Seven:
Half of Forever
“What does stargazing have to do with magic?” the unicorn filly asks.
Starswirl has brought her to a lookout point on a cliff near the city. She doesn’t want to be here, out of the safety of her new home. Not after dark. An old fear seeps like poison into her new life, spoiling what should be a happy moment with her teacher, but Celestia can’t help it.
She doesn’t like the night.
“The heavens hold many secrets,” says Starswirl. “And to those with the will to find them out, the stars themselves will give their aid.”
The old wizard shows her his brass telescope. It is the first time she has ever seen such a device. They pass an agreeable hour studying the night sky, and Celestia begins to learn the names of the stars.
“Does every star have a name?”
“Every one.”
“But there are so many! It would take a hundred years to learn them all!”
Starswirl chuckles. “More than a hundred, I’m afraid.”
The moon climbs over the horizon, spilling pale light over the landscape below the lookout. For the first time since they came out here, Celestia begins to feel at ease. Starswirl notices the change in his apprentice, and the fond way she glances at the moon as it ascends, throwing back the shadows.
“You don’t like the dark, do you?”
Celestia shakes her head slowly.
“But we cannot see the stars during the daytime. Even the moonlight will get in the way of our studies if it’s too bright. Without darkness we would never appreciate the light.”
Celestia doesn’t care. Her entire body drinks in the light and her shivering stops.
“Does the moon have a name too?” she asks. “Like the stars?”
Starswirl watches her carefully. “It does. An ancient name, and powerful.”
“Really? What is it?”
He tells her.
“It’s beautiful,” she whispers.
* * *
The warm night wind blew through Princess Celestia’s mane. She stood on her balcony, looking out over the sleeping city. It was only a few hours until it was time for her to raise the sun, but she wasn’t tired. She didn’t seem to need much sleep anymore.
“Princess?” a voice called to her through her chambers.
“I’m here,” she called back.
“Sorry to disturb you, but there are two young ponies who claim you want to see them.”
Celestia walked into her chambers and magicked her door open. Brightmane, one of her royal guards, stood in the hallway. He wore a stoic non-expression on his face. Celestia had not seen him smile even once since she was crowned princess. At first she thought that he didn’t like her, but she was beginning to realize that he was that way with everypony.
“You didn’t disturb me,” she assured him. “Who wants to see me?”
“Page Sparkle and a young… earth pony.”
Her insides fluttered. “Show them in.”
Brightmane left the young princess standing in her doorway. Moments later, Page and her companion appeared.
“Princess Celestia, we found it!” said Page. She was beaming. A flat shape, wrapped in cloth, hovered in the air beside her. “And that’s not all…”
“Was it… undamaged?” inquired Celestia, hiding her worry behind a smile for the excited unicorn filly.
“It still… works,” said Page. Celestia noticed the uncertainty in her voice.
“You looked in the mirror, didn’t you?”
“We both did.”
Celestia looked at Page’s friend. The earth pony was the color of an autumn leaf, with a mane of amber and a healing herb for a cutie mark. For more than a minute she just stared at Celestia without blinking, her mouth hanging open.
“I see. And who’s your friend?”
“Oh!” Page blushed. “Princess, this is Victory Song. She’s the one I told you about, who saved me during the battle.”
“Hi there,” the young princess said to the earth pony.
Pleased to meet you, your highness, Victory meant to say, but what actually came out of her mouth was a long “Uuuuuuuuhhh…”
Celestia gave her a warm smile. Is she okay? she wondered. She was beginning to get used to the way her strangeness unnerved those around her, but she still did not realize the effect she could have on the ponies who admired her as deeply as Victory did.
Victory’s mouth snapped shut and she averted her eyes. She mumbled something Celestia couldn’t quite catch, though she thought she heard a highness in there somewhere.
“Did you have any trouble?” she asked them.
“No,” said Page. “I don’t think those rumors about magical traps on his house are even true. All we did was sift through the ashes. The hardest part was getting it to you without catching the attention of nosy magicians.”
“Thanks for that. I’d like to keep the Magic Academy out of this.”
“I can imagine,” said Page. She looked at the floor in front of her hooves. “Princess… I know it’s not my place to say anything… but I hope you know what you’re doing with that.”
I really don’t, thought Celestia. She looked from Page to Victory. Neither pony was looking her in the eye. Why would she think it isn’t her place to say something to me? I’m not going to be the kind of princess who doesn’t listen to her subjects.
Her subjects. That was the problem, wasn’t it? And that was why she needed to do this. It was selfish and dangerous and she had no idea what the consequences would be, but she needed more than subjects.
Her horn glowed with gentle golden light as she lifted the wrapped mirror out of Page’s magical grasp. “We’ll find out soon enough,” she said. “In the meantime, I should reward you both for doing this for me.”
“That won’t be necessary,” said Page. Victory echoed her friend’s sentiment, shaking her head urgently, but remained silent.
“I’m going to be hosting a celebration in a couple of months. A few of my royal decrees are starting to have an effect, and I want a big event for the rich and powerful of Canterlot to be able to rally around. My advisor assures me it is a sound plan if I want to inspire generosity in them.”
“That sounds fun.” said Page. Victory nodded.
“I want you both to come.”
“Oh, Princess, I really can’t…”
“We’ll be there,” blurted Victory. She and Page exchanged a glance.
“Wonderful!” said Celestia, delighted.
She bid both of them farewell and retreated into her chambers with the mirror. The door closed between them. Page and Victory left the castle. The night’s efforts were starting to catch up with them, and they headed to Page’s house to get a few hours of sleep.
“What was that about?” asked Page, once they were out of earshot of the royal guards.
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I’m talking about. You were acting weird in front of the princess.”
“I was not.”
Victory couldn’t tell Page what had just happened, because she didn’t understand it herself. Standing in the princess’s presence, close enough to touch the one who had saved them all during the battle, she had felt a fierce and sudden loyalty toward her, which made no sense. Victory was an earth pony, and Princess Celestia was the ruler of the unicorn tribe. Being friends with Page might annoy the other earth ponies, but devotion to the unicorns’ princess, that would be treasonous. The chain of her thoughts frightened her.
“Oh no!” said Page suddenly.
“What is it?”
“I forgot to tell her about the books!”
* * *
Alone, Princess Celestia placed the looking glass on the wall, the cloth Page had wrapped it in still covering its face. She paced back and forth in her chambers, turning her decision over in her mind. Eventually she found herself back on her balcony, looking over her city.
Thousands of unicorns slept soundly in their homes below. As their princess, she was responsible for them. She couldn’t do something just because she wanted to anymore. And what she intended was dangerous.
But a princess who doesn’t know friendship will never be able to teach it to others, she thought. And if she could not show her subjects the magic of friendship, Starswirl would win. It did not matter that she was more powerful. Without Harmony on their side, Canterlot—all of Equestria, even—would fall. It was only a matter of time.
Anger stirred within her, and with it determination. She would show her subjects that Starswirl was wrong, that the kind of magic he wielded was not true magic, which was born in friendship. She would bring Harmony back to the unicorn tribe. All she needed was one friend, a single pony she could share real magic with, and she would wield a power Starswirl could never match.
The moon was drifting over the city, full and bright. Celestia looked into its light and smiled. Her teacher’s voice came to her from out of the past, like a ghost: “There’s no such thing as moonlight,” Starswirl had said. “What do you mean? Of course there’s moonlight.” “The moon has no light of its own. It reflects the light of the sun. Like a mirror…”
Celestia took her place before the fairy mirror and took a deep breath. Her horn glowed and the cloth was pulled away, revealing the dark surface of the looking glass. She saw her reflection staring back at her, no longer the helpless little unicorn who had last gazed into this glass, but a royal princess. Tonight, I make a friend, she thought. No matter the consequences.
“Are you there?” she asked out loud.
* * *
Beyond the looking glass, a nameless being heard the voice of the princess who would summon it. The one they say even Starswirl the Bearded fears… it thought. But it could not believe it. It had felt the old wizard’s power when he had gazed into the glass to seek out the secrets of magic. It knew the tide of dark magic that swelled within him. Generations had passed since it had reflected such a pony. It was certain that generations would pass again before it encountered Starswirl’s equal.
From out of the depths of a realm of pure magic, the nameless being answered the princess’s summons. As she gazed into its looking glass it took form, reflecting her beauty and her power. It became she… a dark blue filly… a unicorn… wait, but she had wings too… that was different…
Before she opened her eyes, the nameless pony gasped. Hundreds of creatures had stood before her glass at one time or another, but she had never felt such vast power reflected in her mirror before. All her doubts were shattered. The blue reflection was certain that this princess could turn the heavens by herself, that she could break the bonds of hundreds of unicorn spells, that even the great wizard Starswirl had fled from her presence.
“What are you?” the blue pony asked in awe, opening her aquamarine eyes.
“I’m not a what. I’m a who,” said the white pony, smiling. “Princess Celestia.”
Their gazes locked. Eyes that had beheld the world of wild magic on the other side of the glass met eyes that had looked upon the realms that lay beyond the gates of death itself. And then the blue pony knew her.
“It’s you!” she cried.
Celestia grinned. “Notice anything different about me?” she asked.
“What happened to you?”
“I died. Then Starswirl’s phoenix gave her life to bring me back. Now I’m… like this.”
The pony in the glass looked like she was about to cry. “I’ve been thinking about you.” This was an understatement. Since meeting her, she had thought of nothing else.
“I’ve decided on a name for you,” said Celestia.
The pony in the glass took a step backward. “No!” she wailed. “I told you never to say that again!”
“Things are different now. I’m different.”
“Listen to me, Princess. Nothing has changed. When I saw you in Starswirl’s study, I knew you were special. You were shining, like a torch in a world of shadows. I have been the reflection of so many ponies that were full of ambition and cruelty. Meeting you was like… coming up for air. And then you offered me a name, even after I told you what it would cost you. You will never know how much that meant to me.
“To have a name of my own, to be a single thing instead of the changing depending on who looks into my glass, I want this more than anything… except your life. I wouldn’t steal a single tomorrow from you. And that is the price. No matter how much life you have ahead of you, I would be cutting it in half. And I can’t do that. I won’t ever be able to do that. So please don’t ever offer it to me again, I beg you.”
Celestia felt a surge of emotion. She put a hoof against the glass. “Can you cut eternity in half?” she asked softly.
The blue pony stared. “What?”
“I don’t know what I am anymore. You don’t know. I don’t even think Starswirl knew. It’s like there’s this wall between me and every other pony in the world. And now that I’m a princess, there’s that between us too. I have subjects and servants and even enemies… but no friends. Not even one. If it cost half my life to gain a friend, I would pay it, even if I only had a single day left. Even if I had a single hour.
“But when the phoenix gave me her life, she gave me all of it. I am going to live forever. What is half of always?”
The pony in the glass staggered. “You mean…”
Celestia took her hoof off of the glass and stepped backward. She looked at the pony in the glass with hopeful eyes. “Will you accept my friendship?”
Nopony who has not felt the pain of an impossible wish devoured by the joy of a dream come true can know what the pony in the glass felt at that instant. Liquid tears shone silver in the moonlight and she all but threw herself against the glass. Life, real life beckoned from the other side of the glass, a world full of wonders that somepony from her realm could only ever dream of.
“I will!” she cried. “It’s all I want!”
Celestia called her by name. As soon as the name passed her lips, a crack appeared in the ancient mirror. In the heavens above the city, the stars flared brighter for an instant. The living constellations that walked the land, the great Ursas and their kin, turned their starry heads toward Canterlot. Far to the north, the great king Sombra shuddered on his throne as he felt the shadow of his fate stretch toward him. And all across the land of Equestria, ponies glimpsed in their dreams a blue filly with the horn of a unicorn and the wings of a pegasus and gentle eyes that looked at them as if they were the most precious thing in the world.
“Luna!”
As she heard her name for the first time, the blue filly’s heart broke, and with it, the looking glass that held her. The first crack split into a web of crooked lines, then shattered into a hundred spinning fragments as she came rushing into the world, shadow made flesh, barely registering the feeling of the night air on her coat, the wind in her feathers, the single clack of her hooves against the stone floor, before she crashed joyfully into Celestia, who was waiting with open arms, and they tumbled together in a flurry of wings and hooves and tangled manes, to land in a giggling heap together on her chamber floor.
“Nice to meet you,” said Luna.
“Y-You’re…” Celestia tried to say.
“Free. Thanks to you.” She spread her wings and leapt into the air and hovered. “Oh, is this what flying feels like? It’s wonderful!”
“Isn’t it?” said Celestia, getting to her hooves. She felt unsteady, as if a breath would knock her over. The pony in the glass… Luna… her friend had come to her. This was more than she had dared to hope for.
“I want to see the sky,” Luna declared.
Excited joy bubbling up within her, Celestia flapped her wings and shot past the blue pony. “Come with me. We’ll do more than see it.”
Together they flew out Celestia’s door, onto the balcony looking over the city, then over the railing and into the open air. The moonlit sky welcomed them and they ascended into the silvery clouds.
Celestia shivered with pleasure as her wings caught the air and she glided, circling Luna in wide loops. The pure joy at the freedom of flight was magnified a thousand times because she was sharing it with another. Laughing, Luna caught her and they fell spinning through a cloud. Then they separated, droplets of water flying from their wings, and climbed even higher.
Luna felt everything for the first time. Like a newborn, her eyes drank in the world around her. Each sensation was like a magic spell cast over her body. And every passing second made her think again, so that’s what that is like. The centuries she had spent as a reflection were drowned in the first moments of her new life. She did not lock her past behind a door in her soul that could not be opened, the way Celestia did with the memories of her life before Starswirl took her in. Everything before that night simply faded, every second making it less real.
Like a dream.
They did not talk much. They did not need to. The bond they shared was forged in magic. It was as if it had always been there, from before either of them had existed, waiting for them to meet. And now that they had, the circuit closed around the two of them, locking them in one another’s hearts.
Eventually they alighted upon a drifting cloud. It was almost morning, but not yet. For a few precious moments the city below, the castle, maybe everypony in the world was still asleep. Everypony except us, they both thought.
“I need to raise the sun,” said Celestia.
“Wait a moment more,” said Luna. They spent a few more minutes in the darkness. Then Luna sighed and her horn glowed sapphire. “I think I’m doing this right…”
Celestia felt the spell pull on the heavens and her eyes widened. The moon obeyed the wish of its young mistress and bowed under the horizon.
“You can move the heavens by yourself too!”
“Of course,” sniffed Luna proudly. “I can do everything you can do.”
“You can?”
“We are one.”
There was something solemn about the way she said that. It reminded Celestia of the way the phoenix had said to her, “life is one.” As if there was something connecting them that even she was scarcely aware of.
Nothing in Celestia’s past, from her time on the streets to her betrayal by Starswirl, had prepared her to understand the mystery called Family.
On Luna’s flank, the sign of a crescent moon appeared against inky clouds.
“Look at that!” said Celestia.
Luna looked, but instead of the joyful expression most fillies would have upon noticing that they finally got their cutie mark, her ears drooped and she frowned.
“I don’t understand,” she said. “I thought I would have the same cutie mark as you.”
Celestia shook her head. “I don’t think it works like that. You aren’t going to have the same destiny as me. You’re not just a reflection anymore. You’re you.”
Luna’s ears perked up at that and she cocked her head and gave her cutie mark an appraising look. “Actually… it looks kind of cool.”
“It does,” Celestia agreed.
Then she summoned her magic and raised the sun. Something felt different. Luna had said that giving her a name would cost half of Celestia’s power. It did not feel any harder to raise the sun, but she felt a kind of weight to her magic that had not been there before. Half her magic now resided in the other pony.
What does that make us?
The horizon caught fire and light melted over the white city.
“Why is it still dark over there?” asked Luna afterward, pointing with her hoof.
In the distance, heavy gray clouds were gathering over the Everfree Forest, the only place in Equestria where the pegasi had no control over the weather. Celestia’s sunlight did nothing to brighten those clouds, which cast an impenetrable shadow over the forest. Beneath that shadow, sheets of silvery rain fell and crooked lightning flashed. She could hear the monstrous growl of faraway thunder.
“A storm,” said Celestia. “I don’t think we need to worry. It’s a long way off.”
I predicted this to happen ever since you introduced the mirror, but I still really liked how it was played out.
MAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I love!!! A very interesting way to see Luna come to birth. But again, Celestia seems... a littel old?
2127762 Thanks!
2127945 Still working on getting Celestia's personality right. (She's such a complicated character.) But I'm glad you liked it.
Now things can finally start to get interesting...
Next up: Starswirl and Philomena!
Beautiful!
2134138 Thank you! (And did you see the finale? My story survived getting Alternate Universed yet again!)
2134911 I'm glad Discord and Starwsirl are two different characters, but I think i'm going to leave my story pre-season finale. But I'm glad yours made it!
This was brilliant! Your idea of Luna's birth was just marvelous and beutiful references and descriptions turned it into a buckin' masterpiece!
The only thing that still affect the story is the Princesses too mature behaviour, but I don't give a buck about that one if the plot is just so, so, so AWESOME and ORIGINAL.
2137562 Thank you! I'm glad people are liking this.
(And did everyone notice in the season finale that Princess Celestia mentioned that Starswirl didn't understand friendship like Twilight. A line like that really helps my story to stay in canon.)
Woah, how do you think up these masterpieces?
Wow. That scene was gorgeous! I saw this coming since the beginning, of course that doesn't mean that I wasn't excited for it to finally happen. But how will the others react to a second Princess suddenly appearing out of thin air? And what's Star Swirl up to in that Forest? Hmm...
2149373 Thanks! (I feel the same way when I read your dialogue and character interaction in The Generation That Even Time Has Forgotten.) But in answer to your question... I'm a big fan of myths, fairy tales, and fantasy stories. I like how the writers of the show have left so many things unanswered, so I'm trying to play around and give some unexpected answers to the mysteries they have left us with. (Thank you for your kind comment.)
2149886 Thank you! (Yeah, I didn't think this particular scene was going to surprise anyone, but I'm glad you liked it when it happened. And I foreshadow a lot of the story ahead of time... but hopefully there will be a few surprises coming up. Luna's arrival is going to be a little unnerving to a lot of ponies. (She's not an official princess yet. Only Celestia is, and only of the unicorns right now...)
As for Starswirl... he's up to no good, of course! (And that is what the next chapter is all about, so...)
Thanks for reading!
Most original birth of Luna ever! Have a like just for the creativity. Good story.
2151089 Thanks!
Hello! This group is brought to you by http://www.fimfiction.net/group/197295/authors-helping-authors
Name of Story: Celestia In excelis
Grammar score out of 10: 10 no errors I see.
Pros:
You look into a part of Equestria history not covered in the show using your own personalities, which I always like.
You had a totaly original orgin for Luna!
I liked how Celestia became an Alicorn.
Cons (list three cons)
I'm sure this will be covered in time. But I would like to know why starswirl tried to take over Equestria.
Luna being Celestia's relfection (I think), is she the same age or younger than Celestia?
Also why did Starswirls Phoeni act to revive Celestia? While a nice plot device it confused me.
Notes Section: You take a great step in looking into Equestria's past. My concerns are will Luna's age be cannon to the shows lore? Why has Starswirl turned against the power of friendship? Also why did the Phoenix court take such an interest in Celestia?
You do write a great story and I hope you keep it up.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/82632/fallen-princess
2161912 Thank you for the review!
As for Luna being younger that Celestia, I try to portray the moment she comes out of the mirror as her birth. While the reflection has existed a lot longer than Celestia, until it was given a name, it had a shifting, changeable nature. At this moment Luna is only a day old, and while she has a great deal of knowledge due to her origin, especially magical knowledge, she has no experience at life. She's a newborn. We'll actually see how she ends up looking up to Celestia as an older sister even though she has this strange magical past that stretches back who knows how far.
Starswirl's phoenix revived Celestia for two reasons, which I sort of didn't spell out (mostly because we never see things from her point of view), but they are there. First, she was watching when Celestia offered to give up half her life to the pony in the glass on their first meeting. She recognized that level of generosity as part of Harmony. The second reason is part of that: the phoenixes serve Harmony, and they recognized Celestia as being somehow chosen by Harmony (because she is destined to be a bearer of one of the Elements). That kind of comes up in chapter two, and that is the main reason the Phoenix Court is interested in her. (There is actually going to be a lot more said about this later on.)
Yes, we will get to find out why Starswirl was trying to take over Equestria, as well as his Master Plan, which I imply that Celestia understands but haven't revealed just yet.
We'll also get to see how he came to oppose Harmony and the power of friendship.
Thanks again for your review. I will be checking your story out soon!
" “A storm,” said Celestia. “I don’t think we need to worry. It’s a long way off.” "
Chills.
2108220
Ehh, I'm going to ask a really big favor here...
Since I reviewed this before I had any other stories for you to review, would you be so kind as to do an AHA review on my newest story, The Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee?
2251734 I sure will.
I think the majority of us predicted this would happen when you first showed us the mirror back in chapter one. Still doesn't take away from the creativity of it. Giving half of herself to gain a friend is something, I think, most of us would do.
I think my favorites so far are Page and Victory. I enjoy seeing them work off eachother and watching their friendship grow. I have an idea of what you're doing with the earth pony, but I'll keep that to myself to just wait and see what comes of this innate loyalty she feels for Celestia.
One thing I'm looking forward to is how you write about the social gathering planned. Politics can be a rather messy thing to write coherently but can have so much tasty intrigue and double-talk (stuff I hate, but it's fun to read and write stuff you hate as well, right?)
And now we have Luna... hmmm. I really don't have much to say about this chapter, rather that I'm waiting to see what comes next. Apologies for such a long time gone by before reading this. Things have been rather hectic and I've had to get my priorities in check once again .
Keep writing!
2252361 Thank you! Yeah, I'm looking forward to seeing your next story. (Looks like it's going to involve Scootaloo.)
I just got the next chapter back from my awesome pre-reader/editor. I need to fix it up, but it's very exposition-heavy. (Hopefully my readers can appreciate some laid back mythology-building for a chapter. Then things get serious.
2253623 Mythology is fun, isn't it? I've got this idea involving Sirius (the star) and it's relation between Luna and Celestia. It's a good way to quickly flesh out specific believes and superstition that the world works under. Basically creating your own reason for colloquialism and the like. Legends, myths, fate.
What's best is if you manage to make them subtle enough to be picked out little by little by the readers (or players, considering Metro 2033's effect), though for this to happen, you need quite a long story.
Looking forward to it, Key That Was Lost.
Lovely! I think yours is the only Celestia origin story I've ever really really liked. But now... I must wait. I hate waiting.
This story is awesome! I can't wait for more
This is a beautiful story, and you should feel proud of it. I planned to just glance over the first chapter, since the premise failed to interest me very much, but I was physically unable to stop reading after the first few paragraphs. This is one of those stories with that unexplainable quality, a certain warmth and hearth that is extremely gripping, hiding just enough to make you keep guessing but without becoming obscure.
Your characters pop, being very likable and real, but still fitting perfectly their roles in the story. Celestia feels like a classical heroine, being impossibly good, but still conflicted about her role in the world, and believable despite her apparent perfection. The rest of the cast is also great, with even the minor characters feeling important and well developed. In particular, I am very curious to see where you are gonna take your Luna.
More than anything else I believe the best quality here is the writing style. It is very economic, and it feels like every paragraph is well thought and meaningful, either establishing something of pushing the story forward, even during descriptions. There is very little fat to speak of, but somehow that doesn't impact the pacing, the clarity, or the overall feeling. Combine that with some very clever word choices, and it becomes clear why I fell in love with this fic.
I can't stress enough how much I am enjoying the story so far. If you are able to keep this level of quality, and deliver on the emotional high points you seem to be setting up, you might just have in your hands one of the best fictions on the fandom.
2261992 Thanks! That's what I wanted: to make people like Celestia! She's so awesome. Ah, sorry about the waiting. That silly "School" thing keeps getting in the way of my fanfic writing.
2262212 Thank you!
2264418 Thanks. Yep, Celestia is a bit impossibly good right now. I would call her goodness a naive goodness though. She has some growing up to do before she become the Celestia we know and love. And yeah, I better be able to deliver on the emotion later on, especially the Nightmare Moon stuff.
Thanks for reading!
Hey, congrats on making it to EQD!
Wow.
Just wow.
I am straight up surprised at how good that this is. Literally blown away.
I cannot wait for more.
Awesome storytelling, solid prose, excellent grammar, good characterization, and a story about the origin of Celestia and the life of Starswirl done in a unique and enjoyable way. Easily one of the better stories I've read on FimFic in a while.
Also, this chapter in particular. Celestia asking Luna "Will you accept my friendship?" echoing Season 1, Episode 2's finale and her words to the returned Luna. Nice work on that; adds another layer of complexity to the show and gives some weight to that phrase. Wonderful job.
Keep up the good work.
2265882 Thanks!
2266969 Thank you. That makes me happy.
2267060 Thank you! That's what I was going for with that line! I want to tell a story that actually changes the way someone sees scenes from the show when they watch it again.
2265928
That's debatable, the spell itself mentions nothing about the Elements. We don't really know how magic works so there's plenty of room to stretch the effects of what we see in the show.
From one to another, another to one. A mark of one's destiny singled out alone, fulfilled.
Looking at the spell itself, it actually works pretty well with Evil Starswirl. This could be interpreted as Starswirl trying to take other pony's destinies to fulfill his own.
The pain of an impossible wish, devoured by the joy of a dream come true.
This is currently my favorite line in any story I've read, replacing "Go then, there are other worlds than these."
2269675 Thank you! (Wow, and I'm actually a big fan of the Dark Tower books...)
2267562 You will have to consider that there must be some reason Celestia not only saved all of his work, but gave him an entire wing of the library.
Given that his name has endured for so long, while Luna and Nightmare Moon was all but lost, he must have made some serious amends at some point.
Celestia tends not to keep ancient dangers to herself and her ponies well known.
Heck, just look at the Crystal Empire! That just came out of nowhere! (cough cough... plot convenience... cough... toy line... cough cough)
2272123 Most of his work has been saved from during his time as royal court wizard in Canterlot. (Some of his later stuff might be more dangerous, but Celestia probably keeps it around for the same reason that Dumbledore keeps all the stuff in the Restricted Section at Hogwarts around.) And when his name first appears in the show, Twilight asks Spike if he read that book on obscure unicorn history she gave him, plus no one got her costume, so I'm betting he is someone that scholars are aware of during Twilight's time, but no one else.
Yeah, Nightmare Moon was almost completely forgotten about and that's an important plot point. (Though it's interesting that Zecora knew the legend in Luna Eclipsed. Is that because of her mystical knowledge or do the zebras have reason not to have forgotten her? Hmm...)
And it's fun to take things that the show does for the sake of toy marketing, and try to make up creative/serious reasons for them...
2272123
I don't even know why they felt the need to stipulate that it was top-secret, it's not like the Crystal Empire had any reason to come up before it became an issue. Discord didn't get any mention until he was relevant to the show either.
2272205
It seems more likely that once she came back everyone learned about it, and/or she practiced her little speech before giving it at Nightmare Night.
It's a little hard reading through the tears in my eyes. Your writing seems to get smoother and more emotionally powerful with every chapter. This is is superb, and while I can't wait for the next chapter, I would not ask you to rush it.
2274368 Thank you. Ah, next chapter... it's actually almost done. I'm just polishing it because I'm not satisfied with it. (You know, a lot of exposition... the chapter that comes afterward will be more fun.)
Gah! Finally got around to reading this update and boy was it worth every minute! Though I did know kind of how Luna's 'birth' would work, you still managed to make it feel incredibly whimsical and emotionally charged (in a good way!). Well, now I can't wait for more.
Oh, and props on seemlessly including the S3 references in regards to Sombra and Luna's dreamwalking power.
Cheers!
Inky
2290956 Thank you! I actually like everything Season Three added to the show's canon. The story was started before S3, so Sombra and the Crystal Empire were not going to be a part of it initially, but they ended up fitting nicely into this story. (As does the finale. An entire--admittedly short--season happened without bringing the sword of Canon down on my story and alternate universing it!)
Got to chapter 7 and I'm bowing out. Lots of very nice ideas here, and the writing shows less of the redundancy typical in fan-works. Still, I have found the structure and pacing to be lacking from the very start: the opening fell flat because there was little character investment in it and from there on there wasn't enough variance to stop it from feeling monotonous.
It's probably not too noticeable to for those reading chapter by chapter, but as a single read there is little by way of peaks and troughs. This tends to have the effect of dis-empowering even the good ideas/scenes because they lack contrast. That seems a real shame considering the aforementioned good ideas and characterizations far better than most similar works I have read. I suppose the best way I can put it is that the story as a whole is about things that happen, not the characters those things happen to, leaving it all a little distant and unengaging (while distant is a perfectly acceptable psychic distance, it requires a lack of explanation and a sense of mystery to maintain suspense, and you explain for too much to have that).
I do want to remark on the improvement in dialogue quality as the story progresses: you seem to have mastered the appropriate level of minimalism to let your prose stand alone without abusing adverbs, attribution, or punctuation. Honestly, there haven't been many stories, even out of the ones on EqD, that have satisfied my standards for quality. On the other hand, I would sincerely suggest making a conscious effort to stick to 'she said' as your construction and eliminate all occurrences of 'said she'. The mere fact that you, as an author of noteworthy technical skill, would not literally write 'said she' should give you a fair idea of why it's equally inappropriate to write 'said Celestia'. Pick your construction and stick to it.
-Scott
Pausing at Chapter 7 to say this. I saw the Luna thing coming from a long way off, it wasn't really a secret that it was going to happen. But I just have to say...
“There’s no such thing as moonlight,” Starswirl had said. “What do you mean? Of course there’s moonlight.” “The moon has no light of its own. It reflects the light of the sun. Like a mirror…”
THAT line was so absolutely perfect you deserve some kind of medal for it. Absolutely stunning.
I really like this story. It has a lot of shout outs to the show's continuity (Clover the Clever and all that) and it looks to be doing even more. So I may have said you deserved a medal, but I hope a ribbon will do.
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-Lumino
The birth of Luna almost made me cry. I rarely cry at literature – it's not that I'm any less sentimental than the next person, I'm just that way – but I could feel that I was close. It takes a real rarity of a scene to even bring me close. Hopefully that says how much I enjoyed this chapter, and am enjoying this story.