Chapter 32: Captain Cometson's Lunacy Adventure
"Quotes! A random, out of context quote! It is framed as if from an in-universe book, and is there at the beginning of each chapter to give the illusion that everything is much deeper than it actually is. Except when it isn't. Because sometimes we have a flashback instead. Sometimes two. And very occasionally, they'll even have some actual relevance to the chapter about to follow. Of course, even that is but a legend..."
-Passenger 46B, extract from a conversation that occurred on a plane sometime last March.
***
Nathan's eyes scanned the document for what must have been the fiftieth time that night. The bags under his eyes grew ever more noticeable, and the aging writer could only sigh and clutch his own head in his hands, out of coffee as he was. He banged his head on the desk, but there was nobody to hear him in the dark room. He pulled at his own skin, as if trying to tear the mask off, but he couldn't. Because it was his face. Nathan was dumb.
"Fuuuuuuuuuck it." He sat up in his chair and pushed himself back from the computer. "I'm done."
He got up from his chair and headed through the darkened hallway in search of the kitchen. He stepped into the other room and turned on the light, revealing another man leaning against the refridgerator. Nathan ignored him as he prepared another cup of coffee.
"That's it?" asked Howard. "You're giving up?"
"Sure am."
"So if you were just going to giving up halfway, then what was the point of all this?"
Nathan didn't answer at first, instead keeping his full attention on the coffee. There was silence in the kitchen, aside from the gentle clink of a teaspoon as Nathan stirred it. When he was done, he looked back to his brother.
"If there was ever a point, I think I lost it. This bullshit just got too complicated, and I think that trying to keep this whole endeavour going is a lost cause. Seriously, Howie, what the fuck am I doing with my life? Look at me! I haven't slept in days! I've created a monster! I'm hallucinating that you're here, and holding a fucking conversation with you, and all the while that abomination is sitting out there on my computer, plotting to take even more of my sanity with it."
He stared down into his coffee with the haunted eyes of a shell-shocked veteran.
"I can't let this go on anymore, Howard. This story is evil and it needs to be stopped."
The coffee mug shattered into pieces as Nathan slammed it down on the kitchen counter, having not even taken a single sip of it. He scalded his hand in the process, but he didn't seem to care. Instead, he dashed into the other room, throwing on the lights and leaping into his computer seat. The hallucination of his brother followed in after him.
"Nathan, come on, let's not do anything crazy here... You're sleep deprived. You're not rational. Let's think things through."
"No, I am rational!" Nathan said with a manic grin. "I think I'm thinking clearly for the first time in years!"
"...Nathan, what are you doing?"
"I'm writing the ending. Everybody fucking dies."
***
Soft Spoken, in all his fanged and frail glory, stood before his friends in the Harmonite temple. The other new Elements of Harmony, the spider monks, and Princess Luna could all only stare at him, none of them quite sure how to respond to this latest revelation.
"It's... a long story..." Softy began. "But how it basically goes is—"
At that moment, they were all interrupted by a big glowing green orb that suddenly appeared in the room. It popped up out of nowhere, just between Soft Spoken and the rest of the ponies, and from it emerged two very serious ponies with visored helmets and blue full-body armour. They stepped out into the temple, and the portal vanished behind them.
"...And who might you ponies be?" asked Princess Luna.
"Space police," said one. "Super serious time travel division."
"We're here to cleanse this timeline. The Codex Gravis empowers us to police the space-time continuum and enforce the rule of seriousness in the face of the mad and deranged."
"Your timeline is in violation of laws of seriousness. It's just too silly."
"In fact, you have beached maximum silliness restrictions several times. This would be fine if you were a silly universe, you understand, but since so many serious things happen here, we are forced to conclude that this is a serious timeline that you have somehow perverted."
The remaining ponies all looked to each other.
"So... what happens now?" asked Gold Coin.
The space police exchanged a look.
"Now we sterilise."
And then they pulled their laser guns and shot everybody.
***
"Ohohoho! Quite amusing!" Lord Second chuckled. "Why, I can't believe I was almost about to kill you all!"
Celestia, Jekyll and Hyde all laughed with him as they sipped their tea in the lounge.
"You know," Second said with a sigh, "I'm glad that we all finally sat down and had this talk. All this time I've just been a mass-murdering crazy person with a deranged sense of humour, no empathy for other living things, and a tragic backstory which causes me to angst all the time and provides a sort of excuse for my actions but not really, when all I needed this whole time a good sit down and talk with some friends to get it out of my system! Whew! I wish we'd done this earlier so that all those ponies could still be alive! Oh well, you win some, you lose some!"
"Haha! Murder! I love it!" said Hyde, taking a bite out of a crumpet.
"I'm just happy that we were finally able to reach a peaceful resolution," Celestia agreed.
"You know, I think everything's going to turn out just great," said Jekyll, giving not one shit about tempting the irony gods.
There was a knock. The four of them all turned their heads as one to see Thug Lyfe open the door and poke his head inside.
"Yo, LS, my nigga, there's some cracker with all mismatched limbs here for ya."
Second raised an eyebrow. "Send him in."
Thug Lyfe stepped aside, admitting an angry draconequus into the room, covered in stone dust. Celestia's eyes widened.
"D-Discord!" she stuttered, "How did you—?"
"Zip it, Celestia," he interrupted, creating an actual zip to close her mouth up.
Discord turned on the three humans.
"You have been stealing my thunder for far too long," he said, point an accusatory claw at Second.
"Me? What did I do?"
"Oh, 'what did I do?' he asks! Like you don't know!"
Discord wiped the remaining stone dust off of himself and grabbed a pinch of it as it fell from his shoulders. He held it out to show Second.
"Turning into a statue? Godlike powers? Mysterious past that is never elaborated on before your defeat? Lord Second, while I am flattered that you chose to model yourself off of me, I'm afraid I must protest this shameless unoriginality that surrounds you and everything involved with you."
Second became indignant.
"Are you accusing me of being derivative, sir?"
With a flash of magic, one of the helmets of the Secopolis power armour appeared in Discord's talon. He thrust it into Second's face and glared at him.
"You tell me!" he hissed.
Second's eyes darted between the power helmet, Celestia, and his two clones. Finally, he looked Discord in the eye again.
"Okay, point taken. But look, we don't have to be this way! I've always been a fan of yours, Discord! I was thinking—"
"Stop. Just stop."
Discord floated over to Celestia and removed her mouth zip. He put an arm around her and used the other to gesture to her for second.
"Look at this poor mare here! Look at what you've put her through!" He then gestured to the room in general. "In fact, look at all of this!"
Second did so.
"I'm not seeing what you want me to see."
A loud sigh preceded Discord snapping his talons and suddenly teleporting all of them to the castle roof. From up here, they had a view of the twisted remains of Canterlot.
"Look at this! It's a mess! Fitting for a man with no creativity, you're not a creator, but a destroyer. This is all utterly pointless. Who on Earth goes into a land like Equestria, stuffy and full of pompous idiot ponies though it may be, and thinks, 'Yeah, I'll just kill everything here! Won't that be great!' I'd ask if you were mentally deficient, but I'm not sure where it'd get me."
Second appeared to struggle for words.
"...Wuh... well... I can always fix it. Y'know. With my powers."
"I don't care," Discord replied. "That you can fix it isn't the point. I can fix it too. That's not the important part. The important part is that despite the fact that you reduced Equestria to an anarchy, you are an affront to the chaos I represent. Creative chaos. You're an avatar of entropy and decay. Your existence offends me. And I will not stand for it!"
The draconequus folded his arms in a gesture of finality, floating out away from the castle with his back to the horizon, so that he could face them all. Second's expression darkened at the obvious challenge.
"Very well, Discord. If you really want to fight me, then—"
"Oh, I don't. I can't win in a fight with you. But this is why a god needs to have brains to back up their power."
There was a roar and a burst of blue and purple. All of Second's bravado disappeared, while Discord grew a wide grin and held his arms wide. A portal opened behind him, a gaping maw that sucked in the buildings of Canterlot into a vortex of colour and sound.
"What did you do?!" Second yelled.
"System restore!" Discord shouted back. "I'm returning Equestria to factory settings! No more humans!"
Even for all his magnificent powers, Lord Second and his clones could not help but be sucked into the void, Celestia and Thug Lyfe following after. Soon, Discord was pulled inside too, laughing all the way. The portal continued to grow, and expand outwards.
***
"Oh boy! What a sweet-looking planet!" said Captain Cometson, Eater of Worlds, as his gigantic body drifted by a small sun. "I think I will eat it and the souls of all its inhabitants!"
The yellow space god cheerfully plucked the planet out of its orbit and tossed it down his gullet, swallowing it whole.
"Mmmm! That hit the spot!"
But Captain Cometson felt an odd feeling in his stomach. In response to his terrible tummy ache, he pulled back his many slick yellow tentacles from the distant corners of time and rubbed his belly mournfully.
"Uh-oh..."
That planet had had a matter-consuming portal on it. And now Captain Cometson would be absorbed into it from the inside out, which would cause it to expands to all points in space and time and effectively end reality.
"My horoscope came true!" he gasped.
And then he died, along with everything else ever.
***
All matter was condensed into a single point. A new Big Bang occurred. Billions of years passed, great and powerful entities rose and fell, and eventually a planet would form which gave rise to life. This life came in the shape of ponies, as well as many other creatures. And it just so happened that one of those ponies was named Twilight Sparkle, and she had a series of wonderful adventures with her friends that resulted in some bullshit involving a magic crystal castle-tree, which she partially had thanks to her good friend named Discord.
And that, dear readers, is where I come in.
***
"Nathan, what in the fucking motherfuck are you fucking doing?"
"Shush, Howie," said Nathan. "I am concluding the meta bullshit."
***
For you see, children, the end of the universe was not truly the end of Lord Second! You did not think that, did you? No! Because in fact, he visited me! As a hallucination! And he helped me through my many tough times in my life. He gave me good advice, such as telling me to set people on fire when they caused me trouble, and life became easier. And I was happy again, because my dear brother never disappeared at all, but instead became the god-ghost of ponies who lives inside my head. And everything was perfect always and forever.
At least until the night terrors came. At least until the fucking endless screams in the night, where they won't leave me alone, and all they ever fucking do is remind me that I'm still writing this fucking shit because it's the nightmares that always inspired the story, and I don't know what I'm doing with my life, because this wasn't how it was supposed to go, and I have no idea how I turned out a product this mediocre and GODDAMN IT I JUST WANT IT TO END WHY WON'T IT END WHY AM I STILL WRITING THIS PIECE OF SHIT I JUST WANT SOME FUCKING PEACEFUL SLEEP
***
Shortly afterwards, Nathan started crying and drinking heavily. He send off the final chapter to his publisher, left the house the next morning, assaulted a vagrant, got arrested, and eventually he found his way to a decent psychiatric hospital where he stayed for several months and got the pills he needed to cope with life. After that, he returned home, hallucination free, and now with a carer. His dear brother, Brian, was there to take care of him from then on. And Nathan lived a life of happiness, never writing metafiction about overpowered humans in a world of cartoon ponies ever again.
And as for Hasbro? Well, they never did make Future Imperfect. It was a little too imperfect. But instead, they took the lessons to heart, now knowing the depths to which a brand can sink, and thanking their lucky stars that however terrible the adaptations of their properties might become, at least it will never be as bad as fanfiction written on a dare by a teenager who doesn't know shit about good writing.
***
With a light chuckle, DannyJ closed the book and removed the pipe from his mouth. He leaned forward on his rocking chair, smiling to the circle of children sat by the fireplace in front of him.
"And the moral of the story is that you cannot apologise for bad fiction. You can only apologise for yourself."
He stopped smiling at them.
"And really. I am sorry. I am so, so sorry for me."
Danny tossed the book in the fire.
"Well, at least that disaster is over with." He looked back at the surprised children. "And nobody will ever adopt any of you!"
And to a chorus of crying children, DannyJ smashed the window, climbed out, and escaped into the night, long gone by the time security arrived.
Such is the way of the maverick writer.
THE END.
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...In all seriousness, I do have my reasons for ending Human this way rather than actually finishing it as intended, and they're a lot simpler than whatever metafuckery this chapter might imply. I'll be making a blog post some time tomorrow explaining my decision and answering any questions you might have. For now, I figured that a joke ending was at least better than just slapping on a cancelled label and leaving it. And at least this is in the spirit of the madness that led up to this point.
Plus, this way, you can all have your freak-outs while I'm asleep and I can deal with it all as one big bulk tomorrow. Can't crucify me if I'm not around.
I'm proud of you Danny, you have exceeded my expectations in every way possible.
You are truly a man among gods.
k.
Well, that happened
While it's sad seeing this canceled as it had its fair share of lols and oh noes, it was still a fun wild ride, and thank you for that.
Although if you, for any reason, ever decide to continue it... I won't say anything against it and enjoy it again
I can't wait for the sequel. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
And with that, Danny J exited as he entered. Screaming and cursing, probably high off of something, and raving about aliens. Somebody lock him up already.
And to think I lost two nights of sleep just plowing through this story over a year ago... Oh well.
Also, what the fuck happened to the comments?
Actually, I think this is the perfect ending to the story, it fits the theme perfectly, two thumbs up =)
it was fun while it lasted!
now in 300 years his great great grandchildren will make a sequel right?
Aw.
...Really?
Honestly not sure if
or 
fits better how I feel, but I certainly think this story deserved a better end than this.
*waits for several months for update while rereading every chapter then sees a update*
*sees the word CANCELLED*........
themarketingmoron.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/outta-here.jpg
stream1.gifsoup.com/view7/2894537/i-m-gettin-outta-here-o.gif
Is there a reason then please i REALLY wanna know
Sorry you had to get off man, it was a crazy ride.
Aww. Discord used my Big Red Button.
I was super exited for the new chapter, but.......
Cancelled.
Severe dissapoint.
Cancelled? Cancelled! But... but... this was my favorite story. Foundation for many a head-canon. The story that introduced me to fimfiction, and hell, fanfiction in general. To say it saddens me is a gross understatement.
Ya know, even if this wasn't the ending I was expecting, this was and still is one of the best pieces of fiction I've seen on this site. The Homestuck level of death and absurdity is something that I doubt I will ever see again in my life. Well done sir. Well done.
... I don't mind this ending at all.
You might as well just call it complete then since you did sorta end it with a chapter that pretty much went where the story at least appeared to be going.
It's k. Not great, but k.
>:(
I am surprisingly happy with this ending.
I give it the ending was sudden and surprised me, but it's your story and you have your reasons.
I thank you for the ride through meta brainfuck land and hope to see more like this quality wise and conclude with: well done.
Dragon
I think it says something, when if you decided to resume this two months from now, no one could call this chapter bullshit.
>Looking at unread chapters
>Counting words left to read
>"Cancelled"
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This ride was fun. It's a shame it ended with a broken rail...
Ah, well... I guess it is now or never then.
DannyJ, this is still my favorite story I have read. I forgive it for all its flaws (yes I even forgive it for the afterlife chapters) and praise all of its glorious moments. (I mean the inside Explodey sequence of course.) I actually enjoyed how it seemed to be the shepard tone of insane writing. It kept ramping up the insanity and I loved it for that. I did understand that it was very derivative in the elements it used, but it placed them together in a much more interesting way than just mere references. It also had some of my favorite characters I have read on this site. Siliske is always going to be on my top lists of Original characters, forever.
But that is what the story is. What it meant to me was much different. I... am not the happiest individual in the world and this story isn't the most feel goodiest story ever either, but it worked for me. With all its dark humor and themes, I enjoyed it. I would put off sleep if I had noticed you updated before I went to bed. I have often gone to appointments with 2 or 3 hours of sleep. I never complained of course cause I got to read Human that morning instead. It helped me not always be depressed which is why I kept coming back and rereading it. I loved this story even though it is not the pinnacle of horse words.
This ending, well it fits I suppose. If it needed a rush ending this would be it. I will be sad to see it go but I know you have your reasons and since this is a hobby that you don't even receive money for, I won't be mad no matter what those reasons are. Thank you for nearly 3 years of some of the most entertaining writing I have read. If you ever do another project that isn't Fallout related (nothing against that series but its just not my kind of thing) I will happily read that as well. Thank you.
4972620
4843699
Today is a sad day.
For my favorite Fic.
Is dead.
4972603 ... I second this opinion, I did quite enjoy this story, yet I understand that sometimes an ending is in order without muse.
So what does this mean for that one spinoff? With the Three guy and all that.
4973114 Three Guy confirmed for best wasteland DJ.
I've been reading this since chapter one.(i think) And it's over just like that... hmmm... why is it so hard to stay mad at you! you know what good job at least it ended and for that i thank you.
You magnificent basterd.
I think i will go do something productive now. Like go hunting. And punch natures wildlife in the face.
*sees cancelled*
*reads chapter*
*starts crying*
puu.sh/brdB8/117d54a234.png
Looks like Danny finally cracked.
Considering how meta, random, and impossible to predict the rest of the story was I am willing to guess that this was one of a few things:
1) An alternate timeline that will intersect with the main story within 5-15 chapters likely involving the doctor,
2) An April fool's joke (becuase playing the joke in april would be too predictable for you),
3) An even more meta storyline that features Lord Second trying to escape Equestria but cant becuase the writers have gave up on the story thus his plans cannot be used.
4) A plot to encourage Draven Eclipse to not feel so bad and hopefully write more,
Unless of course you are actually quiting. We will mourn your story's cancelization and hope that you will continue writing. I know its not my place to ask, but are you burned out on just writing this fic, or are you burned out in writing fanfiction as a whole? Will any of your other stories be updated? Is there any chance whatsoever that 6 months to 6 years down the timeline that you may go back and finish human? If not, would you ever be willing to release the outline/story plan on how the story was originally going to end?
4974037
All these questions AND MORE will be answered in a soon to be released blog post! Release date 09/09/14.
#savethedatemotherfuckers
4974066 This is somehow both the most satisfying and the least satisfying way this story could have ended. I think that's the goal, but I can't be sure.
Oddly enough...I'm not exactly disappointed with this ending. Maybe I have terrible taste? But I found this story entertaining the whole way through with its comedy and seriousness and "meta-bullshit" as you put it, all together. I enjoyed your work, so thank you for what you did give us.
4971639 I love you.
In all seriousness though, I am so, so, so glad that you ended it with a joke chapter instead of just leaving it hanging. Because as wild and insanely stupid as the last chapter is, it fits with the rest of the story, and it might as well be the actual ending. It's been a hell of a fun ride, Danny. Hope you stay and keep writing shit.
PS, tell Draven I said, "Hi."
Time to beat the horse dead with a stick...
Cancelled.
To be fair and honest, I was completely expecting this at some point. You can't just write a story this fucked so far up the butt without getting any anal blockages, perfect cents. A whore would be happy with that. Anyways, I will read your blog tomorrow and hopefully withdraw any urges to violently tear your liver from your body and use it as a flotation device for a toddler. Just gotta get some helium know what I'm sayin?
So supa serious question; are you going to rebuild the tracks of this train wreck and get it operational again? In other words slap some butter on there and call it a story? Oh well, guess these questions will be answered later.
Time to roll my belly fat in anticipation for the blog!
Anybody feel like once they start typing on a comment they just don't stop? Well, let me tell you a story, tis a sad story filled with tragedy.
It is the story of a male's genitalia. Now if you are weak of stomach I suggest you stop reading here.
The story of a penis goes something like this, it's home is a dank and smelly place, his family is nuts, his neighbor an asshole and his owner beats him.
Tis the sad life of a penis.
Good day.
Or night.
Or noon.
Or 8:34 PAM
I dont know where you live don't expect me to know the time assholes.
Beware the wall of text.
At some point I had lost count of how many layers deep we were into the meta. And since the story was occasionally changing its medium (originally Second thought it was a two episode arch, then it was a movie trilogy then the last one was canceled and turned into a comic series) I was eagerly awaiting the day when it was relieved that he whole thing was TAKING PLACE IN A FANFIC THE WHOLE TIME DUN-DUN-DUN!!! :P
But seriously, this ending was great and so appropriate for what it had to be.
I wish you the best of luck moving forward :-)
4974066 Huh...cool...me birthdate. Hopefully you rebuild it from the ground up or something. Really liked this thing.
Oh the joke is on me. Well. I've got a joke, too:
A tourist was in Spain watching the bull fights.
At dinner that night, he was enjoying a variety of, to him, new flavors and dishes. A waiter walks past with a big plate and two round lumps of something and plops it down on the neighboring table.
The man leans over and asks the waiter "What are those?"
"Those are cajones. When dee bull loses zah fight, we cook him up, inkooding zah testackles. You see, senior?"
The tourist knew this was something he just had to try. When he asked the waiter for a serving, he was informed that they were all out, and he'd have to wait till next week's bull fighting.
Sure enough he showed up early. So early he missed the fights, but he wanted to be sure to order the cajones. And so he did.
When the waiter brought out the plate, it was not the huge plate he'd seen the week before, but instead a little saucer from a tea set, and two small testicles sitting atop.
"Why don't I get the same dish as that other guy got last week?!" the tourist demanded.
"But senior, it IS the same dish. But soooometimez it is zah bull who wins zah fight!"
Welp. That was anti-climatic. And yet, it fits with the story perfectly! On the one hand, I'm sad to see it go. On the other, I can see why you ended it. Just know, that despite everything you did with this story. Despite every crazy, weird and just plain dumb direction you took it in, I still think...
Edit:There is criticism/praise farther down, it's not all me being unnecessarily poetic.
Screaming wrongly, I fail to retrieve the instructions for mourning. I never even attempt to remember how to be sad about it, such action is so irrelevant. Instead, unformulated, interfaced neuron-firing occurs. It feels a little bit like sparks jumping form a cable. The imagery I conjure to represent it is that of random, changing hexadecimal numbers on a brain cross-section. I do not scream internally, I static.
With the level of meta that you have provided, going so far as draw parallels between yourself to the in-story author, know that this story isn't dead. The universe you made now exists when you think about it. It is written, not in clear event sequences on paper, but in tiny moment-chunks when you think of them. If you ever do write a next chapter, and you keep this one, there would have to be a section accounting for the effects of this.
In terms of why you made a "mediocre product", this story had two flavors. You decide what a story is like based on two things. What it feels like when you read it and what it feels like when you look back at it.
When you look back at your story, you can grab specific moments and enjoy those, or summarize the relevance of events. I remember the birth of explody. I remember second on the river with celestia. I remember the pamphlet. I remember the fucked-up situation the cyborg is in, and how uncertain his very right to personality is at the moment. I remember a unsized black void with pieces of ruined roman architecture, ice and grassy hills which is my representation of the afterlife. I remember that early fight with spike in canterlot, the bullshit magic necklace summoning, and explody eating first. When you look back at snapshots like this, you don't remember the mediocre. So, at least for me, this is what stood out. So, if a small snapshot gets remembered which is not great, it is automatically so bad that it is a problem. For the bad moments list, we have elements of harmony appearing at the mountain, some part of the fight on the spider's mountainside against demons, and the simple fact that second seems to be doing absolutely nothing. The girls appearing on the mountain was just kind of wrong. First, we already know this isn't their story. That means that, whatever involvement they have, it will not be the focus of the author and their characterization and such will suffer as a result. Really, they are just there because they have the trademark value. I understand this as a hasbro joke, but now you are dragging yourself down by way of acting out bad corporate policy. Suddenly your important cast is huge and filled with people we don't know who you don't differentiate between much. They all have to get air time so now things will take 3* the time. What's more, the focus of the main arc is exploring and exploiting the massive, fantastic architecture of the afterlife, so we have about 6+6+everyoneElseEver=a shit ton of different perspectives that need to be filled until we have a detailed understanding of literally the entire afterlife universe, and that universe has to expand to accommodate such a set of adventurers. All this was set in stone the moment you brought them into your story. Second, when the demons attacked the snow-hill, you didn't even try not to copy paste. It was "aaaaahhh, we sure are getting attacked. Still getting attacked. No, really, the alien died, kind of. oooooooo". Third, you have a story line where the problem that the main case faces is not having had enough adventure to warrant an ending, and you decide to give them side-arcs until they reach the end. The story will never end like that, and that makes sense from their perspective. They live in a world what wants them to keep adventuring, your world. The only one who is both unworthy and capable of becoming worthy is second. His story is focused on progression and his enemy is boredom and stagnation and the world fucking with him while he sits idle and does nothing. The pony story is focused on continuation, forever jumping from one piece of contrivance to the next. His story is the once focused on an end. The story should end when the world gets so contrived that the continuation of their quest is a crime and a sin to good taste in silly-grade meta-fiction and second, at that very moment, finally decides to do something about his life and appears, derailing the current arc completely, sending the ponies to their last paths.The problem with this is that he is not getting tired of this shit. You have him detached, but still distracted. He makes his nukes and zombies and has all this non-sense tossed his way and he isn't getting any more ready to actually go solve problems. It's just me watching him sit in a sandbox with some rocks and no shovel or bucket. What's worse, your story flatly declares that his adventures are irrelevant and you proceed to give us plots where he should, but then fails, to grow as a person.
Now, long term. First, explody. He was everything this story should have been. He was a joke that became a monstrosity and turned on his creator and started going radio-active and some such non-sense, sometimes blowing itself to pieces just to reconstitute with ease. Instead, the second-metropolis thing went on to long. The escape from canterlot dragged. The after life dragged the worst. There was the dream sequence too. It happened everywhere. Problems are as follows:
1 this story was supposed to be meta and the adventures were self-declared as irrelevant. Why in gods name did we have to sit through entire arcs, were every detail gets picked and description that is imagined? They should have been side stepping and subverting. Just know that every time they separated and you then went into extreme detail about all the things you had planned for the setting from every perspective, you were out of your element, against story's themes, AND predictable.
It’s like this: you set up a group of characters to go on an adventure which existed because the antagonists, which are the authors and investors, need a story. This makes the story a sham. Not only that, it is open and honest about how much of a sham it is. This is why it couldn’t find satisfying conclusions. This is why that shit you just wrote where the universe resets actually fits in. Not only that, your heroes are supposed to act against the antagonists, but they never did. Instead of fighting, they just kept eating the schlock that the board of directors and the maverick writer dished out. The protagonists failed to even really try to escape their fate.
In the beginning, this made sense and was acceptable. Originally, the human was the only wrong piece who was originally mysterious, confusing, and who needed to be saved, in spite of his clear and real insanity. However, everything he touched got more and more fucked up. Explody is Explody, one guy is a cyborg, one element is a child possessed by a world ending evil energy alien, one turns out to be a vampire, and one is dead. You have exactly one character playing reality anchor. He is waiting for them to attack him so that he can enact his plan, but this is a subversion story, so it would also be valid if they replaced him. It would have been ok if they had started seeing the bullshit the world had become and they did something about that, but they didn’t. It just became our hero/villen/human stagnating with his pointless dreams while waiting for the constructs of the universe to suddenly see through the folds of reality and break free from a story which still defines them in every way. It was a pointless couch potato quest with an apathetic, murdering dick for a hero. They would never become good enough at the kind of things they need in order to do well in this quest without his input, and so they failed.
Failed, the quest is over. It was a simple quest: reach a satisfying point in the story so that a conclusion is even an option. They didn’t even try, and they managed to reach the end of their chances. Lastly, this isn’t hard to fix. Just start at the point where one character suspects the world is jerking them around, and have them start bucking. I would recommend the cyborg, since he serves as a good metaphor for what every character is going through without knowing it. It would be wrong and insane, it would require that he becomes psychotic and hyper suspicious of everything to the point where he thought reality was out to get him. The thing is, he would be right. Too bad you won’t.
I feel so used, and like my time waiting for updates and reading this story was utterly wasted. Rip in Piece, you'll always be my first HiE. BibleThump
You know, this story was like a bacteria colony. It stated off simple, then kept growing and becoming mildly more successful, then all of a sudden shit got out of hand so damn fast the CDC building self destructed before the stuff could fly out the windows at twice the terminal velocity.
Finally, I can give this story a thumbs up. Again I think. I don't know.
Welp, it was a fun ride. A really fun and crazy ride, but it's true that it got out of control by the end. I really liked this fanfic, or, more than that, I really liked its characters. I enjoyed it, and I think that's the important thing for me.
It's a shame it had to end like this, but this is what happens with this kind of stories that get too ambitious or too unsure about what they're aming at and end up doing nothing. Arcs, plans, bad guys, destructive powers kept pilling up but nothing was never really resolved. Problems accumulated and in the end nothing could reach an ending. The story loses its focus and it the end it was about a bunch of weird but fun guys running towards nowhere. In the end, with such a ridiculous setting, I still don't know if this story was to be taken seriously or not.
Thanks for you hard work, DannyJ. Human will always hold a privileged place among the stories I have read. As I said, I really enjoyed it.
BRAVO BRAVO!!! THIS IS THE BEST STORY EVER!
I can finally get off the Wild Ride?
So who's picking up the ashes to continue it?