Your concept sounds awesome.

Your picture is TF2.

I respect you, good sir. Will read later.

this is a very good read... keep up the good work

I can see you put a lot of work into this, and as far as I can tell, everything is in great order. Have my like, although I don't have time to read.

Oho, my first fic used the same cover art! Good on you

Best of luck with your story, its very good so far

>>15491651549165

I hope you don't mind - I was struggling to find a photo that really encapsulated the view I wanted without including irrelevant characters. I thought I'd seen it somewhere before but everyone I asked said to keep the pic.

Thanks to everyone who's read, liked, commented, favourited, or whatevered so far! There should be new chapters going up later today and tomorrow, and I'll be posting a blog with a little info on the story so far at some point, as well as when to expect future updates.

The synopsis set the bar high, but you didn't disappoint. I really liked this, and I hope we'll see more soon! And that Wonderbolt tag makes everything so much better.

One thing I find odd though with stories like this one is that instead of deploying an elite commando unit to deal with a high-tier contingency, Celestia sends a bunch of young girls, one of them still in school, to deal with the situation. How do you maintain power for over a millennium with logic like that?

>>15492951549295

Thanks! I'm glad you like what's going on here. As for your concerns, they'll be addressed in the next chapter, where the real premise is revealed. I can't remember how obvious I made it in the prologue and first chapter, but this story is set some time after season one - I won't say how long now, because I'm pretty sure it says in the next chapter, but rest assured that none of them are still in school as such, depending on your definition of 'school'...

Interest Gained.

Image: http://images.wikia.com/mlp/images/f/f1/FANMADE_GoOn....gif

>>15493291549329

My definition of "in school" is still studying, which Twilight still does. But whatever, it's just a little nitpick.

This is off to a very promising start. It's interesting to see the characters a few years down the line, as is the worldbuilding you've done in the two opening chapters so far. You also have vivid descriptions of what goes on that makes it easy to picture the scene.

I'll be watching this keenly, and I'm looking forward to reading the next installment.

Fantastic start. Looking forward to seeing where the story goes.

Well, what are you waiting for? GO ON!

Yes. I like this. I like this a lot.

What ho, chaps! Just thought I'd let you know I put some notes in this blog post about a few of the things in this chapter and those that precede it. Rather than put author's notes within chapters themselves, I'm going to keep them to the blog, so as not to clutter up your reading experience.

I said I'd wait until tomorrow to publish this [chapter three]. I lied.

Image: http://www.myfacewhen.net/uploads/3539-it-begins.png

I don't think I've ever seen the stakes raised higher.  This is going to be quite interesting.

>>15514121551412

You have no idea. Yet.

EDIT: Oh hey look, a downvote. Care to give some feedback, man?

Image: http://static4.fjcdn.com/comments/Solrac+FUCK+YEA+_6c900115cbfa5b1fd9cb9978076e9b1d.png

I NEED MORE OF THIS!!!

>>15516201551620

Next chapter is in progress. It's going to be the longest one so far, probably, but I should be able to get it turned around reasonably quickly.

Soarin' gets all the mares - and they pelt him with snowballs. Poor guy. An indeterminable amount of time in the company of a restless Rainbow Dash is probably going to be straining.

Amazeing.......  Well! I'm hooked!

Finally got around to reading this. Damn.

I hope Twilight is the one that stays.

Wow, I'm an asshole

Twilight should be the one who stays, rarity has a career, a little sister, and other dreams she hasn't achieved yet, and quite frankly, I'm pretty sure twi would be a bit better at the job them rarity

I'm really liking this so far, but if the main issue is that one of them will have to remain at the gate for all eternity, why don't they just build a settlement out there to provide company? Is there another reason the gate has to remain hidden other than the fact that some other pony might become its attendant? After all, that threat would be nullified as soon as Rarity or Twilight takes over in the first place.

It's about time this came out of my RL list and got read. I'm going to read this sometime today, and I hope you don't mind if I provide a critique when I'm done, cause that's what I plan on doing, barring any unforeseen circumstances.

>>15776411577641

Go for it. This is partly a learning experience so any tips are appreciated.

As usual, my notes will be in the blog!

Am I a bad person for thinking that twilight should be the one who takes the whole "death" job? It just seems to me that she'd be the best choice. She's got nothing left in ponyvilles but a few friends, she understands the magic involved a whole lot better than rarity, and rarity has a little sister and a business to come back to. Just my opinion, feel free to provide a counter-argument.

>>16008431600843

Well, they both have a lot to lose, but I personally think that Rarity would handle the loss better without going insane within a few years.

Instead of looking for who would have the most to lose, think of it this way, who would make a better death incarnate?

edited for spelling - I hate posting from a mobile

>>16009411600941

That....is a very good question.

Hngh, so many feels in this chapter. Pinkie's presentation was touching, both how she became so distraught over Rainbow Dash, and also how she works at a children's hospice. It just seems a very fitting line of work for her, trying to induce happiness in those who need it most. It's always nice when she is given more presentation than just as a fourth-wall-breaking antics machine (although that is usually fun as well).

The scene with Twilight and her old tree-home was also moving, and it effectively highlighted the keen sense of loss and nostalgia one feels upon revisiting something that used to be a big part of your life.

Also, Applejack. One could argue that she has been established as wanting nothing more than to just work the farm all her life, but seeing all her friends and family change and grow while her own life remained largely static has got to gnaw at her, even with all her focus on home and family life. Perhaps her wanting to go exploring one more time is a call-back to the wanderlust that made her go to Manehatten as a filly, or perhaps that's reading too much into it.

At any rate, another great chapter.

Oh, also, new Angel is awesome.

>>16037681603768

You just made my day. Thanks, mate!

I never really thought much about AJ's old wanderlust. It's a good thought, though, although I don't know if I'll have need to reference it.

The main reason for advancing Pinkie and AJ's characters like this is to show the time gap. This story is set roughly nine years after A Canterlot Wedding - normally in these future-setting stories, it's characters like Pinkie and AJ who are still doing what they always did, so I wanted to give means to advance them in ways that are still relevant to the story.

I personally think that Twilight should be the one to stay, considering she has a great understanding of magic. She would probably adapt to the job quicker.

Another thought, Since Rainbow is there, does anybody actually think that she would leave one of her friends back there alone for years- if not forever?

>>16009411600941

Would she really though?

Twilight is messed up because she's the one who figured out what was going on and probably realized what the solution would likely be. This has been weighing down on her for years.

Rarity just found out yesterday and it hasn't really settled in yet. Once she really thinks about what it'll actually entail, I doubt it'll be pretty.

>>16082641608264 actually, yes, I think Twilight would drive herself insane rather quickly. She has a history of blowing things out of proportion. Where Rarity will be overly dramatic for minor problems, but seems to handle true crises well. Of course, this is pure opinion and speculation. The decisions and any fallout are up to the author.

>>16058721605872 Would Rainbows friends allow her to abandon her dreams, not to mention all their other friends, just to essentially babysit one mare?

>>16084071608407

She has a history of blowing small odd things out of proportion. Like a late friendship report. Shes never really had a problem with the major stuff like fighting evil gods or saving the kingdom every other week.

Likewise this is just my opinion, but I have a hard time seeing Rarity of all ponies completely isolating herself and dealing exclusively with something as morbid as death. Shes a incredibly social pony who loves beauty and being in the spotlight.

>>16085271608527 would she be isolated and alone? She would be the caretaker of the gate of death, where all ponies must eventually pass.

>>16084221608422  they may not want her too, but she wouldn't care. She would never leave a friend alone out there

The next chapter is going to be a long one, but I'm having so much fun writing it.

HOLY [EXPLETIVE] IS THIS LONGER

So I know Pinkie isn't an option, but I feel like she'd almost be the best choice. Isn't she already working at a hospice, being her cheery self with the dying? Somehow I can picture her doing a similar thing with the dead, and she'd certainly enjoy meeting all those new ponies all the time.

I dunno, probably a weird thought.

errr... good story? Will follow?

>>16625071662507

I can see what you mean by that. Pinkie isn't quite as hyperactive as she was ten years ago, though, and that will become more clear later.

...I just realised that I haven't been making it clear enough how far forward this is set. The actual time gap is only mentioned once in passing... Damn. I will fix this in revisions.

Anyway, I'm glad you liked my story! Thanks for the favourite!

All the feels in this chapter may have given me permanent heart damage.

Looking forward to the next chapter

Well, this is quite good. Nicely written.

Because I'm a critical bastard though, I have a couple of points to make:

Firstly, Twilight complaining so much about leaving. The particular quote that set me off was something about having a life and friends. As I understand it, RD didn't have all that much choice and has been gone for years. Just seems a tad bit selfish of Twilight. Minor thing though.

Secondly, setting Twilight up to be an alicorn. This may not be what you're doing, but if you are doing it, then it's been set up so much that I don't think it'll have as much of an effect.

Thirdly, the RD scenes. I understand you're trying a second point of view, and that's great, but with the exception of the first chapter all of them have been very short. (Trolololol, it isn't long enough!)

This is all just me being obsessively critical though. Nice job.

>>17998121799812 Lelouch has no feels.

Ooh, this was a really good intro. I'm definitely intrigued, and I didn't spot any errors. I can't wait to see what Dash's mission is about, why the Elements - at least hers, anyway - are fading and what evil forces might be at work. Nice job! I think I can fit one more chapter in before bed...

Aw crap, cliffhanger. That wouldn't be a problem, seeing as the next chapters are already out, but its just so darn late... Again, awesome job. You've definitely snagged yourself another avid reader. So far the character portrayals have been really well done - they feel like more mature versions of their show-selves, which makes sense, seeing as you have them older. I'm also really liking the worldbuilding and backstory going on - how this doesn't have more attention is beyond me.

>>18083201808320

Thanks very much! I'm glad you like the alternative character portrayals. Originally this story was going to be set just after season two and Twilight was going to be sent away without being fully informed, but I realised it made more sense for her to understand the issues, which required her to be older. I also prefer writing original versions of characters to restating old existing ones.

As for the amount of attention my story has, it's just a fickle thing. I don't understand the heat system on this website, and not everyone who favourites it likes it or vice-versa. Add in the fact that downvotes are overvalued when it comes to searching and... Bleh. I shouldn't complain, really. Hopefully things will improve as time goes by. And anyway, it's not like my story is brilliantly written (although I like to think it's improving with every chapter).

>>18058421805842

Thanks for your comments! I don't want to say too much as some of what you said is already planned to be addressed in the story, but I would like to comment briefly on the alicorn Twilight bit. I will neither confirm nor deny that Twilight will become an alicorn, and I did wonder when planning this if it would be labelled "just another alicorn story". I thought I'd put an alternative angle on it, focusing on how [redacted] becomes an alicorn, rather than what they do afterwards. I also wanted to write a grand-scale adventure, the likes of which I don't really see in FiMfic (the best adventure stories are mostly confined to a couple of locations, or so I seem to see), so this idea really lent itself to my personal preferences.

I do like alicorn stories very much. I personally don't mind seeing new ones, even if the idea is a little overdone, because they can still be well written. That's not to say I think my story is really well written (although it is probably the best thing I have ever written), just that I don't personally mind seeing this trope still used.