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Teal-Tome

Joined September 2012
54 followers

Stories (4)

  • Forgotten Memories
    What happens when somepony you love is taken away from you?

    3,448 words · 1,363 views · 64 likes · 1 dislikes
  • The Chaos of Harmony
    What will happen when Discord truns good? Will he trick the Princesses into believing he has finally turn good? How will this affect Equestria?
    6,828 words · 1,791 views · 85 likes · 8 dislikes
  • The Night That Changed Her
    Octavia's newfound love, WUBS
    3,684 words · 942 views · 35 likes · 2 dislikes
  • A Final Goodbye
    Octavia's is shock when her something tragic happens to her. How will she more on?
    6,901 words · 677 views · 28 likes · 3 dislikes

Blog Posts (27)

Source

What if the Elements of Harmony didn't imprison Discord in a stone tomb? What if he became good rather than evil? Will he and Celestia's relationship be fixed? Will they be a couple? The Elements have erased his memory to a time when he was good. He must come and understand what chaos he has caused as well as heal his friendship with Celestia and Luna.




Cover Art by Hewison

First Published
15th Oct 2012
Last Modified
7th Sep 2013

Comments ( 60 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 101w, 1d ago · · ·

Great idea! Though i suggest you should get someone to look over your work before you put it on here. Also, could you put the speech of different ponies/creatures on seperate lines? Its much easier to tell who is talking that way. In general: good work and keep going!:pinkiehappy:

#2 · Chapter 1 · 101w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1443393

Thanks, and I'll fix dialogue!

#3 · Chapter 1 · 101w, 22h ago · · ·

Is this gonna be a DisLestia fic?

#4 · Chapter 1 · 101w, 22h ago · · ·

>>1448543

Maybe.......You'll just have to find out and see! :twilightblush:

#5 · Chapter 1 · 101w, 22h ago · · ·

>>1448554 I think I should really get some help. My addiction to suspense is killing me.

#6 · Chapter 1 · 101w, 6h ago · · ·

you seriously need a grammar editor. other than that, this is a rather intriguing concept. I think I'll follow it.

#7 · Chapter 1 · 101w, 6h ago · · ·

>>1451198

Thank you for the feedback and I'll get someone to look over it.

#8 · Chapter 1 · 100w, 6d ago · · ·

this is the best idea ive seen for a while keep up the good work :scootangel:

#9 · Chapter 1 · 100w, 6d ago · · ·

Hmmmm i know that there is history between Celestia and Discord, and this just makes me more anxious to find out!!! Very well done, cant wait for the next part :pinkiehappy:

#10 · Chapter 1 · 100w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1454057

Aww thanks!:pinkiehappy:

#11 · Chapter 1 · 100w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1453908

Thanks! Here is a mustache :moustache:

#12 · Chapter 1 · 100w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1454095

aww fanks always wanted one and your welcome

#13 · Chapter 1 · 100w, 3d ago · · ·

I'm making a similarish story [Instead it splits Discord into evil and Good halves [But his good loves everything from Broken Glass to Back-handed compliments]

#14 · Chapter 1 · 100w, 3d ago · · ·

>>1476477

Mine is more of a Celestia x Discord fic

#15 · Chapter 1 · 98w, 1d ago · · ·

Sooo...there gonna be any updates soon?.....Pretty please :pinkiehappy:

#16 · Chapter 1 · 98w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1564545

Working on it! Just been busy with other fics and school.

#17 · Chapter 1 · 98w, 1d ago · · ·

:yay: yay

#18 · Chapter 1 · 96w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

ZOMG! I love it so far. Especially how you got the creatures correct. I also hope this is Dislestia. Now, I DEMAND MOAR!:pinkiehappy:

#19 · Chapter 1 · 96w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1620402

There will be update sometime this weekend or early next week.

#20 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1620402 no you said it wrong you says it like dis:  




MOAR

#21 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1665412

Aha, you speak as if I know this website well :rainbowlaugh:

#22 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 23h ago · · ·
#23 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 23h ago · · ·

>>1690909

>>1690925

Update is coming out within the next hour or so. I'm doing final edits to it as well as getting it pre-read by someone.

#24 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 23h ago · · ·

>>1691163

Celestia, yes! :rainbowkiss: *dances happily around room*

#25 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 23h ago · · ·

>>1691163 :pinkiehappy:

>>1691223 *somehow gets there and joins in*

#26 · Chapter 2 · 95w, 20h ago · · ·

Before reading: Awesome, I've been hoping this would update. Now to actually read it before I give any useful comments...

#27 · Chapter 2 · 95w, 20h ago · · ·

MOAR

#28 · Chapter 2 · 95w, 19h ago · · ·

>>1692714

Soon.....

#29 · Chapter 2 · 95w, 19h ago · · ·

>>1692721 I read dis for plot...hehe plot

#30 · Chapter 2 · 95w, 19h ago · · ·
#31 · Chapter 2 · 95w, 19h ago · · ·

>>1692781 think about this...if plot is mare butt then the device is...

#32 · Chapter 2 · 95w, 19h ago · · ·

Spelling errors abound.

Seems kinda rushed.

Twilight seems a little out of character. She's really not one to not believe the princess. If she says he's good I would think she would at least give him the benefit of a doubt. Also the others seem really overly accepting given what happened to them all. Espesally Rarity. I mean they were just making fun of the Tom situation (which seemed out of place as well as it was kind of  a dick move to make jokes they agreed not to talk about again and that she had no control over) And their all just "Hi. What's up Discord?" it all seemed really weird and like I wasn't even reading them as their actual characters.

Celestia...almost seemed like she was kind of a bitch....I mean come on. She rejected him without what seemed like a modicum of emotion and then take a full 180 and is all OH NOOOOOOOooooo! It just seemed really ....meh. The whole confessing part needs to be redone heavily in my opinion.

Really? Discord freaked out like that because he was rejected and then went on to become the lord of chaos... Sorry it's just that it seems pretty shallow for the ends he went with his chaos and such. Also if he loved her so much why would he not even let up a little after she apologized.

All in all pretty much all the characters seem really shallow and almost out of character for all of them ( I don't mean Discord as his good self since that is part of the story only the confession and following rampage bit)

YBG Out - :moustache:

#33 · Chapter 2 · 95w, 17h ago · · ·

Meh, I still prefer the idea of "Discord does what he does because he's evil, end of story". Like Bowser.

#34 · Chapter 2 · 95w, 11h ago · · ·

>>1692977

Thanks for the feedback, but do you notice the "Alternate Universe" tag? Plus, I plan to develop each of the mane six in their own chapters. Much of the feedback that you provided won't be in the story until later. If there are spelling and grammar errors, call me out on them, English is my second language. Again, I'll take this feedback and I'll improve it in the next chapter of this fic.

#35 · Chapter 2 · 95w, 7h ago · · ·

>>1693942

Yes I noticed the AU tag but I assumed that was there for the fact that the story took a different route than canon.

#36 · Chapter 2 · 95w, 6h ago · · ·

>>1694787

Ah! Well it will take a different route later on. Trust me it only gets better! Thanks for clarifying! :pinkiehappy:

#37 · Chapter 2 · 95w, 3h ago · · ·

D' awww :raritycry: Poor Discord

#38 · Chapter 2 · 94w, 5d ago · · ·

and Twilight finally whet over and  

Went.

#39 · Chapter 2 · 94w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1706429

Thanks for catching that error, I'm fixing it immediately! :pinkiehappy:

#40 · Chapter 3 · 86w, 1d ago · · ·

So i just noticed that somehow I had accidentally hit the dislike button. (Yeah...I was the one dislike)....I fixed it.

#41 · Chapter 3 · 86w, 9h ago · · ·

yes the more celesti discord the better :) we have to unite behind this ship!

#42 · Chapter 1 · 86w, 7h ago · 3 · ·

This seems like a great idea, but your writing is dragging the story down a bit. You're changing tenses a lot, going from past to present quite frequently. Also there are some occasions where multiple characters are speaking in the same paragraph and that can get very confusing for the reader.

The tense issue is fairly easy to fix, mostly it's just occasions where you are using *insert character name* says, instead of the past tense *insert character name* said. It makes the writing flow a lot better and just makes the whole story a more enjoyable experience.

Now please, don't take me as someone who is just poking a bunch of holes in your story. It's pretty good, and I'm sure it gets better. But fixing these errors will make it even better for everyone.


#43 · Chapter 2 · 86w, 7h ago · 3 · ·

At times it seems pretty rushed, it'd be best if you spent some time at the beginning of a scene to describe the scenery. You know, paint a picture in the readers mind. I'll give you an example.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Celestia flying towards the east while Luna lowered the moon. Celestia returned to her room and headed down to Discord’s room. Celestia signaled to the Royal Guards to let her into Discord's room. When she entered his room and saw he was out on the balcony, looking over the garden where he once was trapped in stone.

This is alright, but its a bit rushed. Try slowing it down a bit. Instead, try something like...

Catching a brief glimpse of white out of the corner of his vision, Discord turned to watch Celestia fly through the dark sky towards the east. Just above her he could see Luna's night being ushered away, the massive orb of white slowly making it journey towards the ground along with it's brilliant array of stars. Celestia returned to her room, and soon after left to go visit her old friend.

She signalled to the armoured pegasi outside his room, and after a quick salute they allowed her to enter. Celestia found the Draconequus on the balcony, leaning against the stone banister as he stared at the gardens with dread. The gardens where he had been trapped in stone for a thousand years.

Other than that, I'm enjoying this story! :pinkiehappy: The flashback was really good and I really enjoyed the three immortal's conversing. I am eager to see what happens next.

#44 · Chapter 3 · 86w, 2h ago · · ·

>>2042580

Thanks for the feedback! I appreciate this very much!:pinkiehappy:

Glad you like my fic and I will keep improving my writing and this fic!

#45 · Chapter 1 · 66w, 35m ago · · ·

>>1620402 Dislestia... That is by far, THE funniest ship name I have ever heard in my entire life.

#46 · Chapter 3 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·

....ok weird, discord (loki) was already said to be the most powerful being in the world so it stands to reason that his parents (especially there being two of them) to each be equally powerful therefor their reason of leaving home due to famine sounds like a lie or a poorly thought out excuse as we have seen discord mess with weather and crops easily (cotten candy clouds and popcorn fields) itd be better if you wrote that they just wanted to live in equestria without a real reason behind it

otherwise im really loving this fic its not often that someone manages to write discord so far out of character and yet still manage to make it into a decent story

#47 · Chapter 3 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2748945

Thanks for the feedback. As I continue this fic, you will explore a bit more of Discord's background, as well as Celestia's and Luna's relationship with him.

#48 · Chapter 3 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·

aite lol i love the loki reference (god of tricks and chaos brother but to thor but not a true son of Odin) i hope that plays out more somehow

#49 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 5d ago · · ·

ok listen up I am NOT HAPPY GET THE OTHER CHAPTER DONE BECAUSE I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF IT T'S BEEN 7 MONTHS SINCE YOU UPDATED IT WHAT IS IT? ARE YOU BUSY?  IF YOU ARE AND IF YOUR TRULY DEDICATED TO IT YOU SHOULD UPPDATING IT  EVEY WEEK.  DURING SCHOOL EVERY WEEKEND THERE ARE NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO EXCUSES SHAME ON YOU.  SHAME ON YOU !!!!!

#50 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 4d ago · · ·

>>2824339

It's almost done, young grasshopper. Yes, I've been busy with school and expect an update hopefully by the end of the weekend!

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