take a 5 minute breathing session from laughing to hard.
That opening made my day.
I bucking died after hearing Shining slept with Tydal Ha......now THAT'S funny, very good chapter And the CMC, no matter WHAT life throws at you, they can find a way to make your day worse. LOL.
All I have to say is, best chapter yet.
And Go CMC, leading the rebellion against the Unsuper Tyranny of Blueblood (Although I thought it would be Twilight and her friends fulfilling that role, determined to regain/retain Celestia's thrown and keep things civil while her mentor's still on vacation; but this works).
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw2735_huge.png
GO FF: EQUESTRIA DIVISION!!
@BlueBlood:....
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8599-snrksnrk.gif
You took over the wrong Kingdom.....BUCKO!!
Are you kidding?
Nothing scares me!
Except when the Cutie Mark Crusaders gets their hooves on uranium...
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Cutie Mark Crusaders Nuclear Terrorists? Nowhere is safe...
2291829 I think more like CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS NUCLEAR PHYSICISTS YAY!
3115013 ...... dearie me!
2181881
It's almost scary how 3 little fillies can go from adorable to creepy at the drop of a hat.
I fear for thereamins of Shining Armor's sanity.
So, apparently, I'm a god.
I command you all to Follow me on this site!
lol jk
Why do I have a feeling Tydal made up the whole thing to traumatize Shinning just for kicks?
Well, this happened.
Half the time, yes.
I'm just confused.
Oh this will be fun!
I, see.
Come again?
It has.
Tydal does care. He may harass Shining Armor, but it's only because it's funny, he does consider him a friend, and wo betide anyone who tried to screw with him apart from him.
Daaw. Anc all has 2 Ls, not 3.
Happy Tale Teller's Night. Also, good to know Cadence CAN be chaste if she wants.
Ingenious survival tactic there
Huh... suddenly it makes sense that BUTTS has so much footage of Twilight Sparkle bathing
Nobody's judging you, Shiny.