Chapter 2: Thirteen Angry Ponies
"Once, long ago, a group of ponies came together, and thought that they realised the truth of their existence in seemingly idyllic Equestria. They saw their princesses, and what they represented in their eyes, and they wanted to put a stop to it. They thought that the key to this was the surviving human, and they made it their mission to release him.
The intentions ranged from justice, to social progress, to a change in societal structures, to simple personal profit. Whatever they wanted from it though, they believed that what would result would be better than what came before. They thought that they were bringing about a change for the better; that their messiah would burst from the stone and bathe them in light and radiance, and promise them a golden age.
Oh, how wrong they were..."
-The Beginning of the End, extract from Life Before the Apocalypse.
***
"RAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!"
The ponies of the Brotherhood, now surrounding what once was a statue in the clearing in the Everfree all backed away slightly. Their hoods were up and they were gathered in a circle around a large stone platform which the statue now rested on. The upper half had already shattered, freeing the human's shoulders, head and parts of his torso, and revealing his face. He was no longer wincing in pain or discomfort. He was now screaming in blind fury.
"AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" he raged, "FUCKING PONIES! ONE THOUSAND FUCKING YEARS?! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!"
The wind began to pick up. Above the forest, clouds began to gather in a spiral around their clearing, with the only clear patch of sky being right above them. A full moon shone down on them through it, bathing the forest in an unearthly glow.
"Hold steady, boys!" said one of the ponies, "We've almost got him out!"
"I'LL KILL YOU! YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"
The soft glow of moonlight quickly died out, in favour of a flickering orange tint coming from the trees. Some of the ponies could see the source of the light right away, but Ancient Tome and a few others had to turn their heads to see that the forest was ablaze behind them.
"Don't get discouraged now, everypony!" Tome ordered, "He'll never get out if we don't complete the spell! Gold Coin, add the salts!"
"I AM GOING TO RIP OUT YOUR HEARTS AND SHOW THEM TO YOU BEFORE YOU DIE!"
The yellow earth pony on the other side of the circle began to sweat, but nevertheless he bent down to grip a nearby bowl in his mouth. He trotted over to the human in the middle of their circle and poured the salts on the base of the statue. He looked back to Ancient Tome for confirmation. Upon receiving an affirmative nod, he jumped up and rested his forelegs on the statue, and poured the salts over the torso area too.
The rest of the stone around the torso shattered, freeing Second's upper body. This unfortunately included the arms, and Second reached out and grabbed Gold Coin by the throat and lifted him up to eye level. The business pony began to choke under the pressure the human was applying.
Those fingers are stronger than they look...
"YOU'RE GOING TO DIE, PONY! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE FOR EVERYTHING YOU DID!"
"Please!" he coughed out, "I'm only...trying to help..."
He gagged.
"...Please let me go!"
The human glared angrily at him, teeth gritted and eyes bloodshot.
"RAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHH!"
He threw Gold Coin to the ground at the statue base and began wriggling. As the earth pony scrambled to get away from the middle of the circle, the human began pounding at the lower half of the statue with his fists. Cracks began to appear, and before long the lower part of the statue shattered as well. The human fell from on top of the stone platform and landed on his face less than gracefully.
The wind began to die again and the heat from the forest fire became slightly less intense. The ponies of the brotherhood all breathed a sigh of relief. The human laid face down in the dirt, unmoving. It was dirt now anyway. When the ritual began, that was a pile of mud. The magic of the ritual clearly had a drastic effect on the local environment. It was a good thing they conducted this in the Everfree forest after all.
Tome stepped forward, using a wave of the hoof to tell the others to get back.
"My Lord?" he asked, "Are you okay?"
The human remained silent. Taking a chance, the unicorn stepped forward and prodded his body gently. The ancient being made no attempt to respond. He tried to use magic to pull him onto his feet. The light purple glow of his horn surrounded the human, but no matter how hard he pulled, it did nothing. Then he remembered that magic did not affect Second, and mentally slapped himself for forgetting one of the core elements of the human legend.
"I think he's unconscious," said Ancient Tome, "Or dead. Could be either one."
"He had better not be dead," shouted Frosty from underneath her hood, "I fought a dragon to help bring him back!"
"I thought you said you never directly confronted the dragon?"
"It doesn't matter! It's a dragon! You get credit for surviving in the first place!"
Lowering her hood, Tome's auntie, the elderly purple unicorn, stepped into the middle of the circle and addressed the rest of the Brotherhood.
"Alright everypony, we've resurrected the most dangerous enemy of Equestria to have ever lived. Good work. Now we need to get him someplace safe. That freaky weather just now will have attracted some attention. Unicorn magic doesn't affect him, so I need a pegasus volunteer who can fly Second on their back."
"I'll do it," said Frosty.
"Good. Where are we going, Tomey?"
"I don't know, auntie," the still hooded unicorn replied, "Where can we take him?"
"Why not Sparkle Manor?" Gold Coin suggested.
"For the same reason I didn't host the last meeting there!" Ancient Tome snapped, "I have a son and a butler back home! If thirteen ponies show up carrying a famous historical figure on their back, they're going to notice!"
"We only need to hide Second," Iron Hoof pointed out, "If he's dead then the Brotherhood is going to disband soon anyway, and if he's unconscious we'll be the ruling body of Equestria before the month's out. I don't think it really matters anymore if ponies know that we're in cahoots."
"He's right, Tomey, there isn't much point to hiding our connections anymore," Gold Coin agreed.
Tome sighed loudly.
"Fine," he agreed, "We'll take Second back to Sparkle Manor. Maybe we can hide him in the basement or something until he's ready to do whatever it is he does."
Frosty Morning had already ran over to the human, and two other ponies of the Brotherhood were helping to position him on the pegasus's back. Ancient Tome meanwhile nodded to one of the other ponies, who underneath his hood Tome knew to be the former Wonderbolt known as Sun Rise. Some of the other ponies were surprised when Sun Rise then ran around setting all their tents on fire with logs from the campfire.
"Sun Rise! What gives?" asked an unidentified mare.
"He's destroying evidence," Iron Hoof explained, "Leave him be."
"Quite right," said Tome, "Everypony else, evacuate before the authorities get here. Pegasi take flight, unicorns teleport, and earth ponies run for Ponyville and catch the first portal back to Canterlot. We'll regroup at my mansion later."
***
Celestia stood silently just inside Vault 3G of the royal archives. The door behind her was shattered into tiny pieces, and the ruined chamber was still visible beyond. Normally when she came in here, the princess liked to close the door behind her and get some privacy. Without the door, and with her back exposed to the chamber beyond, she felt uncomfortable.
The elements of harmony laid before her, once again in the shape of five large stone balls. They had been that way for a while now. With their previous avatars long since dead, they were once again useless, and would forever remain useless until some new avatars were chosen.
Such a thing seemed unlikely. The other five were all linked by the element of magic, and that meant a strong magic user was required to be the avatar, and sad to say, after a thousand years of searching, the princess had still yet to find a unicorn able to compare to Twilight Sparkle in her prime. That hadn't been a problem as such until today. The last millennium had gone by surprisingly without incident.
It didn't used to be like that. For a brief while all that time ago, new threats to Equestria appeared every year like clockwork. First it was Nightmare Moon, then it was Discord, the changelings, Sliske, Second and First, Atlantis, the Spider Legion, the Nameless One, Tirac, and that wasn't even all of them, just some of the highlights. It was a bizarre decade, and one where the Twilight and the other Elements of Harmony had been a vital tool in saving Equestria multiple times.
Then, after Tirac, it just stopped. No more invasions or supremely powerful beings appeared anymore. The land enjoyed some peace for once, and it was well received by all. Twilight Sparkle and her friends enjoyed long lives and accomplished great things, and they all left their own legacy. However, the moment the first of them died, their respective element would revert back to a stone ball. The other elements were unchanged, but rendered useless without the sixth one, and over time they too slowly went grey and changed their shape, until all six of them were like that, and the element of magic vanished from the world once again.
At the time, Celestia hadn't panicked about it. Equestria had already coped for a thousand years without the elements before Luna's banishment, and it could weather this loss as well. However, Equestria survived those years without the elements through a lack of any major threat, not because they didn't need them, and that's exactly how they'd survived the last thousand years as well. Now, there were not one, but two major threats to the kingdom roaming around out there, and this time with no elements to combat them.
The princess sighed as she looked at the lifeless elements, her mind once again wandering to a crisis long since passed.
"Don't worry, princess, you can count on us!" Twilight Sparkle said confidently, "Whatever the challenge, we'll get through it together!"
The other five ponies formed a semicircle behind her, each wearing their own element necklaces to complement Twilight's tiara, and each also displaying confidence in their own way. Applejack and Fluttershy just smiled, Rarity had her 'game face' on, Pinkie Pie was bouncing up and down excitedly, and Rainbow Dash had the smug grin to end all smug grins.
Celestia nodded approvingly at the ponies. She wanted to smile with them and tell them that she shared their confidence, but she didn't want to jinx it. It just felt like she should keep a cautious demeanour. It was almost as if she could feel that something was going to go wrong in just a few seconds time.
"Very good," she said, "Now, you'd best be on your way. Second and First-"
"-Are quite upset with you."
Oh great. These guys.
Celestia turned around to face the two. Second was sitting on her throne and was decked out in what appeared to be her spare jewellery. He had her necklace and her tiara, and it was so ill-fitting of him and stupid looking in general that it took everything she had to remain serious and not burst out laughing. It was like seeing Discord cross dressing. First was standing next to him and fanning the other human with a giant palm leaf. Where had it come from? Who knew.
"Yes," Second continued, "Very upset. We're upset, aren't we?"
"Yes, we're upset."
"I know I'm upset. Are you upset?"
"Yeah, I'm upset."
"See? He's upset."
"I'm upset!"
"We're very upset, princess."
Celestia had to tread cautiously here.
"Well, what are you upset about?" she asked icily.
"We can't cook," First answered.
The princess blinked.
"Excuse me?"
"Neither of us know how to cook," Second clarified, "I mean, back home, we never needed to, but now that we're here, and ponies run screaming whenever we enter a restaurant, and we can't cook anything for ourselves, we're both slowly starving to death here. Somebody throw us a bone? Anyone?"
Celestia just stared.
"GUARDS!"
***
A dark figure stalked the streets of Canterlot. The moon was hanging low in the sky overhead. It looked both ways down the street to check for approaching ponies, and then rushed towards a nearby alleyway. The figure walked a short distance and turned a corner, where it soon came to a dumpster and the back entrance to a restaurant.
The creature slinked over to the dumpster and jumped into the air, twisting around and diving head first into the pile of garbage as if it were water. A few seconds passed, and then the creature's head breached the surface of the muck again, half eaten sandwich clutched between its teeth. It threw it into the air and caught the sandwich again, swallowing it in one bite.
"Sssssusssstenencccce..." it said contentedly.
"Hey!"
Sliske looked around for the source of the noise, and finally settled on a royal guard who was standing just outside the dumpster. The ancient being stared at the guard for a second, who tilted his head at the thing that was currently raking through the garbage around the back of a cheap fast food place. Sliske mimicked the guard as he did, and tried to analyse him. This pony was probably the Canterlot night watch.
"What are you doing in there you...whatever you are...?" he asked.
Sliske contemplated killing the guard for a moment, but thought better of it, and decided instead to try and turn the situation around.
"I wassss looking for my housssse key..." he said, "Yessssss...Housssse key..."
The guard stepped back away from the possessed pony.
"Okay..." he replied, "Do you...need any help with that...?"
Sliske gave the guard a wide toothy grin. It was probably not a good idea to show off the fact that he had razor sharp teeth that were completely unnatural to ponies, but from the thirty or forty seconds he had spent with him, the entity determined that this guard was not the brightest, and he liked to think himself a good judge of character.
"Yessssss...Thank you officccccer..."
"No offence, but you are really creepy."
"And you sssssssmell..."
The guard raised an eyebrow.
"Coming from the pony swimming in a dumpster," he pointed out.
The creature grinned again.
"I like you...You ammussssse me..."
"What's your name, pony?"
"Ummmm..."
Sliske became nervous for a second and tapped a hoof against his head. He couldn't tell him his real name, because he was a famous historical villain, and if he gave his host's name, that might give him away as well. Looking through his memories, Sliske had determined that Heart Beat was the kind of pony who would be missed. His name was probably already all over the news. Not that he had bothered to check. He had to think of a clever lie, and fast!
"...Doctor...um....Fluttersssshy. Yessssssss...Flutterssshy...That issss my name."
"Oh, like the element of kindness?" the guard asked, "That's pretty cool. Especially if you're a doctor too. Though, forgive me if I'm wrong, but isn't Fluttershy kind of a mare's name?"
The entity narrowed his eyes at the pony.
"Isssssss there something wrong with my name?" he hissed.
"No! Nothing wrong with it at all! I just never heard of a colt being named Fluttershy before."
"Well...What issss your name, guard?"
"Broad Sword, my good doctor, at your service!"
Sliske tilted his head thoughtfully.
"Sssssay...How would you like to asssssissst me in ssssome medical ressssssearch?"
"Oh," Broad Sword replied, "Well...I don't know. I'm kinda busy with patrol duty right now, and I don't think I have the time. Sorry."
Sliske had an idea.
"Yessssss..." he said sadly, "That isssssss what my parentsssssssss usssssssed to sssssssay..."
"...Oh..."
The guard stood there in awkward silence for a moment. He rubbed the back of his neck with his hoof.
"...Umm...Do you...want to talk about it?" he asked.
The entity gave Broad Sword a smile that he hoped looked non-threatening.
"I would like that very much."
"Hey, you almost sound normal when you don't stretch out the 'S' sounds, if still a little raspy."
"'Sssstretch out the Ssss ssssoundssss'? I don't ssssssstretch out my Ssssssss sssssoundssssss."
Broad Sword raised an eyebrow.
"Are you not aware that you're doing that, doctor?" he asked.
"Doing what?" Sliske demanded, "I'm not doing anything! There issssss nothing wrong with my sssssspeech."
"Yes there is. You stretch out all your 'S' sounds. I hear you talking and it sounds like a snake hissing."
Sliske went quiet. How long had he been speaking like that? Why had nopony told him?! It was very rare for him to actually feel embarrassed and uncomfortable, especially around mortals, but he felt like that now. He was not sure he liked it very much.
"In my defenccccccce, I don't really lisssssssten to the ssssssound of my own voiccccce."
Broad Sword smiled at the entity.
"Hey, don't worry about it, doc," he said reassuringly, "Come walk my patrol with me; we can talk as we go."
The serpentine creature leapt almost fifty feet straight into the air and landed down next to Broad Sword in the alleyway. The guard stared for a moment, trying to reconcile what he had just seen with his understanding of physics. After trying for a half a minute, he shook his head and dismissed it as 'a unicorn thing,' and set off with his new friend in tow.
***
Mystic Chant awoke to the sound of a scuffle. There were voices downstairs. He recognised two in particular as father and Soft Spoken, but there were others as well. Some of them were familiar to him, and some were not. The colt decided to investigate, and slipped out of bed and onto the floor.
Sensing he probably shouldn't be up at such an hour, he wisely decided to tiptoe to the other side of the room, and he had to open the door in a very specific way to stop it from creaking. On the other side of the door, the voices became clearer. He could make out a few more now.
Uncle Iron was definitely one of the ponies downstairs, and he thought he could just about make out the sound of Auntie Morning and Auntie Arts as well. He briefly entertained the thought that it was a family get-together with a few relatives he had never met before, but then he remembered that Iron Hoof technically wasn't his uncle and that he just called him that, so that theory went out the window.
"Sir, I must protest, I had no idea we would be having this many visitors this late at night!"
That was Softy.
"That's too bad! Prepare the guest bedrooms now!"
That was definitely father.
"Sir-"
"Just do it, Softy! I'm not in the mood for this!"
Mystic Chant retreated into his bedroom as Soft Spoken ascended the stairs and passed by on his way to the guest rooms. Once he was sure the danger had passed, the unicorn stepped out of his room again, approached the banister at the top of the stairs, and peered down through the bars at the main hall below.
It seemed father had invited more than just family. There were many different kinds of ponies among the group. As well as father, Iron, Frosty and Arts, he also recognised a family friend whom he had met once named Gold Coin, a former racing pegasus named Sun Rise, and one pony who he swore had taught him the year before he entered Chalk Board's class.
And those were just the ones he recognised. The others were even more diverse. There was a yellow unicorn mare, a middle aged earth pony stallion, a zebra of unknown gender, one of those bat-like pegasi that Princess Luna used for her night guard, and two light green earth pony mares who were probably twins.
"Okay," Ancient Tome sighed, "He's gone. Good. You can drop the spell now, Chameleon."
The yellow unicorn's horn sudden became duller. Mystic wasn't even aware she was casting a spell in the first place until her horn had already stopped glowing. As it did, somepony or something suddenly appeared on Frosty Morning's back.
"Hide him in the basement," Iron ordered, "Care, you go down there and keep an eye on him. Do what you can."
One of the green earth pony twins nodded and cantered over to the stairs leading down into the basement, Frosty Morning and her unknown passenger in tow. They soon disappeared from view, and the rest of the group all turned to each other once again.
"Now, you're all going to be here a while, and since many of you haven't stayed in this house before, let me lay down a few ground rules. One, no insulting the butler. I don't even like to shout at him, but sometimes it has to be done. If he frustrates you though, talk to him. He's normally very reasonable.
"Two, nopony breathe a word about you-know-who to either him or my son. This is supposed to be a secret, with emphasis on secret, and telling them defeats the purpose. Three, nopony goes in my study without permission. If I find anypony wandering in there when they shouldn't, I will feed you to a hydra. Four, and most important, if anypony here is allergic to cats, the entire third floor is off limits to you, for reasons you should probably be able to guess."
He paused, and looked to each of them to make sure that they were paying attention and understood.
"Now that that's out of the way, everypony follow me to the sitting room. We'll discuss things further in there."
Ancient Tome led the rest of the ponies out of the main hall through a corridor to the side, probably taking them to the sitting room as he had said. The coast clear, the young colt walked down into the main hall and looked curiously at the small wooden door that led into the basement.
The basement was usually only ever used for storing old furniture that father felt was too valuable to throw out, but too old for his house. Things only stayed in the basement for a little while before he eventually put up everything in that room for auction.
Mystic's mind wandered at the thought of who could possibly be so important that they had to be hidden down there. What were those ponies keeping secret?
Feeling brave, the unicorn trotted over to the door and peered through the keyhole. There was only darkness. He then remembered that the basement was at the bottom of some stairs, and thus that he couldn't have seen anything through that keyhole anyway even if the lights were on.
Stupid...Maybe I'll just go down there and see what it is? The basement's pretty big...I can hide from Auntie Morning and that other pony.
Taking a chance, Mystic Chant's horn glowed softly, and he pulled the door open slightly and inched his way inside.
Magic was difficult for him, as it was for most ponies at his age, but he was still slightly better with it than most. Magic was a talent that ran in his family. All his blood relatives had cutie marks that were based around some kind of magic related talent. Father's talent was learning new magic through theory, Auntie Arts' talent was in discovering and using really old spells, and so on and so forth.
Naturally, he fully expected his own cutie mark when it came would be something magic related, so he always did his best practicing magic. Here, it seemed it was going to pay off.
Mystic tried another spell, and his horn lit up slightly brighter, allowing him to make his way through the darkness. Eventually he reached the bottom of the stairs, where he found a wide wall with a single regular sized door in the centre. Of course he had forgotten the second door.
He heard hoofsteps. The little unicorn froze for a second, but quickly regained his wits and jumped to one side of the door. It opened, and two ponies emerged into the darkened stairway. Mystic Chant killed his light the moment they appeared, but light pouring in from the basement on the other side kept the stairway lit.
"So how long do you think it'll take?" Auntie Morning asked the green earth pony.
"I'm not sure, Frosty," the earth pony replied, "I'm not even familiar with his biology. It could work completely different to anything in Equestria. I've never heard of one of them falling unconscious before, so I have no frame of reference."
By the time the earth pony had finished her sentence, they were at the top of the stairs and Frosty was pulling open the door at the top. They had left the door at the bottom open, and mercifully, neither had noticed the cowering unicorn just behind it.
"Let's just hope it's soon," Frosty replied, "I don't want to have to wait a second longer for this. We've waited long enough."
The two ponies disappeared behind the door at the top of the stairs and closed it behind them. Their voices became muffled, and soon it went completely silent. Mystic breathed a sigh of relief, and walked out from behind the door, entering the basement.
The whole room was just as it was when he last saw it.
In the corner were the old paintings. Next to the door were those oversized plant pots. By the opposing wall were four beds of differing sizes, one of which had a wardrobe and a bedside cabinet stacked on top of it, and one which was built up ten mattresses high.
Over there was the old grate for the fireplace, and opposite from it was that cracked mirror with the ornate frame. In the centre of the room was a fancy oak table with twelve less-than-fancy lawn chairs surrounding it and a barbecue just off to the side, sitting there awkwardly like it was invited to a party but nopony really wanted it there.
What caught his eye though, was that figure from earlier. The one that Frosty had been carrying. It was laying on one of the free beds, stretched across it, chest rising and falling rhythmically. In the light of the basement's torches and closer up, he could see that it was definitely not a pony, but that it was in fact wearing clothes like ponies.
He moved in closer to see what it was. Soon, he stood right next to the bed. He jumped up and placed his hooves on top of it, pulling himself up so that his head was level with the thing on the bed. He got a good look at it, and the colour drained from his face as he recognised what it was.
The human opened its eyes.
Time stood still. The human and the unicorn stared at each other in silence. Second's eyes were bloodshot, while the colt staring at him looked as if he had just seen a manticore rip a pony in half right in front of him. Neither of them moved for a moment.
"Yes?" the human said eventually, "Who are you?"
"M-Mystic- Mystic Chant," he replied nervously.
"Wonderful. Get out of my way kid; I have a job to do."
The little blue unicorn backed away fearfully as the human turned on the bed and placed both feet on the floor. He stood up and stretched his arms out above him, arching his back. There was a sickly cracking sound, and Second groaned loudly. Then, he leaned forward and yawned. A hand reached into the inner parts of his coat, and he felt around in some of his pockets.
"Gone," he said, "Figures...Guess I'll have to get by without it."
Second strode over to the door on the other side of the room. Mystic Chant watched as his fingers slid around the handle to the door and pulled it back. He had never seen a door opened that way.
"Wait!" he called out, "You're Lord Second aren't you?"
The human only nodded at him, before proceeding out the door. Mystic was left alone.
'That was him!' he thought to himself, 'That was Lord Second! What was he doing here?! Did Auntie bring THE HUMAN back to our house?! How did he get out of the statue?! Why was he with them?! Does father know about this?!'
And yes, while Tome obviously did know, the colt was way beyond the point of thinking rationally by now. He had began hyperventilating.
This was not good. This was really not good. Short of Tirac himself emerging from the depths of Tartarus, this was the worst possible thing that could ever happen, and it happened right in his home! He had to tell somepony.
***
Sliske and Broad Sword approached a small cottage in the lower levels of Canterlot together, both in conversation. The sun was rising again, just peaking out from below the lines of houses in the distance. The night watchpony's eyes were slowly dropping more and more as time passed by, but still he smiled and nodded when his new friend made a point.
"And that issssss why I never shopped there again," Sliske finished.
"Sounds like a terrible place," Broad Sword agreed, "I don't know what you were expecting."
"Neither did I! It wassssss ssssso pointlesssssssss!"
Soon, the two stopped in front of the house.
"Anyway, that's the end of my shift," the guard explained, "I'm going to go in now and have something to eat before I go to bed, because this is late at night for me. If you want to stay for dinner, doctor, you're welcome to. My mom makes a nice stew."
"...You ssssssstill live with your mother?"
"Well...Yeah..."
"What are you? Like, thirty three or sssssssomething?"
"Accommodation is expensive!" Broad Sword shouted defensively.
Sliske rolled his eyes.
"Fine. I could go for sssssssome sssssssstew..."
Broad Sword opened the door and proceeded inside. Sliske was left outside for just a moment, alone with his thoughts.
Just a momentary distraction. I can get right back to my plans later...
"Fluttershy! Come on!" Broad Sword called from inside the house, "It's going to get cold!"
Sliske groaned and followed him in.
"Why did I choosssssse that name?"
***
"...So then I told him that I'd eat his children," said the bat pegasus, "And that convinced him to give back the bike pump. It was too late though. By the time I got back to the cave, they were already dead. Bloody pirates."
"Some ponies are idiots," said Sun Rise, "What are you going to do?"
The rest of the Brotherhood all murmured in agreement.
"Tea and coffee, everypony."
Soft Spoken entered the room carrying a tray in his mouth. Thirteen cups, three kettles of varying sizes, four sugar pots and three small jugs of milk all balanced precariously on the tray.
"Thank you, Softy," Ancient Tome said politely.
The old unicorn levitated the various cups, pots, jugs and kettles off the tray and placed them in different locations about the room, on different tables or on the chair arms so that everypony could reach their own beverage. Soft Spoken bowed and walked out with the tray. As he closed the door behind him, Rail Way spoke up.
"How does he carry a tray that heavy in his mouth?" he asked.
"He has a jaw like a bear trap," Iron replied, "That pony could chew through steel if he were so inclined."
"He just can," Ancient Tome explained, "I don't know how. Personally, I think his jaw got that strong because of all the talking he does. When he was younger, Softy used to do all sorts of diplomatic stuff. He was an ambassador, and a negotiator, and several other things"
"Hmm."
"So anyway," Tome continued, "I think it's about time we started making plans. So what are we going to do now that the human is free?"
"What do you mean 'we'?" asked the bat pegasus, "We don't have to do anything. Second should be able to take down the princesses and their army all by himself. He's got the means and the motive for it. Why not just wait and let him do it? Then when he's done, he'll seek us out and reward us accordingly."
"That's assuming an awful lot," argued Frosty, "What if he doesn't want to find and reward us? What if he expects us to do our part in freeing Equestria?"
"Would he want us though?" asked Rail Way, "He never had pony followers before."
"Yes, but he had Lord First before," one of the green earth ponies replied, "He's alone now."
"Do you really think he can't do it alone?" Rail Way replied, "I mean, think about it. Before-"
The doors burst open suddenly. The ponies of the Brotherhood all turned their heads to see Mystic Chant run into the room panting, a look of terror on his face.
"HUMAN!" he shouted, "THERE WAS A HUMAN IN THE BASEMENT! HE JUST RAN OUT THE DOOR! THERE WAS A HUMAN IN OUR BASEMENT!"
The Brotherhood all shared a look for a split second before they all jumped out of their chairs and stampeded for the doors. Mystic barely had time to jump out of the way to avoid being trampled by the crowd. The last one left in the room was his father Ancient Tome, who was also panicking.
Without saying a word to Mystic, he enveloped him in a purple glow and rushed out the door too, dragging his son through the air behind him.
***
Celestia entered the throne room and approached the far end, where one night guard and one day guard stood side by side at the base of the raised platform holding the actual throne, which Princess Luna was just vacating.
"Morning, Luna," Celestia said cheerily.
"Morning, Tia," her sister returned, "Listen, I hate to bring bad news, but last night a weather team over near Ponyville sent us a report about some unusual activity in the Everfree."
Celestia became worried.
"How unusual?" she asked.
Luna's horn glowed, and a brown envelope floated down from the throne. She held it up in front of her sister and pulled out several pages, which she reshuffled in the air and handed over to her.
Celestia paused for a moment, giving Luna an odd look, before looking over them. The photos showed a forest fire, and what appeared to be the beginnings of a somehow naturally occuring hurricane as well. A photo of the sky showed a circle of clouds spiralling above the Everfree, the moon visible through the eye of the storm, and trees burning in the forest below.
"I sent out a team to investigate," the younger princess continued, "but they found only the ashes there. I've no idea what's going on, and they only recently returned, so I haven't had time to go through it all. Maybe you'll have more luck."
"...Thank you, sister."
***
A pony blinked his eyes. He looked ahead of him. He was staring into the face of something that was distinctly not a pony, and they appeared to be in a run down cottage. Everything was old and rotten, the roof had a hole in it, and there was sheet covered furniture everywhere. He was confused.
"Where am I?" he asked.
"You are in Equestria, just outside Canterlot," the other creature replied, "I am Second. Pleased to meet you."
The pony held out a hoof to Second in a gesture of goodwill.
"Pleased to meet you," he returend.
Second grabbed his hoof and shook it. His fingers felt weird.
"Who am I?" the pony asked.
"Why, you're Explodey McGee of course! You are an extremely powerful unicorn, and your special talent is exploding like a Bob-omb, whilst still being able to survive. See?"
He pointed at the pony's flank. Explodey turned his head and saw that his cutie mark depicted an explosion and several pony body parts flying out of it, including a still smiling unicorn's head.
"You were born to your two parents, Master Exploder and Voltorb, and you are currently working as a professional demolition pony, just off from a contract in Trottingham. You are twenty seven years old, and it's your dream to one day explode for the princesses."
Explodey was silent for a moment, trying to remember all this, but then the memories all came flooding back to him.
"You're right!" he cried happily, "I can't believe I forgot that! I must have had a freaky case of sudden amnesia there. Thank you, Mister Second! You have saved my life, and you are also very handsome and charming!"
"Why, yes. Yes I am. But enough about how amazing I am, you have a job to go to, right?"
Explodey gasped.
"Oh Celestia, you're right! I was commissioned to destroy the annex of Canterlot Castle today! I'll be late!"
"Don't worry!" said Second, "If you'll recall, you were taught magic by no less than the ghost of the Great and Powerful Trixie herself, who taught you how to teleport long distances effortlessly!"
"Oh yeah! I remember that now! I'm not going to be late after all! Thanks, Second! You really helped me out today!"
"Don't mention it, Explodey," Second replied cheerfully, "Just have fun with the job, and say hi to the princesses for me. I haven't been to see them in so long..."
"Will do! Thanks again!"
There was a flash of light, and the unicorn vanished. Left alone in the run down house, Second pulled up a chair and sat at the table.
"And now we play the waiting game..."
***
"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"
Ancient Tome rubbed a hoof against the floor innocently.
"We...released the human from his statue, intending to overthrow Celestia with him..."
The rest of the Brotherhood of Man were all gathered behind him silently. Soft Spoken and Mystic Chant stood side by side, and just stared at Tome for a second.
"Alright," Soft Spoken sighed, "I've got to ask...WHY?! WHY IN EQUESTRIA WOULD YOU EVER DO THAT?!"
Ancient Tome winced. You knew it was bad when a pony named Soft Spoken was shouting at you.
"To free the land!" he shouted back, "Equestria has been held in the iron grip of the sun tyrant for centuries! The ponies have been-"
"Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait," Softy stopped him, "'Sun tyrant'. Is that what this is? A revolutionary thing? Are you guys...Did you...All these years and I....Dear Luna, you ponies are idiots!"
"You don't understand, Softy!" Tome continued, "You can't see the web of lies that those princesses have crafted to protect themselves here! Though we have the illusion of freedom, we-"
"No!" the butler interrupted again, "I don't care! I've heard all this tripe before! You damn conspiracy theorists have been spouting this stuff about Celestia being a tyrant for years! This kind of talk was considered stupid back in the dark ages! How there even exist as many as thirteen of you I will never know, because I refuse to believe that there exist that many ponies who are that mind-bogglingly stupid!"
Awkward silence.
"Well, when you put it like that-"
"Shut up, Tome," Soft Spoken snapped, "You have lost all right to speak at all. I am going to send a letter to Canterlot immediately, informing the royal guard of what you did. With any luck, the princesses can stop the human before the apocalypse descends on Equestria, and if you're lucky, you will all spend the rest of your days in a dungeon somewhere instead of on the moon where you belong."
The old stallion turned to leave the grounds.
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Softy."
He turned around to face the Brotherhood again, and found that Ancient Tome was levitating a large black lump of metal in front of him.
"Do you know what this is?"
Mystic's eyes widened.
"No, dad!" he shouted, jumping in front of the brown earth pony, "You can't use that on him!"
"Get out of the way son!"
"No!"
"Move, boy!"
"NO!"
Chameleon stepped in at this point to help out. Effortlessly, the yellow mare levitated the young colt away. He began kicking and screaming, but he couldn't fight back, and soon he was stuck floating just above the ground in a small yellow prison right next to his father.
"Now, Softy," Ancient Tome said calmly, "We're both way too old for this now."
"Speak for yourself, sonny," Soft replied, "You're at least half my age, but you act like you're my senior. I'll never understand that. You have way too much self pity that you're completely undeserving of. You think a white mane and a few wrinkles makes you old? You're still in your prime! And look at me! Most ponies my age are in care homes right now and I still have to lug around those massive trays of coffee for you! All things considered, I think I'm doing very well."
Tome snorted.
"Softy, insulting me is going to get you nowhere," he replied, "Now, you've been a loyal servant for many years now. I respect that, and I don't want to cut your life short because we're having a difference of opinion. In a month, maybe in a week, me and the Brotherhood will own this country, and you'll see what a paradise it can be when everypony is truly free."
"You're a nutjob, and this is not a difference of opinion. This is a case of right and wrong, and you are wrong."
Tome frowned.
"You are going to be held in the basement under lock and key," the unicorn explained, "We'll take care of you, and provide for you, and you'll be safe there while the revolution passes you by. Once it's over, you'll be free to go, and you can enjoy a whole new world."
"Yeah. A smouldering crater and a yellow sky..."
"Lock him up."
The two remaining unicorns in the group, one of them a grey stallion with a book cutie mark and the other the lavender mare that Mystic knew as Auntie Arts, both lit up their horns and lifted Softy into the air. Their magical auras mixed together, and formed into a deep purple around his body. They both headed towards the house, and the elderly stallion was pulled along with them.
"Softy!" Mystic cried.
"You're not going to get away with this, Tome!" Soft Spoken shouted, "You're a madpony, and you're doomed to fail!"
"Keeping telling yourself that, old friend."
Soon, the two unicorns and their prisoner disappeared into the house, leaving the remaining members of the Brotherhood outside.
"You're a monster!" Mystic shouted.
Tome looked down at Mystic.
"I'm your father, you little ingrate," he snapped, "I've taken care of you since you were smaller than your head is right now. I don't want to ever see you disobey me again. Is that clear?"
The little blue unicorn glared up at his father.
"...Yes sir."
"Good. Chameleon, take him up to his room and lock him in there, windows as well, and set up an anti-magic field so he can't break out. I'm not taking any chances."
Tome's minion nodded in understanding, and carried off her charge towards the mansion. Ancient Tome was left outside, holding the Reaper's horn and being stared at by the remaining ponies. He looked at the rest of them.
"What?" he asked.
"DAMN, Tomey," said Iron Hoof, "THAT was HARSH."
"Well what did you want me to do?!" Tome said defensively.
"I don't know, but threatening a senior citizen with the god-killer is low. Really low. And I don't like the way you spoke to your kid either."
"Iron, you saw what he was doing!"
"That doesn't matter!" Frosty interrupted, "You just don't do that. I have an elderly father and a filly of my own at home, and I would never even consider treating them like how you just treated Mystic and Softy. Iron's right, that is low."
Frosty turned and spread her wings, taking off towards the house and flying towards the upper window. Tome looked first to Iron Hoof, who just turned and walked away without saying another word, and then to the rest of the Brotherhood.
"Well?" he said, "Is that what you all think too?"
"You disgust me," said Gold Coin.
He turned and trotted away back towards the house, and most of the others followed him, while others left the grounds altogether.
Soon, Tome was all alone.
***
Explodey McGee smiled happily to himself as he entered Celestia's throne room. The princess was reading through a document and discussing something with a mare in a suit and tie at that moment, but both of them went silent as the strange unicorn entered the room and sat down at the base of the steps leading up to the throne, right next to the suited pony.
"Umm...Hello?" said the princess, "Who are you?"
"I'm Explodey McGee, your majesty," he explained, "You hired me to demolish the annex?"
"I never asked for anything of the sort," Celestia replied, "Who sent you?"
Explodey lost his smile immediately.
"You mean you don't want me?" he asked tearfully, "But it's been my dream to explode for you ever since I was a little colt!"
"No! I didn't mean that! I'm just saying that...I...I'm sorry, Jade. Can we do this another time? I've got a situation here..."
The mare in the suit took one look at the blubbering unicorn next to her and shrugged. She picked up her suitcase in her teeth and galloped out of the room without a word, leaving only the princess and the strange visitor.
"Are you alright?" she asked.
"F-f-f-fine your m-majesty..." he sobbed.
'Oh boy,' Celestia thought to herself, 'I haven't needed to do this for a while...'
The princess walked over and laid down next to the pitiful wreck of a unicorn and placed a wing over him like he was a foal.
Let it never be said I don't care for my subjects.
"There, there, stop crying," she said gently, "It's all okay. There was just a bit of confusion. I forgot you were coming. Though, if it's alright with you, I need to ask you about this job if you're going to do it?"
She had to be careful here. This was a pony who really didn't take rejection well. Explodey for his part seemed to perk up a bit upon hearing he was going to get to do the job, and he smiled at the alicorn.
"I was sent by Equestrian Demolition," he explained, drying his eyes, "They said they had a call from you asking for a pony to demolish the annex. I was sent out because I'm the best bomb-pony they had. You'll never see anypony explode as well as I do!"
"You mean you're good with explosives?"
"No, I mean I explode better than anypony else," the unicorn clarified.
"...As in, you are the explosive?"
"Yep! That's why they call me Explodey McGee!"
He leapt back to his hooves, and the princess stood up again too.
"Umm...How are you alive...?"
"It's part of my special talent" See?"
Celestia looked at the stallion's cutie mark. It was indeed of an exploding pony.
"I'm going to be honest with you, Explodey," she said cautiously, "I've never heard of anypony who can do that. At all."
"Guess I'm the first then!"
The pony was back to being cheery and happy again now. She walked around so that she was face to face with him.
"Uh...huh...Who was your boss? Who sent you on this contract if I may ask?"
"I don't know! We just call him Brick, because he has a red face and a square head. I never learned his real name. He called me into his office this morning and told me what I'd be doing, and then I was off. I'm not sure what happened after that. I got a bit sidetracked and got a case of temporary amnesia, but fortunately some guy came along and helped me remember everything, and now it's all cool again!"
"'Temporary amnesia'?" the princess echoed, "How? Why? Who helped you?"
"I still don't remember how I got it in the first place, but I remembered everything before that just fine. Some guy called Second was there to remind me what I was meant to do. He told me to tell you he said hi by the way. Do you guys know each other?"
Celestia's eyes widened.
"Explodey," she said darkly, "I'm afraid there's a very serious problem."
***
"Hello, deary," a squeaky voice called from the next room, "How was your shift?"
"Just fine, mommy," Broad Sword replied, "I brought my new friend Fluttershy friend home, if it's all right for him to stay for dinner?"
A green pegasus appeared in the door frame, with white hair and glasses, and smiling serenely. There were a few cooking pots balanced on her back, supported by her wings, and she was clutching a wooden spoon in her mouth.
"Oh, hello there," she said.
Sliske stood still.
Don't say anything stupid. Think of something clever.
"Greetingsssssssssssssss Mrsssss. Ssssssssword. I am Sssssssssslisssss- I mean Flutterssssshy, and I am mossssssssst ccccccertainly not an alien parasssssssssite."
You know what? Fuck you too, brain.
"Oh, well that's nice, deary," the old mare replied, "I hope you like stew. I made stew today. I normally just cook for me and Sword, but there's plenty here for a third pony."
"Sssssssssstew issssssss a mossssssst ssssssssuculent meal. They didn't make ssssssstew back on Planet Za- I mean back in Manehattan."
Shifty eyes.
"Really?" asked Mrs. Sword, "I lived in Manehattan for a while, and there was always a good stew to be found if you knew where to look."
"I guessssssss I wasssssssss unlucky."
How has she not noticed my teeth yet? They're massive and pointy! Is she blind? Should I ask?
"Well anyway, Fluttershy, go take a seat at the table. I'll get you a bowl and some utensils."
"Dr. Fluttershy," Broad Sword corrected.
"Oh, you're a doctor? That's interesting. My late husband was a doctor too! We'll have a lot to talk about when dinner's ready!"
Sliske sighed internally.
From now on, I will think of all my clever lies in advance. Or I could delve into this fellow's memories and see if there's anything in there that might help me out? He is an actual doctor after all...
Sliske closed his eyes and concentrated, descending into the depths of his host's mind.
OH PLEASE SOMEPONY HELP ME! THIS IS UTTER HELL! I CAN'T MOVE! PLEASE SOMEPONY! HEAR ME! I'M STUCK INSIDE MY OWN HEAD AND THERE'S SOMETHING CONTROLLING ME! OH DEAR CELESTIA SOMEPONY HELP!
Sliske pulled out again.
Or not.
"Come on, doc! Sit down already!"
***
Mystic Chant sat in his room awkwardly, laid on the bed and staring at the wall. By the door, that huge zebra from earlier was blocking it, sat on his rump and staying as still as a statue. It was almost uncanny how he did that. Out of boredom, the unicorn tried to make conversation.
"So what's your name?" he asked.
"Ze!zar."
He sat up and stuck a hoof in his ear, checking it for wax.
"What?"
"Ze!zar."
He was making a clicking sound with his tongue between the 'Ze' and the 'Zar'. Mystic had to wonder how that worked. How did anypony ever end up with a name with a clicking sound in the middle of it?
"How do you-?"
"It's spelled with an exclamation mark," Ze!zar replied automatically, as if he got that question all the time.
"Where did-?"
"It's Zebrican."
"Are all-?"
"No. My mother was just very cruel."
"Are you-?"
"No, I was born in Equestria. My family just has a thing about traditional Zebrican names."
"Do you-?"
"Yes, I do have this conversation all the time. I don't mind it. It's just a tad predictable."
"Well what do you want to-?"
"I'd rather not talk at all, actually. Tome told me not to."
"S-"
"Apology accepted."
There was a knocking at the door. Ze!zar moved aside as it opened, and that yellow earth pony that Mystic knew as Gold Coin entered.
"Tomey says I'm to relieve you," he explained.
Ze!zar gave him a cynical look.
"Tomey's orders."
The zebra seemed to accept that and left. Gold Coin looked down the hallway at him as he left and then stepped aside from the door.
"Come on kid, let's move," he said.
Mystic was surprised, but didn't question it. He got off the bed and ran over to Gold Coin's side. The earth pony locked the door behind them as they ran into the corridor, and galloped over to the stairs.
"What's going on?" the young colt asked, "Is father letting me go?"
"Kid, I don't know if you noticed, but your father is kind of a dick," Gold Coin replied, "I'm not putting up with him anymore. You and I are going to free Mr. Spoken, and then we're going to get out of here."
"What about the Reaper's horn?"
"What about it?"
"You can't just let him have it! He could use it against the princesses!"
"Good. I may be abandoning this brotherhood, but I still hope that those nags meet their ends. They're more than deserving of it. If Lord Second plans to kill them, more power to him!"
"But that's wrong!" Mystic argued, "The princesses are the most wonderful ponies ever! They look after the kingdom, and raise the sun and moon for us, and they're always there to protect us, and they care about everypony!"
"Lies. Lies and propaganda," Gold Coin replied, "You think a pony that powerful has any time or any interest in mere mortals like ourselves?"
"But..."
"Kid, when we're out of here, you and I are going to discuss your world views. Your father never told you about the existence of the Brotherhood, because he thought you were too young to comprehend what we stand for. Speaking from experience though, I know to give colts your age more credit than that.
"Once we're all gone, we'll sit down, and have an open and frank discussion about why you are wrong, and why we were totally justified in releasing an eldritch creature to kill a seemingly benevolent princess."
He said this completely without irony. That was worrying.
They came to the basement door, but found it already open. Looking down inside, they saw that the bottom door was open as well. Treading lightly, Gold Coin stepped down the stairs with the blue unicorn following close behind.
Upon entering the basement proper, they saw something they never expected to see; Arcane Arts and Sharp Mind, the two unicorns who had escorted the butler to the basement before, both laid on the bed nearby fast asleep. They didn't even look like they had been knocked out. They were literally asleep. Nailed to a nearby wall, Gold Coin spotted a note.
Dear Sir,
I resign.
-Soft Spoken
***
Screaming filled the air above the southern port town of Pony Harbour. The hydra was laying waste to the docks. The beast roared angrily and brought a huge scaled foot down on one of the piers, which shattered into tiny pieces of wood under the force. A sailor on the pier got away just in time to escape sinking into the ocean.
The hydra didn't like that, and one of its heads pursued the pony along the rest of the pier, while the other two picked up a nearby fishing trawler with to throw at the town, and checked the horizon behind them for signs of any counterattack respectively.
The left head drew back to launch the trawler, and the right head stretched its neck as long as possible in pursuit of its meal. Satisfied that nothing was coming to stop it meanwhile, the hydra's middle head turned back towards the town in front of them. And found its view blocked by the scaled underbelly of a massive purple dragon, that had seemed to appear out of nowhere.
The heads all immediately ceased their actions and drew back so that they were all side by side once again. The left dropped the fishing trawler as it did, which splashed loudly in the harbour.
The three all looked up in unison to see their new opponent. The dragon stood at least double the height of the hydra, with huge green fins on top of his head and fangs that were evidently too big for just his mouth, as at least one hung out and rested on his lip. He glared down angrily at the hydra.
"So, you think you can just walk into this town and start destroying things?"
The dragon wasn't even shouting. His voice was just naturally loud and booming. The hydra shrunk upon hearing it, ducking down as low as possible and cowering like a child that had been caught stealing from the cookie jar.
The dragon didn't wait for any further response or follow up. Instead, he just reached out with a huge clawed hand, grabbed the hydra by all three of its throats at once, and lifted it into the air. He turned around and pointed the hydra at the rest of the town.
"Say you're sorry," he ordered.
The hydra heads looked nervously at each other for a second.
"We're sorry," said the centre head.
"Yeah, we're very sorry. We didn't mean it guys," the left agreed.
"We just had a bad day. Please forgive us?" the right added.
The three heads all turned to look back up at the dragon again and gave him an awkward smile which they hoped looked genuinely remorseful.
"That's better. I hope you know not to try this again. You could have hurt somepony."
The dragon pulled the hydra away from the town and dropped it in the sea just outside the harbour. The impact of the massive beast hitting the water caused huge ripples which crashed against the side of the docks, but it was over quickly and nopony else seemed hurt for now.
"Now, you three get out of here, and don't let me catch you causing trouble again. You don't want to end up like your Uncle Tommy, do you?"
"No!" the hydra's left head protested, "We won't end up like Uncle Tommy! We'll be good! We promise!"
"Good. Now scat."
The hydra took the hint and dove down into the water, swimming away back towards the open ocean. Content that he had successfully averted the crisis, Spike then turned to face the town of Pony Harbour, who cheered loud enough that mainland Equestria could probably have heard it. Spike raised both hands into the air and basked in the praise of the grateful townsponies, but was quickly interrupted by a voice next to his ear.
"Excuse me," the voice said, quiet as a whisper, "I'm looking for Spike the Eternal?"
The massive dragon turned towards the source of the noise. A cream coloured pegasus mare flew out of the way just in time to avoid getting hit by his snout. She was wearing a little blue hat and had a mailbag slung over her neck. She smiled nervously at him.
"You've found him."
***
Meanwhile, far away from all the drama occuring elsewhere, Second walked out the front door of an old run down cottage in the middle of the countryside. He stared up at the imposing sight of the huge mountain before him, atop which he could see Canterlot, and the castle it was built around. He would need to get up there. He would need transport.
"Hmm," he said to himself, "Time for me to work on my masterpiece..."
The human cracked his fingers and reached into a pocket inside his coat. He drew out a pencil. Looking around, he found a nearby tree stump and sat down on it. He held up his hands and formed them into a square window shape, so that he could see the landscape through it. Once he was sure he had a good view, he held up his pencil to air.
"This is for you, Anthony."
END.
Author's notes:
And we continue with our revisions. Once again, no major changes were made.
Despite revisions, the earliest chapters are still of the lowest quality for the simple fact that the story only got better thanks to the criticism of its readers both here and on the Equestria Daily page, of which there was a lot early on. I extend my thanks to those people who helped shape the future of the story. Apart from two particular ones, but I'm not going into that now.
Most especially of all though, thanks go out to my EqD pre-reader, whose advice induced the most drastic changes, Muppetz and Pen Stroke, who wrote Article 2 and Past Sins respectively, which I cite as two of the primary inspirations for Human, (the Brotherhood of Man is loosely based on the Nightmare Moon cult), and you the reader for giving this a chance despite how the story must look going just by the description and tags.
Next chapter: Shit goes down in Canterlot.
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Let me guess: He can manipulate Equestria by drawing in the air?
So Spike became a badass huh? Wexellent
Celestia: "That thing that shall never be named"
VOLDEMORT?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!
Moar please
This is really an interesting story and I await the release of the next chapter.
Personally, I liked the pop culture references. It made the humans look like they were just a couple of idiots who just happened to fall into Equestria, and got in over their heads when they tried to have a little fun. Honestly, that outcome would seem to be the most likely. Most of the stuff the characters in HIE stories pull would get them trapped in stone.
Also, I think it's great that the story takes place a thousand years after the show. I love the characters to bits, but it's nice to see someone doing something original with the setting.
Fluttershy is still best pony. Even if it's not actually her at all!
Although Explodey McGee is a close second, even if his powers turn out to not be real.
I actually liked First (Anthony?) and Second's antics. No angst, just two dudes messing with everyone in a "Well, we're here, might as well have fun" sort of way. And since the duo didn't actually get all that much screen-time, it never got annoying. Looking forward to chapter three.
Eagerly waiting for more.
Boss.
I cannot wait for Second to go badass on these ponies. Seriously, this is one of those stories that I have to root for the villain(Second) in. I get the feeling Sliske is going to be more a secondary comedy villian. Finally, Spike the Eternal?! Just plain awesome.
lol... i bet the other humans name is Ian. I bet it is SO Ian.
The comedy works, and the plot is interesting. I like how the chapters are big, but will new chapters take long since the chapters are long ? I didn't expect to see ch2 soo early.
99325
I'm a fast writer.
I want the second to win he is just to awesome and they killed his best friend even though they never actually killed any pony.
the false goddesses need to pay for their crimes.
Great so far, looking forward to more.
Keep up the awesome work.
I chuckled moderately at the pop culture references and jokes.
And then I saw who were Explodey McGee's parents.
And then I laughed my flank off.
Fantastic story, sir. My hat is off to you!
I bucking love this, despite it being an obvious work of fiction; humans never existed, nor did that pony Lyra Heartstrings (strange mare, that one).
(I love it, but you couldn't have them sing "Equestrian Girls"? It would have been too bucking perfect, especially if Pinkie Pie had been around them, since
"This is my jam!" Still, I love the humans and wish that after the conclusion of this story, a possible prequel be penned, at least as an epilogue chapter 
Also, 99258 said everything else I'd want to say so far.
)
As much as I love this story so far, there is something that bothers me... In the scene where the humans are saying how upset they are, they refer to each other as Second and First, but didn't they get named that after one died, the one who would then be titled First?
But enough about that. Two chapters and 21,214 words already?! That couldn't have been easy! Thank you for writing this! we need more human stories, in my opinion.
Am I the only one besides 99229 who thinks the pony's have it coming
? They did attack the human just because he was human
. If I was turned to stone for a thousand years i'd be p***ed to
.
>> wolfmanjoes
Yup... They have it COMING! Though the Brotherhood is not something I can really root for. Maybe Second takes Mystic under his wing (pun not intended?) or something close to that, and destroys his enemies?
^
hay i am with you! if that hapened to me i would nuke canterlot, pillage ponyville demolish staliongrad and replace it with STALINGRAD
then RA2 invade manehattern while spreading the equality of ☭Communsim!☭. face it. what would you rather be a RED or monarch serving slave?
i know what i'm doing....
the tirant trollestia must be cast down in the flames of revolution comrades!
Wait... Don't tell me that he did all that just to paint a picture!
I like everything about your writing style (except calling the HiE genre thrash) I look forward to more!
100232
To clarify, the trash comment wasn't about the HIE genre, just about a certain subset of fics within that genre. I'm sure you're familiar with the type. It's been brought up in these very comments often enough.
Ok, Im not sure how to start, so I'll say two things. I love parts of this story, and hate others.
I fell in love with the concept of two humans, waltzing into Equestria and causing mischief. Basically trolling the hay out of the princesses and being as annoying, yet strangely loveable as possible. They (now he) seems to be godlike in power, but if no real harm is done, and he's a good guy at heart, it's all in good fun and amusing to read. If this story was only about that, you would have all my stars. All of them. I would make an account to give you them.
That being said, the rest of the story.. well it's awkward. There's a lot going on from square one and not a lot of time to let it sink in before something else is happening somewhere else. I know there's a group that wants to disrupt the pony world, but none of the characters are really established enough for me to care. I know there's some ancient body snatcher who hisses, but I can hardly bring myself to care enough about it to read when its brought up. Now Spike is introduced (kinda) and the mane cast has been dead for ages. It's like literary whiplash.
In short, came for the humans and mischief with the princesses, got very confused and discouraged by the explosion of stuff that isnt princesses and humans.
96894 damn. if Wheller like's it then i'll take i look my self
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In the distance you hear that whip cracking.
The fact that alot... ALOT... is happening at once, makes you question where the intended destination is. With Second, it's Canterlot, Princess Celestia. Sliske, It seems to be a powerful host. The brotherhood ponies, they seems to be scattering, Spike, well, more like the add-on in the middle, a large that says "Importance to be determined later." Now assuming the whole thing smooths out or gets the pace set, by the end everything will have happened that is supposed to happen as laid down by the writer. Still. Confusing, a teensy bit hard to follow, and... lumpy.
--- Hate & Hugs, Salvi.
NEED MOAR!! Love the story to bits and can't wait for more. I think your writing style is perfect and i love the chapter lengths. The only 2 things I'll whine about is that you may tune down the Humans pop referenes, they're hilarious, and that Anthony will be the villian. Call be biased but i want the human to be the good guy, or at the very least not the true villian. Once again, AWSOME!!!!
I dont know about everyone else but HiE fics are my fav. they are so easy to screw up but when you get them right they are simply amazing. I'd write one myself if i didn't suck at writing.
so ósom!
MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!
Very nice. Second's apparent ability to create OC ponies, or least "reprogram" existing ones, is eerily cool. You're doing a magnificent job, especially given the self-imposed handicap of making everything that lacks a multimillenial lifespan an original character. I look forward to more.
So he has the power to manipulate the animated world by drawing, interesting.
Celestia is the main villain
! Lord Second is the best lord ever 
I just think it is sad that we will not be seeing the mane six....
Excellent
I'm loving Slisle more with each word it speaks, it's crazy!
And how you managed to make Explodey such a sympathetic character in just some few lines... I'm very impressed.
The humour you're putting all over is absolutely amazing, and I'm cherishing every line of it! Keep up the good work, dear sir
YES YES YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
YES YES YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
I... NEED... MOAR!!!
"This is for you Anthony"
Is Second's name Benjamin or Clayton, by any chance?
I must admit that I bucking love the humor in this story and even though it was kinda sad to hear about the death of the mane six
it was somewhat original, and let's face it; they had to go at some point in time 
Also: "Spike, the Eternal"? BUCK YEAH
-Glassed
'twas bitchin'!
by the way, Rules 1 & 2 only
apply to raids.
this was relay good.
i like all the main character´s especially Mystic Chant and Soft Spoken (man talk about a kick ass butler), im hoping they will have a continues part in the story and will have some interaction whit the human.
Speaking of human´s, i like them so far, first chapter gave an impression of 2 guy´s just trolling the shit out of Equestria, it was fun reading eave whit pop culture references (which did not annoy me, i just thought they were a bit dull and not that funny)
In the 2th chapter you made second a bit more serious which i like´d, he still reminded me of discord bit (still having this troll side) but he seams as i said more serous, more focused calm collected, whit a clear goal in his mined.
not sure what to think about the snake (or whatever he/it is) character so far, but i must say him naming him self fluttershy was a bit funny, it seamd so wrong for him :P
so overall good story, there was a few things i was gone criticize/give ideas of improvement on but after reading the Author's notes section there's relay no need for it. so good job and keep writing as you have planed, keep the chapters coming im eagerly waiting for more
Anthony! Omg! i been guessing there names like crazy! and was like my first guess!
no pun intended 
Anthony! Omg! i been guessing there names like crazy! and Anthony was like my first guess!
no pun intended 
The brotherhood is stupid. First they say they don't care if they are discovered, then they burn the tents instead of just packing them up. They need a smarter leader.
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I agree whole-heatedly; in fact, I hope that he gets at least a little something done. But in the end, I hope that the ponies stop being dumb-asses, and understand that the humans don't want any harm done.
1000 years later a full grown Spike is the protecter of Ponyville???... OH MY CELESTIA. PURE WIN.
I LOVE this fanfic.
So when's the new chapter?
*ahem*
MAAAAAAAAAAI NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHM!!
Here's to hoping my comments will be more relevant in the future =P