Great idea! Though i suggest you should get someone to look over your work before you put it on here. Also, could you put the speech of different ponies/creatures on seperate lines? Its much easier to tell who is talking that way. In general: good work and keep going!

>>14433931443393

Thanks, and I'll fix dialogue!

Is this gonna be a DisLestia fic?

>>14485431448543

Maybe.......You'll just have to find out and see!

>>14485541448554 I think I should really get some help. My addiction to suspense is killing me.

you seriously need a grammar editor. other than that, this is a rather intriguing concept. I think I'll follow it.

>>14511981451198

Thank you for the feedback and I'll get someone to look over it.

this is the best idea ive seen for a while keep up the good work

Hmmmm i know that there is history between Celestia and Discord, and this just makes me more anxious to find out!!! Very well done, cant wait for the next part

>>14540571454057

Aww thanks!

>>14539081453908

Thanks! Here is a mustache

>>14540951454095

aww fanks always wanted one and your welcome

I'm making a similarish story [Instead it splits Discord into evil and Good halves [But his good loves everything from Broken Glass to Back-handed compliments]

>>14764771476477

Mine is more of a Celestia x Discord fic

Sooo...there gonna be any updates soon?.....Pretty please

>>15645451564545

Working on it! Just been busy with other fics and school.

yay

ZOMG! I love it so far. Especially how you got the creatures correct. I also hope this is Dislestia. Now, I DEMAND MOAR!

>>16204021620402

There will be update sometime this weekend or early next week.

>>16204021620402 no you said it wrong you says it like dis:  

MOAR

>>16654121665412

Aha, you speak as if I know this website well

>>16909091690909 eeyup

>>16909091690909

>>16909251690925

Update is coming out within the next hour or so. I'm doing final edits to it as well as getting it pre-read by someone.

>>16911631691163

Celestia, yes! *dances happily around room*

>>16911631691163

>>16912231691223 *somehow gets there and joins in*

Before reading: Awesome, I've been hoping this would update. Now to actually read it before I give any useful comments...

MOAR

>>16927141692714

Soon.....

>>16927211692721 I read dis for plot...hehe plot

>>16927671692767

lol

>>16927811692781 think about this...if plot is mare butt then the device is...

Spelling errors abound.

Seems kinda rushed.

Twilight seems a little out of character. She's really not one to not believe the princess. If she says he's good I would think she would at least give him the benefit of a doubt. Also the others seem really overly accepting given what happened to them all. Espesally Rarity. I mean they were just making fun of the Tom situation (which seemed out of place as well as it was kind of  a dick move to make jokes they agreed not to talk about again and that she had no control over) And their all just "Hi. What's up Discord?" it all seemed really weird and like I wasn't even reading them as their actual characters.

Celestia...almost seemed like she was kind of a bitch....I mean come on. She rejected him without what seemed like a modicum of emotion and then take a full 180 and is all OH NOOOOOOOooooo! It just seemed really ....meh. The whole confessing part needs to be redone heavily in my opinion.

Really? Discord freaked out like that because he was rejected and then went on to become the lord of chaos... Sorry it's just that it seems pretty shallow for the ends he went with his chaos and such. Also if he loved her so much why would he not even let up a little after she apologized.

All in all pretty much all the characters seem really shallow and almost out of character for all of them ( I don't mean Discord as his good self since that is part of the story only the confession and following rampage bit)

YBG Out -

Meh, I still prefer the idea of "Discord does what he does because he's evil, end of story". Like Bowser.

>>16929771692977

Thanks for the feedback, but do you notice the "Alternate Universe" tag? Plus, I plan to develop each of the mane six in their own chapters. Much of the feedback that you provided won't be in the story until later. If there are spelling and grammar errors, call me out on them, English is my second language. Again, I'll take this feedback and I'll improve it in the next chapter of this fic.

>>16939421693942

Yes I noticed the AU tag but I assumed that was there for the fact that the story took a different route than canon.

>>16947871694787

Ah! Well it will take a different route later on. Trust me it only gets better! Thanks for clarifying!

D' awww Poor Discord

and Twilight finally whet over and  

Went.

>>17064291706429

Thanks for catching that error, I'm fixing it immediately!

So i just noticed that somehow I had accidentally hit the dislike button. (Yeah...I was the one dislike)....I fixed it.

yes the more celesti discord the better :) we have to unite behind this ship!

This seems like a great idea, but your writing is dragging the story down a bit. You're changing tenses a lot, going from past to present quite frequently. Also there are some occasions where multiple characters are speaking in the same paragraph and that can get very confusing for the reader.

The tense issue is fairly easy to fix, mostly it's just occasions where you are using *insert character name* says, instead of the past tense *insert character name* said. It makes the writing flow a lot better and just makes the whole story a more enjoyable experience.

Now please, don't take me as someone who is just poking a bunch of holes in your story. It's pretty good, and I'm sure it gets better. But fixing these errors will make it even better for everyone.

At times it seems pretty rushed, it'd be best if you spent some time at the beginning of a scene to describe the scenery. You know, paint a picture in the readers mind. I'll give you an example.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Celestia flying towards the east while Luna lowered the moon. Celestia returned to her room and headed down to Discord’s room. Celestia signaled to the Royal Guards to let her into Discord's room. When she entered his room and saw he was out on the balcony, looking over the garden where he once was trapped in stone.

This is alright, but its a bit rushed. Try slowing it down a bit. Instead, try something like...

Catching a brief glimpse of white out of the corner of his vision, Discord turned to watch Celestia fly through the dark sky towards the east. Just above her he could see Luna's night being ushered away, the massive orb of white slowly making it journey towards the ground along with it's brilliant array of stars. Celestia returned to her room, and soon after left to go visit her old friend.

She signalled to the armoured pegasi outside his room, and after a quick salute they allowed her to enter. Celestia found the Draconequus on the balcony, leaning against the stone banister as he stared at the gardens with dread. The gardens where he had been trapped in stone for a thousand years.

Other than that, I'm enjoying this story! The flashback was really good and I really enjoyed the three immortal's conversing. I am eager to see what happens next.

>>20425802042580

Thanks for the feedback! I appreciate this very much!

Glad you like my fic and I will keep improving my writing and this fic!

>>16204021620402 Dislestia... That is by far, THE funniest ship name I have ever heard in my entire life.