Dinky, Derpy's daughter, has a dark secret, which Derpy will eventually find out, in an abrupt manner.
interesting... very original subversion of the trope. We shall see how you did.
edit: done reading now. it was... alright. What happened to the real dinky and why did changeling dinky get over being a changeling so fast.
My major complaint is that you could have fleshed-out the story a lot more. When Derpy asked Dinky to stay, supposedly the emotional climax of the story, there wasn't any impact that I was feeling at all. This is due possibly because I was just read about the Dinky replacement less than a minute before the "touching" scene. You pretty much glossed over the years of bonding between Derpy and changeling Dinky, which should be considered the bulk of the story.
And I wouldn't call each scene a chapter either.
What happen to Dinky? It's as if you forgotten about the real Dinky. Right from the beginning, I was begging for a back story on why the Changeling queen want Dinky in the first place, and I only grown more agitated towards the end. No, not forgotten; I dare say that you purposely ignored the real Dinky.
But those issues are forgiven, since I believe that this is a rough outline for a more polished story that you'll be writing. With an fascinating idea like this, it deserves to be more.
Also, I find that being in engrossed in what I write helps give meat to the bone without feeling like I'm expending more effort.
>>14362891436289 Later on I think I'll write a longer, more detailed story. I only wrote this in a couple hours, cause I was bored and wanted to write something. I am working on another fic with someone else, which will take a real long time, but yeah, thanks for the feedback, I like the idea of this and might re-write it.
>>14363911436391 Like I said to Nima55, I only spent around 2 hours on this, but i see what you mean, and will give me something to work off of when/if (hopefully) I get the time to write a way more detailed story. Thanks for the feedback, it really helps.
Interesting concept, but poorly executed. You say that this was written in two hours - well, it shows. The grammar is poorly done, and despite being only 1500 words, it flows in a artificial manner. What could have been a single emotional scene bookended (perhaps with a few flashbacks tossed in from the perspective of both Derpy and Dinky) is instead the skeleton of what seems like a much larger story.
Wow, talk about your dark tales as this one explains a lot.
Nice job on the overall idea of the story.
Someday I hope for a sequel spotlighting other ponies reactions to the news.
>>14373251437325 Yeah, that's what happens when you try to write at 3:00 AM XD
>>14375021437502 I might get around to make a more detailed one, I actually like the concept of this.
>>14372011437201 XD thanks
>>14376061437606 Thanks, glad you like it :D
Wow, that's kinda... Feel-inducing...
Good job. All the mustaches for you!
Very good story... and intresting. I enjoyed to read
So where's the real Dinky, and how come Derpy isn't absolutely desperate to find her?
>>14385131438513 With the changelings. I didn't put much thought into this, I had just based it off of an idea i got from a friend. Wrote this from about 1:00 AM to 3:00 AM XD
Somepony make a rewrite/sequel.
>>14396841439684 I was thinkign about re-writing it.