• T The West Is Not Enough

    Secret agents Vinyl Scratch and Octavia find themselves locked in an epic struggle against a ruthless group of outlaws in the wild west.  · JohnPerry
    29,047 words · 2,447 views  ·  314  ·  6  · 

Featured In7

More Stories20

  • T Mission: Implausible

    Octavia and Vinyl Scratch: Musicians and secret agents.
    31,111 words · 9,593 views  ·  665  ·  8
  • E Trains, Carriages and Airships

    What should be a simple overnight ride turns into a three day trip from hell.
    28,168 words · 12,473 views  ·  549  ·  8
  • T Maybe

    Some ponies never change. Prince Blueblood is one of them.
    7,812 words · 3,044 views  ·  281  ·  3
  • E The Final Quest of Star Swirl the Bearded

    The last journey of an unusual wizard and the role he played in the founding of Equestria.
    64,492 words · 3,187 views  ·  194  ·  2
  • E Rest Stop

    At a rest stop on her way to Appleloosa, Twilight Sparkle has a rare moment to reflect...
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  • T When the Curtain Falls

    An incident in a Manehattan theater quickly draws secret agents Vinyl Scratch and Octavia into a hunt for a strange killer.
    36,535 words · 2,248 views  ·  255  ·  4
  • T The West Is Not Enough

    Secret agents Vinyl Scratch and Octavia find themselves locked in an epic struggle against a ruthless group of outlaws in the wild west.
    29,047 words · 2,447 views  ·  314  ·  6
  • T The Wreck

    A.K. Yearling is haunted by dreams of a shipwreck...
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Blog Posts190

  • Sunday
    Is this what no new episodes does to us?

    21 comments · 299 views
  • 2w, 4d
    Well, that was fun

    So now that things have calmed down a bit and the dust has settled, let’s talk about what just happened here.

    I’ve been teasing the idea of doing some sort of second-person HiE clop trollfic for a while now, and it’s mainly because of the Suffer series. After reading so much clop on the feature box, grumbling over its tired clichés and tropes, and idly wondering what gets into the box and why, the allure of trying it for myself became irresistible. Just for a moment, I would cast aside any pretenses of quality or respectability and shamelessly embody “The Player” that I had spoken of.

    I mean, come on. If I’m gonna keep talking about this stuff, I might as well try it for myself, right? Plus there was just the fun of poking fun at all these easily mockable tropes. Good times!

    When I posted the fic, there were three things I was hoping for:

    1) Get on the feature box. Check. (Though this was mainly so that I could…)

    2) ”Suffer” my own story. Check. (This was the most important one to me. When all is said and done, I have a feeling that the crowning achievement of the Suffer series will have been the excuse to utter the phrase “The Feature Box Suffers John Perry.”)

    3) And finally: Force RainbowBob to suffer my story. Ch– Oh. Hmm.

    Well, two out of three ain’t bad! There were also a couple of things to come out of this story that I hadn’t expected, but that I loved: one was finding out that Sethisto had read it, and the other was seeing this fic get more downvotes than the rest of my stories combined.

    Actually, let’s talk about those downvotes for a moment. I have literally never seen a worse upvote/downvote ratio in the feature box than my fic. I’ve been told 1 to 1 has happened in the past, and I believe it, but the worse I had personally witnessed was in the ballpark of 2 to 1 (2 upvotes to 1 downvote). When my fic was in the box, it was around 1.8 to 1. (As of writing, it’s dropped down to around 1.4 to 1.)

    And I love it. While it doesn’t exactly speak well to the mechanisms of the feature box that such a poorly received fic managed to remain in the box, I can’t help but take heart in the fact that so many people saw this premise and immediately went “NO.” Which isn’t to say that everyone who downvoted it did so without reading it; there were plenty of people who went in expecting clop and were disappointed to be reading a trollfic, or who were put off by the overt crudeness of the fic (fair enough; it definitely isn’t for everyone). But there were undoubtedly a lot of people who downvoted on sight, probably without realizing what this thing was.

    And to be fair, it looks like a clopfic from the cover. Most people on FIMFiction wouldn’t recognize my name, and if you don’t know any of my other work (namely the Suffer series) there’s probably no way you could have known that it was meant in jest.

    So kudos to those who tried their darndest to keep this blatant piece of feature bait off the feature box. But I think what we’ve learned is that downvoting en masse is a terrible way to try to keep something off the box. It might be more effective to just ignore it and hope it falls off the box due to lack of “heat”.

    So now that that’s over with, I return to my normal suffering of the feature box. I’ve had my fun, and now I’m at least one step closer to understanding the strange mistress that is the feature box.

    A big thank you to all you guys for indulging me in my insanity. Kudos all around!

    12 comments · 288 views
  • ...

This story is a sequel to Mission: Implausible

Vinyl Scratch has made it big as a DJ and is now the hottest act in Equestria. However, when an old nemesis returns to Canterlot, she and Octavia must reunite to end this threat and save Her Majesty's Secret Service.


Proofread by the fantastic RTStephens. Credit for the vectors in the cover image goes to RegolithX, namelesshero2222 and KANISTORSHIK on deviantART.

First Published
15th Oct 2012
Last Modified
27th Dec 2012
#1 · 106w, 3d ago · · · Prologue ·

Pinkieton Detective Agency

:pinkiehappy: You know I was hoping for more details about this.

Nicely dramatic ending!

#2 · 106w, 3d ago · · · Prologue ·

Is it wrong that I thought of Octavia's voice at the end to sound like Christian Bale's Batman voice? No? Good. :rainbowwild:

Carry on!

#3 · 106w, 3d ago · 1 · · Prologue ·

Now that is how you open a story. Can't wait for more!

#4 · 106w, 3d ago · · · Prologue ·

The title is grammatically incorrect :moustache:

#5 · 106w, 3d ago · · · Prologue ·

Plot hook!!!!!!:pinkiegasp:

Can't wait for more! :pinkiehappy:

#7 · 106w, 3d ago · · · Prologue ·

Changelings, changelings everywhere! Just as I am done with them, they pop up in the next place I go! Leave me alone, Chrysalis!

This version of Equestria seems to be a rather non-absolute monarchy. Mayor Mare being this critical to the crown is not that usual, but I'm always glad to see new takes on the matter.

(Celestia is watching you :trollestia:)

A random idea: somepony should make a picture of the Coltbert Report or, perhaps, properly ponify the logo, and then you could put it in the commercial break!

#8 · 106w, 3d ago · · · Prologue ·

I am SOOO looking forward to more!

#9 · 106w, 3d ago · · · Prologue ·


A random idea: somepony should make a picture of the Coltbert Report or, perhaps, properly ponify the logo, and then you could put it in the commercial break!

That is a brilliant idea. Fortunately, just such an image already exists! :pinkiehappy:

#11 · 106w, 3d ago · · · Prologue ·

Looking forwards to this! Liked, faved, and read later-ed.

#12 · 106w, 2d ago · · · Prologue ·

>>1444693 It is still incorrect :moustache:

Plot hook!!!! :pinkiegasp:

Can't wait for more :pinkiehappy:

Con Mane's back, and in a bloody great chapter to boot. :pinkiehappy: Loving the story already!

More like, "Never Say I'd Die from a Airship Crash Again."

Come on changelings, take the shot with that type of backdrop! Who would argue over, "A View to a Kill"?

Okay, I'll stop with the movie quotes. :twilightsheepish:

Nice way to get the agents out of a tight spot. An elaborate escape plan must be the first year in cadet training for agents or something.

Please continue!

"Everypony needs a hobby."

"And what's yours?"


Now I've got the urge to go watch a spy movie :moustache:

matrix scene?

>>1486514  Yes, I believe it's called SPY 101: Escapology.

You know what's really funny? I just typed in 'escapology' and didn't even realize it's a real word. Where do I sign up for that class? :pinkiecrazy:

>>1486804 Bingo. :ajsmug:

>>1487015 That gif fills me with such ridiculous pure giddy joy it's hard to tear my eyes away from it.

>>1489238 :rainbowlaugh: No, but now that you mention it I wish I had thought to put in a lengthy scene with lots of mid-air flips and martial arts moves.

>>1489266 Pretty sure I spent a good 5 minutes watching that GIF, all the while my smile getting bigger and bigger. Best 5 minutes of my life, that was.

#24 · 105w, 2d ago · · · Prologue ·

Wow, quite a way to start this off!  So glad the sequel is here! :pinkiehappy:



Not relevant to the story but...

As for this story,

Amen to THAT!!


I always use images to convey my thoughts.  :trollestia:

“My goggles...I can’t see in here without my goggles!”

Velma Scratch.  That is all.


Nope Johnny Bravo.

Specifically from when he met scooby and the gang he ran into Velma and after she claims to not be Abe to see without them he says. "My glasses, I can't be seen without my glasses! "

Well, unless one of the changelings was particularly good at staying in character compared to the others, looks like Con Mane is alive after all.

Then again, I have to wonder, was the Con Mane in the airship crash a changeling as well? For that matter, have we ever even seen the real one?

>>1529159 I would post a certain reaction image containing Nicolas Cage, but I'm a nice person.

So Fluttershy will fill in. She's a nice pony.

I shall name him wubsy and he will mine and he will be my wubsy.

Oh, you know this is going to be good when two totally incompatible roommates shack up for an extended period of time. I expect nothing but completely civilized behavior from these two. :ajsmug:

Loved the names you gave to all the other agent ponies. The puns were many and each was spectacular.

Anyone putting bits down on how long the apartment stays intact? And I don't mean from a changeling attack!

I'm hearing the voices of Judi Dench and Desmond Llewelyn, and it is glorious  :raritywink:

This story and its predecessor... come for the story, stay for the delightfully subtle humor. I haven't smiled so much while reading a chapter of anything in a long time. Continue!

...Quite's parents must've hated him.:facehoof:

Wubsy is a bass cannon??

It's too high pitched to be bass-line.  Something like "The Sonic Rain Cannon" would be better for that.


I mean it.  The first was cool but this is getting better by the chapter.


I always use images to help convey my thoughts.  :trollestia:


I'm hearing the voices of Judi Dench and Desmond Llewelyn, and it is glorious

*fist pumps* :pinkiehappy: My job here is done.


Something like "The Sonic Rain Cannon" would be better for that.

That pun doesn't even make any sense. :rainbowhuh:


No pun here.  Serious logic.  Wait, logic doesn't count when we're talking MLP.


>>1530921 I don't mind application of logic, but 'Sonic Rainboom' is a pun. So 'Sonic Rain Cannon' just...makes no sense. :derpytongue2:

Another great chapter, building up the world of intrigue.

When did Pinkie find the time to found a detective agency?  Was it founded by a predecessor?  I need to know who did done dood it!

I can only imagine the hilarity that ensues when these two roommates have finally had enough and go at each other with spy gadgets!  

Speaking of gadgets, I assume the Aston Mustang spy chariot is forthcoming?  One simply cannot leave a spy without his one-use, multimillion-dollar decorative missile launcher on wheels!


The spy chariot should, of course, be drawn by two earth ponies that turn into pegasi when you push a button for "flight mode" (or get pretty butterfly wings for the same reason).

Pinkieton, yes! And the Pinkie Promise had consequences!

I am content.

>>1532129 Perhaps she founded an agency after getting a taste of detective work during the MMMystery on the Friendship Express

Not really anything specific to comment about the chapter, but just wanted to say I heartily enjoy reading this story. The writing is excellent, the puns witty (well, as much as puns can be), and the characters lively and thoroughly in the third-dimension. I look forward to more.

Calling it now- Amber either is, or will be replaced by a changeling.

Because who suspects the little old lady?

Other than myself, of course.

>>1539125 I suspect the little old lady.  As soon as she knocked on the door.

I'm sensing a Red Scare scenario, but they're not red.  Black Scare?  Bug Scare?  Cheesehooves Scare?

Not even a day.

These two are going to end up killing each other way before Con Mane ever gets to them.

Nice development for the changeling. The ultimate spies!

The panic and chaos at the end was nicely done. Now we just need to find out what Con Mane was really up to...

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