No.

Sad, and you have some serious grammar and spelling issues that need to be worked out.

Geez... What was the point in even writing this? I mean, it looks like the only reason you wrote this was to depict the mane 6 (besides Pinkie) dying in a gruesome accident...

It was a scary feeling, the sensation in her eyes was terrifying, more wet then normal, and the streams of liquid down her cheeks brought a tickle on both skin, and in her throat. These noises she couldnt help but make, they hurt the lump that resided in her throat, the...the one being tickled with tears. Yet, as much as it scared her, she couldnt stop. She TRIED she really did, but for some reason Pinkie just, just couldnt manage to make the flow of terror stop. She knew that ponies cried all the time, out of pain, but she had always been there to keep them from crying from sad.

Though, she guessed she didnt even remember why, when she was a filly this sort of thing was the only way she could fall asleep. She vividly remembered the cold wetness of the pillow every night she fell asleep, and every morning when she woke up. But, the feeling, she had long since rid herself of the feeling she was now so scared of, Sadness. Such a small word, but. ..to Pinkie it had more meaning then just feeling sad, to her, she was legitimently scared of being sad now. Because of how it felt.

BUT SHE COULDNT STOP!, she wept these tears bringing more tears, out of fright, and that reminded her, which brought more tears of sadness. In turn, bringing more tears of fright. A never ending cycle. The soft dirt underhoof was soon as wet as sand on a beach. And just as salty. And this made Pinkie even more deppressed, and she cried even harder.

It's weird, she was thinking, it is so very weird that, even small thoughts, like, over seasoning the dirt, could bring more of the terrifying liquid tickle. But. Then she remembered it was salt, and salt made plants not grow. And that ment no flowers to grow here. So she cried further. Maybe I can bring cupca-- she couldnt even finish her thought the wails became so loud. Both inside and out of her head.

Ponies began to sit by her. Trying to comfort her, but this like everything else only seemed to bring more tears. She was supposed to be the one bringing happy to the ponies, not the other way around. Maybe I can throw a thank you party later and everpo---again wails stopped her thought. She couldnt ever invite everypony ever again. Not after what happened..

SHE'S CRYING. WE GET IT.

You need to check your spelling.

Proper nouns (like names, places, etc) get capitalized-Everfree, Ponyville, etc.

Regular nouns, unless at the beginning of a sentence, do not need capitalization (blood clot, for instance)

Spell out words. This is the second time in two days I've had to tell an AUTHOR to do this.

Capitalize the beginnings of sentences

She was slammed against a bear wall

lol. You want 'bare' here, unless you meant she slammed into a wall of big fluffy bears in which case she might have survived.

Overall: No sir, I don't like it.

~Midnight Dancer, TWE's cranky grandma

Aside from what those other two have said, here's another crap issue: Pinkie doesn't seem to think Spike counts as a friend.

What the fuck is this?! Seriously! There is no point, no plot, no conflict, not even any fucking storyline for crying out loud! Even the most basic elements of story-writing has been thrown out the window and burned to unrecognizable mulch! It doesn't even make any sense! All of this was just a fleeting fever dream of grammatical atrocities! Why did you even bother writing this?! And why can't anyone even remotely grasp the English language on the internet these days?!

*Groan*

Okay, my rant is now over. In a nutshell, I'm not so sure if you'll be getting your Cutie Mark in writing anytime soon. Seriously, just read a book, any book and just read to find out how stories are actually told.

I'll start off this review with a good point.

Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. I WILL walk again, for you Dashie. I will, even if its to hug you when I get there....”

The problem is...the rest of it wasn't so great. There's grammar mistakes abound, and it really kinda ruins all the emotion and tragedy you're trying to portray. Here's a pretty good example:

It's weird, she was thinking, it is so very weird that, even small thoughts, like, over seasoning the dirt, could bring more of the terrifying liquid tickle. But. Then she remembered it was salt, and salt made plants not grow. And that ment no flowers to grow here. So she cried further. Maybe I can bring cupca-- she couldnt even finish her thought the wails became so loud. Both inside and out of her head.

In the first few paragraphs such as this one, there are way too many commas and periods. It makes the sentences extremely choppy and it begins to lost its flow. After a few paragraphs of this, I found myself actually getting annoyed from the excessive punctuation. Also, when portraying someone's thoughts, you have to distinguish them from the rest of the paragraph. I'd do this by using italics

Maybe I can bring cupca-

This next one is just a suggestion. Personally, I prefer to double space my paragraphs. I think it makes the story just look better. But I suppose indenting works too. If that's what you prefer, then I can look past it.

My other big problem is the trainwreck scene. How ironic, considering I'm part of a group that scouts out trainwrecks...But seriously, it sorta plays out like a scene from Final Destination: Ponyville. I dunno, something just doesn't feel right about it. It's almost as if you wrote a bloody death scene just for the sake of a bloody death scene. Having almost all the main characters die gruesomely isn't going to win you a lot of readers. Frankly, aside from the single sentence I put up at the top, this story is as messy as Fluttershy's brains splattered across the wall. It hurts, really. This could have been a tragic story of epic proportions, but in the end, it fall miles short of its mark. Sorry, but its the truth.

Anyway, thus concludes my two cents on this fic. I'll give ya some props for making me feel (just a tiny bit). Just ease up on the the commas, fix up some punctuation, and perhaps add some more emotion. Or you know, try reading a book. That usually helps.

~Schlippy

TWE Reviewer, Derpy Trainwreck Trash Pail Person

I really think this was just a troll fic...because you honestly had no reason for this to happen at all. I see this as a troll fic and nothing else. Well, i could see it as something that shouldn't exist, but over all, just a troll fic.

[sarcasm]Best...trollfic...ever...[/sarcasm]

Pinkie pie and friends are going to Dashville Trotensse for Dashies birthday. and all is well until a prototype train they are on crashes close to ponyville,

with all her friends gone should Pinkie make anymore promises to them, and if she does, how will she keep them?

ACTIVATING TRANSLATION BOT

BOOP WOOP DOOP

Original Text:

Pinkie pie and friends are going to Dashville Trotensse for Dashies birthday. and all is well until a prototype train they are on crashes close to ponyville,

with all her friends gone should Pinkie make anymore promises to them, and if she does, how will she keep them?

Revised Text

Pinkie Pie and friends are going to Dashville Trotensse for Dashie's birthday; all is well until the prototype train they are on crashes close to Ponyville. With all her friends gone, should Pinkie make any more promises to them? And if she does, how will she keep them?

1.0

I figure it will only be a matter of time before my associates from TWE come and give this story the critical fucking it needs. Guess I'll be ahead of the pack.

Okay, so let me begin to read...

Well, I had trouble reading it. That HUGE WALL OF TEXT was blocking my view of the story.

Even if the wall of text wasn't there, the grammar was poor. Not to mention, this story had absolutely no buildup or plot. It was almost as if you wrote this story just to convey the mane 6 getting brutally killed. If that's the case, then you shouldn't write. Ever. There's a reason they didn't stop making Saving Private Ryan after the first gruesome scene.

Seriously, the last thing I needed to read was Rarity's horn getting snapped off and spraying blood all over the place.

My advice: Trash it. Then get a proof reader, and try to make the story interesting, or at least suspenseful. And break down that Goddamn wall of text, for Christ's sake.

~Inspectah Dash, TWE's resident snarky asshole and Steven Spielberg nerd.

I see some potential here. You have a great tragedy here. All of Pinkie's main friends died (except for Spike, who seems to be completely out of this story). But the problem is how you portray it.

Firstly, I think that you over-exaggerated the beginning scene. Pinkie Pie is crying. Memories rebound in her head and it makes her cry harder. The problem is that you put some sentences that kinda ruined the moment for me. First of all, the cap-locked words are a little too much of a stand out, especially when you put a full sentence with an exclamation point, then put a comma.

Also, there was the section breaks. You don't put a thought of what was happening in the present, then transition to the past. It just doesn't work. Now, I would understand though if it was a transition from one sentence into another sentence. But you continued the sentence to finish the thought before going in the past.

Also, maybe explain why they were on a prototype train in the first place? Wouldn't the owners of the train test it so there wasn't any trouble before allowing ponies on? And Dashville? Shouldn't it be Cloudsdale or someplace where the title of the character's name isn't in the place name?

And finally, don't try to explain how they speak in the middle of the speech with parenthesis. Describe it outside of the context. After or separated by commas at the part would be best.

Well, this is what I'll say for you. Hope you can learn from my rant!

- Glitchhunter5000, Editor-In-Training

Good plot but writing needs improvement

haha yes my grammar and spelling suck, and I honestly thought the plot was acceptable, though apperently not and I apologize for my terrible authoring, but really this wasnt ment to be offensive to the eyes, or even to cause this much hate,  honestly , not even meant for people besides my 2 previous watchers who i consider friends. due to the fact i KNOW already i cant write, i mean really, look at my other story, just as bad guys. just. as .bad, if not worse

so thank you all for the feedback, constructive or not, it wont discourage me from writing other abominations at 4 am with a bout of depression. normally I would have had a friend review it prior to posting, since it WAS 4am, and I felt like writing at the time, to surprise said friend i decided against waiting to post it.

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I think this picture is a bit late:

Image: http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/22879360.jpg