What if the Elements of Harmony didn't imprison Discord in a stone tomb? What if he became good rather than evil? Will he and Celestia's relationship be fixed? Will they be a couple? The Elements have erased his memory to a time when he was good. He must come and understand what chaos he has caused as well as heal his friendship with Celestia and Luna.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Great idea! Though i suggest you should get someone to look over your work before you put it on here. Also, could you put the speech of different ponies/creatures on seperate lines? Its much easier to tell who is talking that way. In general: good work and keep going!
1443393
Thanks, and I'll fix dialogue!
Is this gonna be a DisLestia fic?
1448543
Maybe.......You'll just have to find out and see!
1448554 I think I should really get some help. My addiction to suspense is killing me.
you seriously need a grammar editor. other than that, this is a rather intriguing concept. I think I'll follow it.
1451198
Thank you for the feedback and I'll get someone to look over it.
this is the best idea ive seen for a while keep up the good work
Hmmmm i know that there is history between Celestia and Discord, and this just makes me more anxious to find out!!! Very well done, cant wait for the next part
1454057
Aww thanks!
1453908
Thanks! Here is a mustache
1454095
aww fanks always wanted one and your welcome
I'm making a similarish story [Instead it splits Discord into evil and Good halves [But his good loves everything from Broken Glass to Back-handed compliments]
1476477
Mine is more of a Celestia x Discord fic
Sooo...there gonna be any updates soon?.....Pretty please
1564545
Working on it! Just been busy with other fics and school.
ZOMG! I love it so far. Especially how you got the creatures correct. I also hope this is Dislestia. Now, I DEMAND MOAR!
1620402
There will be update sometime this weekend or early next week.
1620402 no you said it wrong you says it like dis:
MOAR
1665412
Aha, you speak as if I know this website well
1690909 eeyup
1690909
1690925
Update is coming out within the next hour or so. I'm doing final edits to it as well as getting it pre-read by someone.
1691163
*dances happily around room*
Celestia, yes!
1691163
1691223 *somehow gets there and joins in*
Before reading: Awesome, I've been hoping this would update. Now to actually read it before I give any useful comments...
MOAR
1692714
Soon.....
1692721 I read dis for plot...hehe plot
1692767
lol
1692781 think about this...if plot is mare butt then the device is...
Spelling errors abound.
Seems kinda rushed.
Twilight seems a little out of character. She's really not one to not believe the princess. If she says he's good I would think she would at least give him the benefit of a doubt. Also the others seem really overly accepting given what happened to them all. Espesally Rarity. I mean they were just making fun of the Tom situation (which seemed out of place as well as it was kind of a dick move to make jokes they agreed not to talk about again and that she had no control over) And their all just "Hi. What's up Discord?" it all seemed really weird and like I wasn't even reading them as their actual characters.
Celestia...almost seemed like she was kind of a bitch....I mean come on. She rejected him without what seemed like a modicum of emotion and then take a full 180 and is all OH NOOOOOOOooooo! It just seemed really ....meh. The whole confessing part needs to be redone heavily in my opinion.
Really? Discord freaked out like that because he was rejected and then went on to become the lord of chaos... Sorry it's just that it seems pretty shallow for the ends he went with his chaos and such. Also if he loved her so much why would he not even let up a little after she apologized.
All in all pretty much all the characters seem really shallow and almost out of character for all of them ( I don't mean Discord as his good self since that is part of the story only the confession and following rampage bit)
YBG Out -
Meh, I still prefer the idea of "Discord does what he does because he's evil, end of story". Like Bowser.
1692977
Thanks for the feedback, but do you notice the "Alternate Universe" tag? Plus, I plan to develop each of the mane six in their own chapters. Much of the feedback that you provided won't be in the story until later. If there are spelling and grammar errors, call me out on them, English is my second language. Again, I'll take this feedback and I'll improve it in the next chapter of this fic.
1693942
Yes I noticed the AU tag but I assumed that was there for the fact that the story took a different route than canon.
1694787
Ah! Well it will take a different route later on. Trust me it only gets better! Thanks for clarifying!
D' awww
Poor Discord
Went.
1706429
Thanks for catching that error, I'm fixing it immediately!
So i just noticed that somehow I had accidentally hit the dislike button. (Yeah...I was the one dislike)....I fixed it.
yes the more celesti discord the better :) we have to unite behind this ship!
This seems like a great idea, but your writing is dragging the story down a bit. You're changing tenses a lot, going from past to present quite frequently. Also there are some occasions where multiple characters are speaking in the same paragraph and that can get very confusing for the reader.
The tense issue is fairly easy to fix, mostly it's just occasions where you are using *insert character name* says, instead of the past tense *insert character name* said. It makes the writing flow a lot better and just makes the whole story a more enjoyable experience.
Now please, don't take me as someone who is just poking a bunch of holes in your story. It's pretty good, and I'm sure it gets better. But fixing these errors will make it even better for everyone.
At times it seems pretty rushed, it'd be best if you spent some time at the beginning of a scene to describe the scenery. You know, paint a picture in the readers mind. I'll give you an example.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Celestia flying towards the east while Luna lowered the moon. Celestia returned to her room and headed down to Discord’s room. Celestia signaled to the Royal Guards to let her into Discord's room. When she entered his room and saw he was out on the balcony, looking over the garden where he once was trapped in stone.
This is alright, but its a bit rushed. Try slowing it down a bit. Instead, try something like...
Catching a brief glimpse of white out of the corner of his vision, Discord turned to watch Celestia fly through the dark sky towards the east. Just above her he could see Luna's night being ushered away, the massive orb of white slowly making it journey towards the ground along with it's brilliant array of stars. Celestia returned to her room, and soon after left to go visit her old friend.
She signalled to the armoured pegasi outside his room, and after a quick salute they allowed her to enter. Celestia found the Draconequus on the balcony, leaning against the stone banister as he stared at the gardens with dread. The gardens where he had been trapped in stone for a thousand years.
Other than that, I'm enjoying this story!
The flashback was really good and I really enjoyed the three immortal's conversing. I am eager to see what happens next.
2042580
Thanks for the feedback! I appreciate this very much!
Glad you like my fic and I will keep improving my writing and this fic!
1620402 Dislestia... That is by far, THE funniest ship name I have ever heard in my entire life.
....ok weird, discord (loki) was already said to be the most powerful being in the world so it stands to reason that his parents (especially there being two of them) to each be equally powerful therefor their reason of leaving home due to famine sounds like a lie or a poorly thought out excuse as we have seen discord mess with weather and crops easily (cotten candy clouds and popcorn fields) itd be better if you wrote that they just wanted to live in equestria without a real reason behind it
otherwise im really loving this fic its not often that someone manages to write discord so far out of character and yet still manage to make it into a decent story
2748945
Thanks for the feedback. As I continue this fic, you will explore a bit more of Discord's background, as well as Celestia's and Luna's relationship with him.
aite lol i love the loki reference (god of tricks and chaos brother but to thor but not a true son of Odin) i hope that plays out more somehow
ok listen up I am NOT HAPPY GET THE OTHER CHAPTER DONE BECAUSE I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF IT T'S BEEN 7 MONTHS SINCE YOU UPDATED IT WHAT IS IT? ARE YOU BUSY? IF YOU ARE AND IF YOUR TRULY DEDICATED TO IT YOU SHOULD UPPDATING IT EVEY WEEK. DURING SCHOOL EVERY WEEKEND THERE ARE NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO EXCUSES SHAME ON YOU. SHAME ON YOU !!!!!
2824339
It's almost done, young grasshopper. Yes, I've been busy with school and expect an update hopefully by the end of the weekend!